Chapter 20: Reason

Crimson and Verity finished up in the Guild and headed out with a request in hand.

Verity was still stunned at…well, everything. Crimson was Half High Human? Sherry’s [Classes] were all based around smell? There could be people stupid enough to care about the existence of Halfs?

As they walked, she couldn’t keep her questions to herself, and decided to ask the one about Crimson’s race first, since that one seemed like it would have the fastest answer.

After a quick deep breath she asked, “So, you’re Half High Human, what’s your other half?”

With a long sigh, Crimson shoved his hands into his pockets and looked up at the castle over their heads, “I have no idea, up until this point I wasn’t even sure that I was, in part or in whole, a High Human, but I was suspicious about a few things. It’s hard finding information about High Humans here - there aren’t a lot of books and all the ones I’ve been able to find just say that they ‘have funny eyes’ and are really magically inclined. I certainly fit that description, but that really isn’t enough information to be certain. Finding information about Kosoka was nigh impossible in Falst, so I don’t even know anything about what I’ve been informed is my homeland.”

Verity was surprised that Crimson, the personification of research and knowledge didn’t even know what his race was…wait, he didn’t remember his homeland?

“What do you mean you own’t remember Kosoka? Did you grow up somewhere else?”

He glanced at her in surprise, “I didn’t tell you already? Well, apparently I fell into a Fairy Circle and I don’t know anything before that. I don’t even remember falling into the Fairy Circle.”

Fairy Circle? Weren’t those things used by more magically inclined races to teleport? They had some pretty steep [Stat] requirements to use without incurring a harsh penalty. Verity hadn’t been able to reach that requirement, so she’d never dared to use one. The same was true for her old party members. It was no surprise that Crimson’s memory had been messed up if he had used one. Though, he did seem a little too well put together for someone who claimed to have no memory…he might know more than he’s letting on.

With a glance at his aura, Verity didn’t feel the need to press him on it - he didn’t have any bad intentions and she could tell that he was at least telling the truth he believed since he wasn’t actually that good at lying.

Lightly moving on, she asked, “Well, do you have any idea what your second race might be?”

He paused for a second, then said, “Not really, I’ve been doing my best to eliminate some of the possibilities, but it’s difficult to be certain. For example, you’d think it would be easy for me to say that I’m not Half Dark Elf, but it’s not. While my skin color or ears don’t fit the bill, that doesn’t mean that it’s no longer an option.”

Verity looked at him with abject confusion, “But, if you don’t have the skin color or the ears, doesn’t that mean that you can eliminate it as an option? I can’t see a reason why you can’t.” She paused, then worried that she’d overlooked something obvious and he’d think she was an idiot, so she quickly added, “I haven’t really interacted with many Halfs, so I’m just confused since it seams easier than you’re making it.”

He nodded at her kindly, “Don’t worry about it, there aren’t many Halfs to begin with, but you have definitely interacted with more than you think. There are four broad categories of Halfs: Abhorred - Halfs born between parents of different races that were incompatible for one reason or another, pretty much the stillborns or those who die not long after birth, Prime - Halfs that take after one parent far more than the other, Forgotten - Halfs that fail to strongly take on the traits of either parent, and Favored - Halfs that strongly take on the characteristics of both parent races.

“With these four categories in mind, it becomes difficult to narrow things down. I could be a Forgotten, in which case I would have no idea where to start, and pretty much no way to eliminate possibilities until I met my parents, which would directly answer the question.

“I highly doubt I’m a Forgotten, It’s most likely that I’m a Prime and I take mainly after my High Human parent. If I’m a Prime then it is easier to eliminate races with more extreme traits like Dark Elves and Uluu. That just leaves two options of the four left for consideration, Abhorred is easy to eliminate since I’m alive, but being Favored muddies the waters just as much as being a Forgotten since the distinct traits may have been lost.”

Crimson let out a long sigh, “Do you see why it’s been so hard for me? I’ve made such little headway that it’s unbelievable. My suspicions only peaked enough for me to start researching that little detail two weeks ago, and I still have yet to eliminate any possibilities. It’s reaching the point where I’ve just created a chart of ‘more’ or ‘less’ likely.”

Verity was both shock and amused at his words. Shocked because it should be way easier than what he was saying, and amused because his aura had an irritated red and exasperated blue pulsing back and forth with almost every word.

She said, “Well, it’s only been a few weeks, there’s a lot of research out there that’s taken years.”

He looked really annoyed and she could see him bite his tongue before he spoke, “Well, it isn’t the cause of my recent irritation, but just something else adding to it. I’ve just…been realizing my limits.”

Verity glanced around, then led him into a quiet courtyard without anyone else around before quietly allowing him to vent.

“As of late, I haven’t been able to make any progress on the projects I put my all into, and it’s not a matter of intelligence or time, but a realization that I just can’t do it. My mind literally can’t handle spells stronger than the ones I already know, my body can’t keep up with the things I want it to do, and I just can’t find information on the things I need to know. No matter how much effort I put into the things I want to work on, I get no where. It’s been very irritating, frustrating, infuriating, and the moment I just had,” he reached up to feel the bruise circling his neck, “Brought it all home instantly. I couldn’t do anything!”

Crimson’s voice started to warp, the irritation which had been mostly hidden was now out in full force, his entire body was shaking from the force of it, and Verity glanced around once more to make sure they were alone before turning her attention back to him.

“I just…want to improve. I don’t want to be useless, I don’t want to be trapped or stuck, I want to be able to improve, no matter what it is I’m doing I just want to be able to get better. Every metaphorical step I take feels like it covers half the distance it used to, then half that distance, then half again. Over and over again I just feel like my goals are getting more and more impossible as they sit tantalizingly just out of reach.”

He smiled bitterly at her, “Sorry for taking it all out on you, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, so please just forget what I said.”

Verity stared at him for a long moment, then in a spark of brilliance said, “If you can’t go forward, go sideways.”

Crimson looked like he’d been struck by lighting, and froze for a long moment before laughing to himself. Louder and louder his laughter rose, a pure and boisterous noise that contained a tinge of relief. It lasted a few seconds before trailing off into silence.

He looked embarrassed as he said, “Thanks. Sorry for being an idiot.”

She smiled sweetly at him, “Don’t worry about it, but if you don’t want me telling people then my healer [Class] had better be rare and powerful. I won’t settle for anything less than a High-Grade [Class].”

She then turned and started to stroll toward the Temple once more before he could respond.

He appeared on her right side and casually said, “You’re quite evil, aren’t you?”

She winked back at him, “Not in the slightest, now about [Classes], tell me about Sherry’s [Classes]. They’re all about smell, but only one of them is a combat-type. How is that supposed to work?”

“Ahh,” he said, “Actually, Sherry is the reason why I’m confident that I can pull off three separate [Class] types. [Aromatherapist] is a support type [Class], [Herbalist] is a production type, and [Aulrine] is a monster type. None of them -not even [Aulrine]- are meant for direct combat, but because of how she’s built her [Skills] to maximize her abilities she is extremely effective.

“She can use her smells to cause status effects, control the smoke created by her pipe to attack, create barriers and boundaries, and that’s just what I know about! She definitely has more going on that I haven’t seen. She built her abilities around her primary [Class], [Aulrine], and I plan on doing the same.

“I’m vague on the [Classes] I plan to take because I’m still doing research, and as I develop my fighting style I may come across something better than what I currently have planned.” He looked over at her, “You have a basic idea of what you want already, you just need to flesh it out more, get a stronger image so that you know what kind of [Classes] to work toward.”

She nodded, then asked, “What kind of things could I potentially work toward?”

“A good question,” he said, “It might seem like a stupid and obvious question at first, but it’s an important one. Since you want a healer type [Class], your first question should be, what kind? Each of the basic three types have their own strengths and weaknesses; you need to consider all sides carefully. If you want a rare [Class], you could try experimenting with: strong and specific desires, unique methods of healing, a certain philosophy behind healing, times when you heal, or any of a thousand other little things that may end up helping you meet the criteria for a rare [Class].

“A [Class] is fundamentally rare because it’s more specific, it’s like having a named character in a play. You have a general idea of what kind of personality they have, so your interpretation of the character doesn’t have as much room as a background character, where they’re almost completely a blank slate. They can potentially backfire…be a problem if you don’t actually want to stick to that role, which can cripple the [Class].”

She’d never heard that word before, ‘backfire,’ but the rest of what he had to say made sense. He also avoided answering her question directly!

“Crimson.” She said angrily.

“Yes?” He asked.

“Stop dancing around the answer, what are my options?” She asked.

He glanced at her with an exasperated look, “I’m giving you freedom, and you want to be locked in to certain options? No, I’ll give you some answers, but you need to embrace the [Class] you want to become. Be the person you want to be and finding that answer starts today, right here.”

Verity looked up from their conversation and realized that they were right in front of the Temple.

Crimson continued to speak, “While we’re here, I want you to find the answer to one question: Why do people take the [Priest Class]? That is your assignment today. You can do whatever you want to get that answer, just don’t start any trouble.”

Before she could agree or disagree to the assignment, Crimson walked into the Temple, leaving her on her own in front of it.

‘Why do people take the [Priest Class]?’ All he wanted her to do was find the answer to that question?

In a confused daze, she walked into the Temple. She’d never been inside the Temple in Falst before and it had been…years since she’d last stepped foot into any Temple.

Inside there was a large room with a vaulted ceiling. To call it a room wasn’t doing it justice it was…massive. Verity felt a little bad that she didn’t know how to describe it, but not only was the ceiling at least a hundred feet over her head, it extended for several hundred feet in front of her. The whole place was shaped like a rectangle, and extended far in front of her. There were two opposing hallways cutting the room in half and on the opposite half of where she was standing there were a bunch of really long benches that faced a raised platform of dark wood.

There were great statues carved into the walls, four on each side of the entrance and one on the back wall, above the platform. It was embarrassing to Verity that she couldn’t immediately identify which statue was for which god.

There was…Truth, Death, Love, War, Wisdom, Magic, Nature, and Art. Those were the gods, but which was which…well, she could tell, she wasn’t completely dense, but it was embarrassing to not immediately identify them.

The big room had a lot of people moving around and there were some [Priests] in robes cleaning, talking to people, sitting on the benches, praying, and doing other things; yet, despite it all, the room was quiet. Everyone was either not talking or speaking in hushed tones. There was a strong feeling in the air that made her want to be quiet too. It wasn’t just that the other people were being quiet - if she was alone in the Temple she’d still want to be quiet because of that feeling.

Standing off to the side of the entrance, she saw a Priestess waving at her, both a greeting and an invitation to speak together.

Slowly, she made her way over to the woman. She was quite young, probably in her mid or late 20s and quite lovely, if in a muted way. Her robe was a deep and quiet green, her clear blue eyes promised kindness, beautiful dark purple hair was gently pulled over one shoulder, and the only jewelry she was wearing was a hair pin that highlighted her beauty - even her aura broadcasted perfect serenity.

Verity was of two minds after seeing her, the first was that the Temple knew who to station at the door to be inviting, the second was that of a bit of intimidation. The woman had an appearance that screamed, ‘I am a [Priest], this is how they are’ and Verity knew that…she didn’t.

Her appearance and behavior was both a little flashy and rowdy, she didn’t really go out of her way to make herself look pretty and she certainly never acted like a perfect lady, so seeing a priestess like this one was a little…off putting, almost like she was trying to join an exclusive Guild only for perfect humans.

Interrupting her spiraling self depressed thought process, the woman spoke, “Hello, is this your first time at the Temple here in Falst?”

“Yes, I mean, no!” Verity said in a bit of a panic, “I’ve been to a Temple before, just not this one.”

“That’s great!” The priestess said warmly, “If you’d like to pray, the pews in the nave are available. If you’d like counseling or guidance then I can introduce you to a senior priestess. If you’d like to make an offering to the male gods, please head down the left hall, right hall for the goddesses. You’ll find their statues in individual alcoves. If you stand in need of something else I or one of my sisters would be happy to help you.”

What was a nave? What was a pew? Alcoves? She didn’t know anything!

Verity nodded slowly while trying to ignore how red her face was from embarrassment, “Uh, well…I’m actually here because, well, a friend told me I needed to get an answer to a question.”

The priestess gently tilted her head in confusion, “What kind of question would that be? Would it be about their [Blessing]? Are they unclear on how to worship the gods? Do they need another explanation of the ways of the God of Death? Oh, perhaps they’d like to join the clergy?”

Verity shook her head, “No, the question is…well, I suppose for you and for anyone else who is willing to answer it but, ‘Why did you take the [Priest Class]?’”

The priestess placed a finger over her mouth thoughtfully, “That is a very interesting question and others will have a far better answer than I but, for me, I just wanted a good [Class] where I wouldn’t be a burden on my family since my father had a hard time getting past Lv.10 as a farmer, but” She smiled extremely happily, “I met my husband working the door like I am today, so I suppose that this [Class], this position has been nothing but good. Does this answer the question?”

Verity was a little stunned at her answer, this incarnation of a perfect [Priest], this gorgeous woman, just wanted a stable job? That was it? It was…underwhelming.

She thanked the woman -admittedly thinking far less of her and certainly no longer intimidated- then started walking through the Temple, though a little embarrassed, she stopped every Clergy member who didn’t seem occupied to ask the same question time and time again, she got a wide variety of answers, ranging from the expected ones like ‘faith’ or ‘love of the gods’ to ones based in kindness like ‘helping people’ as well as answer that she didn’t expect. For some it was a matter of convenience, others were forced into it, still others chose to follow the same path as family members or because they had a role model. While she sometimes received the same answer to the question, the feeling and intentions behind the answers changed.

There were some who loved it, hated it, were bitter, found joy where they could, or were desperate to find something. They were all individual in their reasons and beliefs, they all had different levels of faith and different reasons to serve the gods. Many were genuine about their service, but there were also some who seemed callous and indifferent - there were even some who were annoyingly arrogant! It was such a broad spectrum she found any preconceived notions she had to be completely blown out of her head.

Wandering while deep in thought, she stopped in front of each statue in the main hall to stare at it for a moment one by one, then sat on the bench in the very back row of the ‘pews’ in the ‘nave’. It was a moment of quiet reflection for her, and the question she was supposed to answer bounced in her skull once more.

Why do people take the [Priest Class]? It might be faster to to answer why they don’t! She couldn’t imagine what answer Crimson wanted her to give him, why did he ask her a question that didn’t seem to have any answer?

Verity reached up, brushed her hair behind her long ears, then pressed the tips of her fingers into her temples, while she hated that her thought process kept spiraling she she needed to find an answer.

What could it be, what could it be, why do people take the [Priest Class]? Faith, desire, force, feeling, convenience, indifference, and even greed. Did she have to submit an essay to answer Crimson’s question or…

Her thought process stopped as she considered something.

Maybe…he didn’t want her to answer the question. Maybe he wanted her to understand more about what goes into choosing a [Class]. Maybe he had another lesson he wanted her to learn.

She suddenly remembered what he was telling her about his decision for his [Classes], that his choice was for HIM, and might not work for someone else. Every time he spoke to her about [Classes] he always pointed out that they were individual, he tried to help her understand the upsides and downsides to everything explained, but never explicitly closed off any options, always using language like ‘I can’t recommend that’ or ‘it won’t be as good’ instead of saying ‘never, ever do this’ or ‘always do this.’

Crimson always left open options for her to decide, just offered advice.

What was it he said? ‘Be the person she wanted to be’ well, what did she want to do? When she imagined herself as a healer…she could do anything. No one would ever die on her watch, she would be able to protect and strengthen her party, she’d be able to keep them safe at all times. That was the kind of healer she wanted to be.

“Yo,” she heard a voice from behind her, she immediately recognized it a Crimson’s so she stood and turned, “how are you doing Verity? Were you able to find the answer to my question?”

His aura was a curious silver just like his eyes, almost like it was waiting to reflect her answer back at her.

Regardless, she smirked at him, “Yes, there is no answer! You just wanted me to learn that I need to put a lot of thought into what [Class] I take and that I need to not rely on you to decide which one I take.”

He made an annoying noise with his mouth that made her feel like she made a mistake and shook his head at her, “Wrong, there is an answer - I told you all that earlier, the fact that it took you this long to realize it is concerning. The answer, is that everyone you spoke to today has a part to play. They all have a reason why they needed to take that [Class], no matter what that reason was, they took the [Class] because there was something they needed to do.

“From relieving a burden upon their family to trying to help others or serve the gods, they all had a reason why they needed to take a [Priest Class], yes, even those who were forced by family or circumstances. You need to ask yourself why you need the [Class] and what part you need to play, though.”

He smiled at her warmly, “Based on the lesson you told me you learned you’ve already given that some thought. I did actually want you to be able to learn it, so I’m glad it sunk into that thick skull of yours eventually.”

He reached up and gently knocked on her head, then turned and started walking before she could retaliate.

“Follow me.”

Annoyed and confused, Verity followed Crimson down one of the hallways, the one on the right for the female gods. Verity’s shoes clacked on the stone and Crimson’s steps were oddly silent, per usual, as they passed a few rooms with great big statues in the center before entering the third one.

Looking around the room, there were bookshelves carved into each of the walls with fake stone books place on them, the ceiling had a mural depicting constellations and the ground beneath her feet was covered in mathematical formulas that had been carved into the stone.

Finally, in the center of the room was a statue three times as tall as she was standing on a plinth that came up to her waist with a small brazier in front of it. The statue was wearing a robe with a hood that obscured her eyes, but exposed her lips and the hair that spilled down it, as well as emphasizing her figure. She was holding a stone book in one hand and was making notes in it with a pen in the other.

“It’s said,” Crimson said, “that the Goddess of Wisdom uses her 'infinite wisdom’ to guess what will happen, then writes the future in her book, that she keeps a complete record of the past, present, and future and is overjoyed whenever someone comes along an upends her ability to guess the future. I don’t know how accurate that information is, but it’s interesting to think about.”

He glanced at Verity with a serious weight in his eyes, “I want you to imagine for a second that you live in a world where you don’t receive [The Blessing of the Gods], where you don’t know if the gods exist or not. In this world, you can’t prove that the gods exist and you can’t prove that they don’t, there are some people who claim that they do and follow the gods all their lives, but there are others who mock them for that belief.

“In this imaginary world, you can never be sure, and you will constantly ask yourself which it is. Do they exist? Don’t they? Should I worship them if they do? How am I supposed to worship? So many questions, so much uncertainty, and so much to try and convince you one way or the other.

“Verity, what side would you take? Would you stick with it? Even if people mock you for what you believe, even if they laugh at you, whether it be believing in the gods or not, can you stand by it forever? Would you regret it, rejoice in it? I want you to think about it for a bit.”

Verity thought for a second, then opened her mouth to respond, only to slowly close it when she saw Crimson place a finger over his mouth and make a low ‘shush.’

“Look,” he said, “I really hate just giving people answers. I love sharing information, but as I’ve worked with more and more people as a teacher I’ve found there’s far less joy in just giving an answer. When I leave hints for my students it means so much more when they find the answer themselves. For me and for them. There’s a lot I want you to learn today, and I’m not giving you answers, I’ll give you information, I’ll give you advice, and I’ll support you, but I will not make decisions for you. I have no use for a sheep who blindly follows everything I tell them to do without any will of their own.

“I want a party member, someone to trust and stand by me, who can help me see and notice things I’ve missed. I also want the best for you, I really do.”

It was touching how genuine he was. She could never actually remember hearing anything like that from anyone but her parents before. That was what trust was for him, she realized, an investment from both sides. Not just relying on each other selfishly with high expectations, but a genuine care for the other.

She felt a tear slide down her cheek and warmth flooded her chest. She only had one thing to say. Bowing deeply, she said, “Thank you.”

He glanced off to the side in embarrassment, “You don’t need to worry about it. Anyway,” he abruptly changed the subject, “I brought you in here for a reason. I want you to write a prayer to the Goddess of Wisdom.”

“A prayer?” She asked, “I’ve never written a prayer before!”

He waved casually at her, “Don’t worry so much about it, just write what you need wisdom for and anything else you want the Goddess of Wisdom to know, then burn it. Easy.”

He handed her a pen and paper, then stepped out of the room while refusing to tell her what exactly what to write. He even grabbed a curtain that had been hidden in a slot in the wall and pulled it over the entrance for privacy.

After hesitating a lot, she wrote out her prayer and burned it. Watching the flames curl around the paper, she watched as the sparks coming off it were flashing gold and green as they gently rose a few inches above the flame before disappearing. After the paper was completely consumed, the flames looked no different than normal ones, and she once more had that feeling that made her stay quiet earlier returned more strongly than ever, and she could finally identify it.

Reverence.

She bowed to the statue, then stepped into the hall where she found Crimson waiting.

“Finished?” He asked.

“Yeah,” she said.

They walked through the Temple together and Verity, with her decent [PER] stat of 14, heard people whispering about the bruise on Crimson’s neck, like she had all day that day. The thing she heard the most was anger toward whoever did it, nobody doubted that he was alright.

She hid a mischievous smile from Crimson and thought that she might have to return later to tell them where he got it. Those three would never be able to show their faces anywhere in Falst ever again.

After they split, she realized that she never asked Crimson why people would hate Halfs.

———

Goddess of Wisdom,

Please, help me live up to Crimson’s expectations.

I want to repay every bit of kindness he’s given me.

———

Later that night, Crimson stood on his bed and kicked his blanket ten times for every embarrassing line he’d said and moment he’d had that day. It took a while and his leg was extremely tired after finishing.