How I Met Your Monster #38

Andrea

Profile:

Andrea, 45

Oracle

Likes: Surprises

Dislikes: Next year's New York new year's eve celebration musical guest line up

Bio:

I wish two hundred and six of you had swiped left instead

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I will say that initially I did not come across Andrea on Unhinged. I asked for her information on the walk to my office for the header of this post. Instead, I was leaving a bakery where I had just purchased some bread for the week and she stopped me and pointed, loudly exclaiming, "YOU SHALL MEET YOUR MAKER!"

Obviously, this piqued my curiosity so I asked her if he would want to come back to my office for an interview. She said it was a horrible pick up line as my office was really just a room in my apartment, but she foresaw that I was perfectly harmless and followed along with me anyway. I put the fresh loaf in the breadbox in my kitchen as she walked to my office like she had been there before.

"So, what do you mean that I'm going to meet my maker? Are you saying that I'm going to die soon?"

She cackled. No better way to describe it. It sent a chill up my spine, "No, not at all. Well, maybe. I guess it will depend on how the conversation goes. No, you will meet the one who created you."

"Like, a god or something?"

"That's way too big. Just don't worry about it until it happens."

"If you didn't want me to worry about it, why would you shout at me in the middle of the sidewalk? I mean, it kind of makes it so that the thought stays in my head."

She nods as if understanding, "I don't really care. I know stuff all the time. Constantly. It's rather annoying. But I just have to ignore it and continue on with my life."

"So, you're like a psychic?"

"Kind of! But instead of knowing the lottery numbers or pretending to talk to your dead cat, I know things that will drastically change the way people will experience the world."

I sighed, "Okay, well. Since you're here, do you want to do an interview?"

"For your little blog? Sure! I'm on Unhinged because I have a few people I need to warn about upcoming doom that don't ever really move their faces from that app. Just on it all day and night, swiping this way and that, judging people. One of them swiped left on her true love because she didn't like the lighting in his picture."

"Will she ever find him?"

Andrea shrugs, "It depends on what she does. The app can be self-destructive in the wrong hands. So many people have the thought of, 'well maybe the next one will be better'. And then they keep doing that over and over and miss out on tons of possibilities."

"So, do you just focus on doom?"

"It's mostly what I see. Things that have the potential to drastically change the way someone looks at life. Or even events that will change everybody's lives. I can see some smaller things. I know that you'll forget about that bread you bought and it will mold. I know what my cousin will be making for dinner next week. But mostly I know about bigger things, like that the mayor will be cornered into a deal with the mob if he doesn't cough up their protection money soon. But if he does or figures out a way around it, I'm sure it will be fine. That's the thing about fate. It can be changed if you put in the work."

"So, my maker may kill me?"

"Like I said, I think it'll depend more on you. Your maker seems like a decent enough guy. He may just hear you out for all I know. He may even help you in the right circumstance. Can't really pinpoint any specifics honestly. Which is odd."

"So you can't tell me any specifics besides the fact that he'll show up?"

"Not really, no. I seem to be forgetting a few things. Like, I remember knowing more, but it's all of a sudden patchy. Like I'm saying too much and someone is plucking pieces from my mind."

I looked at her and noticed that her face was growing pale and her expression seemed worried. I opened up the window, and offered to go grab a glass of water. Before I left the kitchen, there was a shift in the air. It felt like I was going dizzy, but my head stayed clear. It was more external. I walked back and handed it to her.

"Feeling any better?"

"Yeah, I feel great!" She said, suddenly full of energy and life. "I don't know what that was all about but everything is a-okay now!"

"Alright, um, good!" I said. "So, what else do you do as an oracle? Or is it something that just happens from time to time?"

"Oracle?" she said. "I'm not an oracle. I'm just a regular old human. You said that you were interviewing for a website designer to add some splash to your blog."

"Oh, yeah. I had been thinking about that, but I forgot I set up the interview."

Andrea looked worried, "Are you okay, man? You want the rest of this water?"

I started to feel sick, like the external dizziness was back, but as soon as I shook it off, I felt instantly better.

"You okay?" Andrea asked again.

"Yeah, something weird must have came through and hit both of us. Anyway, where were we? Do you have a portfolio?"

I will end this interview here for you, dear readers. Obviously Andrea worked well as a website designer, but I won't bore you to death with the details. This blog is about interviewing non-humans, which Andrea is not. Anymore, at least. She very much was going into it. I'm not sure what happened, but something shifted in the atmosphere that changed everything. I even slyly looked up her Unhinged info, but it was gone. I'm at a bit of a loss, but there's not much I can do with the information I have as of now.

I wonder if it has anything to do with my 'maker' that she was talking about. I guess whenever they decide to show up, I'll have to remember to ask. If not them, then I may have some other problems on my hands. Anyway. Until next time.

-Silas D.