As lazy as Window might have felt, she did get around to finally giving us the post-battle screens and exploration reports for the last two battles.

Ugh, I just realized something else. I can’t just call the stages 1-1 anymore because that makes it confusing with the previous 1-1 stage even though they’re both 1-1 just in different zones.

Oh. I guess I could just say what zone it is in front of the stage number. Yeah, I’ll do that. But that requires me actually thinking of a good name for each zone… we’ll just call this place Spooky Forest for now.

Congratulations! You cleared the stage!

Spooky Forest 1-1: Skeletons and Bats are Spooky, right?

Completion: ★★★

Enemies Defeated: all of them

Rewards: I wanted to get around to reworking the reward system but still haven’t yet. I should probably rework the entire post-battle system. Anyways, you got a bunch of gold which you really need to spend on the gacha because what’s the point of amassing wealth if you’re not using it for the cute version of gambling, and you also got Skeleton Cat Bones, Bat Wings, and Bomb Scraps. Oh, and you unlocked new recipes for crafting. Now you can make spooky furniture, weapons, and armor. You know, made of bones and stuff.

Congratulations! You cleared the stage!

Spooky Forest 1-2: Fanservice Special (this was a mistake)

Completion: ★★★

Enemies Defeated: same as above.

Rewards: Blah blah same as before but now you also got Toxic Sludge and Sticky Fluids. I would have inserted a cheesy winking or lewd emoji face here… but I can’t after actually seeing how it turned out. Oh, and you’ve unlocked the weapon enhancement system which allows you to enhance… dun dun dun… weapons. Shocking, right? You can use applicable materials to enhance the weapons of heroes with special effects. In this case, you can use toxic sludge to make weapons inflict poison or use sticky fluids to make weapons inflict a slowing effect. Now, if this was a real game, I would make it so that the effects only last for one battle which means that you would have to farm specific stages if you want to use enhancements a lot, but that sounds like too much work for us considering the slow progress we already have. So, all you have to do is enhance a weapon once and then you’re fine until you want to replace it with a different enhancement.

Okay, time for exploration. You never checked out the latest map piece, but I sent them to the new exploration zone unlocked by it for the sake of plot progression anyways.

Exploration Report

Area: Haunted Graveyard x2

Status: Complete

First Report: Delphi, Cami, and Handy had a more difficult time than what you’re going to read in the second report. This is mainly due to Delphi getting constantly distracted by all of the bones. Little bones, big bones, skinny bones, thick bones – you could say that Delphi really loves bones of all shapes and sizes. Heh. Or you could say that she was acting like a guy who was reincarnated as a dog who became obsessed with collecting bones. Wait… that web serial got dropped so people might not understand the reference. Oh well. Anyways, then there was Cami and Handy. Handy just sort of stayed on Cami’s shoulder the entire time like some sort of wannabe parrot. By the way, in case you’re wondering where Handy has been since then seeing as how he wasn’t mentioned at all almost as if he was completely forgotten about, he’s been cleaning. He’s just… you know, really small and hard to see. No, he sleeps during the day and only comes out once the sun is gone. Yeah, that’s why he hasn’t been mentioned at all since his arrival! That’s totally it. Yup. He wasn’t forgotten about, just sleeping. Anyways, they found a really big bone and some flower seeds.

Reward: Bonking Bone, Midnight’s Death Flower Seeds

Second Report: Cami and Lavi focused on getting the job during their exploration. Lavi talked about chuuni stuff the entire time while Cami stayed pretty quiet and followed her lead, protecting Lavi’s back whenever she got too distracted with her borderline-villainous monologuing. It all worked out in the end though. The important part is that they came across an ancient grave with an interesting title on it. The grave was titled… “The Dread Knight.” Underneath that it said “(please dig here).” Ignoring the fact that they technically committed grave robbing, they found a tomb with a statue on top of it. The statue in question held a really edgy looking sword that was purple and black, but it broke when Lavi tried to pick it up. She was shocked and depressed, but she still brought the handle of it back without knowing that it all went according to plan.

Reward: Dread Knight Sword Fragment, Dread Knight Statue Crafting Recipe

OKAY

I’M DONE

I DID IT

LET IT NEVER BE SAID THAT I DON’T DO MY JOB AS AN INFORMATIONAL STATUS WINDOW WHO TRIES MY BEST TO COVER UP ANY POTENTIAL PLOT HOLES

“Good job,” I said before looking over the new pile of loot in front of us. Said pile of loot was also transferred back to our home once Window suddenly gave us a change of scenery.

Valkyria was back surrounded by her ring of flowers, Luca was still sitting on top of my shoulders, and Vala was already back in her hammock playing games.

Now, it was time to use my super special awesome power that I almost never actually used. I looked at the giant bone, which I could only assume was the “Bonking Bone,” and said, “Description.”

Bonking Bone

Weapon

3 Damage

A really big and heavy bone that doesn’t deal a lot of direct damage, and it takes some time to swing, but it applies the “Bonked!” effect whenever it hits an enemy which stuns them for a couple of seconds! Normal enemies can be stunlocked using this, but any boss-tier enemies have a cooldown of ten seconds before they can be bonked again.

“It’s been a while since we’ve gotten a… actually, I don’t think we’ve ever gotten a new weapon like this,” I said.

Yeah, well, you haven’t been crafting any, so I’m going to have to hand them out to you like this.

“Is it upgradable like the crafting ones are?”

I guess? It’s not like balance really matters and we don’t have to consider creating new art assets for every single upgrade, so you can pretty much do whatever with anything and we can make it work somehow. But you know, that requires you being creative for once instead of sitting around in your garden all the time.

“Is it possible to take it, upgrade it, and also enhance it with one of those slimes?”

I’m not exaggerating when I say you can do whatever you want. As long as it makes even a tiny bit of sense, go for it.

“Sounds like a system that would be extremely easy to exploit to create weapons and armor that absolutely break anything that even slightly looks like balance.”

I’m not really worried. Like I said, it requires you being creative instead of spending all your free time being a boyfriend or gardening.

“Oh!” Luca said. “Can I break the balance, Papa?!”

Ho-hold on there… think about what you’re saying. You’re part informational status window which means that you know how everything works which means you could break things way harder than he ever could!

My daughter was too perfect. “Luca,” I said, “you want to be in charge of crafting things? You know, when I was a kid, I used to play with building blocks and loved putting things together. This is basically the same thing.”

“Yeah!” Luca answered. “I’ll make you super OP weapons!”

oh no this has backfired

“Don’t basically all of your plans backfire?” I asked.

YES BUT I WASN’T EXPECTING MY OWN DAUGHTER TO BE THE ONE WHO DESTROYS ALL BALANCE

“Balance is boring!” Luca said.

In the distance, Vala took one hand away from her game to lift it up and give Luca a thumbs-up before wiping away a single, proud tear. Then she went back to using both hands for her game.

It’s okay, I think… I think I know how to fix this.

“You have no power here, Mama!” Luca said, pointing dramatically at Window.

You underestimate my power, child! Behold!

I doubted that Window would actually be able to distract Luca from breaking balance on my behalf, but then I saw what Window’s plan was.

And I had to admit, it was an extremely good plan. A plan that even almost tempted me away from gardening in my free time.

Appearing before us was massive pile of every single box set of brand-name building blocks to have ever been released. There was even a massive container full of spare bricks and pieces to really up the customization level.

Luca’s eyes were full of excited stars. “Ooooooohhhhh!”

“Touché, Window. Touché,” I said. I then helped Luca off from my shoulders since she was already trying to climb off of me to dive into the pile of boxes.

I wish I had all those building sets when I was a kid. Now I knew how it felt to be jealous of kids. They got to stay home all day playing games and having free stuff handed to them.

Then again, I really couldn’t complain seeing as how I was living in a personal universe where I basically didn’t have to do anything but have fun. And there was nothing stopping me from helping Luca out with those sets. If anything, I probably had a better life than every single other human being alive. Because of Vala’s and Window’s ability to basically create anything out of thin air at any time in a universe where we could change the very laws of reality, I technically was in a more powerful position than even the greatest of world leaders or the richest of billionaires.

It’s finally hitting you, huh? Don’t forget the part about having a bunch of girls who genuinely love you. Myself totally not included.

“I – I think I need to sit down,” I said. Seriously, that was one strong realization to suddenly hit me. I didn’t realize just how set I was for life even though it should have been obvious from the start. And to think that I was originally considering going back to my original world! Who would want to pass up on something like this?! I wished that I could go back in time to punch myself in the face for even thinking about leaving this place. “I’m way too lucky.”

You really are. Anyways, reminder that you have all the stuff now to build the slime tower. Also… since we got the dread knight sword thingy…

Dread Knight Tower (Upgrade from Knight Tower)

Difficulty Level: ★★★★★ what’s the point of this again? Seriously, what’s the point? I already removed the build time so I might as well remove this, too. Or change it to like a rarity level or something.

Required Materials: 1500 Gold Coins, Dread Knight Sword Fragment, Skeleton Cat Bones

Special Ability: Dark Aura

Waifu Class Change!

Some dogs choose the path of damage by becoming Vikings. Other dogs choose the path of protection by becoming holy knights. Some dogs choose the path… of darkness! These doggos are knights who have vowed to become dread knights, choosing to have both decent damage and armor while embracing their inner chuuni edgelords. Expect spiky armor and eyepatches.

“Looks like Lavi is going to get her tower upgraded, finally,” I said. “I take it this is what you meant by things going according to plan?”

Hehehehe. Let’s keep it secret from her to surprise her with it once it’s finished upgrading.

“Sounds like a plan. Alright, so, let’s get construction on the new slime tower started and we’ll upgrade Lavi’s tower, too.”

There’s also an upgrade available for the trebuchet tower and bee tower now, but I don’t feel like figuring out all the specific details right now. So uh, we’ll do that next time. For now, don’t you have a date to go on with Delphi, Cami, and Lavi? Oh, and I think they wanted to bring Clawdia along, too.

“Right. I think they wanted to go to an amusement park.”

Look at you, mister popular. Going on back-to-back dates.

“You think I should try inviting a certain somebody hiding away in the archer tower? I think she needs to get out of the house – well, out of the tower for once.”

Hmm. That might be a good idea. Maybe she’ll be jealous enough from always being left out by her own choice that she’ll finally come out if you invite her.

“Maybe. It wouldn’t hurt to—”

That was when an arrow landed in the ground right in front of me. Attached to the arrow was a small note that read, “I’ll come!”

Well, that was a lot easier than I thought it would be.

My date with Delphi, Cami, Lavi, and Clawdia just grew by another member.

The good news was that now we’d have the perfect amount of people for roller coasters since they usually only took two people per seat. Somebody would have been left to sit alone with only five of us.