Chapter 58 – The Russian Solution

The grand cathedral of Saint Uzengras looms over the Residential District to the northwest. The white marble building is a sight to behold, and it reaches further into the sky than any other building in Drenerys. The cathedral is surrounded by a massive graveyard that is integrated into the city’s park, and the cathedral grounds include several smaller chapels dedicated to various deities and lesser saints.

The Residential District has the densest population of NPCs, so it takes me quite a while to maneuver around the area. Luckily, NPC patrols aren’t as inquisitive when it comes to rooting out Villains, so it isn’t too hard to blend into the crowd. I’m pretty lucky my job took me all the way out here since the Residential District is far from any major player hubs and it’s nowhere near any appropriate leveling grounds for a level eleven Villain. It would take a miracle of epic proportions if my pursuers somehow manage to find me here. Even I’m not that unlucky.

I’m glad I get this chance to lower my shoulders and relax for a change since I won’t have to constantly look over my shoulder while performing this job. The job is supposed to be hard, but I’m confident I can handle whatever the game throws at me. It’s hard to argue with my overall strength after all. I’m a beast!

I brought all hands on deck for this job. I have learned from my prior experiences that there is no such thing as having too many underlings when trying to pull off a successful heist. More hands and eyes equal more control, and if need be, more firepower. We are currently stacked up in an alleyway to the south of the massive graveyard, and I take a moment to look over my gathered underlings. Four Thugs, two Cutthroats, two Prowlers, and two Spotters, as well as the pair of Swindlers. It’s starting to get a little crowded in my posse, but it also fills me with a sense of pride. I trained each and every one of my underlings, and their power and equipment make them a force to be reckoned with. I have no doubt in my mind that we could easily steamroll a party of six adventurers of a similar level to ours without hardly breaking a sweat; even more if we managed to ambush them. I have got to find an opportunity to try that out later.

First things first, though; I need to finish this job and hopefully gain access to some better gear that will in return reward me with even more underlings to command. This city will tremble before our might someday and I’ve already started to lay the foundations for our conquest. To start with, we need to scout out the area and locate any potential paths to our objective as well as secure an escape route if things go sour. Our goal is the entrance to the crypt which is located behind the cathedral. I can’t see the area clearly from here as my view is blocked by several large stone mausoleums. Getting to them means that we have to cross a lot of open ground though. Luckily for us, the graveyard offers several decent hiding places and flexibility in our movements.

The graveyard is fenced in, but the fence is only chest-high, so we can basically enter and flee in any direction. The real problem is maneuvering between the several dozen NPCs and players walking across the graveyard at any given time. It’s really hard to move this many bodies without being spotted, but as long as we keep our basic stealth skills active, it shouldn’t present too hard of a challenge.

The only real problem we have of moving around is that I lack a concealment ability I can use while moving around, as well as my two low-level Spotters who haven’t unlocked their stealth skills yet. It makes it more difficult, but not impossible. The graveyard is large and the NPCs are far between and it doesn’t take too long until we find ourselves crouched behind a large stone mausoleum close to the crypts.

I order my underlings to stay put while I slowly make my way over toward a corner of the mausoleum. Peeking around the corner, I try to get a good look at our surroundings. The entrance to the crypts is attached to the stone foundation of the cathedral and I can spot the stairway going deep below ground. A few people are walking past every now and then and I see a couple of players mixed into the lot. Damn. I really hoped there wouldn’t be any players around.

I take a few minutes to slowly make my way around the perimeter. About two dozen stone mausoleums are circling the entrance to the crypt as well as what I can only assume is the grave keeper’s residence a short way to the west. I don’t see any people nearby, but there is a cart resting next to the building with a couple of coffins stacked on top of it.

If my memory serves me correct, then this area should contain several trainers and quest givers related to the holy magic classes, like priests and paladins. That’s probably why this area is seeing this much traffic. Getting into the crypts without getting spotted would be impossible considering all the people, but I have prepared for this. If there are one thing games and religion have in common, it’s a good attitude towards being punctual. We’re getting close to 12 AM, and everyone who has ever gone to church knows what that means. The afternoon sermon will start any minute now.

A loud chime echoes across the city as the bell tower starts ringing. The bell rings twelve times and all the nearby NPCs are flocking towards the cathedral’s entrance. By the time the twelfth ring has stopped, the area is all but emptied of any and all NPCs. I can’t help but grin. Finally, I get some use out of reading up on the city’s lore and customs. I’m about to order my underlings forward when a voice cuts through the air.

“Dmitry, my friend. Why you accept quest? This take too long.” A powerfully built half-orc says with a thick Russian accent.

“Potomu chto nam nuzhno stroit’ svoyu reputatsiyu v tserkvi, Oleg.” The other guy says. Djeezes, that’s one hell of a pale-looking elf. I have no idea what he is saying though.

“Yes, but why earn reputation with church by cleansing mausoleums? We should go kill undead. Much better.” Dmitry says with a sigh. “This take hours. Very boring.”

“Eto budet bystreye, kogda nas dvoye.” The elf says. “Moya mama zvonit mne po telefonu. Zhdi zdes’. YA skoro vernus’.”

“What you mean, your mother is calling you? You going to log off and make me do all this myself?” The half-orc says while glaring at the pale elf. “Do not dare-” His sentence is cut off as the pale elf’s eyes gloss over, staring into the sky with a vacant look on his face. Huh. So that’s what it looks like when a player logs off. “Svoloch’” He curses. “If he not back in fifteen minutes, I lock him inside coffin…” He mutters.

Shit. They are standing directly in front of the crypt’s entrance, and by the sounds of it, they aren’t planning to move very far in the near future. Why the hell did they have to choose now, out of all times to perform some sort of consecration quest? The sermon will only last for an hour, so my time is already severely limited as it is.

I need to find a way to get past them without them noticing. How do I do that though? Distract them while I slip past? I don’t think that’s feasible. They are standing far too close to the entrance. They are only level eight Clerics though, so killing them wouldn’t be a challenge. The problem is that the half-orc will call the guards on me before I have time to finish the job. Damn it. I could try and kill them while being stealthed, but one look at the combat log would rat me out just as easily as if I had spat them in the face. I need to find another way.

I once more start to make my way around the small cluster of mausoleums. The half-orc Cleric is busy standing in front of the centermost mausoleum, channeling his holy magic onto the stone gargoyle that rests on top of the roof. The stone gargoyle looks pretty heavy. Perhaps I could somehow push it on top of his head? Pfft, no. I shake my head. There’s no way killing someone in such a cartoonish way would ever work. It would be fun though, but I can see from here that the gargoyle is chiseled out of the same slab of rock that makes up the entire roof of the mausoleum. Even if I could somehow break it off, the half-orc would have to be one hell of a dense moron if he didn’t notice it happen.

The idea isn’t half bad though. If I can somehow kill him using the environment without him seeing me, I could kill him scot-free without either him or the kill log ratting me out. It’s kind of similar to how I pushed that guard out the window the other day. He died by falling, but I still managed to gain experience for the kill. If I could only replicate that somehow…

I look around, trying to figure out a way to have him accidentally murdered. I don’t have the time or the willpower to dig a deep hole in the ground, neither can I think up of some way to trick him up onto a high place to push him off. The gargoyle trick is also a bust. Damnit. There really isn’t much to work with here. It’s just mausoleums, gravestones, and grass for a hundred meters in any direction. None of them are useable. Oh, wait a moment! There is one thing I can use…

“Oh, yeah. That will work.” I mutter to myself as a wide smile dances across my lips.

I quickly sneak back to where my underlings are gathered. Grabbing my two Cutthroats, we make our way over towards the grave keeper’s residence. As soon as we reach it, I lay my eyes upon the heavy-laden cart I spotted earlier. It’s a two-wheeled cart loaded with four coffins. My best guess is that it’s probably what the graveyard keeper uses to move coffins around. The cart looks like it’s supposed to be attached to a horse or a mule, but I can’t see any nearby. It doesn’t matter though. I won’t need a horse for what I’m intending to do with it. The cart appears to be in good condition, so I have my two Cutthroats pull it away from the shed it’s resting against.

Yeah. The wheels and axle look sturdy, and I estimate the entire thing easily weighs four to five hundred kilos. This will do. I have my Cutthroats angle the cart towards the mausoleums in the distance. I can see the half-orc standing out in the open, too occupied with his consecration to notice our movements. Perfect. I have my two Cutthroats activate their stealth and start pushing the cart towards the man, picking up speed as they go. The road is slightly sloped downwards, so the two Cutthroats easily manage to increase their speed to a running pace.

The pair are soon sprinting with the cart tumbling ahead, the coffins shaking from the rough motions. They are only five meters away before the sounds alert the half-orc and I can only hear his muffled curses before the cart rams into his side. He quickly falls out of view as the cart pulls him under, crushing his body under its weight with a crunchy squelch.

[Half-Orc Cleric - RuskieOlegie(8) takes 676 Crushing Damage.]

[Half-Orc Cleric - RuskieOlegie(8) dies. Gain 30 Experience.]

The cart keeps rolling for another fifteen meters before it comes to a stop. I wince at the bloody trail it left behind, and I need to take a second to gather myself after seeing that rather graphic display of damage. Shit, that looked like it hurt…

I have no time to waste though. Time is not on my side as I have already spent way too long killing this guy and I still need to head down into the crypt and actually perform the heist. I gather up the rest of my underlings and have them hurry down into the crypts, save for my two low-level Spotters who I order to take up position roughly fifty meters away from the entrance in opposite directions. I briefly consider killing the offline elf for a moment, but I decide not to. If he logs back on and checks his kill log before I have time to finish the job, I would find myself in a rather precarious position. Also, when the probably very pissed off half-orc returns and finds his friend with his throat slit, it might not bode well for me. It doesn’t matter though. I’ll just kill them both if they are still out there on my way out.

Our little group of thieves quickly make our way down and into the large crypts below. The stairs open up into a large stone hall illuminated by a series of evenly spaced torches along the walls. The stone walls are covered in dusty murals and stone statues, and I can spot several copper plaques with what I can only assume is family names printed upon them. My Necromancer would have felt like home here.

Two different corridors are leading away from the hall, but my world-famous thiefy-sense is tingling when I look at the leftmost corridor. I just know that that’s where my price is. It has nothing to do with that corridor being the only one with lit torches in it though. Nope, not at all.

Before we head on, I place a glue slash alarm trap combo near the bottom of the stairs. I can’t believe I didn’t think about this earlier as the alarm trap can be extremely beneficial to my precautionary tactics. One can never have enough security measures in place in my opinion.

I send my two Cutthroats to scout ahead while I form the rest of my underlings into a defensive formation. The hint in the job description said there would be at least three guards around the target, and considering the job difficulty rating, they are probably tough as nails. It only takes a couple of minutes before one of the Cutthroats reappear and waves us onwards.

The corridor goes onwards for a while. Quite a few large rooms are going off to the side in either direction, and most of them are closed off by a metal grate. All of the grates have plaques attached to them, but most of the writing has faded to time. A few of the rooms are open though, but those rooms don’t seem to have anything in them but a few empty coffins and several utensils used for mummifying a body. Yeah, it’s creepy. I know.

There’s a closed wooden door at the end of the corridor, and my second Cutthroat is waiting idly by it. The door seems pretty timeworn, but unlike the rest of the crypt, I can hardly see a speck of dust on it. That must mean it has seen a lot of use recently. I knew I was on the right path. I grin to myself.

There’s no need to get reckless now though. I get closer to the door and put my ear up against the aged wood. It’s faint, but I can hear voices from the other side. It seems like they are… bickering? Who would bicker at a place like this? It’s a crypt for crying out loud. I push my ear even closer to the door, trying to make out what they are saying. No luck. It all sounds like a bunch of faint gibberish to me. I’m fairly certain there are three people inside though, two men and a female. Perhaps this is the three relatives the job description spoke of? If it is, then this job might just be short enough for me to finish it before the sermon ends.

Still, the job description did say this is a hard mission, so I have to assume that the three relatives are at least powerful enough to put up a decent fight. I don’t like that the door is closed though. That means I can’t do much to prepare. Well, I do know at least something I plan to do. Set up one hell of a GoD trap to rain hell upon them. If the tactic ain’t broke, then I won’t try to fix it. I do, however, want to try out something new. An idea that half-orc gave me.

My very own Russian solution.