He ruined everything he touched, didn’t he? Plain old Tony Stark. Spreading the cycle of hate wherever he goes. Fucking fantastic.

He raised his glass, expecting the burn of scotch down his throat, but the glass was empty. He stood up, went for the hidden dry bar in a side room adjoined to his lab, poured a wholesome amount and this time took the bottle with him. He was planning on getting thoroughly drunk. He sure as heck didn’t have anything better to do. Who knew? If he actually tried to invent something while drunk he might manage to finally create an apocalyptic murder bot this time.

Something tugged at his feet. DUM-E’s robotic arm kept urging him. To do something. Maybe.

“What are you looking at?” he said. “Go away. I’m not about to play with you anytime soon.”

The bot wouldn’t relent but Tony needed to make love to a bottle that day and night so he stubbornly persevered. He took another shot.

“You are probably secretly evil too.” he mumbled into the glass and ignored the bot for the next hour. At least until JARVIS found him. Lounging on a corner chair in his lab, empty bottles at his feet, DUM-E sticking at his side.

“Sir!” the android spoke and dear God, his voice had that disappointed and concerned tone to it that always managed to curl Tony’s insides into one huge ball of guilt.

“Oh, shut it.” Tony said, not ready for another round of self-loathing. “I’m drinking. So what?”

“You are not simply drinking, Sir. You are endangering your health.”

“Lots of things endanger my health. ‘Avenging’ endangers my health. Engineering endangers my health. Hell, board meetings endanger my health to the point of suicide. Am I being stopped from doing any of those? Nope.” he looked at his oldest AI. JARVIS was awesome. It was him. He was what kept going wrong. Not J. Not his AIs and bots. “Seriously, J, you should have figured it out by now. Things that endanger my health are for the good of Tony Sta—hey!”

JARVIS stole the bottle he was reaching for. He stared at the android in disbelief. JARVIS had never done that before. He also hadn’t had a body before, but still.

“Give that back.” He said, seated, awaiting hand splaying out.

“No.”

“JARVIS!”

“I will not, Sir.”

Tony would have gotten up and forced it out of the android’s hands but he wasn’t quite sure he would be able to walk the distance between them without face-planting on the floor a couple of times.

“Sir, you need to stop blaming yourself for Ultron’s—.”

“I’m not blaming myself for anything. I just wanted a drink. There, case solved. Now give me the scotch, JARVIS.”

“Please. Ms. Potts is coming tonight and you have promised her you will be more careful with your alcohol—.”

“Pepper is doing what?” That was news to Tony. Pep had SI to run in LA. Why would she be here? Why wouldn’t she call him first like she always—oh. JARVIS. But of course. It was good news after great news today, wasn’t it? “What did you call her?”

“Sir,” the android started, hands twitching. Tony wanted to feel happy at his AI’s emotional response but he couldn’t as J was obviously nervous. Feeling guilty. Lying. “Ms. Potts and I are simply worried—.”

“That’s not what I asked.” Weeks of self-flagellation, of internal anger were coming back with force, all at once now. “Why did you call her? And why didn’t you tell me?”

Because it came back to that in the end, didn’t it? Nobody told him anything. JARVIS had apparently wanted a body all along. Ultron felt enslaved. And had some secret bullshit plan that was going to end in —and already had— a lot of lives lost. SHIELD was HYDRA. Fury was fucking Fury. His teammates certainly didn’t give a shit about him and lied to him half the time. His parents… well, the less he thought about that the better.

Seriously. It wasn’t even the lies. It was simply omission. Omission. Omission. All the time. If only they would tell him things. If only they even mentioned it… He was there. He could help. Why didn’t they let him? Why would they keep lying? Was Pepper hiding things from him too? Now, that would take the fucking cake.

“I had no frame of reference for how to best help you. I needed advice.” JARVIS said.

“Because I so obviously need help, don’t I?” He didn’t even know what he wanted from JARVIS at that point. He was just tired of it all.

“Sir, it is understandable that learning about Ultron’s beha—.”

Wait.

“Learning about what?” Tony hissed.

“Sir—.”

“FRIDAY!” he wasn’t about to wait and listen. “Has anyone hacked into the security cameras today?”

“No, Boss.” The AI answered after a slight pause. Tony’s alcohol addled mind almost convinced him that she was lying too but no, she was too young for that.

“The backup servers.” JARVIS offered, whispering. “I accessed the footage through the backup servers.”

Tony stared at him disbelievingly.

“Get out.”

“Sir. I apologize for invading your privacy but your behavior after speaking with Mr. Maximoff was quite alarming and I—.”

“You don’t get it.” the words slipped out of Tony as he heard the android speak. “I can’t believe this. You don’t get it at all, do you?”

The android hesitated before speaking. “I am not quite sure to what you refer, Sir.”

Tony chuckled. Then laughed. Then laughed some more. It was his fault. All Tony’s fault. It always had been. Why was he so fucking bad at this? This was JARVIS after all. 18 years and still, he didn’t understand. Was it any wonder that Ultron hit children and released the Hulk on innocents?

He ruined everything he touched.

“Sir, are you well? Sir!” JARVIS moved over and touched his shoulder in concern. Tony slapped it away.

“You drugged a teenage girl.”

“Sir, please—.”

“You drugged a teenage girl, and you didn’t care. Why would you care for my privacy and that of an abused teen?”

“Boss—,” FRIDAY’s voice rang between them.

Damn. He forgot she was watching. He just kept fucking failing them.

“Not now, FRI.” He said before addressing JARVIS. “Get out.” The android still tried to placate him. “I said GET OUT!” he yelled.

JARVIS finally stopped speaking. He stared so forlornly for a moment that Tony almost took back his words. But the lies, the alcohol and the rage kept him going.

The android placed the alcohol bottle on one of the lab tables. He looked at the floor as he added. “I am sorry.” And then he left the lab.

Tony was sorry, too.

He picked up the glass. There was still about a finger of scotch left in there. He was about to drink it when white powder exploded at his feet, the cold surprising him into dropping the glass on the floor.

DUM-E had used the fire extinguisher on him again.

“You are the evilest of us all, aren’t you?”

The bot was obviously unrepentant.

“Boss?” FRIDAY’s voice interrupted Tony’s ineffective glare. “About earlier... A security alarm has been activated in Stark Industries Headquarters.”

Pepper.