“Seriously, Mr. P? That was some messed up shit, man. Crazy monkeys. Blood. Ripped my pants. Almost got my junk. Monkey parts on my drum. Healing magic. Is this going to happen often?”

“You did not seem to be taking seriously the danger to your life that this new dimension represented. I calculated that there was about a 80% chance you’d succeed, and a 20% chance you’d die. Provided you succeeded, you have a better than 70% chance of actually adapting to this world and surviving the first 100 days.

“Dude, you gave me three to one on learning vs. dying. Not cool."

“Almost. Fourteen to five. It’s the best opportunity you are likely to have in the next 3 weeks. Also, you may have noticed that the monkey was worth 400 times the thaums that the nuts were. A little bit of hunting could get you a lot of benefit."

“Ok, Mr. Evil, what can I afford now?”

“After buying your drum set and the first aid kit, you had 95 thaums. However, your battle with the monkey netted you 30 additional thaums.”

“Do all plants talk this much? Or just the evil ones? One and a Q. Knew that. What can I buy? How much are sticks. Like Kali or Escrima sticks. I used to use sticks like that on a Taiko. And there’s a whole fighting technique with them. Gotta have something heavy I can swing with. And a big Taiko to go with. Has to be able to be hit with the sticks."

“You nearly died 10 minutes ago, and you want more drums?”

“Dude. It’s part of my practice plan. How much?"

“3 R-thaums for a set of sticks."

“Okay. Need more. I need a Taiko drum set. Like 10 of ‘em. Laid out over here. All big. High here, low here. Can you hang one up above, facing down? There and there and there and there. How much now?"

“8 more R-thaums. Are you setting up a drum set as a combat training course?"

“Dude...I'm a drummer. If I need to fight, I'm gonna be a fighting drummer. Follow your strengths, man."

“As you wish."

I skitter back as 10 giant Taiko drums fade into existence near me. And the sticks on the floor. There’s 10 of them too. Heavy wood, maybe a pound each and about 2, 2.5 feet long.

“Hey, Green Machine. Are there any more monkeys coming soon?"

“I am required to bring another test to you in another week."

“Groovy. Time to practice. Wait. Hey, G-man. What else can I buy?"