“Step on up, see the robots of tomorrow!” shouts a portly mustached man handing me a pamphlet. Aside from the lack of a top hat, this man is straight out of a 1920s circus company. I accept the pamphlet, but rather than actually looking at it, I just use it as a bookmark for my map and guide, since I don’t like the whole “keep your finger in the middle of the book to save your place” thing.

“Here you will find,” the man continues, “an assortment of the machines that will take the world into a new age. In just a few short years, robots will no longer be the dumb automatons of the past. They will become intelligent, specialized, more accommodating. Embrace the way of robotics!” He ushers all listeners towards the long row of robots standing up on their pedestals.

They’re mostly humanoid, mostly five foot seven, mostly standing there talking while listeners ask them questions and potentially forever taint their complex learning AIs with stupid nonsense by making them think all of humanity functions like a tech expo.

I don’t even know where to begin, here. The crowd is big, and constantly moving, so I feel like I might be trapped in this line that is determined to start at the furthest left robot and walk down to look at each of them. But, unlike an art museum, I don’t think it’s prudent to try and spend five seconds looking at each robot before moving on.

But, with no other options, I decide that that’s what I’ll do.

The furthest robot left is not bipedal, but instead has tank treads for feet, something that apparently makes this one safer for carrying fragile items such as boxes full of glass, or babies. It is currently demonstrating its ability to move up the stairs while not losing any balance. Nice, nice. Its upside-down egg-shaped body has no head and instead only features some visual and vocal receptors at the top, but it’s got that clunky-cute design that a lot of older robots used to have.

After a few seconds, just like I was complaining about, the crowd basically pushes me along to the next robot on display-- a recycle bin with feet that waddles around. I’m serious. Someone funded this, someone designed this, someone built this, and someone reserved floor space for this. I love it.

I guess the conceit behind the trash robot is that it will have some smarter learning processes behind it, and that it will start to more effectively “beg” for recyclables by going to areas with more people at better times? But, I don’t know. I feel like a recycle bin with legs charging at me trying to take my garbage is either the start to an adorable music video, or a scene in a techno-horror film.

Next is an android with synthetic human-like skin. No, that’s creepy, moving on.

The robot after that is dancing around, doing a little jig to some peppy dance tune playing on the speakers nearby. It does a boogie. Then it does a spin and-- OH MAN it’s doing the worm! A robot’s doing the worm!

Man, that’s crazy. I think I’m going to finally break away from this crowd and keep watching, because this is the top of the top. Nothing can beat this.

Oh... wait... Wait a minute.

The next robot after the dancing one. I know that little kid.

That’s AR73!