What. The. Hell.

So, I’d crawled through that hole. You know the one. The one lovingly referred to as the “Beetle Cage”. Wait. Have I called it that yet?

Whatever. Unimportant.

Like I was saying, I went through the hole. I expected to see Mr. Beetle on the other side. A logical assumption, right?

Well instead, I found a hole. Just a hole.

No trace that Mr. Beetle had been imprisoned within remained. Where had that mother-fossil gone?

Noooo! My plan!

The perfect plan! To let Mr. Beetle exact his revenge upon me by beating me to near-death, and then using that “dire need” to summon the Nature Spirit.

Though, as I thought about it, perhaps this was actually a stroke of luck? After all, was I really in “dire need” if I could easily overpower my attacker?

No… Perhaps this was a sign that I needed to think riskier. I needed to actually almost die. And the solution to that was only a short hike away.

Good Gojira, I never thought I’d go back in there…

Well… If I was going to have to go back into the dunghole, I wouldn’t let the opportunity go to waste.

...

That one wasn’t intentional. This was a serious situation.

Anyway… I was about to take down as many beetles as I possibly could before praying to sweet Mother Treesa herself. This was going to be a dangerous fight, and I wasn’t going to come out covered in the same stuff as last time.

To my side, the pile of dead beetles sat sadly stacked on top of each other. My little sculpture from the last time Frieda and I had been here. I grabbed one of the dead husks, yanking it over to the bridge. With my sharp claws, I tore into the belly of the beetle, tossing all the internal pieces over the edge until I had only an empty shell.

Ugh. If I come out of this with the same thing Karavos has, so help me...

I carried the shell across the bridge, walking plainly through the second tunnel until I came to the slope that led down to the beetles and the bees. I looked out into the open room. More tunnels were drilled into the walls than the last time I’d been here, and the large tunnel directly across from me was even larger.

What could they possibly need with such a large tunnel?

I was careful not to step in any dung at the top of the slope this time, and simply stood there, waiting. I had to have been there for about fifteen minutes before the beetles started doing their wiggling booty calls. Bees and beetles emptied out of the room, and when there were only about ten or so workers left flying around, I made my move.

Knock knock! I thought as I dropped the beetle carapace to the ground, standing on it with one foot. You’re about to get shell-shocked!

I kicked off the top of the decline, standing with both legs on the massive beetle carapace, and riding it down like a snowboard. Not gonna lie, it was actually pretty fun, despite the circumstances. If you get the chance, I definitely recommend you try it sometime.

But, maybe not across what this slope was slicked with. Now that I knew what this stuff could do, I was playing this game like the floor was lava. A loud scraping noise accompanied my arrival at the center of the room, and several horned beetles turned their gazes upon me. One dropped his fecal boulder, and it splattered as it hit the floor.

Mandibles snapped, bees scattered, and angry buzzing sounded out as I roared.

Come and get me, punks!

Multiple beetles came flying towards me, snapping at me with their teeth. I dodged their bites, now more used to fighting them, and speared one in the belly with a kick.

The fear… it has to come naturally…

I rolled under one of the beetles, careful to avoid the dung on the ground, and rent his belly apart. Blood spurted out as he crashed to the ground, and I managed to use him as a makeshift shield against another beetle that came snapping my way. Blue boxes popped up, but I ignored them, looking through them at my enemies.

Snap!

A beetle bit down hard where I’d been laying just a moment ago. I rose to my feet, bouncing back and forth with my hands raised in fists like I imagined a professional fighter would, though I probably looked absolutely ridiculous doing so.

Two more beetles charged me, and I slapped one away with my tail before grappling the other one by the mandibles, pushing it to the ground.

“Rah!” I called out in pain, as a horn dug into me from behind. I spun, trying to get the bugger off my back, but I couldn’t reach him with the shape of my arms.

Another spear slammed into my side, ripping open the scar that Savage Santa had given me. Mandibles bit deep into my skin as they locked on. Hot pain flashed through my side as tears welled up in my eyes.

Not this soon!

I slammed my fist down into the eyes of the opponent on my side, and his grip loosened. Quickly, I pried open the mandibles and kicked open his stomach. The other beetle retracted his mandibles, ready to snap down on me again.

I jumped into the air, dislodging him, and grabbed hold of another beetle that was trying to slash down at me. We landed roughly, sliding across the floor as his legs snapped underneath him. I flipped him over and stabbed him through the chest, kicking him away as four more beetles surrounded me.

So it’s gonna be like this, huh?

I jumped at one of the beetles first, taking him to the ground, and mandibles bit into my back. Legs crunched under my weight, but my claws bounced off the carapace as I swiped, rolling away.

A horn bit viciously into my back as I rolled and I called out in pain. This guy’s mandibles were tightly pressed against my ribs, and I could feel them about to crack. I jumped into the air, the beetle attached, and landed directly on my back as two more beetles came buzzing in overhead.

The unlucky guy who’d stabbed me was a puddle of mush, but his horn had pierced through my chest.

It was fortunate, then, that as I dodged the other two beetles and pulled the horn out of me, that I leveled up. My wounds healed, and I felt rejuvenated.

Come on, scumbags! I can do this all day!

Then a loud screech cried out from the larger tunnel, and the buzzing I’d been hearing since crossing the bridge turned into a thunder.

Fossil me sideways...