I had Window teleport us to the location of the next battle. If we were limited to only one battle a day, and there was such a fluffy bat waiting for me to liberate her fluff, then my path forward was clear.

Though, I didn’t expect the change in scenery to be so drastic.

When it came to fighting the cats, we had a natural progression there. We started off fighting near our home. Then we moved into the forests. Then we moved past the forests to the cat queen’s castle. There was a simple, logical path of progress there when it came to scenery.

That was absent this time around.

Instead of having any sort of gradual shift from our home to the new battlefield, we were teleported straight into what looked like the haunted woods from some cartoon. There were dead, eerie trees scattered around with spider webs connecting their branches. The cobblestone path was worn and cracked with the occasional worm sticking halfway out of the ground wiggling around.

Then there were all the tombstones. Every haunted forest always needed a bunch of tombstones left around for decoration, some of which featured skeletal hands sticking up out of their graves in front of them.

I also felt like I was going to get a vitamin D deficiency by spending too much time there. The sky was gloomy and full of dark, rolling clouds that blocked even the tiniest ray of sunshine from breaking through. Even so, the area was lit just enough so that visibility wouldn’t be an issue.

The other problem with the sun being blocked was that it meant no plants could grow in the area. At least, no normal plants. Plants needed sunshine and they weren’t going to get any of that here. Therefore, this new area was horrible and I already wanted to leave it. The only thing keeping me there was the temptation of bat fluff. That beautiful, fluffy, bat fluff.

We might have a problem here. The zombie maid queen is this volume’s cover waifu, which means that she’s supposed to be the most popular one and the main target this time, but all you can think about is the vampire bat girl.

“Bat is fluffy. Zombie is murderous. Bat wins,” I explained.

I mean… I can’t even blame you for looking at it that way.

Well, I’ll let her know that she’s already losing in popularity. Maybe that will give her the push she needs to truly gain some best girl traits.

“You can let her know that she can stop with the biting.”

But she’s a zombie girl! A totally-living-so-it’s-not-necrophilia zombie girl! What’s the point if she’s not biting?! You should be grateful she didn’t try eating your brains instead!

“She probably would have if she managed to tear my head off!”

Huh. That’s a good point.

Okay, what if, instead of making her less bite-y, I get you one of those arm guard things that they use to train military and police dogs? Then she can bite you as much as you want on your arm and it’ll never be a problem!

“I’m not going to train her like a dog! We have actual dogs who never needed that!”

But they’re dogs, not zombie dogs.

“Wait, do zombie dogs want to bury brains instead of bones?”

wut

“Do zombie dogs want to bury brains instead of—”

YOU DON’T HAVE TO REPEAT YOURSELF

And… I don’t know??? I guess??? Maybe???

“But wouldn’t the brains get all decomposed and gross if they’re buried? Wait… are we going to get zombie dogs? Do zombie dogs still have fluffy fur?”

I thought you were over your fluff addiction.

“Nonsense. I became desensitized to the fluff around me and now I need an even stronger hit of fluff to keep going.”

YOU’RE STARTING TO SOUND LIKE AN ACTUAL ADDICT, YOU KNOW! IS FLUFF REALLY SO POWERFUL THAT YOU NEED GREATER CONCENTRATIONS OF IT TO CONTINUE FEELING GOOD?

“The fluff at home is the kind of fluff that is nice and warm and relaxing. It’s the kind of fluff that you want with you when you’re sitting around in front of a fire while it snows outside. It’s always there for you, warm, and there’s nothing wrong with it. But… new fluff, such as bat fluff, is the kind of fluff that takes you out snowboarding down the world’s tallest mountain while an avalanche full of zombie dogs chases after you.”

WHY IS THE AVALANCHE FULL OF ZOMBIE DOGS????????

“Because of adrenaline!”

THIS MAKES NO SENSE

“Think, Window! Use your rectangular body and think! The avalanche being full of zombie dogs makes it even more terrifying! The more terrifying it is, the more adrenaline you feel as you try to escape it! That addictive high is what getting new fluff is like! It’s comparable to snowboarding away from avalanche full of zombie dogs!”

THIS ANALOGY IS SO STUPID IT BELONGS IN AN OVER HYPED CHEWING GUM COMMERCIAL

ALSO ISN’T THIS INSULTING TO ALL THE FLUFFS BACK AT HOME?

ALSKO YOU SHOULDN’T REDUCE PEOPLE TO THEIR FLUFF. THEY’RE LIVING BEINGS, NOT JUST FLUFF.

“You have a typo.”

DON’T JUST IGNORE EVERYTHING ELSE I SAID BECAUSE I HAD A SINGLE TYPO. GOD THAT’S THE WORST THING THAT PEOPLE DO ON THE INTERNET. JUST BECAUSE SOMEBODY ACCIDENTALLY MESSES UP A SINGLE LETTER DOESN’T MEAN THAT EVERYTHING ELSE THEY SAID SUDDENLY DOESN’T EXIST OR IS IN ANY WAY INVALIDATED.

“Sorry, I can’t read you over the sound of your typo.”

GHBRESFDGHRFESDGRFESDGREWSFA

While me and Window did our usual thing of procrastinating via bantering even though she wanted to progress the “plot” and I wanted to get closer to the fluff, everybody else had their share of fun checking the new place out. Delphi already began collecting a bunch of bones that she held scooped up in her arms while Cami crouched down in front of the grave with the skeletal hand sticking out of it, poking its fingers and then jumping when the hand waved back at her to try and shoo her away.

Part of me wondered if it was alright to leave the hand there if it was clearly alive or attached to something still alive. Well, if it wanted help out of the grave, it probably wouldn’t have shooed Cami away.

Meanwhile, Vala found a new spot to relax at and play games from. That spot just so happened to be a low-hanging spider web that was the perfect size for her to use as a hammock. Despite being a spider web, she didn’t seem to stick to it at all, and there was no giant spider nearby waiting for an easy meal, so she was probably fine.

Then there were the two with the most extreme reactions.

Clawdia couldn’t do anything but stand perfectly still with her tail sticking up as her entire body trembled in fear. All color was drained from her face as she stared directly ahead with wide eyes, only moving whenever she heard a new noise to jump and face it.

“I understand,” I said and hugged her. I couldn’t just leave somebody so afraid all on their own.

“Y-y-y-you do?” Clawdia asked, still standing still and straight even as I hugged her. She couldn’t even continue her tsundere act from the fear. Normally, a hug would have been enough to earn a flustered shout and turn her red.

“I’m horrible with horror.”

“But – bu-but you – yo-you don’t look tha-that afraid…”

The reason for that was because I was bad with… more serious horror. Something that looked like it was out of a cartoon wasn’t that bad. Watching Delphi run around collecting bones made the situation even more lighthearted than it already was, too. “I’d be having the same reaction as you if things were a bit scarier. It’s just that I’m already used to this level of frights.”

“I – I – I can’t – can’t even… imag-imagine being that brave, nya…”

“I guess I shouldn’t use you for the battle then. I was planning on sending you out to see how you do.”

“I – I can do it! You… you can re-rely on me!”

“You’re shaking so hard that you’re going to shake your fluff right off of you.”

WOULD YOU STOP

AND SOMEBODY CAN’T SHIVER SO HARD THAT THEY LOSE THEIR HAIR. IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.

Clawdia, still shivering, nodded her head. “If – if I’m in my Mecha Cat 9001, I – I should be fine, I think…”

“Makes sense. If I was inside of Valkyria rolling through a horde of zombies, I wouldn’t have a problem and would feel fine,” I said.

Clawdia nodded some more. “Or – or like wearing a hazmat suit around radiation, nya!”

“That’s… a bit more of an extreme example, but yeah. I get it. Like wearing a beekeeper’s suit around bees.”

She nodded even more.

“So, you think you’ll be able to handle them?”

“My – my pride as a queen is – is on the line! I can – I can do it!”

“Alright. Get in your robot and wait for me to find out who else to send with you.”

MECHA

WE’VE ALREADY BEEN OVER THIS

CALL IT A MECHA

I flicked Window and let go of Clawdia.

As for the second person who had a pretty extreme reaction to our new location…

Lavi looked like she was in her personal utopia. With sparkles in her uncovered eye as she looked around, her tail furiously wagged behind her as she took the view in. It was only when I went up to her that she stopped making random, excited noises and formed her sounds into actual words. “Master! This place is amazing! It’s so cool!”

I couldn’t relate. “You like this sort of scenery?”

She nodded her head far faster than Clawdia was. “It’s so – it’s so – I mean…” She cleared her throat and switched over to her serious voice. “Heh. The darkness of this land fuels my demonic blade. I can feel it shivering in excitement, it can’t wait to cut down the inhabitants of this cursed realm.” Even though she tried her best to sound all cool and serious, she wasn’t able to stop her tail from wagging so hard that I was afraid she would shake the fluff out of it.

please, i cant

“Wanna fight in today’s battle?” I asked.

Lavi somehow managed to perk up even more than she already was. “Ya mean it?! Heck yeah! I want to… I – I mean… are… ya sure? I ain’t as strong as the others since I haven’t been upgraded yet. This battle will be even harder than the last few, so… maybe ya should pick somebody stronger than me.”

“You think there’s any way that I’m not going to choose you after how excited you just were?”

Lavi blushed a little and scratched her cheek. “Is… it really alright?”

I planted one hand atop her head to give her some petting. “You said yourself that the demon in your blade is shivering in excitement, just like you have been. There’s no way that I wouldn’t pick you.”

Her cheeks turned an even brighter shade of red as she reached up to grab my petting hand, pulling it down in front of her face to give it a soft kiss before rubbing her cheek up against it. “Thanks… Master. I – I’ll do my best.”

“Come on, Lavi. You’re supposed to be a badass. Who’s this cute, flustered girl in front of me?”

I expected her to go back to acting like her usual self after I said that.

Instead, she held the palm of my hand against her cheek so that she could nuzzle up against it as she looked into my eyes and said, “I like this sort of thing every now and then too, ya know… it’d make me happy if ya pampered me every now and then…”

“If you want more of this sort of treatment, I’d be happy to give you more of it. I just didn’t want to embarrass you or anything since you always like acting so cool.”

“There’s… there’s nothing cooler than being affectionate with the one ya love.”

“Your cheeks are redder than a tomato’s, but that was still one of the most badass things you’ve ever said.”

“Gotta keep the character up, right? Heh…”

Lavi was approaching dangerously high levels of cuteness, so I kissed her. That was the only response to somebody being as mind-shatteringly cute as she was.

“Now I’m really fired up,” she said once our kiss ended. “Oi, Master. If we three-star this fight, wanna… ya know, go on a date? After – after your date with Window. Delphi and Cami can come, too.”

“We can go on a date whenever you want. Anything you want to do during it?”

“Checking out that world you’re from sounds like a pretty fun time. I saw online that there are haunted asylums and stuff you can spend the night in.”

“That… maybe – maybe not a date like that.”

“Fufu, ya scared, Master?”

“Extremely.”

“Do rollercoasters count as scary?”

“I can handle rollercoasters.”

“Then let’s go on an amusement park date with the four of us! Oh, and Vala can come!”

“Ooh, that sounds fun,” Vala said from her webby hammock. “But I might get tempted to turn into my dragon form to blow everybody away if there are long lines.”

“Please do,” I said.

“Oh, what about Clawdia?” Lavi asked. “She can come with us if she wants! I haven’t really gotten to spend a lot of time with her yet, so it could be a bonding date for all of us!”

“You’re a really good girl, Lavi.”

“Fufu… thanks, Master.”

“But before we can go on any dates, we need to get the battle over with, then I have my date with Window, then we’ll probably have another battle, and then we can go on our date.”

“Then I guess we better hurry up!” Lavi drew her sword and struck a cool pose. “I’m ready, Master. Give me some enemies to cut down.”

I nodded and looked over the field.

All I had to do was place down the towers and then the battle could officially begin.