This was bad. There were no other words for it. Certainly, the video Pantheon Entertainment had released looked awesome, the music as the unlikely pack of Sigmir, Ylva, Lenore and I were swatting the Manticores from the sky sent shivers down my spine but why did they have to make it so incredibly obvious that the avian creature and I were one and the same? Unless Maggie and her Crusade of Light had turned in their brains when getting their capsule, there was no way they wouldn’t realise that I had been the one to wipe their raid. Or at least helped the arachnids to wipe their raid, they had been well and good on the way to wiping all by themselves. No matter what, the best explanation I could come up with was that it hadn’t been me, that there was a different harpy-like avian that had used Mind-Magic against them. Which was an incredibly weak explanation, one that even a child would doubt.

Or I could own up to it, though that would give them an actual reason to hunt me down, one that would be acceptable for others, something they didn’t have until now.

Or I could simply act stupid, not answering questions and hope that something shiny came up distracted everyone from the whole mess, something big, explosive and attention-grabbing.

Was there a way for me to trigger such an event? For a moment, I considered, sitting back on my throne, mentally going over my options. The obvious one would be to contact the Grandmother, but what would I ask her? And would she actually help me? That, I simply didn’t know, but I somehow doubted that she’d just help me, not without a good reason. She was a teacher, but the kind of teacher that let me make my own mistakes, only stepping in when she felt like it.

Other than her, my Outsider-trait and generally subdued personality meant that there were few contacts I could call upon and none of them really fit the bill.

However, what I might be able to do was cause an event in another part of the world, which, in turn, would grab attention, similar to the way Lenore and I had caused a sudden blizzard, to attract attention away from a few adventurers we had accidentally murdered. For that, I could think of three potential ways, though I had no idea just how complicated it would be.

The easiest in concept, though most likely the most difficult to actually do, would be to unleash Prometheus from his chains, letting the titan roam free. That would almost certainly get everyone’s attention, leaving the fact that I could grow wings a distant, uninteresting second thought. And it would give me some major achievement, which was why I had thought about ways to release him before, only to come up empty.

More complicated would be to rile up the Arachne near Ladrin, causing them to rampage and attract attention. It had the advantage that it was geographically close and I didn’t really care about them, so causing them trouble wouldn’t really trouble me. To get them moving, I would have to use the Astral River to project myself there and do… something. What, I had no idea, making the idea a little impractical, though more feasible than unleashing the Titan.

Lastly, I might be able to do something similar with the Winter Wolves, though they had bound themselves to their dungeon, to prevent the Centaurs from killing them. Which likely meant they couldn’t leave as they pleased and I didn’t really want them to get hurt, especially not the puppies I had played with back then. Making that idea possible, but distasteful, especially as I doubted that they actually had the power to attract attention away from me.

Shaking my head, I decided to simply ignore things, to deal with any problems as they actually occurred, instead of trying to form plans for potential trouble now. Procrastination at its best, as if I wasn’t procrastinating enough in regards to Sigmir, banking on the fact that I would find a solution, if I only continued on my course. Just the idea that I wouldn’t find a solution, or that there might not even be one in the first place, brought tears to my eyes, pain to my chest and anger into my heart, the kind of anger that required me to find a solution. There had to be a solution.

With few other options to handle either situation, I left my capsule and took care of the few daily necessities that I had neglected during the last few days. Travelling underground, especially in a place of danger, meant that the others had needed my help, causing me to be within the capsule even more than normally. Getting into a fight and having to flee had made things worse and even now, there was a part of me that wanted to be back in Mundus, to make sure I was there when Sigmir woke up.

A part of me was aware that what I was doing was not healthy, that I was rationalising an addiction, both to the magical world of Mundus but also to the emotions and sensations my connection to Sigmir brought me. That same part insisted that it would be the right thing to do, to either strictly limit my time in Mundus, or to quit the Road to Purgatory altogether, to look for that elusive sensation called Love and form a relationship with another human. There was just one problem with that.

I had no idea if it could happen, if there was a human out there that could invoke the feelings I was experiencing with Sigmir, from the feeling of connection I had experienced when meeting her for the first time, to the intense bond we had developed, both by constant contact and by magical mishap, if I could call it that. That feeling, those sensations, I had never felt anything alike, certainly not towards another human, which left me wondering, could I feel them for another human? Would I ever feel them again, if I let Sigmir slip out of my reach?

There were times that I wanted to call up a therapist, maybe one of the people who I had worked with in the past, so that I was able to function as a member of society. But what if they saw my sensations as artifacts of a little understood, new technology, as something artificial that had no basis in reality? And if their therapy would be to give up on Mundus, on Sigmir and on those emotions, could I do it? Would I even want to do it?

Trying to get rid of the nagging questions within me, I pulled on a pair of running-shoes and did something I hadn’t done in years, head out into the miserable winter-rain and start running. Not caring where I went, barely even taking in my surroundings, I simply moved, focusing my mind to drive my body onwards.

By the time I returned to my appartement, I was soaked, both from the near-freezing rain and from sweat, pouring off my body, as my muscles burned and screamed, by teeth chattering from the cold as soon as I entered the building and was no longer running. It was idiotic, self-destructive and yet, a part of me considered it necessary.

It took me some time to get my body into a state where I dared to get into the capsule, without fearing to be deadly sick when I got back out. I might still suffer, running in the rain was idiotic enough, but between a long, warm shower, hot tea and some soup, I thought there was a chance to be spared.

Yawning in exhaustion, I closed the capsule and logged into Road to Purgatory, deciding to ignore the forum and any related drama, simply letting the video I had seen earlier speak for itself and if anyone wanted to make trouble over it, they could take a long walk off a short pier.

In Mundus, quite a bit of time had passed but nothing had happened within our camp. We were still in the same overgrown dip that we had retreated into earlier, invisible from the sky and hopefully safe. Sigmir was still sleeping nearby, Ylva acting as a fluffy pillow, their first time using the Avatar-mode had completely wiped them out.

For once, the exhaustion I had felt outside of Mundus was fully hitting me inside Mundus and I made the best of it. Without even trying to get up, I rolled over, grabbed Sigmir’s arm and wrapped it around me, placing my head on her generous chest. Her scent enveloped me, driving away the few remaining doubts and questions I had.

If I had to choose between what society called healthy and a relationship to Sigmir, I would choose Sigmir. If I had to choose between Earth and Mundus, I would stay on Mundus, not that I actually could make that decision.

And if I had to choose between Samantha Jade Jacobs and Morgana…