We went on as many amusement park rides as we could. Roller coasters, swinging pendulums, more roller coasters, spinning swings high above the ground, even more roller coasters, and then we ended it all with the greatest attraction of any amusement park.

Similar to how anybody who dislikes funnel cake can’t be trusted, anybody who does not believe in the objective superiority of bumper cars is a horrible person. Worse than war criminals. One might even say that they are worse than genocidal leaders throughout history. Or, to put it simply, they’re wrong. Everything about them is wrong, but mainly it’s their opinion that is wrong.

Those who dislike bumper cars are misguided, brainwashed sheep who have somehow fallen for propaganda to hide the pure glory of bumper cars from them.

Now, one might ask, “What makes bumper cars so great?” And by “one,” I mean Honey asked that after I got done ranting to them while waiting in line about how bumper cars were the best.

I might have said how they were the best, but I never explained why they were the best.

And there was an extremely simple reason for why they were the best.

“Because you can run over kids and make them cry in a legally accepted way,” I answered. Well, maybe it wasn’t actually running kids over, but it was the next best thing.

My girlfriends all stood there staring at me in silence for a few moments, yet I did not budge. My belief was resolute; my creed, sacrosanct.

“You’re a horrible person,” Clawdia said.

I was probably being too dramatic, but I held my head high and said, “One must walk in darkest shade to experience the brightest light.”

Surely enough, it was Lavi who understood me first as she lit up with wide, amazed eyes.

That made me realize what I needed to do. I needed to convince each of the girls in a way unique to them that I was right. For Lavi, all I had to do was be dramatic and sound edgy.

I looked at Cami next. “You can steal their chocolate after running them over.”

Cami’s eyes sparkled as she nodded.

Next was Delphi. “You can steal their soup after running them over.”

I might have repeated the same trick, but it worked as Delphi’s tail wagged behind her.

Three down, two to go.

I looked at Honey. “Kids won’t be able to interrupt you while you play adult games if you run them over first.”

Honey blushed a little, but she still nodded.

Only one left.

I looked at Clawdia.

“It won’t work,” she said. “I’m not as easy to fool as the rest of them!”

“Clawdia,” I said.

“Hmph. Won’t work.”

“I’ll turn you into my personal kitten maid if you run over children.”

Clawdia turned bright red as she crossed her arms over her chest. “A-as if that would ever work! The-the-there’s n-no way that I would… be such a horrible person… f-for something like that… nya…”

“Well, if you don’t want to, I guess I can make somebody else into my—”

“It’s not like I’m opposed to running children over or anything!” she shouted, causing everybody else around to stare at us.

But whether they stared or not didn’t matter.

I talked everybody into the glory of vehicularly manslaughtering children.

“Good girl,” I said.

Clawdia wiggled around where she stood, shifting her thighs together as she struggled to look me in the eyes. “N-nya…”

Fortunately, when we made it to the front of the line, the employee working there looked so high that all he did was chuckle to himself and open the gate for us. I was worried he might reject us after hearing what we talked about, but that wasn’t an issue.

What was an issue was that Window and Luca were there.

And they heard everything.

“Drake,” Window said.

I gulped. “Ye-yeah?”

“You are literally the worst.”

“Papa,” Luca joined in.

“Please. I can’t handle it if my own daughter judges me,” I said.

Luca sighed and shook her head with her arms crossed over her chest. “I’m disappointed, Papa. You were gonna commit horrible acts of violence without me!”

Window sighed. “End me. Why do I even try. Nobody is on my side. Existence is insanity.”

While Window looked utterly defeated, I couldn’t have felt more proud. “I’ve raised you so well, Luca.”

“Ehehe. That’s because you’re the best, Papa! So, can I have presents for every kid I drive into?”

“A thousand dollars’ worth of presents per child.”

“Deal!”

“Isn’t that way too much?!” Window shouted.

“I’ll sell my kidney if I have to. She’s our daughter,” I explained.

“I’m so done.”

Window might have been done, but bumper cars was only just beginning.

Almost everybody in the arena was an older teen or young adult… except for one.

There was only one other child in the entire arena excluding Luca.

And after I hyped everybody up for running over children, we all had our eyes set on the lonesome boy who had no idea what to expect as he sat in his car with a dumb, innocent smile on his face.

We would reduce him to nothing more than a sentient mass of tears by the time the match was over.

The match ended.

In all the ways that it could have gone… I didn’t expect it to go how it did.

“Know your place, trash,” Window said, standing over us with her hands on her hips as we all groveled before her. “That’s what you get for trying to pick on a little kid. I mean… seriously. There are seven of you and you all tried ganging up on him.”

Window… spent the whole match protecting that kid. She protected his smile. While we all chased after him like raving lunatics, Window pulled out every stop possible to protect him. It didn’t matter what we did, Window exerted her dominance as a queen of the bumper car arena.

“Maybe bumper cars isn’t the best ride in a park after all,” I said and sighed.

“Somebody has to have morals here or else this is going to turn into a grimdark,” Window said.

“There’s nothing grimdark about making children cry!”

“There is! There absolutely is!”

I sighed again. There was no point in arguing with Window. She didn’t understand the beautiful sight of seeing children cry over stupid and harmless things, such as potentially getting whiplash by having their bumper car rammed into at full speed to the point where it almost flips over. Worst case scenario, they break their neck. What’s so bad about that? It’s not like children need their necks or anything.

Only Luca needed her neck. Other children were irrelevant and pointless.

“Now that you’ve spent the last of your time on something so stupid, it’s time to go to the hotel,” Window said.

I could barely even get excited at the idea of it. “Okay.”

“Picking one out and going there and all that would be boring, so I’m just going to snap my fingers and then we’ll be in our hotel rooms.”

“I guess.”

“Stop sounding so depressed.”

“I’ll try.”

Window realized there was no further point in trying, so she gave up and snapped her fingers to teleport herself and Luca into one room while teleporting the rest of us into a shared room that had a single bed barely large enough for all of us.

Window was gone, so that meant we could go back to normal instead of continuing the depressed scene for comedic effect.

Though I was still a tiny bit disappointed in not getting to make any children cry.

“Now that we’re back… it means I don’t have to be patient anymore,” Delphi said.

The next thing I knew, I was shoved onto the bed and pounced by Delphi.

“Master… you’ve been wearing that sweater around me all night… there’s no way I could resist such a soup.”

“Did… did you just compare me to soup?” I asked.

“Because you look delicious and soup is delicious!”

Honestly, I did forget about how… desperate Delphi looked when she first saw me in a sweater. Once I remembered that, though, the current state of things made far more sense. And I did tell her that we’d do whatever she wanted.

Apparently, what she wanted to do was me.

And she didn’t want to wait.

“I feel like I’m in danger,” I said.

Delphi was getting so excited that all she could do was pant overtop me, almost drooling onto my face.

The rest of the girls had no intention of stopping her, either, considering that everybody was looking forward to this. Even Clawdia stayed silent as she watched with flushed cheeks.

Though, Cami was the first one to actually begin to strip. Maybe because we already did it before and she had no problem being nude around me.

The others worked on joining her while Delphi began her work on me.

I woke up the next morning and immediately remembered what happened the last time I slept in a hotel with anybody.

A child. A child happened.

I looked around to see if there were any children running around.

First, I saw Delphi. She was next to me with her chest pressed against the side of my head. I would have loved the feeling of that if it wasn’t for the panic of checking to see if I had a new kid or five.

Delphi really loved using what she had available to her, though. Whether she was using them while awake or pressing them against me in her sleep, she never let them go to waste.

Next was Clawdia. Clawdia was tightly wrapped around my left arm with a silly smile on her face. She looked adorable and innocent like that which was a huge contrast to the sort of fantasies she had. Though, it turned out that her fantasies were also a contrast to how she actually behaved in bed.

All meow, no bite.

Very loud meowing, too.

Next was Lavi. She was behind Clawdia and sprawled out with one hand resting on top of her abdomen as she snored with drool running down her lips. Not graceful in the slightest, but still cute.

I wondered how my neck and shoulders looked given how fond she was of biting. That was something new I learned about her.

Looking down, I realized there was somebody between my legs. That ended up just being Cami, though. She was the one who took the lead among the girls to show them how things were done, and she ended the night in the same position that she started it in. Well, maybe not the exact same since she was curled up and sleeping while using my crotch as a pillow.

There was only one other person I could see in the room and that was Honey. Honey was behind Delphi with her arms wrapped around Delphi’s waist and her head resting on Delphi’s tail, using it as a pillow. Despite being a honey badger made into a cute girl, she had plenty of fucks to give last night. Though, I wasn’t sure if she was excited because of doing such things together… or if she was excited because she finally got to do the things she only ever saw in visual novels before.

I looked around again just to confirm. Unless there was somebody hiding under the bed or in the bathroom, we were in the clear with no more children.

Part of me was disappointed. The other part of me was extremely, immensely, unbelievably relieved.

The last part of me was happy that I could lean back and enjoy the situation I was in without having to worry about taking care of kids or behaving appropriately in front of them.

Did I want even more kids?

Yes.

Did I also want to enjoy the fact that I was in bed with five naked women all around me without having to worry about how it definitely wasn’t appropriate for children to be around that?

At the moment, yes. An even bigger yes. A far bigger yes.

I reached up and touched my neck.

It stung upon touch.

Gonna have to invest in a muzzle for Lavi, I thought to myself.

Seriously, I expected her to be all cute and submissive and shy in bed. I thought that was part of her thing. She acted all cool and badass but then was super shy and meek and had no idea what to do while acting all flustered.

That couldn’t have been any farther from the truth when it came to the bedroom, apparently.

I was stupid to worry about the zombie princess tearing my head off. It was Lavi I really had to worry about.

Good thing Clawdia was there to scold her about biting me too much and too hard.

I wanted to put myself in danger to bring out Clawdia’s worried side again. I also wanted to secretly record her being worried so that I could tease her about it and have proof to back the teasing up since I knew she would deny it otherwise.

That would be fun.

But for the time being, I was content with relaxing in bed surrounded by my girlfriends.

Well, there was one more thing I felt.

I felt the desire to go through more battles.

Maybe I was getting selfish, but actually experiencing the night with so many women in one bed… I wanted more. I felt like I was going back to the fantasies I had as a teenager of having dozens of wives. I once more wanted that. Of course, the girlfriends I already had were more than enough. I would be perfectly happy spending the rest of my life with even just one of them.

But, if I was allowed to get more girlfriends, and they also wanted more girlfriends, then why not? It was a win-win situation.

If I was going to play the role of the villainous conqueror who blew up castles and wiped out legions of cats, then it was only right for me to go on a conquest to gather as many wives as possible! Consensual and loving wives, of course.

I was already able to imagine it. Me. A king. Sitting on a throne. Surrounded by my wives. Vala standing by my side as my queen with women all around her, too.

The more I thought about it, the more I fell in love with the idea of being the villain. Well, with the aesthetic of villainy, anyways. You never saw righteous and holy kings surrounded by harems of women. It was always the evil kings and conquerors who had those.

I knew what needed to be done.

It was time to go on a conquest of evil against the zombie queen. She and her giant, fluffy bat were both going to become my wives! And every other woman who would inevitably exist in Vala’s universe!

Except for Lake. Lake was a cat lady who didn’t need anybody else and that was alright.

But everybody else was mine!

Assuming they consented and wanted to be mine.

Teenager me really had it all figured out. Not only would it be great to have that many wives for the villainous aesthetic of it all, but it also meant they’d all get to keep each other occupied while I focused on my garden. It also meant I’d have more people to help me with my garden.

That was when I imagined something even greater than the mental image of a king in his throne surrounded by his wives.

I imagined…

Sitting on a log while surrounded by wives all wearing overalls with specks of dirt on them here and there. They’d be wearing gardening gloves, boots, straw hats…

Yeah. That was far better than the villainous throne idea.

I had to make myself a gardening throne to sit on and be surrounded by my gardening wives.

And that was when I had one more idea.

If anything could happen in Vala’s universe, and everybody was all about having as many wives as possible, then…

Could I grow a new wife in the garden?