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Chapter 57: A Maiden's Love

It took him a few minutes to return to his senses and he noticed that his level had increased two times while 3 of his Skills also leveled up during all of this which was quite unbelievable.

He distributed his stats and didn't really noticed any big changes with his Skills so he quickly made his way back.

After returning to his men on the wall, Makoto could feel the difference right away.

His previous display of carnage and battle had changed how everyone looked at him.

Each and every Soldier of Squad 40 had a fanatic glint in their eyes whenever they looked at him now and every time he talked to one of them they would kneel down as if in front of the king himself and carry out his orders with a rather scary expression.

Unable to determine if this was a good or bad thing he decided to just go with it and let them behave however they wanted.

Once again his eyes were set beyond the wall as he carefully examined the mountain range.

His Stamina was already recovered at this point and one of his archers had set the battering ram ablaze as to make any attempt on breaching the gate with it impossible.

Still, even after all of that he was completely exhausted.

Not physically but mentally instead, his mind had taken quite the hit after letting the beast roam free and fighting for his life like that and Makoto had no desire of a repeat any time soon so he dearly hoped that no further battles would happen today.

…..

Sharon looked at her boyfriend once again deep in thought.

It was obvious to her and the others that Makoto had lost complete control in the last battle.

Just remembering the savage smile that he showed while killing dozens of NPC's made a shiver run down her spine.

Quite a few things slowly fell into place for her and the previous 'hunch' about his mental issues manifested more and more.

She could understand why he would want to keep something like that hidden but wasn't it exactly because of how she was feeling right now that he had never told her?

Sharon still loved him like before but at the same time there was also a bit of fear mixed into her heart as she recalled her boyfriend going completely berserk.

Casting her gaze to the floor she once again let the previous fight run through her mind and the fear in her heart only increased after remembering the way he looked during all of this.

Unable to help it she instinctively took a step away from him which shocked Sharon herself.

At the same time it was also the moment that Makoto looked into her direction and still mentally visualizing the gruesome scene she looked into his crimson eyes as her expression changed.

It was only for a split second but visible fear showed on her face as she once again took a step back before the rest of her mind reacted and she reminded herself that it was still the same old Makoto but it was already too late.

The damage was already done and she could see his face change many times before his expression finally stopped at a cold and uncaring one.

It was clear that he was hurt and knew how she was afraid of him now so without another word he turned his head away from her and stared with the same cold expression beyond the wall.

Kicking herself mentally many times she hated herself for the way she instinctively reacted, well aware of the gap that it had created between them and no matter how much she tried to find a way she just couldn't think of anything to close it with.

Once again looking at the lonely back of Makoto her lips trembled and she wanted to say something but Sharon was unable to find her voice in time and instead remained silent.

…..

His heart instantly grew cold when he saw the terrified look on her face.

With a self ridiculing feeling in his chest he turned around and bit the inside of his cheek.

What else did he expect after his previous battle?

That everything would just stay the same?

It never had been that way and never would be, everyone reacted the same way.

Feeling his heart growing colder each second that silently passed he once again cursed the other in his mind for ruining each and every relationship that he treasured.

Even an idiot would be able to connect the dots at this point and who wanted to have anything to do with a nutjob after all?

Once again feeling a pain in his chest he looked at both Sanja and Lilliana.

It was clear to him that they would have the same expression on their faces but at this point he just wanted to get it over with.

Sanja's eyes clearly widened after noticing his gaze and her face was hard to read, only seeing Lilliana stunned his mind for a second.

Instead of the already familiar fear or disgust, he could see real concern and worry in her eyes.

It was a first seeing someone react this way even after discovering about his problems.

Makoto looked at her many more times during the rest of the day, unable to believe that this was not a façade or a sweet lie but actual concern for him.

…..

Just as he had hoped, there was no further battles until nightfall and once again his Squad could hear a horn giving the signal for retreat.

While he lead his men back to the Barracks he could see in the corner of his eye how Sharon stare at him with a difficult expression but the fear of losing her made it impossible for him to directly look in her direction.

After giving his report and not paying any heed to Falknir's sneer as he left the man standing, Makoto was about to return to his party but remembered the previous events and stopped dead in his tracks.

Well aware that he was not strong enough to endure their disdain, he turned around and decided to instead explore the Stronghold.

He knew there would be a time were he had to face his fears with them but with so many emotions running through him it was definitely not now.

His feet lead him through the innermost corridors and rooms of the entire castle.

Deep in thought and contemplating about how things would continue from now on he didn't really pay attention to where he walked.

Only looking up occasionally to make sure he at least knew how to return, Makoto wandered through Kernum with a heavy heart.

After the sky was completely dark he finally stopped in a small courtyard with a fountain and sat down on a nearby bench.

Looking at his empty hands his mind returned to a rather old memory.

He must have been only 7 or 8 at the time but he would never forget the way his mother looked at him after finally finding out what was wrong with her son.

It was the same fear that he had seen in the eyes of many, the most recent being Sharon.

Feeling his heart throb in pain once more it took him a while to notice that he was no longer alone.

With a rather surprised look he lifted his head and he was able to see a miniskirt, followed by a loose robe and the face of Lilliana.

"What are you doing here?"

He finally asked after a few seconds.

Shouldn't she already have logged out at this point with the others?

"Well I was originally looking for you but currently just standing around, mind if I sit?"

She asked.

Once again stunned about the way she responded he nodded and made some space on the rather narrow bench.

Both of them remained silent for a while before Lilliana looked at him with the same worried expression and opened her mouth.

"Why did you run away?"

"I didn't run away."

He quickly responded but she didn't seem satisfied with his answer.

"Why are you hiding here Makoto? Be honest with me, I deserve at least that much don't you think?"

Once again biting the inside of his cheek he was unable to respond right away and only after a full minute did he talk.

"Well you should have seen how they all looked at me right? Like I was some kind of monster.

Everyone does after finding out.

Do you know how it feels to see your girlfriend look at you that way?

I didn't know until today and I wish I never had, it's the worst..."

Resting his chin on his hand he watched the water bubble about in the fountain while Lilliana remained quiet for a while.

"I can't say anything in Sharon's defense because I am not her, there might be another reason to it, you never know."

"Oh I know far too well trust me..."

Once again Lilliana remained silent for a while before standing up and positioning herself right before him so that he was unable to look at the fountain anymore.

Naturally he looked up at her face and it surprised him to see flushed cheeks as well as her eyes that stared deeply into his own.

"What I can say is that you are wrong, not everyone looks at you that way or do you think I am scared of you? You aren't even man enough to properly respond to my feelings so why should I be scared of a pansy like that?"

Completely stunned by her mocking attitude it took Makoto a bit to digest her words and afterwards a small smile showed on his face for the first time all day long.

Happy about seeing him smile she stepped closer and once again spoke.

"Also, you are wrong if you think that everyone is just going to suddenly stop being your friend after finding out that you sometimes enjoy fighting too much. I at least don't see what is wrong with that, so what if you have a screw loose?

Not like you can't fix that with a slap over the head right?"

Giving him a slight tap on his forehead he could see the mischievous smile on her face and his previously cold heart shuddered for a moment.

"You aren't going to get rid of me that easily so stop being so depressed you jerk, I liked you a lot better when you didn't care about anything and were just yourself... even if that included that you teased me from time to time."

Once again her cheeks flushed and she avoided his gaze for the first time but Makoto still looked at her with a slightly open mouth, unable to peel his eyes away from her.

He could feel another shudder as the ice around his heart broke away and with a warm feeling in his chest he stood up.

It was as if a curtain was pulled away from his eyes and for the first time in quite a while he really looked at her from head to toe.

Once again he could feel how his heart skipped a beat when he looked at her face and a drastic change happened in his chest as he put his arms around the stunned Lilly and pulled her in a tight embrace, thankful that she was still the same good old Lilliana.

Makoto didn't care about anything else and just hugged this little girl that tried her very best to cheer him up even after knowing about his condition.

His fear of once again being abandoned by the people that he cared about quickly dissipated and with bated breath he whispered a "Thank you" directly in her ear which seemed to send a shiver down her spine.

.....

Lillana was stunned for a second as she felt his arms wrapping around her.

"Thank you."

This one sentence together with the hug that he gave her made her heart flutter and no longer being able to hold back she put her face against his chest while also putting her arms around Makoto, unwilling to let him go anymore.

Feeling a gleeful smile on her face she pressed her body against his with a bit more force and to her delight she could feel how his hands twitched as her breasts were also pressing against him.

Knowing that he reacted but didn't push her away in the slightest once again brought a smile to her face as happiness surged through her.

Lilliana knew that what she was doing was wrong.

After all she was practically manipulating his feelings for Sharon with her actions and giving him this kind of comfort but that was not even her real intention right now.

All she really wanted to do was ease the pain that she had seen in his face.

It had hurt her too seeing him like that.

After a few seconds she lifted her head and was able see a small smile together with a light in those previously sad and dark eyes of his.

Staring deeply into the crimson that had captivated her heart, together with being happy that he was no longer depressed she was unable to stop herself anymore as her hands reached for his head.

With one quick motion she pulled him down and pressed her lips against his, uncaring for any consequences as she felt her heart nearly explode out of her chest.

All that mattered was this one single moment and it only belonged to her...

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