Aleph thought she was ready.

She could stand up to 8 gravities in the centrifuge for several seconds. She didn't get dizzy when she was spun or dropped off cliffs anymore. When she did get dizzy she still could perform most drills. She could build every piece of life support from parts blindfolded and if she identified what part was damaged or faulty beforehand she could also repair or replace most forms of damage.

She knew by ear sound and touch the proper operation indicators of air scrubbers, generators and oxygen generation systems. If she felt herself falling she knew how to tumble, roll or at least position herself to protect her head, hands, spine and chest for most maneuvers. She could perform emergency wound clotting procedures on herself. To be honest she felt like some kind of amazing warrior.

Which is why she was frustrated that she couldn't keep simple beans growing and alive.

“You used too much light and messed up the nitrogen... We won’t have an infinite supply of seeds in the berth Aleph... And some of these takes a quarter year to grow.”

Omega had been as always ingenious in how they were going to fit over a hundred growing seasons of training into just a few years. Which is why Aleph had to keep track of over a thousand plants in their ‘little’ hydroponics lab each at a different growth stage, each with different nutritional needs.

And on top of that Omega sometimes introduced ‘surprises’ just like in the other drills. Aleph had one time said ‘that’s not fair’.

Omega’s candid response had been “Space won’t play fair, it is going to surprise us and ruin our day, we need to be ready and we are on our own”

So Aleph was going over plants, checking nitrogen levels, checking for pests, checking if there was sunburn. Checking for signs of mineral imbalance. Looking for clogs in the water system, cleaning tubing and filters and misters and fungal blocks for carbon dioxide. She never imagined there was so much that would go into making air and food before. She had always been more interested in Resonance and lore and just the IDEAS of things. The future, the wonder of visitors and SPACE!

But over the last two years Omega had drilled her on the finer and finer grain nature of just about EVERYTHING. She would never take a single breath for granted after this.

Not after she had worked in darkness covered in spiders to ensure that she could get a fresh gulp of fresh oxygen. But plants were so much more finicky then airscrubers. So many moving parts, so much complexity. Aleph honestly suspected maybe the real geniuses of Terra worked the farms.

“I don’t even know how you managed to kill this one Aleph. I didn't even do anything to it, this is all you”

“What? I was sure you must have put some doom blight in the pipe or something”

“No you actually handled the blights and weevils I contaminated the crops with really well. Never took hold”

On the one hand, that made her feel better. On the other she still didn't know why the dirt-apple had died.

“Honestly it's kind of amazing, I’m going to submit the data on these for future research. Like there has to be something going on, you didn't mess up this badly on most of the others”

Ugh she had it.

“Fine! Omega I get it, I suck at hydroponics! Can we drop it or just leave off or anything? Is it because you decided you didn't want to bring me? Is that it?! All the torture? Was it all a joke and they found my replacement?!”

She was crying, but she couldn't stop. It had been so hard, she had worked so much to try and prove herself worth it and she just could not manage the plants. Her head and back aches and burns with how much she tried to binge on every farmer, agriculturist and botanist lecture available.

She beseeched ancient herbalist ancestors for help. She was on the verge of praying that the fairies blessed her stupid seedlings with good health. She hadn't slept well, she was feeling unmoored from everything.

And Omega was hugging her.

...

Huh, when was the last time she cleaned her sweater?

Ugh she was awful.

“Hey hush now aleph, remember this but hush it’s okay... it’s just a break down. These happen you’ll live”

She wanted to scream... was this another test? Another drill? That she failed, she sobbed and wailed into her friends shirt.

“Yeah I know, it sucks, you feel like everything is falling apart and you're worthless. But you're not and it’s not. You just are burning out, You’ve taken on too much and it stopped being easy, you hit a roadblock. And you don’t have the answer, I don't have the answer. No one is going to solve this the easy way Aleph. And that is okay”

She just buried her sobbing and sopping face.

“We are gonna take a break from the training now, you're not going to get any better than this if we push. And honestly you are probably better at half of these things then I am at this point”

She wanted to laugh but it just came as a wet hiccup fit instead.

“Yeah just let it out Aleph. Not the end of the world, Sometime your brain just lacks something, next life this might magically just feel easy, and something you take for granted now will be like this.”

Just relax?!

Stop training, or running drills or trying to figure out what utter idiocy she was failing to do to keep the stupid plants alive?! With less then a year before the Visitor crew and their feathery ship arrived?!

But...

Omega was telling her this. And her friend if anything was very wise about these things. Even when she thought that she was being steered wrong it turned out right. For now Omega just held Aleph and she just cried and hiccuped.

And she rested.