“Hey, Buckaroo Bonsai,” I say to my plant-buddy, “Can I buy a few more things before we push go?”

“Sure thing, Pecos.” Alec even got the drummer in the band.

“You’ve seen it? Rock on.”

“And you're clearly the better drummer.”

“Flattery’ll get you everywhere." After a moment, I notice Alec is waiting.

"Oh. Right. Umm. I also wanted an echolocation automatic clicker, integrated with my Gnome. Right now, I have a helluva time remembering to click. And then when I’m drumming, there’s all these sounds going on … and I can tell there’s something in the way, but the variance in the sound is really messing with me. I need to be able to tell Frodo to tick out loud, so that I can get the bounce-back. And at different speeds and frequencies. I don’t know how pitch, volume and click-frequency interact right now, so I’d really like some flex built in there.

“That seems highly advantageous, Kevin. Might I suggest further enhancement?”

“You’re the brains of this operation, Professor Plum. Whatcha got for me?”

"I would suggest you focus all of your sensory improvement on your ears. If you spend one enhancement towards JUST your ears, rather than spreading it out among your senses, you’ll have a full doubling of auditory sensitivity.

"What if I spent the two I planned?

"Then you’d get a full four ex improvement in your hearing. You’d be able to hear sounds that are down to negative twenty decibels, and frequencies from two to two hundred thousand hertz, as opposed to your current twenty thousand. That compares favorably to a bat, by the way."

"How is that four times, Groot?"

“Groo-oo-oot?”

“Ok. No more Groot. Can I get that in English?”

“Suffice it to say it’s complicated”

“Okay. Attribute improvement, especially the ears, and integrating a clicker into Frodo."

"Frodo was a hobbit"

"He was a short dude. They’re all gnomes to me. And it’s my gnome anyhow. Auto-clicker, with adjustable volume and frequency, and an on-off switch?

“Eleven-eleven for the attributes, and another 42 for the metronome upgrade. May I make a further suggestion?

I raise my eyebrows at Ivy-an. Ya try enough nicknames and eventually one sucks a lot. I just hit that point.

He continues, “I’d also recommend basic Audiomancy. Some amount of control over the sound near you can do nothing but help. And I assure you it can provide interesting results to your drumming.”

“Will I have time to do anything about it? I’m already 3 days into my week, and I have to train escrima, at my new speed, I have to train echolocation, and I have to keep my thaums up by drumming. I'll be absolutely tapped out.

“I believe it is better to have the capability than not.”

“I suppose so. How much?”

“1600 R-thaums”

“That’s almost all my remaining thaums. I'll be destitute"

“Better broke than dead. And if it really becomes an issue, you can pull coins from behind your ears.”

“Fair enough, Wigglypedia. Hit me with all 3.”

"Let's reiterate your choices once more for safety. You want to purchase four boost pairs. You would like to allocate five of your boosts to speed, two to auditory capabilities, and one to generalized agility. Beyond the baseline body upgrades, you want to upgrade your metronome two different ways. First, you want the metronome to be able to tick externally and not just internally. Second, you want a great deal of control over the metronome. Specifically, you want volume, tempo, and frequency control built in to your newly-audible ticker. Third, you want the basics of audiomancy, the thaumaturgy of sound."

"Spot on, my magic mushroom man. Let's do it."

“First, mushrooms are fungi, not plants. Second, I am beginning the upgrade now.”

I say: “You’re a fun gnnuhh,” and go black.