Drake… something… something unbelievable has happened…

I couldn’t even walk over to the church in peace. “What happened now?”

I was on the internet, and… and… I discovered… that… that… insects… they don’t… they don’t have hair. Even fluffy moths and bees, which I thought had fur… they don’t. All they have is chitin. Their “hair” is a lie! It’s not even hair! It’s basically just scales that are as soft as hair and that look like hair!

“Isn’t that good enough? If it looks and feels like the real thing, who cares?”

I DO! AND SHOULDN’T YOU? YOU’RE THE ONE OBSESSED WITH FLUFF. HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW THE FLUFF OF THE BEES IS A LIE?

“One, bees are perfect beings without flaw or sin. Two, a true lover of fluff does not care what the fluff is made out of. All a fluff lover cares about is that there is fluff. A fluffy blanket or pillow. A fluffy head of hair. A fluffy dog or cat belly. The only thing that matters is that the fluff exists. How it exists is not a concern. Even if the fluff is only a hologram that can’t even be touched, it could still be looked at and appreciated.”

So, basically, what you’re saying is that you have no standards.

“What I’m saying is that I have the only standards that matter. A true fluff lover isn’t going to judge on the medium nor type of fluff. All that matters is that there is fluff. Now, fluff elitists would care. A fluff elitist might tell you that it’s not real fluff unless it’s made of genuine hair. Or maybe they’ll demand a certain amount of fluffiness. Or they’ll say that you have to be able to pet the fluff for it to count. But nobody likes an elitist and all of those statements are objectively wrong. All that matters is that the fluff exists.”

Next you’re going to say something like “it’s the fluff on the inside that matters.”

“Of course it is.”

Of course it is.

“One might not be able to grow fluff on the outside, so what are they going to do? Should they be rejected a life of fluff simply because they cannot grow any? That’s stupid. One, they could wear fluffy clothes, but that’s not important right now. Two, what’s actually important is that they are fluffy on the inside. Look at Delphi. Her personality on the inside is nothing but pure fluff. Even if she was bald and didn’t have a single hair on her body, she would still be fluffy by the nature of her personality—no, by the nature of her very soul.”

…

“There is only one question that truly perplexes lovers of fluff to this day.”

Should I be scared of what that is?

“Is the universe itself fluffy?”

Wha—

“Is reality fluffy? Are the laws of existence fluffy? If they are, then one could argue that everything is fluffy.”

IF EVERYTHING IS FLUFFY THEN NOTHING IS FLUFFY

“Wrong, Window. If everything is fluffy, everything is fluffy.”

YOU ARE LITERALLY A MADMAN WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT AT THIS POINT AND IS JUST TRYING TO SOUND PHILOSOPHICAL ABOUT FLUFF WHEN THERE IS NOTHING TO BE PHILOSOPHICAL ABOUT

“Fluff is the underlying truth of reality. Those who understand this are those who can bend reality to their will. To understand fluff is to understand the meaning of life. It is to understand the origin of everything. Can’t you see that, Window?”

No, Drake, I cannot. I cannot see inner delusions of your mind.

I can break the fourth wall. I can acknowledge things that no fictional character should ever acknowledge. I can make fun of plot holes. I can read your mind through the power of reading the narration. I can create an unlimited amount of waifus. I can be the best informational status window to ever exist.

But I can’t understand how delusional you are.

“Alright, then let’s see if you can understand this. Are you ready?”

Please, no.

“I’m going to say it.”

THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS

“Oh, I am.”

CAN’T YOU JUST NOT BE A VILLAIN FOR ONE—

“I love you.”

…

“I love you, Window.”

…

“You’re irreplaceable to me, even if you don’t have any fluff.”

YOU DON’T HAVE TO RUIN IT BY SAYING SOMETHING LIKE THAT

“You’re blushing so hard that I can’t even read what your text says.”

AHEM.

I… I love you too.

Don’t just say it out of nowhere like that, geez… you have to give me a warn—

“I love you.”

CEASE AND DESIST GOOD SIR

“You have nice boobs when you’re in your human form.”

…

really

that’s what you follow up wi—

“I love you.”

HYTRESHETGRESDHTER STOP IT WIGH RTBEI THEI GREAIGREGVRHWEBKJIAGRKEJSADUGBRWEA

STOP IT WITH THE EMOTIONAL WHIPLASH

PLEASE

I AM BEGGING YOU

EITHER GO FULL STUPID OR FULL LOVEY DOVEY

DON’T KEEP ON JUMPING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THEM

YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME, LITERALLY, EXPLODE

“So, what you’re saying is that I can upgrade my skill where I throw you into a skill where I throw you and then you explode?”

ABSOLUTELY NOT

AND YOU SHOULD BE ALL, “OH NO, PLEASE DON’T EXPLODE, I—”

“—love you.”

Window exploded.

Finally making it to the church, I—

DON’T JUST MOVE ON AND SKIP TO MAKING IT TO THE CHURCH AFTER I EXPLODE

I sighed and looked at Window with defeated eyes. “Window, please. I’m just trying to go through all my coins. Making you explode was supposed to buy me a chance.”

YOU DIDN’T EVEN BOTHER DESCRIBING MY EXPLOSION

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH EFFORT I PUT INTO MAKING MYSELF EXPLODE LIKE A MINIATURE NUKE?

THAT WAS EPIC

AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN DESCRIBE IT

YOU KNOW WHAT, FINE

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE RIGHT, YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF.

Ahem.

Suddenly, Window exploded. A chain reaction within her rectangular body was set off that tore her to shreds, sending fragments of informational status window flying in every direction. A blinding flash of light and an intense shockwave immediately followed that—

ATTWRWDESHDBTREWSW AT LEAST LET ME FINISH DESCRIBING BEFORE YOU GO INTO THE CHURCH

“I love you.”

THAT’S—THAT’S NOT GOING TO WORK ON ME, I’M ALREADY IMMUNE

“I love you.”

SERIOUSLY IT WON’T WORK

“I love you.”

St-stop it…

“I love you.”

GEEZ FINE OKAY YOU CAN GO IN THE CHURCH

Finally, I was able to actually do what I was planning on doing and stepped into the church. Well, it was probably more accurate to call it a chapel. Churches were usually bigger and this chapel was pretty small. It was like the size of an overpriced apartment in a major city that advertised being for three to five people but was only big enough for one or two at most.

Then there was the donation box… which was literally just a slot machine for me to burn my gold coins with.

“Alright. Let’s get it over with,” I said… and then remembered I didn’t actually bring the gold coins with me.

Fortunately, there was a solution to that.

“Window,” I said.

what.

“Can you please magically teleport all of the gold coins to here?”

beg.

“Never mind. I’ll go get them myself.”

COME ON JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING AFTER THE TORTURE YOU’VE BEEN PUTTING ME THROUGH

I’LL EVEN DO THAT ONE THING FOR YOU THAT YOU REALLY LIKE THE NEXT TIME WE… WE DO THINGS

JUST PLEASE GIVE ME ONE VICTORY

“You have to wear overalls, too.”

FINE. I’LL—I’LL WEAR THEM.

What am I getting myself into for the sake of victory…

“Alright. Window, please. I’m begging you from the bottom of my heart. Teleport the gold here so that I can save five minutes of time carrying it all over here.”

You’re really not any good at this begging stuff. Where’s all the emotion in your voice? You sound like a robot. That’s Cami’s thing.

Heh. Her ears just twitched from being talked about.

WAIT.

DRAKE.

LET’S SCIENCE THIS.

Apparently moving on from the begging, Window created a display that showed live video of Cami.

TRY SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT HER

“Cami’s cute,” I said.

Cami’s ears twitched and she looked around for a moment.

Cami is super cute.

Her ears twitched again, causing her to look slightly confused.

“This almost feels cruel, but Cami is too cute to stop.”

Surely enough, her ears twitched once more.

NEXT

The video switched over to Delphi. There was an immediate feeling of it being… different when looking at Delphi. In both cases, the video showed them slightly from above.

There wasn’t really anything to look at when it came to watching Cami from above.

But when it came to watching Delphi from above… with how much larger she was…

Drake… where are you looking?

“Don’t act like I’m the only one looking there,” I said. “It’s impossible not to look there. It’s Delphi we’re talking about.”

Delphi’s ears twitched.

So, instead of somebody sneezing when they’re being talked about, their ears twitch. In that case…

The video swapped over to Vala.

“Vala is cute,” I said, keeping it simple since that was enough for the others.

Vala’s ears twitched… and then she looked directly at us through the video and said, “No you.”

“Window… I think we’re busted.”

How… how can she detect my invisible camera?!

Vala stuck her tongue before poking the invisible camera, causing it to go offline and making the display disappear.

“Well, at least we discovered that ears twitch whenever somebody is being talked about,” I said. “But now I’m curious… what happens to you when you’re talked about behind your back?”

I can’t be talked about behind my back because I’m always aware of everything, so hah.

“We’ll see. Anyways, gold, please.”

Alright, alright.

A pile of gold coins appeared next to me, letting me finally play the slots to unlock more… well, I had no idea what I was going to unlock. It could be new seeds, new items or recipes, total junk, or maybe the final upgrade needed for Valkyria.

The first thing to come out of the slot machine was… a rolled-up piece of paper.

Unrolling the piece of paper revealed that it was a blueprint for a building. I expected it to be some sort of tower, but it wasn’t. Instead, it was a blueprint for… a movie theater.

Sweet. Now we can have movie dates!

I imagined me and everybody else going to watch a movie together and couldn’t exactly see that as anything like a date. Maybe if I only went with one girlfriend at a time, but why take one when I could take all of them?

Though, I could always go with only one of them to spend special time with her if she ever doesn’t feel like she’s getting enough attention.

But I also doubted anybody would ever feel that way considering just how many people were around to spend time with.

Next attempt.

The next thing to come out of the slot machine was… a tiny, stuffed version of Vala.

CHIBI VALA PLUSHIE GET

I held the adorably-sized Vala in front of my face and asked, “Will it grow into another Vala if I plant her?”

DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW RARE OF A COLLECTIBLE THAT IS? YOU CAN’T JUST PLANT IT! I WILL TAKE IT FROM YOU IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING THAT.

“It’s just a question. One Vala is enough for me.”

Next attempt.

A large, gold coin popped out of the machine.

Oooh! That’s a new weapon enhancement item! If you apply it to a weapon, it makes enemies defeated with that weapon drop more coins! More coins means more gacha!

“I’m going to plant it.”

My immediate reaction is to all-caps at you not to.

But… what if…

It grows into a money tree?

What if we can literally grow money on trees?

But wait, shouldn’t planting the gold coins as themselves be enough for that?

“Sounds like it’s time for some horticultural science. I’ll plant the big coin and then a ring of normal coins around it.”

I can already imagine it… a forest of gold… unlimited gacha rolls…

Next.

A single rock came out of the machine.

Crazy idea, but you’ve got me thinking about creating new stuff by planting stupid things. What if you turn the rock into a pet rock and then plant it? Could it grow into an actual pet? Like, imagine if it grows into a rocky dog pet! Rock, the rock dog!

“How would a dog made out of rock even work? That makes no sense, even for this world.”

Hmm… yeah, I guess you’re right. Okay, move on.

The next item to come out was… a lance. A lance with a fluffy handle. Like the kind of lance used in jousting, but with fluff.

AWWW YEAH NEW TOWER TIME

Charger Tower

Difficulty Level: ★★★★

Required Materials: Ram Lance, Royal Cat Coats (x50), Wood (x200), Stone (x250), Hard Cat Bones (x100)

This tower is home to rams who will charge headfirst into the enemy! They won’t last long in sustained battles, but they do a ton of damage by charging into enemies at the start of battle! And similar to the bees, they can move all around the battlefield instead of being stationed in a single spot!

“That… sounds like an extremely good tower to get,” I said. “Not to mention that… if it’s home to rams… rams are… fluffy. And if it gets upgraded, that means there’s going to be a fluffy ram girl…”

EXACTLY

“I’m getting way too many girlfriends, but I have no intention of stopping.”

Spoken like a true harem protagonist.

Actually, a real harem protagonist would have no idea the girls like him and probably be some bumbling kid too afraid to even be alone in a room with a girl.

As much as I hate to admit it… you’re kind of… cooler than that.

“Love you, too.”

Greasdgrtewsad

I hate u

But ur lucky that I love u 2