Chapter 18 - Facing Forward

Verity stared at the dark wood of the ceiling and took a few deep breaths to calm her nerves. She was standing in the hallway outside the Guild Library, prepared to enter the dungeon to confront the boss.

The irony of seeing Crimson as an existence similar to the boss of a dungeon wasn't lost on her. Just a few months ago, he was a weakling -still lacking even the [Blessing]- with some interesting skills and fascinating eyes that she could beat up in her sleep, but the current ache in her bones and muscles reminded her that the situation had been reversed. While he still lacked a [Blessing], she lacked a [Class], the backbone of a [Blessing].

She'd thrown it away.

Verity leaned forward with her arms folded tightly over her stomach and took yet another deep breath, before clenching her jaw and jerking upright, her hair whipping all over. No matter how long she waited or put it off, it wouldn't change what she had to do!

She forcibly twisted her lips into a smile, though it felt to her like nothing more than a vain attempt, and stepped into the library while trying to pretend with every single one of her actions that she was 'cheerful,' that she was 'her.'

It was exhausting, how had she ever moved like this so easily? She'd once been moving like this normally! Yet now, it felt not only tiring on her body, but her mind, and even down to her soul. It was only more draining once she reminded herself of the reason for the act: she needed Crimson's help.

He was the only one she could trust and rely on, and potentially the only one that could help fulfill her request. Were there others? Certainly, but she knew what kind of puppet strings would be attached to her if she went to them. She would lose a lot of what she wanted and needed to them. She would not be able to redeem herself on her own terms.

Doing her best to cheerfully bounce her way over to Crimson's "throne," the energy she was fakng faded away and she approached it with some measure of disappointment; he wasn't there yet.

Taking another deep breath, she gave up on the cheerful act and sat in her usual seat, but she couldn't sit still, her nerves were pushing her to twitch and fidget. She stood up and paced the room, flipped through a book about magic for a minute, then threw it back in irritation, and sat down in Crimson's seat.

What could she say to convince him to help her?

Sitting in his chair, she tried to imagine herself as him. How was he, normally? He was...focused. The first word to describe him could only be focused. Whatever he was doing was always given his utmost in time and attention, stealing that focus was one of the most difficult tasks.

Crimson was also extremely intelligent, though, he was a bit of an airhead. He had a way of parsing through information that always stunned her; she couldn't even imagine what it would be like to think like that, but if she had to deal with being air headed as a consequence, then she could deal with not being that smart.

He had this way of not noticing other people that made her scratch her head. If anyone meant him harm, he'd immediately be able to figure it out, but if they were taking a neutral or even positive stance against him then he'd have no clue. It was like he could only understand negative emotions.

From her time being around him, she knew that he didn't even notice the stares that followed him whenever he went in the guild. He probably didn't notice the weight of the rumors following him, even if he knew about them because of his tendency to hoard information. He certainly didn't know the impact he had on his students.

Yet, despite all the information he had, despite the intelligence he wielded, he still often made choices based on emotion. It was a fascinating thing to watch, and she'd only seen it happen a few times, but Crimson didn't always make the 'smartest' choice.

Usually, it was in smaller, almost insignificant details. His hatred of spears for one, or his love of delivery requests for another.

Crimson, with all his intelligence, wouldn't normally dismiss a weapon like a spear out of hand, it was an excellent weapon and a worthy contender for a main weapon, yet he dismissed it almost derisively. Wouldn't it be smarter to consider it thoughtfully? He'd certainly been thoughtful with every other weapon as far as she'd seen when they had both first arrived at the Falst Adventurer's Guild.

When they'd both first arrived, it had made sense for him to take delivery requests as well, it was a good fit for someone who was just starting out, but he should have swiftly moved on from them. The effort put in, for the money gained was not equivalent in the slightest.

Falst was a large city, running back and forth across it would be exhausting and the chance of getting lost or mugged were very high depending on the parts of the city he sprinted through, yet he kept taking those requests!

Verity certainly wasn't as smart as Crimson, but she definitely knew more about being an adventurer, he was doing nothing more than wasting time!

It was stuff like that that made her wonder how bad of an airhead he was…

Though...it...couldn't be said to be all bad, that same mentality made him take care of her even when she was...the way she was after losing Nayre and the rest of her friends. He was the one who kept her alive, the one who gave her a reason to think that she could keep living.

She needed to repay her debt to him...or at least, that was what she was telling herself, but in reality, she needed him a lot more than he needed her. He was the only ally she dared to face.

After that thought, it was like a [Curse] had set in, one to increase her heart rate and stress! What if she failed? She knew she had baggage! She was still scared! She didn't want to lose anyone else ever again!

That last thought...was probably part of the reason why she couldn't choose anyone but Crimson. No matter what happened, or what enemies they faced, she could never imagine Crimson dying like Nayre. He always worked hard to be competent. He pushed himself and was constantly working on something, an honest, earnest, and concentrated effort that could never be beaten.

It was after that thought that Verity realized that there was only one way to convince Crimson: telling him the truth. She'd have to match every inch of his hard work with hers. Any thoughts of faking cheer or hope, of pretending to be fine all disappeared, and in its place was raw determination.

She would even use 'that' as a trump card.

With a click, she heard the door open and the oddly muted rhythmic thump of shoes from Crimson's steps. Rounding the corner, he made eye contact with her and she mustered all her will not to flinch in the face of it, even as her doubts began surging once more in the back of her mind.

Speaking calmly, but firmly she said, “Hey Crimson, how are you doing?”

His slanted, silver eyes bored into hers, “I’m fine, the real question is: how are YOU doing?”

She nodded firmly, and the truth poured out of her lips, a little too fast, “I’m fine. I took your advice: I decided to think about the future. I asked myself: how could I stop everyone around me from dying again? I thought about it long and hard, too hard actually! It’s obvious: I need to get a healer [Class]!”

Crimson looked at her with a bemused expression, “Don’t you already have three [Classes]? I don’t think-“

She responded firmly, “Don’t worry about it, I already reset my [Blessing]. I want you to help me get a healer [Class] and in exchange I’ll be the healer for your party!”

The smile on his face was replaced by a look of shock, “You did what?”

Verity winced a little at his dumbfounded expression, then ploughed on, "Well, I knew that I couldn't get a healer [Class] for obvious reasons, but in the end this is the only thing I could think of!

"If I got rid of my old [Classes], I knew I could get a new one, and since you're teaching the [Brass] class I knew you could help me. You're also the only one I really trust around here, you won't do anything to...take advantage of me."

Internally, Verity winced at the desperation in her voice, along with the fact that she kept talking about 'her' not 'him.' While he sometimes operated on emotion, Crimson was mostly a logical creature. If she didn't do something to appeal to how she'd be of use to him, then she'd never be able to join his party. He'd probably help her since they were friends, but she'd never be able to stick with him.

As she opened her mouth to try and continue her desperate tirade Crimson spoke with a tired expression, "I believe that you had a whole host of other options before coming to me. Why then, did you do this?”

Panic rose in Verity’s chest, before it slowly began to disappear. After a moment, she said, “Because I did what I thought would make me happiest.” A bitter smile crossed her face as she continued without looking at Crimson, “I’ve always done what I thought would make me happy, I’ve been very true to my instincts and emotions, and I’ve always relied a little too much on my [Racial Skill], [Aura Viewing]. It’s been easy for me to know who to trust and who to hate, including you.

“When I first met you, I didn’t like you that much. Your Aura was a little sickening, full of pain and loss, and burning with a hunger that scared me, but at the same time you were so fascinating. Everything I saw that scared me was tempered by a strange and innocent kindness that you try to hide. You had such strong positive bonds with everyone you met, that fostered such good relationships. It wasn’t just everyone else though, your very existence encouraged me to be better, to become stronger, more reliable, trustworthy, and determined.

“I had been stuck at Lv.45 of [Martial Mastery] for five years, but the second I met you, got to know you, and saw the bonds you created, it Leveled Up. I was even able to hit Lv.50 in a very short time thanks to your help. You’ve done nothing but good for me, even for as much as you initially scared me.”

Verity laughed, then hiccuped as her vision misted over and tears started to roll down her cheeks, “It wasn’t even just me. Nayre, and the rest of my dear, dear comrades grew as well. You helped me, and I helped them. The impact you’ve had helped us all see the future where we fulfilled our dreams once more. You can laugh at me if you want, but I wanted to reach Level 60 and propose to my dear one. It was such a simple, silly little dream, but his parents wouldn’t approve if I wasn’t worthwhile, so I set out to become strong.

“All our dreams were quite similarly simple: making money, getting famous, going on adventures...the only really worthwhile dream among us all was Nayre’s. He wanted to be a hero and protect people from monsters. He wanted to be strong enough to walk into any Natural Dungeon and clear it without anyone getting hurt. He wanted to reach so much further than me, all the way to Level 100.”

Verity reached up and started brushing away her tears, when she looked up, she saw Crimson looking at her with concern, and a bit of anger. Focusing a little she activated her [Racial Skill], and rather than his face, she saw instead his Aura.

Since she’d reset her [Blessing], [Aural Reading] had reverted once more to [Aura Viewing]; it took a lot more effort and MP to use, was quite a lot less effective, and could only be used between her and a target instead of two separate targets, but it still helped her understand a few things. Any Aura could be defined by several colors, but there were primarily three colors she could consistently see: a color that represented them, a color that represented what emotion they were feeling, and a color that represented their relationship/perception of her. She could see more or less than that depending on her relationship with the target of the [Skill], but she was close enough to Crimson to see all three colors.

The color that represented him was easy: it was crimson, matching his name, and the reason why she’d eventually settled on calling him Red instead of Silver. The color representing his relationship with her was white, and finally the color representing the emotion he was feeling most predominantly was a sickly pale green.

White was a good color for a relationship. It represented a pure relationship without any ulterior motives.

This specific color of green was unease.

If things continued as they were, she’d fail to convince him.

The panic she kept trying to bury emerged once more, and she started speaking fast again, “I want to join your party because you can help me get everything I want, but it won’t just be a one sided relationship, if you help me then you’ll have a better healer, and you’ll be able to go further. You’ll be able to reach Level 100 if you side with me, and because of my [Aura Viewing] you’ll be able to find other party members who are trustworthy.

“So please,” she stood and kicked her chair out of the way to kneel on the ground, “please, let me into your party.”

------

Crimson stared at the top of Verity’s golden head. She was kneeling on the ground with her hands balled up on her knees. He could see that she was trembling and her breathing was bordering on hyperventilation.

If pressed, he couldn’t claim that recruiting Verity was a bad idea. She’d do what he said and would work hard, she was trustworthy and determined. Essentially, she was perfect. There was just one glaring issue.

Crimson wasn’t good for her.

He couldn’t fathom the reason, but she’d latched onto him hard enough to ignore other options like returning home or finding a different party to join. It might have been hard, but they were better options than resetting her [Blessing]. Yet she was begging him to allow her to join his party, not for them to form a party together, not for him to join hers, but for her to join his.

While simple, the phrasing was extremely important. It was a declaration of submission. If he’d been a well known or powerful adventurer, it would have made plenty of sense for a lot of people to ask, he’d even had plenty of offers from his own students to form a party together, but for Verity to do it made no sense from any angle, including the most important one.

It wasn’t like Verity to do that. She was prideful and cheerful, energetic and a bit scathing, merciless and kind. She wasn’t the type to submit, not like this. The Verity Crimson saw kneeling before him was...broken.

No surprise really, but the answer wasn’t joining him. He would only serve as a crutch, something to prevent her from ever healing. A more apt analogy would be a tourniquet, something that prevents death, but still deals permanent and crippling damage if it was the only thing that was relied on, instead of proper medical attention.

Crimson spoke in a very measured voice, “No.”

Was it easy to tell her that? No. It wasn’t. It cut him to the very core, he wanted to cry, he wanted to give her a big hug and tell her that she’d be the best healer ever, that they’d reach Level 100 together.

He continued as her body spasmed from the answer, “You need to go home. I’ll help pay the cost for some Gold ranks to escort you there.”

This was the best he could do…

Closing his eyes, he tried to steel himself both to her pain, and the sharp agony in his chest. He clutched the arms of his chair to try and stop his hands from trembling even harder than Verity’s and stayed like that for a long moment, before he was greeted with a series of cracking noises.

Confused by the noise, he opened his eyes in time to be met with a fist.

The impact resonated in his ears, snapped his head back, and knocked him out of his chair.

A low and menacing voice echoed in the room, “Don’t you dare pretend to know what’s best for me. Don’t you dare to reject me just because you think it’s ‘right.’ You know very well that I’m the best person to join your party. I’m hard working, talented, experienced, and we know how to work together.”

Looking up at Verity, her green eyes were still red from the crying she’d just been doing, but the rest of her face was red from rage. She reached down and grabbed him by the collar, then yanked him to his feet to get nose to nose with him.

“Stop acting all uppity and by the Goddess of Wisdom agree to form a party with me!”

Crimson couldn’t help it, a smirk crossed his face.

Without saying a word, he reached up and grabbed her collar as well, and tried to shove her away. When she tried to yank him back, he yanked as well and catapulted his forehead into hers with a loud crack of skulls smashing together, sounding almost like billiard balls striking each other, staggering Verity.

Admittedly, he was a little woozy from that maneuver too, he staggered a few steps, then stepped forward toward Verity who’d leaned over from being stunned to kick her on the side of her knee.

She wasn’t a former [Martial Artist] for nothing. Noticing what he was doing she stepped a little to the side to allow the kick to glance instead of hit dead on, then gave him an uppercut that he barely stopped from hitting him under the chin, but almost certainly bruised his forearms.

Back and forth they traded blows, holding nothing back as they did the best to beat their emotions into each other. It would have probably gone on much longer than it did, but the library door was suddenly knocked off its hinges and Sherry charged into the room.

“Stop! What are you two doing?!” she roared.

She stopped just shy of their fight and took a deep pull on her pipe, before blowing out. An invisible force caught hold of Crimson’s wrists and calves then yanked him to the other side of the room, the same happening to Verity on the opposing side.

He took a good look at the woman he’d just been fighting with. Her clothes were completely askew, but fortunately not showing anything important. She had blood running down her forehead, a broken nose, and bruises on pretty much every piece of available skin aside from her throat. He could also see her favoring one leg over the other.

He was in worse shape. One of his eyes was currently swelling and he was having to take short, shallow breaths because she’d winded him. He could tell from a lot of prior experience that he’d broken several ribs and at least one of the bones in his right arm, in addition to having a layer of bruises just as thick as hers.

Despite it all, he couldn’t help the big grin that crossed his face once more and he told Verity, “I…*gasp*...will...consider...your application.”

He got a grin full of literal blood in response as she responded while out of breath, “That...offer...has passed, I’ll make you beg to join my party.”

Crimson was overjoyed. The pathetic, whining, simpering Verity was long gone. While she might not have completely recovered from her grief and whatever trauma she had, she could and would bounce back, and he’d make sure that she would bounce back stronger than ever.

“I think we’ll have to meet each other halfway on this one.” Crimson said, “And we’ll place the decision on hold for now, I don’t even have a [Blessing] after all is said and done, but,” he made direct eye contact with her and pushed with all his intent to show his sincerity, “I’ll help you make your dream come true, and as many of the dreams of your fallen comrades that you want to take up.”

Verity didn’t flinch in response to his eye contact as she responded, “You cocky goblin, if you’re going to throw yourself at me like that, how can I say no? Fine, we’ll ‘wait’ to make the official decision until after you get your [Blessing].”

“Would you two care to explain what in the world you two are talking about?” Sherry asked in her usual drawl, “What was going on up here?”

Crimson shrugged at her, ignoring the flash of pain through his arm, “Nothing special, just a little communication.”

Verity laughed, “Yup, that’s all that’s going on here, you can let us go now.”

Sherry looked back and forth between them a few times before throwing her arms up into the air, “Fine, you can ‘communicate’ or fight all you want, just make sure you do it outside in the training field, not here. I expect you two to clean up your entire mess, pay for damages, and never do this again! And yes, you’ll pay to fix the door too!”

Crimson looked at the damaged room for the first time. The damaged items totaled: one smashed chair, a few shelves on a bookcase broken, and approximately 30 books scattered across the floor. Plus some blood scattered around...and the door that Sherry had broken.

He did feel a twinge of guilt over the books sitting on the ground, but he couldn’t say that they were more important than the moment he’d just had with Verity.

The force holding him and Verity disappeared, and he slowly walked over her to start using [Treatment: Purity] on her wounds. It took almost twenty minutes for him to finish healing her, as she started to bug him about teaching her how to use the spell, then it took a further hour to heal himself.

Once he was finished, they looked around the room, and started cleaning.