You’re happy.

You, the girl known as Beatrice Ragnell.

Right now, you’re lying on a large, checkerboard pattern blanket in a field of shriveled grass, surrounded by fallen leaves and a frigid breeze.

Your hand is snuggly in the palm of another woman’s. Emi’s L’Hime’s.

A smile on your face as you know that today is just another wonderful day with your girlfriend. The crispness of autumn gracing the world with love and pumpkin spice to come. You stare up at the sky and think of just how happy you are to be alive right now.

You could have been in bed. Huddled up close to Emi, under the covers while warm and toasty, wasting a whole day there exploring each other’s bodies to some infinite degree.

Sex is great but you prefer this. This, just lying here as the sun sets and the stars come out and you speak your heart out to your girlfriend with all the proclamations of love and future happiness.

You’re going to be apart soon, the two of you. Emi’s going off to college in Oxford, while you’ll still be here in lonely old Utah, riding your bike around town and counseling sad folks online. You’re happy for her. You couldn’t dream of leaving your family, leaving your parents alone in a small town without being able to cheer you on. Emi can’t wait to leave hers.

Just that talk before you two came out to this forest out in the middle of nowhere... It hurt you, and yet it made you fall more deeply in love than ever before.

“I’m about to escape,” Emi had said. “I’m finally getting out of Balarand, and I’ll be in a place with actual culture. With actual queer people and educated conversations and food that isn’t Wendy’s. It’s going to be the best time of my life.”

And you had given your considerate, kind words, all while knowing deep in your heart that this would mean the end of you and her. The end of the single being you had created together by merging yourselves. A relationship over.

It wasn’t like you two hadn’t been apart before. You spent a year doing your missionary work in El Salvador, and you kept up a long-distance relationship just fine. Emi even came down to see you secretly in a stupid and highly romantic move. You made love far too many times in that short span and somehow never even got caught.

But this time is different.

Emi’s moving to Oxford, a cultural capital of the world. Another English speaking country with likeminded people and brand-new experiences. She won’t be stuck working so hard that she’ll forget about the loneliness; she’ll seek out friends and probably a lot more than that. Unlike sleepy Balarand, Utah, unlike El Salvador, unlike even Salt Lake City, Emi moving across the ocean to Europe would certainly mean the end of them together.

But you aren’t all that sad about it.

“I’m definitely sad,” you tell Emi, not looking at her, not really able to. “But I think the happiness cancels it all out. You’re finally going to do something you like, and I want to support you as much as possible even if we can’t be together.”

Emi does not respond, too polite to interrupt your words.

The darkness creeps up around you both, and you find yourself wrapping yourself around with extra blankets, but not bothering to move back to the car just yet.

“I always imagined we’d be together forever,” you say. “Maybe we sort of still can, but obviously not in the way I thought. When you first applied to Oxford, I was in such denial about it that I sort of put it out of my mind. You probably weren’t going to get in, I thought, but even if you did, we could just do that Say Anything... movie and I’d come to England with you, make it all work out. Hell, I have an online job, so I can honestly live anywhere. But I didn’t end up doing that.”

You continue to look up into the increasingly bright stars. Strange that the area around is so dark while the stars are so bright. They illuminate practically nothing, especially with no moon in sight.

Snow falls and blankets the ground around you.

“You know, it’s strange, isn’t it?” you ask rhetorically. “I was the one who took that big trip, for a whole year, and we made it work. And I’m the one who always wanted to travel the world and get out of Balarand. But in the end, our relationship is about to end because I don’t want to leave. Isn’t that... Weird?”

No response, because of Emi politely listening even still. She grips your hand tighter.

“You know, I’m a little confused now that I say all this out loud. Normally I would jump at the chance to be with you, Emi. I love you to the ends of the Earth and there’s literally nothing stopping me from going to England with you. Even my parents are super supportive of it. We can get married really quick, get the spousal visa stuff worked out, then it’s all ready. And yet... Why was I so resigned to let you go? It makes no sense. What’s going--”

Your phone buzzes in your pocket. Your hand reaches in and pulls it out.

Seven missed phone calls.

A long text message chain from Emi.

“I’m worried about you,” the messages read. “After that chat we had you got so upset. Haven’t heard from you. I knew you wanted me to go to Oxford with you so much, but I’m not changing my mind. Sorry. I’ve canceled my flight and I’m staying here. I won’t change my mind, because I have responsibilities with my family. I can’t just abandon them.

You scroll down further.

“It’s been two days, Tris. Please call back. Your parents are worried.”

You gulp reflexively.

Your other hand, so snug and warm, suddenly feels a lot less warm than you remembered. You thought Emi was sweating in her palm more than usual, but... It’s a little slimy, isn’t it?

You turn your head, look through the darkness at the figure across from you, squirming around in place like a water bed made of tendrils, vaguely in the shape of your girlfriend.

“ “

Nothing you just said is able to come out of your mouth.

Instead, a voice from behind you, from some random direction, anywhere but from the figure beside you, speaks: “You’re going to stay with her. Both of you in Balarand for good.”

“But... But I got a scholarship!” you exclaim. “I’m going to Oxford!”

Or rather, you want to exclaim this, but the words once again vanish from your mouth just as you say them.

“ “

“Don’t worry. Don’t struggle. Don’t dread. Just think about Emi. Take deep breaths in and out.”

“ “

“I’m doing this for you,” the voice tells you. “You were about to make a poor decision. You won’t do that ever again. You’ll be with Emi and you’ll take her last name.”

Beatrice L’Hime. Had a good ring to it.

“You two will end up together, because I have decided it.” The figure, without letting go of your hand, rises in place, takes the form of a human standing up in shadow.... while still clasping you in its grip. “I fell in love with you, Beatrice Ragnell. And I fell in love with Emi L’Hime. She’ll be here shortly. Soon, both of you will fall in love with me. And then we can all get married together. I’ll be a L’Hime too, I think.”

“ “

For some reason, you can’t help but think that everything has worked out really well. That’s honestly the only thing you’re able to think about. How you really, really love Emi L’Hime. And you also really, really love whatever’s holding your hand right now.

That’s a little gay, isn’t it?

“Very, very gay.”