The base of the structure was surrounded by a fence, and the only entrance was a gate with two bloody heads where handles should’ve been. Khrx furrowed his brow at the sign on the gate. It read, “Property of Duchess Rose. Trespassers will be eaten,” in blood-red letters, and below that sign, there was another sign that looked like it was scribbled on with a burnt twig that read, “Do NOT enter without at least 30 spirit and 30 intelligence if you value your sanity! Do NOT even knock if your spirit and intelligence are less than 10! This dungeon is not for the faint of heart! You have been warned!” Unfortunately for Khrx, the second sign was written in Poreasingan and he couldn’t read it.

“Trespassers will be eaten…,” Khrx muttered to himself. He nodded and raised his arm. “Then I’ll knock first.”

As Khrx knocked on the gate, one of the bloody heads opened her eyes to an impossible size. An eyeball fell to the ground, still attached to the socket by a pink noodle-like substance, as an ear-splitting shriek came out of her mouth. “Who is it!?” she asked, her voice stretching out the words. “Who has come to visit darling Duchess Rose?”

A shiver ran down Khrx’s spine as his tail stiffened behind him. His ears flattened against his head as he narrowed his eyes and bared his teeth at the bloody head. The eyeball on the ground rolled upwards, its iris and pupil focusing on Khrx. “Oh, how cute,” the head said with a giggle. Her tongue extended from her mouth, wriggling like a worm as it elongated and stretched towards Khrx’s face. It licked his ear and attempted to dig into the cavity leading inside his head, but Khrx batted at with his hand, causing it to break and fall to the ground. Blood spurted out of the tongue stump as the head retracted it back into her mouth. “Aw, don’t be like that.” The head giggled again as blood poured from its mouth like a waterfall. “Come in, come in. The duchess invites you in.”

The gate creaked open, revealing a garden with a path leading up to the front door of the structure. Khrx snorted and raised his head into the air, puffing his chest out as he stepped onto the path. The gate swung shut behind him with a cackle, and all the trees in the garden rustled. Khrx turned towards the noise. White, longan-like fruits hung from the trees’ branches. They were eyes. The eyes blinked and swiveled to face him, causing the leaves and branches to rustle. They stared at Khrx as he trod along the path to the stairs leading up the porch. He took a step and flinched as the stairs screamed. “No, please, no! It hurts! Don’t step on me! Please!”

Khrx blinked and retracted his foot. He squinted at the step and crouched down when he couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. He poked the step with his finger, but there was no response. He stood up again and placed his foot on the step, causing it to scream again. “No, please! No! It—”

Khrx retracted his foot, and the screams abruptly stopped. He placed his foot on the step.

“Aaaah! Stop, stop, stop! It—”

Khrx removed his foot. He tilted his head. “Are you an animal?” he asked the step. Was his skill working? Maybe the whole structure was alive. It’d be annoying if it screamed nonstop when he entered it.

The stairs didn’t respond.

Khrx snorted and kicked it, eliciting a scream. “Are you an animal?”

The stairs still didn’t respond.

“I’ll teach you to ignore me,” Khrx said with a growl. He kicked the side of the step until its screams stopped. It took four good kicks for the step to splinter, causing blood to pour out onto the path.

[You’ve slain a mimic. +20 Achievement Points.]

Khrx blinked at the notification. It had been a while since he last saw one of those. He had disabled notifications from Lorin after he suddenly lost his vision when she slaughtered a whole settlement. “A mimic?” he asked after dismissing the screen. He approached the second step of the stairs and kicked it.

“Ow!”

Three kicks later, another screen popped up.

[You’ve slain a mimic. +20 Achievement Points.]

Four mimics slain later, Khrx arrived on the porch. A wretched face appeared on the front door. “The duchess may have invited you in, but I shall judge if you’re qualified to see her. Answer my riddle! When I am happy, everyone is happy. When I am sad, the world shall end. When I am hungry, I devour celestial bodies. When I am angry, none shall escape from my hands. I pity the fool who makes me jealous. What am I?”

Khrx tilted his head. “Fufu?”

“Incorrect!” the face on the door screamed. Blood poured out of its eyes, creating a puddle on the porch. A clawed hand rose out of the surface of the blood and lunged towards Khrx.

“What! I was right!” Khrx shouted as he raised his hand to smack the claw. His hand collided against the blood, but it didn’t stop the liquid from surging forwards. The clawed hand engulfed Khrx, covering him in a layer of red viscous goop.

“Eh?” the door’s face asked. “But, Duchess, he’s not intelligent enough to—”

A thunderous boom rang in Khrx’s ears. The wretched face exploded into hundreds of wooden fragments, peppering the door with thousands of splinters. Another face appeared on the door, a feminine one. “Come in, come in. Duchess Rose invites you in.”

Khrx wiped at the blood blocking his eyes and frowned. His onesie was ruined. He’d have to buy a new one from Boba after he died and went back to his personal room. Assuming Boba was alive, that is. He had left her in pretty bad shape. The front door swung open, its rusty hinges creaking. Khrx sighed as he attempted to squeeze the blood out of his onesie before giving up. He stepped through the door, and it slowly closed shut behind him like a Venus flytrap.

The walls cried when Khrx looked at them, and the floor gave him a shy smile when he lowered his head. Where was he supposed to find the tracking skill in this mess? This was nothing like the informative post he bought on the website. He wanted a refund.