Chapter 15

Day 1, Continued.

“Fuck yeah,” Ben said, walking forward and momentarily forgetting about pretty much every bad thing that had happened to him in The World thus far. Why? Because he never thought he’d see something like this outside of books.

It was a science facility, he knew it was, because it looked like something out of a Sci-Fi picture on Earth. It had satellite dishes on the roof, large antenna arrays, a huge fence; everything was painted white, and had a highly manufactured, sleek, smooth design. The facility had to be at least three stories tall, and Ben would have bet everything in his Utility Pocket that it extended underground as well.

“For the love of cheese,” the sketchy mouse said, “is the security system still-”

Way too late, Sketchy Mouse. Way, way too late. Klaxon alarms started blaring, swirling red alarm lights began flashing, and the sci-fi facility stirred to life.

“Remain where you are standing!” a voice sounded over loud-speakers, firm and synthesized, “move, and you will be destroyed. Remain where you are standing! Move and you will be destroyed!”

Ben immediately put his hands up, feeling an odd sense of calm. Something in his chest told him everything was going to be all right.

“Just hold still!” Ben shouted, “put your hands in the air and hold still. Let's see how this plays out. By the way,” Ben said, looking at Sketchy Mouse, “What’s your name anyways?”

“Sketch,” the psychic animal said, his mouse eyes twinkling as he looked at Ben.

“Stop reading his mind without his permission, it’s really rude,” Short Bus said without a hint of irony or self-recrimination. Ben briefly wondered what level his [Actor] class was at this point. Probably somewhere in the high hundred range.

“Remain where you are standing! Move and-” the automated voice cut out, and was replaced by a living person.

“Hey, just wait right there. I'm coming out. Atomis, you can't-” the voice was interrupted by another voice, this one much higher pitched.

“I'm coming as well. Remain calm and you will survive this ordeal,” then in a quiet and slightly malevolent hiss, “prepare the maze.”

“No, don't prepare the maze,” the first voice said, sounding a little panicked.

“I kinda want to know about the maze,” Short Bus 'whispered' leaning closer to Ben with his thick arms in the air.

“See, they want the maze,” the high pitched voice, Atomis, said.

“When are you cheap bastards going to fix this security system!” Sketch shouted psychically and squeaked physically, “my little heart cant take all these big fucking guns pointed at me!”

“Did you get a name?” Atomis asked, sounding inquisitive, “I didn’t think you’d take one.”

“What can I say, this guy’s a regular Adam. Nick, let us in already! These guys threw that awesome parade, and they’re here to buy.”

“Really? Wait, you’re actually here for business! I thought you were refugees- just hang on. No maze!” he shouted, and then moments later the alarm stopped sounding.

“Know this,” the mechanical system said as it lowered it’s weapons, “though I am an unfeeling machine, I would have taken satisfaction in your death. The cafeteria menu has changed to reflect the new increased budget. Please enjoy your stay in Mice Labs.”

“I told them over and over,” Sketch said, looking at the gun with outright nervous hostility, “don’t fuck around with data-storage. But nnoooooo, now we have a possessed security system saying spooky shit every time it’s hair fucking trigger goes off-” Sketch continued to rant for a while about the security system.

Ben shifted his weight from one leg to the other, and a moment later, someone emerged from the base. A fully human man in a white lab coat gave Ben one look, and the two instantly recognized one another.

“Two burritos no sour cream?” he asked, then smiled larger than Ben had ever seen on the man’s face before.

“Ho-leeey shit,” Ben said, putting his arms down and approaching the man. “Taco Bell guy! It’s you!” And though the two had never interacted in any manner more familiar than exchanging money for beefy five-layer burritos, they embraced as if meeting a lost member of their family, despite the height differences between the two. Taco Bell guy looked Ben up and down after they broke their embrace.

“Still a Leap-rechaun,” the man said, a huge smile on his face, “Don't worry too much, that's the last weird one before you get back to human. [Evolution] gets less restrictive after that. Let me reintroduce myself, I’m Nick, and this is Atomis,” he said, indicating a white lab mouse on his shoulder.

“I can introduce myself, Nick,” Atomis said, and Ben noticed the mouse was in black sunglasses, and had a small cigar in his mouth that he was smoking quite vigorously, “and you're all going in the maze, no questions asked.”

“No questions needed!” Short Bus said, a huge shark smile on his face, walking up to Nick and extending his arm out. Atomis jumped from Nick's shoulder and scurried onto Short Bus's, talking as he did so.

“Hm, finally, someone with a genuine love of science. Tell me, how good is your sense of direction?”

“I have no idea,” Short Bus said loudly, walking into the facility without any reservations.

“That's good, we'll find out.”

“Nick, stand closer to the [Prince] for a second, will ya?” Sketch said, scurrying up Ben’s clothing before jumping from Ben to Nick, then running up to rest on his shoulder. Ben noted without much thought that the lab coat seemed to have fashionably incorporated mouse sized dog beds. “Oh you’re an angel,” Sketch said, melting into the padded shoulder and relaxing for a moment, “You mind if I smoke?”

“Yes,” Nick said, not even bothering to sound offended as Sketch lit up another cigar and started puffing it. “Oh my God,” Nick said, looking at Ben once again and then widening his eyes, “you’re [Magical]! Fuck I’m sorry dude, how’d you die?”

Ben laughed uncomfortably and tried, and failed, not to experience visceral and fully tactile memories of having a demonic fly king rip his heart out of his chest.

“Oh no,” Nick said, “that’s not a good face at all. Come inside and let’s get something to eat and then we can talk.”

“Oh shit, that’s right,” Ben said, “is Short Bus going to get any food? He gets, uh, aggressive when he’s hungry.”

“There’s food in the maze, don’t worry.” Nick said.

“What’s up with the maze anyways?” Ben asked, and Sketch replied.

“Oh, Atomis is just working out a bit of a grudge is all. Truth be told, we all are.”

“Since you’re [Magical],” Nick said as they walked inside, “you need to be eating. Like eating, constantly and as much as you can stomach. That’s the only way to build a new body. . . fucking hell man, if you were already human you’d have [Instant Digestion] and this would be way easier. Have you touched the Capitol Crystal yet?”

“No, and the food thing is why I’m here,” Ben said, and handed Nick the uncrumpled meal plan.

“This doesn’t look fun,” he said with a grimace, “but we’ll get you sorted out. Come on in, let’s get out of,” he glanced at the security system, “range.”

--

The interior of the aptly named Mice Labs facility, for which the logo was a white lab mouse with a six pack, was exactly what the outside suggested it would be. Lots of clean hallways constructed from synthetic, white and blue material, with closed doors leading to rooms unknown. They stepped onto an autowalk, which was just an escalator but across flat ground, like the kind they have at major airports.

“One of the problems you’ll find,” Nick said as they were comfortably carried through the massive facility, “is that there’s both a lack of products oriented towards humans, and a complete lack of interest in serving our needs.”

“That’s because the Solas government has classified us as a monster race and plans to enslave humanity over several generations,” Ben said calmly.

“Monsters? That explains some things. Mice Labs was founded to address that need and start augmenting humans the same way all these alien fuckers are. We’re so far behind,” he said, practically muttering it, “so, so far behind. Every day I feel like we’re advancing our understanding of science by twenty years, only to look up and realize we’re eons behind everyone else. Did you know it took us about two hours to build this entire structure?” Nick gestured around him, at the enormous, high quality building. “Two hours, and we bought the blueprints for basically nothing. You wouldn’t believe how cheap some things are, you wouldn’t believe it.”

Ben’s response was to look around in appreciation.

“Mechanical stuff is like, practically free. Even the stuff that we considered really advanced is like, stone age tech here.”

“You know,” Ben said, “a caveman with a club is still pretty fucking dangerous.”

“No shit,” Nick said, “but it makes it a little hard to go shopping to be honest. The vendors willing to work with us usually don’t know what we’re even asking for because it seems so low tech to them. . . and I’ll be honest, Ben. They’re so advanced, but on the same note. . . I don’t know a nice way to say this,” Nick said, and Sketch interrupted with a chuckle.

“They’re dumb.” He asserted.

“When it comes to making weapons. I feel like every time I talk to my vendors and bring up a way to make something explode, or turn something into a bioweapon, or strap a few guns onto a robot, they’re actually surprised. Basic stuff. Oh, we’re here, welcome to the cafeteria.”

There's something about the smell of cafeteria corn that's just so universal. Ben had been to many different rooms such as this one, and they all had the exact same smell. It was a smell that wasn't quite anything in particular, but that was definitely hot food.

When Ben stopped being overwhelmed by the smell of, let's just admit it, average cafeteria food, he noticed the hundreds of white mice everywhere. There might actually have been thousands of them, and every one of them was wearing an identical lab coat, but were distinguished by a variety of eyewear and haberdashery, that is to say, hats. Some were wearing welders goggles; some were wearing steam-punk style brass; some were wearing reading glasses; there was a group with little tiny monocles and top-hats.

“What,” Ben said, not even having the energy to turn it into a question.

“Welcome to Mice Labs,” Nick said, grinning, “hope you like cheese.” Nick's joke was immediately met by a wave of psychic exasperation, like most of the room had groaned at the joke. It's worth noting that their psychic voices were high pitched, exactly like their physical squeak would be.

“Nutella!” one of them shouted, “get some damn nutella! Cheese is a myth!”

“I like cheese!” another shouted.

“I liked cheese till I learned about the stereotype!” a third shouted. After that the entire room started chatting at a thousand miles a minute, which was sixteen point six miles a second, and way too fast for Ben to follow.

“Just focus on your feet for a few seconds,” Nick said, trying to talk over all the psychic noise and barely succeeding. Ben followed the advice, and as his focus shifted away from the incomprehensible chatter, it lessened in volume until it was tolerable.

“Thanks,” Ben said, and the two of them kept walking.

“No problem,” Nick said, and then the next half an hour was spent in silence as Ben and Nick both ravenously devoured a meal of boiled corn, some delicious breaded, fried meat that Nick swore came from a giant predatory slug monster, not an Aeon Slug, some bitter greens, and water. Ben had asked about some soda, and Nick had grumbled something about sugar being both illegal, and extremely hard to get.

When they were done eating, they walked from the cafeteria and went over to a speaker built into the wall.

“Are you handy with electronics?” Nick asked, not having pressed a button, “like, are you able to make a short range radio or any kind of wireless communication device?”

“I’ve got Youtube knowledge, but that’s about it,” Ben said.

“Good, don’t build one. If you meet anyone, spread the word. Do not make a radio or any kind of broadcast device. Analogue only, and even then, keep the range down.” he said, then pressed a button on the wall and navigated several computer menus before settling on one that said 'Maze'. The screen went dark, then straight into a video call. Ben could see Atomis, the lab mouse, sitting on a little chair taking notes, occasionally snickering as he watched Short Bus navigate his way around a frustratingly complicated looking maze. Scattered around the maze were various plates of food identical to the kinds Ben had just eaten.

“Nick, I'm busy,” Atomis said, then snickered again when Short Bus got shocked by a floor plate that was apparently electrified. Short Bus, who was muted, leaned back with what looked like a roar, and slammed into a wall of the maze, breaking through it, and then immediately jumping through two more non-lethal traps to get to a large plate of cooked meat. He grabbed the plate and tipped the whole thing into his enormous mouth, visibly relaxing once he started chewing. It looked to be about fifteen pounds of food, all eaten in one single bite. Atomis pressed a button, and then Short Bus got shocked again. The little mouse snickered agian.

“Would you let him out of there,” Nick said, sounding exasperated, and Atomis looked like he was ignoring him. “Just meet us in the conference room, all right? You know, so we can do our jobs?”

“Handle it, I trained you well enough,” Atomis said, then pressed another button, which was simply labeled ‘Super Bees’.

“He’s fun,” Ben said with a grimace, watching as Short Bus started running from a swarm of insects.

“Atomis has been in and out of every kind of lab on Earth his entire life,” Nick explained, “and they were all running experiments on him. I was a part-timer at Taco Bell,” Nick explained, “I got the [Scientist] class from working under him. Atomis is a [Mad Scientist], and he’s in charge here. I do think he might have some unresolved anger from all the experiments,” Nick confided, “but honestly, he’s a great guy. I’d be dead without him.”

“I know the feeling, I’d be dead without Short Bus,” Ben said, “that guy is seriously the best.”

“Oh yeah? Tell me about it,” Nick said, and to Ben, though it wasn’t even that long ago, a wave of nostalgia washed over him. He exhaled a long breath through his nostrils and felt the memories wash over him like a psychedelic spell.

“I fell from the sky like Sora in Kingdom Hearts,” Ben said, “straight into the ocean.” Ben told the story, feeling it sounded a lot cooler in retelling than it did when he experienced it firsthand. “I was getting tired, about to pass out, when I see this big fucking fin coming straight at me. I’m thinking ‘This is it, this is how I die,’ and I pass out. Next thing I know, I wake up on a sandbar and the sun is getting ready to set. That fucking clown,” Ben said, laughing, “he’s out in the water trying to pretend to be a mermaid or some shit, like changing his voice so he sounded like a cute girl.”

“What?” Nick said, laughing.

“Yeah! I was so fucked up from being tired I was even buying it too. Then, just as it was getting dark, right as the sun gave its last light, he just all casual like surfaces so I can see him. He brought me a weird war-tuna fish monster, and we’ve been best friends ever since. I think we’ve even got the same birthday, we’re both twenty-nine, what are the odds?” Ben chuckled, “Fucking love that guy, that’s the truth. He’s my brother,” Ben said, suddenly feeling way more emotional than he’d meant to get.

“Atomis,” Nick said, letting the name hang in the air, then he pulled out a Smartest Phone, which looked significantly more advanced than Breah’s and had a Mice Labs phone case on it, “well, I was in the Plus Player Portal Area, right?”

“Right,” Ben said.

“And I’m messing around with this thing. I find a navigation App with an hour free trial and I’m like, ‘yeah, I could use some directions right now,’ so I get the app and it asks me where I want to go and says I can be as vague or as specific as I like.

“That’s fucking convenient,” Ben said, eyes widening, “I’ll be honest with you, I really don’t know a whole lot about the phone. I’ve seen it a whole bunch, but I still don’t quite. . . like get it, you know? Is it great? Does it suck?” Nick shrugged.

“Personally? I love the thing, and yes, it’s super convenient. This is the only safe long range communication device in The World, period. Everything else is risking getting haunted or an interdimensional incursion,” Nick said, and Ben blinked several times but didn’t say anything, “So anyways, the phone says ‘tell me where you want to go,’ and I say, ‘I don’t know,’ and it says, ‘would you like to take the suggested route?’ and I’m like, ‘Yeah, that sounds good.’ Then, I’m walking for what feels like days.”

“That place seriously sucked,” Ben commented.

“Yeah it did, so finally I get to this portal that’s just labeled ‘Your Destination’, and I just jump on through,” Nick said, miming a hopping motion as he walked, “no hesitation or anything. I appear right in the middle of this underground, black market lab in Solas, surrounded by Enelim and undead.” Ben winced. “So I’m immediately captured and put in a cage. They were going to do some pretty bad stuff to me, I think, but it never happened because that fucking mouse,” Nick said fondly, “was in the cage next to me, calm as a goddamn cucumber while I was losing my shit. He looks over at me and says ‘First time?’, and I’m just crying, and he nods a little and looks away. It was at that point I realized I was next to a talking mouse,” Nick said, laughing. “I’m losing it, when Atomis, not even looking at me, starts humming real quiet like and you know what it is? You know what he does?”

Ben shook his head.

“He starts doing Pinky and the Brain at me, real quiet, just does the whole song without looking at me once, like he’s heard it a million times. He’s almost reverent about it, like the deepest nostalgia mixed with. . . pain. Stopped my mental breakdown dead in my tracks, I tell you what. It was so unexpected, you know?” Ben nodded.

“Short Bus did Jaws.”

“So you do know,” Nick said, "anyway, I’m looking at him now, really looking, and he says ‘You know, my whole life I’ve known three things. The first was that I wanted to be The Brain, not Pinkey. We had a lab tech who thought it was funny to put that show on his laptop and leave it in the lab overnight where we could see it. I think I was the only one really watching it, trying to understand what I was seeing. The second thing. . . I don’t need a Pinkey in my life. If Brain had even a half competent helper, he’d have won a thousand times over.

“The third thing that I’ve known my entire life was how the lock to my cage worked, and that even though I knew exactly what to do to get out, I didn’t have the right kind of hands to open it. I’ve read your mind, Nick. I’ve looked at your soul. I want you to be my hands, because I can get us the hell out of this cage, and then you and me? We’re going to take over the world.” Nick paused to look Ben in the eyes, a moment to convey how crazy that moment had felt, his eyebrows raised and eyes wide, then broke contact and looked forward again.

“You guys got out,” Ben said, stating the obvious.

“Yeah we did. That’s a story for another day though, we’re here.” The two of them had arrived at a door which, upon inspection, was mostly similar to all the other doors in the lab. Except for the ‘Authorized Personnel Only’ sign hanging on it in big red letters, with a smaller sign that said ‘That means you Rufus’ under it.

“Rufus?” Ben asked.

“He’s an idiot,” Nick said, shaking his head.

“Oh yeah, we’ve got one of those. His name is Vivi,” Ben said, silently laughing to himself, and then immediately feeling bad about it. “I was joking, Vivi’s a great guy, even if he is an Aeon Slug. We’ve got this fairy too, his name is Ghost Ears, and he’s like, really cool? I think? He had a city in the Overcavern Forest that collapsed, and now he’s with us so we can try and build a new place, one that isn’t going to fall apart. I should talk with him about that. Oh, then there’s Red. She’s a Beyonder, whatever that means, and she’s like, uh, crazy I think. She’s got green skin and no eyes, except for these big energy clouds in her antlers.”

“Like the eye of Sauron?”

“Uh, not really but kinda? Well, I guess you could say that there’s a similarity, but they’re different. Anyways, she was some kind of big shot Chaos Warden. A bit of a psycho, but I’m not sure how much value that word has anymore.”

“Damn,” Nick said, pausing in the act of opening the door and looking at Ben with respect, “I thought getting out of the lab and starting a small business was exciting for an Isekai-”

“Yes,” Ben said, clenching a fist when Nick said Isekai and cementing Ben as a somewhat normal person for using the word in his own head.

“But it sounds like you’re having a proper adventure.” At the word adventure, Ben stopped in his tracks. His father’s final words still echoing in his soul, filling him with strength and certainty that he was walking the right path.

“Damn right I am,” Ben said, and then Nick finally got the lock to pop.

“There we go,” he said, then gave Ben a somewhat guilty smile, “hey Ben? You aren’t a cop or anything, are you?”

“In this city? I’m the furthest thing from a cop you’ll ever meet.”

“Good, good. Because, uh, Breah says you and your friends are good at breaking stuff, and you seem cool, so, I’d like to. . . well, cut you in on what Mice Labs really does for money in this city.”

“And you chedda keep your mouth shut about it,” Sketch said, and Nick rolled his eyes.

“Thank you for the completely unnecessary threat, Sketch. Well,” Nick asked, and for a moment, he was a taco bell employee again, “want to make some money?”

“You sold drugs through the drive through, didn’t you?” Ben asked, and Nick just chuckled.