I sat on the edge of my bed, watching the pile of books on my desk balefully. My new private tutor would arrive tomorrow and father said that I should read ahead to impress him, but I was sick of reading books. Could anyone fall ill because of reading too much? It felt so. Perhaps I should tell father that I was sick.

There was a knock on my window. I turned around in a hurry, finding a pretty dark-skinned girl grinning at me from the other side. She was holding a small box in one hand and waving it at me with the other.

“My parents are gonna be angry if they find you here,” I whispered, opening the window.

“So make sure they don’t find me,” Sarah said as she climbed in. She smiled at me mischievously. “Hi, Randel.”

“Hi, Sarah.”

“I came to cheer you up,” she said. “Can you get the comic book I brought last time?

My smile turned sour.

“The cleaning lady threw it out,” I said. “It’s my fault. Mother had warned me that anything not in its proper place will go to the garbage … and I forgot to put it away.”

“Oh,” Sarah said, hesitating. “That sucks. But, umm, anyway … this time I brought something even better! Look!”

She opened the small box she was carrying, revealing one of those small handheld gaming consoles I always wished I could have.

“Woah…”

“It has the same game that you saw in the comic book,” Sarah proudly said. “So, would you like to play?”

It was a single-player game, but that hadn’t stopped Sarah from bringing it over each and every time to play it together … up until the day my mother finally found out what was happening. I blinked, then took a step back from child-Sarah’s frozen image. Repeated exposure to Devi’s Dreamcatcher had made me increasingly aware of my dreams, allowing me to take control once I fully realized what was going on. It was a really useful skill to have, now that Devi was sharing my dreams. For some reason I kept having a dream where both she and Sarah lied in my bed—naked. I wasn’t someone who got easily embarrassed, but I had my limits.

It was a lot of trust I had extended to Devi by sharing my dreams. More trust than I had ever given to anyone in my life. Like many other things these days, it made me feel conflicted. Magic powers. Evil shades. These were extraordinary circumstances, and I told myself that letting Devi in was necessary. She was helping me here, ostensibly. I just wished she appreciated it a bit more.

I knew it sounded selfish. She was trying to help me, so shouldn’t I be the one who was thankful? But even so, I didn’t think Devi realized how difficult it was for me to keep doing this. With a twist of my will I made the frozen image of child-Sarah disappear, then looked around in the room. In my room, technically, though I never really considered this dull and lifeless room as truly mine. Everything that interested me was stocked away in Sarah’s home. The room around me looked larger and emptier than it actually had been in real life, but the Dreamcatcher was doing a very good job of visualizing why I hated this place so much.

“It reminds me of my childhood,” Devi spoke from beside me, making me flinch.

“So you keep telling me,” I said. “Knowing that you had it just as bad won’t make me feel better.”

“That’s not my point,” Devi said. “I don’t think that I had just as bad. I had my attendants, at least.”

“I had attendants too,” I grumbled, walking to the window. All I saw outside was horrible, endless darkness.

Devi sighed. “I just wanted to start a conversation.”

I stared at the churning blank canvas beyond the window, saying nothing.

“Randel—”

“Sorry,” I said.

“No offense taken.”

I heard her walk up to me, and at the same time I started to see more and more details in the dark. Rolling storm clouds hiding a sickly pale sun. Crimson sand dunes and hardened earth, rocks marred by acid. A glowing green line split the ground apart in the distance, indistinct monstrous shapes prowling around it.

Devi’s homeland, Ylvasil.

“Great,” I remarked. Bleeding bitterness. The Dreamcatcher was really unapologetic about bringing up the past, wasn’t it? Devi came to my side, locking arms with me as she rested her head on my shoulder. We watched the barren landscape for a while before she spoke again.

“It is great, you know. The Tear is one of God’s greatest wonders. It provides glow-crystals, and the glow-crystals provide life. I often dreamed about joining the scavenger corps that gathered them.”

“To prove yourself?”

“Well, it certainly was not for the greater good. And not because of glory either. Mostly, I just wanted to join because it was dangerous. I wanted to feel alive when my life is in danger. Strange, right?”

“Not particularly,” I said. “I can kind of understand why you’d feel that way.”

She squeezed my arm a little tighter.

“Sometimes I think that I’m a man trapped in a woman’s body.”

I tilted my head, watching her cling to my arm.

“I don’t think that’s the case, Devi,” I said. “You are just not very good at being Sylven—and I mean that in the best possible way.”

“Oh? Afraid that I’ll start courting women, are you?”

“Uh … of course not. I’m afraid of nothing.”

“Except waking up early.”

“Except your cooking.”

She gasped. “That’s horrible! But don’t worry, I’ll help you face your fear.”

“Yeah, that’s what I feared.”

“Now you’re just outright lying.”

“Ah. Guilty and caught,” I admitted. I drew back a bit to look into Devi’s twinkling amber eyes. “But thank you. Don’t think I haven’t realized what you’re doing.”

“Oh?” Devi asked, her soft blue lips curling up in a smile. “Feeling better?”

“Much,” I said, looking away self-consciously. Stupid dream. I could have sworn it made her look even more attractive than she was. So radiant. So much stronger than I was. She had her insecurities too, yet it was only my mask that kept slipping during these dreams. How? I had no idea how she did it, how she kept smiling.

It didn’t last forever. Shadows shifted behind me in the room and Devi tensed up. I turned, noting the flowing, inky shapes that emerged from the white walls of the room, silent and seeking. Like moths to a flame, the shades residing in Soul Eater always found their way into my dreams. Always. They were about as intelligent as moths too, fluttering aimlessly as if unsure what to do.

Shades were alien beings. Truly alien—not like Sylven were to humans, but something way more incomprehensible altogether. The frustrating part was that even though they lived in my head, I had only the barest understanding of what they were. I was left with only a handful of feelings, memories of their thoughts while they possessed me.

Shades were immortal entities that existed in the Astral Plane—a parallel dimension to our Material World. They held the memories of everyone they had ever possessed, but on their own they were … broken. I didn’t know why. The second shade sure as hell hadn’t seemed broken when I fought it in the Dungeon, and the one that had originally been in Soul Eater didn’t have trouble manipulating me either. But here, in this mindscape formed by the Dreamcatcher, they were mindless and lost.

“Shall I?” I asked Devi as one of the shades drifted closer to us. The shades weren’t able to merge with her, but they could hurt her mind. I wasn’t going to repeat the mistake of allowing them to get close to her again.

“Go ahead,” Devi said, letting me go. I stepped forward to confront the shade, touching its substance with a hand. Like ink on dry paper it seeped into my body, and then we walked across the room to collect the other shade as well.

“Still haven’t given up, huh?” we said, walking back to Devi. We quickly recalled everything that had happened in this dream before, noting that we hadn’t missed anything important.

“We don’t have to be enemies,” Devi said. “Our objectives are the same: to be free.”

A change of tactics it seemed like, since the Sylven woman had been overtly confrontational so far. We grinned, our human side enjoying this angle.

“That is true,” we said, turning to gaze out of the window. We were able to see Devi’s reflection in the glass—an impressive imagery for a dream. “The only reason we haven’t murdered you yet is that our objectives are the same, just like you said. You’re useful to us, Devi. Keep it that way, and we might just overlook these annoying dream-interviews of yours.”

We saw Devi’s reflection waver, reaching for her side where she usually kept her dagger. Taking comfort in the presence of her weapon? She was a Sylven down to her bones, gender notwithstanding. We found it fascinating how quickly she got used to carrying a weapon and reaching for it whenever she felt herself in danger.

“You don’t scare me,” Devi said. “I know you find these conversations useless, but if we could just talk—”

“But we cannot just talk,” we interrupted her. “You’re using a device created by the Pheilett to communicate with us. Do you seriously believe that our conversation will remain between the two of us? Foolish mortal. There’s nothing you can do to free us, and any word we share with you will get into a Pheilett database. Talking to you is pointless.”

“But—”

“I’m going to call you Tamie,” I said, looking at my reflection in the window.

“What?” our reflection and Devi asked at the same time.

“I’m talking to you, second shade,” I said. “You’re a bit like Tamara. Stiff and paranoid and a real schemer. Your plan to lure Players into the Dungeon sucked, but I have to give you some credits for trying.”

Now that I looked closer, my reflection seemed to have some feminine qualities to it. Its hair was longer too, almost like Tamara’s. She didn’t look very happy with my remarks.

“Sure,” my reflection said, narrowing her eyes at me in a suspicious manner. Yeah, I had been right about the similarities. Now all I needed was her to insult me!

“We can still read your mind, dumbass,” my reflection said.

“What is happening?” Devi asked.

“Our host has decided to exercise his mind a little,” my reflection turned to Devi. Instead of feminine, it looked old now. “About time, I say. That’s the only noteworthy thing about him, yet he uses it so rarely.”

“First off,” I said, holding up a finger, “I use my head all the time. You couldn’t even imagine how many brilliant thoughts I have in my head!”

“I can, actually,” my reflection dryly noted.

“Secondly,” I moved on, “I’m going to call you Lee because you look like an elderly martial artist. Like a hermit up on the mountain, teaching sick moves to his disciples.”

My reflection had quite a few wrinkles by now, and his bearing visibly changed. When did its hair turn white? Damn, I was going to look impressive in my old age.

“I take that as a compliment,” Lee said, his voice serene. Tamie’s image appeared next to him in the window’s reflection, looking none too happy. I could understand why; back when we fought in the Dungeon, Lee had totally kicked her ass in hand-to-hand combat!

“I know what you’re doing,” Tamie said. “You’re trying to turn us against each other. Not going to work, I warn you.”

“You said you can read my mind,” I said, leaving the sentence unfinished. I didn’t need to say anything else, because by now she must have known that I hadn’t been complimenting one and insulting the other to drive a wedge between them; I had just shared my honest thoughts without any ulterior motives. Tamie had to be aware that her statement was incorrect. One-upping an immortal being was not an everyday achievement, and I felt proud of it. Tamie scowled at me but remained silent.

“Randel, what is happening?” Devi spoke up, both happy and confused about this newest development. All three of us turned our head to her at once and the illusion was gone, our reflections disappearing. We had forgotten about ourselves for a moment, and now the Pheilett had even more valuable data on us.

“It’s time to wake up,” we said, then with a twist of our will we ended the dream.

I awoke in the darkness, my head throbbing with a dull headache.

“No!” Devi hissed, slapping at my chest—and triggering my Shadeform. For a brief moment, I saw nothing and heard nothing. I choked as I gasped for air in vain. My body felt light, hovering between the Astral Plane and the Material World with only a vague, tingling sensation where Devi’s hand and my blanket passed through my body. It was over in a moment. Devi drew back her arm, the blanket fell onto the bed, and I could breathe again. I opened my eyes to give Devi a disgruntled look—but it was too dark to see. I reached for the runes on the wall to turn the lights on, then gave her a disgruntled look.

“Apologies,” she said, though I had a feeling that it wasn’t hitting me that she regretted but wasting my Shadeform. I got a single use per day, which meant that my only chance to experiment today was gone.

“It’s fine,” I said, yawning. I made a bleary mental note to tell Devi later that domestic violence in the morning was not okay.

“It’s just so … frustrating,” she said. “We get nowhere with the shades. You should try harder to stop them from waking you up!”

“It’s two against one,” I said. “They can do whatever they want.”

“You don’t even try.”

“Yeah. It’s difficult to, when I actually agree with them. I don’t want to give the Inspectors anything I don’t have to.”

Devi huffed, but she didn’t argue. We had different opinions about the Inspectors, but we had agreed to disagree. She viewed them more like literal gods whose whims we had to live with. I hated that idea, but if that was what she wanted to believe I wasn’t going to stop her.

I sat up and leaned against the headboard. My eyes lingered on Devi just an arm’s reach away, her posture graceful even while sulking. Tousled silvery hair, delicate nose sprinkled with freckles, large amber eyes that would have looked just a bit too odd on a human. Beautiful. She noticed my gaze and returned it with quiet intensity.

We did this sometimes, just silently admiring each other. I had told her that there were many human men out there who looked better than me, but all she ever replied was that the same was true for Sylven women. I didn’t find that as a compelling argument, but if she liked to look at me, who was I to say no? She obviously liked me just as much as I liked her.

“What is it?” Devi asked, smiling coyly. “I can see that you want to say something.”

“Oh, you know how it is sometimes.”

“Let me guess, too much genius in your head?”

“Too much of you,” I replied. “You know what? At the risk of sounding like a romantic fool, I’d like to tell you that you’re gorgeous.”

Devi’s smile widened, and she leaned closer. I couldn’t stop my eyes from wandering a bit—from the sensual arch of her neck to the slightly askew hem of her nightgown. For Sylven women it was quite normal to show some skin, and I was once again reminded that it was only by my request that Devi wore the nightgown at all.

“Randel, I don’t know much about human romance,” she whispered as if sharing a secret, “but I truly wouldn’t mind if you tried a little harder at courting me.”

“Really?” I distractedly said. “And whatever would I do that for, Miss I’m-too-free-to-get-married?”

“It’s good for a lady’s ego, you see.”

“Sure I do,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You’re very gorgeous, Devi. There, better?”

“Mmm. I’ll take it for now. You’re lucky I’m so easy to please!”

She drew back and got off the bed, which immediately made me suspicious.

“Where are you going?”

“Getting ready,” she said. “We are going to train really hard today.”

“No way,” I said. “I’m going back to sleep. It’s way too early o’clock.”

I lay back down in protest and surprisingly she let me. I tucked my arms beneath my head, watching through half-closed eyelids as she bustled around in the kitchen. Perhaps I should have complimented her more often. Was that the secret of sleeping in? Nerilia was a harsh world, and I needed every little survival tactic just to stay alive without coffee.

“I’m going to cook breakfast,” Devi said, which sent a shiver through me. Our room still smelled like burnt soup.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I asked, wondering if there was a way to compliment her out of this decision.

Devi ignored my question, of course. With how quick of a learner she was, it probably wouldn’t take long until she became a master chef … but until then, I got to test my theory about Players never getting sick from what they ate. I sighed, then jumped a bit as I noticed the black ball of fur next to me. Nosy had taken over Devi’s warm spot on the bed, stretching lazily in his stealth-form. It was his favorite form for the nights, but he preferred his fire attunement during the day. He had developed quite a lot since I freed him from Yorg’s cage, growing to the size of a small panther. Still criminally cute, though!

“Hey there, big boy,” I mumbled, running my fingers through his fur. “You wanna taste Devi’s breakfast too?”

Nosy let out an eager growl, flashing a set of sharp canines at me. Oh, how innocent! He didn’t know what he had just signed up for. I watched with amusement as he got up and bounded toward Devi, looking up at her. He extended his elastic tongue – which could stretch out as long as his entire body – and quested with it atop the kitchen counter. It looked weird, but at least he wasn’t jumping up to the counter anymore. Devi reprimanded Nosy, but she opened the latch of the stove so that he could stick his tongue inside. The cat snatched a piece of ember to kick off the transformation into his favorite fire form. I imagined painting a picture of Nosy and Devi at that moment, but with sunlight shining through the living room windows. It would have looked so idyllic. A fragile dream.

I worried that I wasn’t taking good care of Nosy. I feared that people would mistake Nosy for the Dungeon’s boss monster. An exotic beast following the Dungeon Master around; it was inevitable that people would jump to conclusions. This city was no place for Nosy anyway, and yet … I had once taken him to the forest to set him free only to find him in my bed a day later. I wasn’t able to break the Pet bond between us.

Nosy’s affection baffled me just as much as Devi’s. He was way too loyal and well-behaved for a wild animal, to the point that I wondered whether he was an agent of the Inspector. I wasn’t sure what I would do if I found out that he was fake. Admittedly, I had no actual idea how smart elemental panthers tended to be; for all I knew, they were akin to wingless dragons. And dragons were super-intelligent, obviously.

“Gonna draw some furry dragons sometime,” I whispered, staring at the ceiling. I let my imagination loose, flitting from one idea to another. So many things have happened lately—how could I even focus on any one of them? It had been so much simpler back before we had found the Dungeon. We had a distinct goal: reaching Fortram. That had been all I needed to worry about. Now, however? Now I had to face myself.

“I don’t even know what I’m doing,” I said. “What am I doing this for?”

“Doing what?” Devi asked, rooting around in the fridge – preservation cabinet, actually – while trying to keep Nosy from poking his tongue in.

“Doing this Dungeon Master thing. Do I need all the trouble that comes with it? I don’t think so. All I want is … well, all I want is to get some rest. I want to get away from all these stupid Quests and Abilities and responsibilities and just … do my thing.”

Devi closed the cabinet and turned sharply to me.

“That’s not what you truly want.”

“No?” I asked, yawning. “Then what is it you think I want?”

“Acceptance.”

“Hmm?”

“You want to be recognized and accepted,” Devi said. “You’re lonely. Me too. You and I are similar, seyroh-kael.”

I couldn’t come up with a retort in time and so Devi turned back to her cooking. She knew that calling me soul mate made me uncomfortable. She didn’t say it as often as she would have, just whenever she wanted to make a point. I frowned. She was projecting quite a lot of herself into me, wasn’t she? She liked to do that, to talk as if we were bound to be together. It was a nice sentiment that the artist in me enjoyed, but ultimately I preferred to be more realistic. Did I want acceptance? I didn’t need to be accepted by anyone; I was completely fine on my own.

“Good joke,” we said to ourselves.

Well, whatever. This had been way too much philosophy for one morning already—and worse yet, I wasn’t even sleepy anymore. I stretched my right leg, then got up and hopped over to where my left leg was propped against the wall. I felt strangely … forlorn. Devi’s comment was getting under my skin more than I would have liked. As I struggled to clasp my mechanical leg on, I did my best to concentrate on the task and shut any lingering sentiments out. I had to stay focused. I had a Dungeon to manage, I had shades in my head, and I had people coming for my head.

Before all that however, I had one more challenge to face: breakfast. I stood up and teleported my spoon to my hand. Because even if I was unsure what I wanted to do with my life, I knew what I wanted to do next.

“Let me help you,” I said, joining Devi in the kitchen.

One step at a time.