Unlike the others who were excited to go first, I knew to wait for my chance. The more girls who went before me, the better I could learn the judges’ tastes to maximize my fanservice capability.

Clawdia was up next and I already knew that she wouldn’t impress Lake. I wasn’t sure about the other judges, though.

Snapping her fingers to set the scene, she stood in a hallway behind an open door with nothing but an apron on as far as I could tell. Then, with bright red cheeks and a tail nervously swishing around behind her, she said, “I-it’s about time you’re home! I—I mean, it’s not like I’ve been waiting all day for you or anything! Stupid! Idiot! A-ah wait… that’s not what I was supposed to say. Um… a-anyways! Because you’re so useless and can’t take care of yourself, I guess I’ve got to do it for you! Wha-what do you want first? Dinner? A bath? Or—or maybe… it’s not like I want you to choose this one or anything, but… m-me?”

The time was up and the moment of truth arrived.

The dog judge was first. They gave her a nine, so that meant the dog must have really loved some cliché acting. Then there was Tabitha who gave Clawdia a five, so a pretty neutral score.

As for Lake…

“Why?” Lake asked. “What makes you think I want to be verbally abused the moment I come from? Do you really think anybody would be happy to hear that after a day of work? All that would do is make me wish that I stayed at work. Nobody wants somebody who plays hard to get. Even if it’s clear what your intentions are, not being able to be honest with your lover is not healthy for any relationship. The only way such an act would be acceptable is if we agreed upon it beforehand and it is a form of roleplay, but such context was not given. Even then, I would rather come home to somebody who acts the opposite of that. Similar to Vala, if I could give you a negative score, I would. You get a one.”

I thought that Vala looked defeated after her score, but Clawdia looked even worse. It was as if her soul left her body and left her as nothing but an unfeeling husk on the stage.

I really wasn’t sure what she was expecting. She must not have been paying attention to Lake’s previous rulings if she was that surprised and disappointed.

Clawdia’s total score was fifteen.

Honey went up next.

When Honey snapped her fingers, she made it clear she was going for a route similar to Cami as she stood in a kitchen with an apron on over her normal clothes and her hair tied up in a ponytail as she pulled a loaf of bread out of the oven. Then she looked over her shoulder for a second, did a doubletake, and gasped. “You—you surprised me! I must have lost track of the time… but at least the bread is done! Would… would you like to have dinner now? I was thinking of setting up a charcuterie, but with freshly baked bread to go with it, too! But don’t worry, I got lots of meat and cheese to go with it! I just have to cut it up still. How about you go relax while I finish preparing this? Oh, wait! If… if it’s not a bother,” she paused to lean up on the tips of her toes and closed her eyes before kissing the air, “there! Heh… sorry for being so selfish, but I couldn’t resist kissing you.”

That was a strong one. It made me want to stand where the air was so that I could receive her kiss.

But was it strong enough for the judges?

The dog gave her a seven. Tabitha gave her a seven, too.

And like always, then there was Lake.

“Much better,” Lake said. “A partner who is doing her best to prepare something for her lover without any bells and whistles beyond the food itself. Telling me that I’m welcome to go relax is also nice and would immediately help me after work. Though, when it comes to the kiss, you don’t need to apologize for being selfish. You’re working hard in your own way and there is nothing selfish about wanting a kiss after being away from your partner all day. But that aside, I have no issues with the presentation. It wasn’t exciting, but it didn’t need to be. Seven.”

Straight sevens meant that Honey’s score was twenty-one, officially putting her in the lead by just a single point over Lavi.

And now it was time for Delphi.

Delphi went up on the stage and nervously looked around before scratching her cheek and saying, “A-ah… um… I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do. I’m not good at acting or anything… but, I’ll pretend that one of my masters is in front of me!” The way that Delphi squirmed around in her nervousness caused her breasts to move around, revealing that she had an ultimate fanservice weapon that nobody else except Window had in her human form, and that was big boobs. She provided fanservice simply by existing within our sight. “I love you! I’m really happy that I get to live here with you and everybody else! Every day is so fun and exciting with you! I would say that I never want to sleep because sleep means less time with you, but I dream about you and soup when I sleep, so it’s okay! Let’s have lots of fun together forever!” Even simply nodding after talking was enough to bounce her breasts a little.

Cami was the one who looked defeated that time as she placed her hands over her chest and looked down at them with disappointment.

I reached a hand out to pet her head and said, “All sizes are perfect.”

“But some are more perfect than others,” Cami said.

“Sounds to me like all I have to do is use yours until I drill it into your mind that yours are perfect as they are.”

“That… might be nice.”

While Cami blushed a little at the thought, the judging began.

The dog was first and barked as loudly as he could before giving her a ten. Tabitha also clapped her paws and gave her an eight. So far, so good, and I couldn’t imagine Lake being disappointed by that. Delphi was genuine, loving, and had a body built for fanservice.

Lake too a deep breath and said, “Your entire existence is fanservice. But, when everything you do and say is fanservice, nothing is. Simply acting like yourself is wonderful and your personality deserves a ten if we were rating personalities, but we’re rating fanservice. Fanservice is when one goes above and beyond to please their partner.”

Didn’t she not even understand what fanservice was at the start of this?

“Because this is a fanservice competition, I can only rate you a three.”

Even though Delphi received a low score from the most critical of the judges, she still looked happy about it. “Oh! A three! I thought I did something wrong because the others give me high numbers… but a three is good!”

“Wait, why were you worried about those?”

“Because the lower the number, the better you are! That’s why first place means you win and tenth place means you lose!”

Lake, apparently not knowing of how Delphi could be sometimes, simply stared straight ahead with disbelief at the misunderstanding as Delphi walked off the stage with a wagging tail full of pride.

With a total score of twenty-one, she became tied for first place with Honey.

It was finally my time to shine.

Or so I thought.

I thought I was the last one to go up on the stage… but Window appeared on top of it in her human form instead.

With a dramatic snap of her finger, she created a clone of herself and spawned a mannequin between them. One Window wrapped her arms around the mannequin’s left arm, pulling it between her breasts and the loose shirt she wore, while the other repeated the action but with the mannequin’s right arm. “This is a special treat just for today, you got that?” the left Window asked. “We’re only doing this because you’ve been working your hardest lately, and because you deserve having everybody jealous of you,” the right Window said. The two then took turns talking. “But… maybe I should make even more copies of myself. Only two of me isn’t enough to love you. You deserve so much love that even a million copies might not be enough. So, I might not be able to love you as much as you deserve… but I promise to do my best to love you with all my—gah! I can’t! I want to choke myself!”

The timer ran out. The dog and Tabitha gave her a one each, as to be expected from how it ended.

And I couldn’t imagine that Lake’s review would be much more generous.

“You were on the way to an eight,” Lake said, “but… then you turned it into a ten.”

Everybody, myself included and Window excluded, looked at Lake with shocked expressions.

“Your attempt was a perfect example of somebody going above and beyond to provide service for their partner. Had you done so flawlessly, you would have received an eight. But, by breaking down and showing that it was so beyond what you were comfortable doing that it made you want to choke yourself, you boosted that to a ten. It showed your devotion to your partner. Clawdia got close to this concept, but she acted like her default personality is rude while her false personality was loving. You, however, never showed any sign of your true personality being borderline abusive. You just seemed like a normal girlfriend trying too hard and cringing at yourself, which is endearing in its own way. Between going above and beyond, and then revealing that you tried so hard that it made yourself uncomfortable to the point of no longer being able to handle it, you deserve a ten.”

Lake’s logic sounded ridiculous when I first heard it, but as I thought about it… it made sense. Window acted like a girlfriend doing her best to make her boyfriend happy no matter how much she cringed at herself doing so to the point where she couldn’t handle it. She never said that she didn’t believe in all of it, she just cringed at herself for saying all of it. One could even make the assumption that she was embarrassed by the sheer amount of love that she felt, which made her performance even better.

And going by the smug look that Window had, that was planned from the start.

Then, to shock everybody, the dog and Tabitha changed their ratings to an eight and seven respectively.

That meant Window’s total score was up to twenty-five, safely landing her in first place.

And I was the last one to go. After Window’s performance… I was in trouble. I was confident in winning Lake over, but I wasn’t so sure about winning the dog and Tabitha over.

But as it turned out, I wasn’t the one who next despite being the final contestant.

The sound of somebody clearing their throat grabbed our attention and got us to look and see that it was none other than the zombie princess and her bat butler standing next to her.

My hands were already reaching out for the thick fluff around the bat butler’s neck without realizing it. I was only snapped out of the fluff when Clawdia got between us and pointed a dramatic finger at them to ask, “What are you two doing here?! It’s nyot time for you yet!”

“We… didn’t want… to be left… out,” the zombie queen said. “You’re… taking too long… to get to us…”

The bat butler stepped up and nodded her head. “My queen has already dusted the manor several dozen times while waiting for your appearance. She has, numerous times now, dusted to the point of falling apart. Literally. Therefore, I suggested that we get out for a change of scenery and to hopefully fill her with a bit more… life. It should ghost without saying, but I determined that participating in your competition would be the wight decision.”

“Stop with the puns!” Clawdia shouted. “That’s way too much!”

“That’s what banshee said!” the bat butler shouted out as quickly as she could before clearing her throat.

Clawdia groaned and turned to me to say, “I’m gagging her once she lives here.”

“Lewd,” Vala said.

“Not—not like that! There’s nyo way I’m gagging somebody like that before it happens to me, nya!” Clawdia’s cheeks turned red. “I-I mean…”

“So… tsundere,” the zombie queen said.

“Sh-shut up! Don’t you have a performance to do?! You came here for it, so go try! I bet you won’t do better than me!”

The zombie queen nodded and shambled up the steps to the stage, tripping over the top step and falling onto the stage. The impact of falling caused her head to come loose and roll across the stage. Thankfully, the bat butler was there to pick the head up and rush to reattach it to the zombie queen before helping her up.

With her head reattached, the zombie queen snapped her fingers, which made me fear that she might break one of them, and spawned what looked like the living room of a regal manor on the stage with a duster in her hand.

“Of course she planned on dusting more,” the bat butler said before sighing. “I need to get her some hobbies…”

Back to the zombie queen, she stood on the tips of her toes to dust the top of the fireplace for a few seconds before turning to look at the judges. With an even more monotone voice than Cami, she tilted her head to the point where her neck looked broken and said, “Welcome home… Master. I… missed you, but… I know how important… your work is. Please… allow me to help, you. I will… give you my hands tomorrow, so that… you can use them at work. They will… help you with whatever… tasks you have. And… in case you would… like to use more of me… you could hide my head in… a bag, and… use it whenever… you want.”

The timer must have been extended to take her slow speech into consideration. That aside, she popped her head off from her neck and held it out with her lips parted and eyes shut, making a very clear implication that caused me to look around for Luca to make sure that she couldn’t see it. Thankfully, she was nowhere to be found.

“What is with this perverted zombie?!” Clawdia shouted. “I’m supposed to be the perverted queen-turned-maid here! You’re stealing my tropes!”

A sense of déjà vu hit me when I heard that. It was almost as if Clawdia complained about that exact same thing before.

Regardless, while I was pretty disturbed about her detaching her head so easily… what she said got me thinking about carrying her head around in a bag and—

Vala nudged me in the side with her elbow and asked, “Starting to see the appeal of detachable heads?” while wiggling her eyebrows.

“Are all of these queens perverts?” I asked in response.

“Well, because of how long it’s taking us to reach them, that means they get bored and have nothing to do but to browse the internet, and you know how people are when they’re bored on the internet…”

“Then… do you mean that the longer it takes us to reach the queens, the more depraved they’re going to be?”

“Well, not all of them are degenerates, but the ones who are degenerates… yeah, probably.”

As for the judging, Tabitha went first and gave the zombie queen a six. The dog gave her a seven.

Meanwhile, Lake looked conflicted. She stroked her chin while saying, “On one hand… you being a zombie implies that you’re cold because the undead typically are. Are you warm or cold?”

The zombie queen put her head back on before taking a hand off and lazily throwing it over to the judging table. The hand then held up a peace sign while Lake cautiously poked it.

“Right… warm. That’s good.”

“But,” the zombie queen said, “I can… be cold… when it’s hot out. My body temperature… changes to be… whatever is best… for cuddling.”

“I’m curious about how that works, but I know better than to question how anything works here. Alright. Knowing that your body is warm saves you from losing some points for always being cold.”

Wouldn’t that be discrimination if you took points away for that?!

“Your struggle with talking is annoying at first, but I can see it growing on me, so I won’t judge you for that, either. As for your actions, they were rather nice. You can never go wrong with a maid costume in the first place, coming home to a clean environment means less stress, and an offer to take apart your body to help me at work is strange but endearing. Not to mention that you make such an offer because you want to spend more time with me, but I can’t do that if I am busy at work. While knowing that would cause additional stress, you acknowledge the importance of my work and offer to help me with it rather than simply saying you want to spend more time with me. You acknowledge the issue and propose a solution to it. As for the… head part… well… to put it simply, that,” Lake cleared her throat and blushed just a little, “did earn you some bonus points. Therefore, I will give you a nine.”

The bat butler clapped for the zombie queen’s performance as the zombie queen gave all of us double peace signs using her still-attached hand and the hand over on the judge’s table. Her total score was a twenty-two which put her in second place behind Window.

That left only me and the bat butler, assuming that she was also going to compete and that nobody else was going to arrive out of nowhere to compete.

While I looked at the stage, thinking about my plan as the bat butler walked up the stage’s steps… I felt pain. Incredibly sharp pain.

And that was because the zombie queen was latched onto my arm with her mouth.

Another wave of déjà vu struck me as I waved my arm around to try and break it free from her, causing her head to pop off from her body while remaining on my arm, making that déjà vu sensation grow even stronger.