You know what’s depressing?

When you finally include that fun reference you’ve been planning for a while, AKA MR BONES WILD RIDE, and PEOPLE DON’T EVEN GET THE REFERENCE.

DO PEOPLE LIKE, NOT LIVE ON THE INTERNET OR SOMETHING? HOW CAN THEY NOT KNOW EVERY SINGLE INTERNET REFERENCE THERE IS? THESE THINGS ARE MEMES! THE WHOLE POINT OF MEMES IS THAT THEY SPREAD EVERYWHERE AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THEM! WHAT’S THE POINT IF SOMEBODY DOESN’T GET IT?! IS IT EVEN REALLY A MEME THEN? ISN’T IT JUST POSING AS A MEME?!

I WAS SO EXCITED FOR MR BONES WILD RIDE AND THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS OR WHAT IT’S FROM

GOD, TALK ABOUT A PUNCH TO THE INFORMATIONAL STATUS WINDOW

I sighed and asked, “What happened to focusing on the battle?”

fine.

not like people care about my references anyways.

Vala patted the top of Window and said, “It’s okay. Your memes just aren’t dank enough. You know, back in my day, the good internet memes were reaction images. These days, memes are just like… an out of focus picture of a moth with glowing eyes saying ‘lamp’ with funny letters or something.”

Memes were a mistake. There are no good memes anymore.

“Ok, boomer.”

DON’T “OK BOOMER” ME WHEN YOU’RE THE ONE WHO WAS LITERALLY JUST TALKING LIKE A BOOMER BY GOING ALL “hehehehe BACK IN MY DAY memes were GOOD and these memes these days are NONSENSE AND DON’T MAKE NO SENSE”

“Window, you sound… triggered.”

oh so help me I am about to trigger your face

“That’s lewd.”

HGBRTEWSDGHRESDAGREW

THERE’S NOTHING LEWD ABOUT THAT

HOW—IT WAS SUPPOSED TO IMPLY VIOLENCE, NOT ANYTHING LEWD

“Violence is lewd depending on who you ask.”

…

k.

im just gonna poof now and let you guys do the battle thing now

goodbye.

“See you in a few, Window,” I said.

Window vanished which meant that I could finish preparing for the battle. Though, all I really needed to do was place the towers.

This time, the “map” allowed for placing three towers that all had an overlapping area behind where the paths converged into one. I figured I would place the bulk of our defenders there. I placed Delphi’s, Cami’s, and Lavi’s towers there so that all of the dog guardians could work together in the same spot. Holy knight dogs, dread knight dogs, and Viking dogs. It would be hard for any enemy to make it through them.

Bad news was that, by doing that, there weren’t really any ranged towers I could place close enough to overlap with the dogs’ spot. There were more than enough slots up ahead, though, so I spread the remaining towers out along there. The last dog towers went back near the greenhouse to protect it from any enemies that might slip through.

As for the new slime tower, I placed that one along the rightmost path where the trebuchet tower would be able to reach. The living slime of a tower was already spreading out onto the path in front of it, covering it in its goop. That meant any boulders from the trebuchet tower would technically be hitting the slime… but I figured it wouldn’t care too much about that. One, because I doubted Vala and Window would set anything up that would cause a living creature pain. Two, because the slime looked happy with a massive smile spreading across the rest of its gigantic body. Not to mention that its “face” was still off the path, so it wouldn’t be taking any boulders to the face at least.

With all that being set up, me and Lavi stepped onto the lane in front of the greenhouse.

The battle begun.

“Fufu. Just wait ‘til I show ya what I can do now, Master,” Lavi said, drawing her sword and swinging it around a few times before resting it atop her shoulder.

“Going to prove that you’re as badass as you look now?” I asked.

That made her blush a little and nod. “We’ll teach them what happens when they mess with us.”

“I’ll be counting on you.”

Lavi looked like she wanted to smile, but she tried her best to hold it back so that she could maintain her “cool” look instead. But ultimately, she still smiled at least a little which made her look like a dork. An adorable dork who was dressed up in edgy armor.

More importantly, the battle begun. Actually this time.

The first enemies were nothing special. The same as before. In fact, there were even fewer of them than I expected there to be despite it just being the first wave. But that was alright since it gave me a chance to check out how the slime tower worked.

Three skeleton cats ran over where the slime tower’s slime had spread onto the path. They were immediately slowed to only about half their speed as they passed over the slime which made it easy for the trebuchet tower to hit them. The impact sent the cats’ bones flying in every direction, but the slime remained on the ground where it was. The slime tower’s smile also remained looked just as happy as usual. So, that confirmed I didn’t need to worry about the slime having giant boulders flung onto it.

“I’m going to run up ahead,” I told Lavi. “I want to test out my enhancement.”

“Want me to help ya out? I could knock their health down then let ya finish them off,” Lavi suggested.

“Good idea. Let’s go.”

We ran up to one of the front paths together where there were already archers dealing with the incoming enemies. One already looked like it was about to get taken out, so I swung my improved PickAxe into it and took it out. Nothing happened. I figured I wouldn’t get lucky on my first try since there was only a one-in-four chance of actually turning defeated enemies into zombie dogs, but I still felt a little disappointed.

Lavi swung her sword into the next skeleton cat and… defeated it in a single attack. “A-ah… maybe this won’t work,” she said.

“You’re too OP now, Lavi,” I joked.

“Fufu… guess I am. I need even stronger enemies to test my power against!”

While she stroked her own ego, I took out the next skeleton cat.

And the new enhancement on my PickAxe triggered from it. Black and green energy flowed out from my PickAxe into the defeated skeleton cat, transforming it into a small zombie dog with a missing eye, an ear that looked half bitten off, and green skin with a few patches of fur on it. Of course, it didn’t look gory or anything. It looked like a cartoon’s attempt at making a “spooky” zombie.

That didn’t make the dog any less ugly, though.

Then the zombie dog looked up at me with its tongue hanging out from the side of its mouth and barked.

I immediately regretted ever thinking that the dog was anything but absolutely adorable for even a second. I couldn’t help but to let go of my weapon to pick the dog up and hug it. Well, that was what I wanted to do, anyways. The dog jumped out of my arms as soon as an enemy was close. It ran right up to the next skeleton cat, bit onto its leg, and then…

And then it died.

The dog did. The cat looked like it was barely affected and all it took was a single swipe of its bony paw to take the zombie dog out. The zombie dog then turned back into a skeleton cat who, since it was still defeated, ran away back to where it came from.

I wanted to hug the zombie dog.

But the skeleton cat ruined that.

The skeleton cat, sensing my rage as I glared down at it, stopped in its tracks and began to back away.

“Woah… Master, you need to teach me how to have that sort of evil aura,” Lavi said. “It’s like… there’s an ocean of darkness surrounding you. A-and don’t forget your weapon!”

“My PickAxe will make it too quick,” I said. “I want this little bastard to suffer. It’s the reason why I can’t hug the undead dog fluff… even if there was barely any fluff there.”

“Master… your eyes are glowing red.”

“This pathetic excuse of a cat that doesn’t even have any fluff on its body destroyed something cute, innocent, and slightly fluffy. I know nothing but rage.”

“Woah… that’s a cool line. ‘I know nothing but rage!’”

“My wrath will turn every last one of these bastards into bone meal for my garden.”

“Hang on, I want to join you!” Lavi ran up to my side and struck a pose with her sword, glaring down at the skeleton cat with me. Using a deeper voice than normal, she told the skeleton cat, “We’ll make ya wish you were… cr-crap, I… I need to watch more anime so that I can come up with more one-liners. Oh! The world will spin thousand times before your corpse is dug up!”

She sounded too excited when she said that which took away any ability for it to sound cool, but it did the job.

We must have inflicted so much mental damage to the skeleton cat that it fell apart into a pile of bones, reassembled itself, and then ran away.

Of course, all the other enemies ran past us while we were distracted with that one cat, but it was worth it. Besides, they were easily dealt with by the others.

Then came the first new enemy of the map.

Ghost Rider (no, not that one)

Threat: ★★★★★★

HP: Tanky af

Damage: 25

Defense: 30

These are the ghosts of riders who died of old age while riding MR BONES WILD RIDE THAT NOBODY UNDERSTOOD THE REFERENCE OF. Not able to move on to the afterlife due to regrets from ever getting on the ride in the first place, they possessed the roller coaster carts… trains? Hang on let me look up what they’re called real quick. Okay. They’re called cars and, together, they make a train. Got it. Anyways, these ghosts possessed the roller coaster cars they died in, and now they’re going to use these cars to push through your defenses.

The first “ghost rider” came out through the exit gate of the roller coaster in the background. It looked just like one of the cars slowly going around on the track, except it floated up off the ground and had a ghostly aura surrounding it. There was also an unmoving skeleton riding it.

There was only a single one, too, which didn’t surprise me given how high its stats were. Those stats made it the strongest non-boss enemy yet. They were as strong as those royal cat guards but with a bit more defense if I was remembering correctly.

That made them an actual threat.

“Let’s fall back a bit,” I said.

Rather than listen to me, Lavi stepped forward and pointed her blade at the ghost rider. “I’ve got this one, Master. It’s time for me to show ya what I can do now.”

Alright. That was cool. Good job. I wanted to call her a good girl, but I figured that might ruin the mood and interrupt her display.

The ghost rider, locked onto Lavi, charged forward at her. It moved significantly faster than the cars on the track and tried slamming into her with the front of its body.

But that wasn’t enough to break through to her. Lavi, wielding her blade with both of her hands, blocked the attack and pushed forward to knock the car away. “Fufu. Ya won’t be able to break through if that’s all you’ve got. Now… my turn.”

Lavi might have been asking me about some supposed aura I had earlier, but she was the one with a shroud of black energy flowing around her left arm as she swung her sword at the ghost rider.

Her blade cut deep into the car’s front, leaving a scar that flowed with the same energy that was around her arm. It then retaliated by trying to slam the side of its body into her, but Lavi jumped up with ease despite the heavy armor she wore, flipped herself around in the air, and then somehow “jumped” downward while pointing her sword down. The result was thrusting her blade straight through the possessed car, impaling it against the ground.

“Alright, you’re a badass,” I said.

“Fufu, ain’t I?” Lavi asked. “I won’t let any enemy—”

The car spun around to knock Lavi off of it before swinging its rear end into her, knocking her off the lane with her sword still stuck inside of it.

Well, she looked cool while it lasted.

I forget, are there any rules about getting knocked off the path? Is she still in play if she was knocked off even though she still has health?

“Let’s say there’s no rule about that,” I answered.

You’re only saying that because it benefits you.

But also, I feel bad about her having her moment ruined, so we’ll say there’s no rule about it.

Since there was no rule about getting back onto the lane to finish the job, Lavi stood while clutching her left arm and shook her head to get the hair out of her face. “Alright… so that’s how ya want to do this. Master, give me the order.”

I had no idea what sort of order she was looking for. “The order to what?”

“The order to go all out. Give me the command to unleash my demon.”

“Alright. I order you to… unleash your demon?”

The bandages around her left forearm flew off to reveal what looked like an arm made out of pure, black energy. There was no skin visible, nor did the arm look like it was her real arm. Her left forearm was larger than the rest of her arm and large, demonic claws replaced her hand.

I had no idea how some bandages were hiding all of that before.

That aside, she lunged at the ghost rider and tore straight through it with her demonic arm, severing the car’s front from the rest of it which freed her sword in the process. Now, with her demonic left arm and her sword held in her right hand, she unleashed a flurry of attacks… against an enemy that was already defeated. A white flag popped out of the car right after she began her attack, and she didn’t even get to do any additional damage to it since it was already out of combat.

Once her rampage was over, the bandages flew back to her arm and wrapped themselves around it as the defeated car “limped” away from the lane.

Lavi turned to look at me with twitching ears, a wagging tail, and wide smile. “How was that?!”

“It… it was cool. But, your arm… is there actually a demon in there?” I asked.

“Well, yeah. I’ve been telling ya about that forever.”

“So. You actually have a demon in your arm.”

“Yeah. Her name’s Lazara.”

“Why is there a demon named Lazara living in your arm?”

“I think she’s shy.”

“I—that. Alright.”

I was expecting some serious, cool, or edgy explanation for it. Instead, Lavi just straight up said that she thought the demon in her arm was shy.

I had no idea how I was supposed to feel about that, but I did know that we had the rest of the battle to deal with.

“She’s shy?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Lavi answered. “Watch. Hey, Lazara.” She poked her left arm. “Say hi.”

Lavi’s left arm moved on its own to hide behind her back.

That was creepier than the entire haunted amusement park aesthetic.