How I Met Your Monster #36

Bev

Profile:

Bev, 39

Halfling

Likes: A good old fashioned home cooked meal, relaxing and enjoying the day

Dislikes: Short jokes

Bio:

Do you like to sit and smoke your pipe and a nice cup of tea? Then you may just be who I am looking for.

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Outside of the city where I live, there's a small village. In the village there are several homes built into small hills that line the cobblestone streets. The homes are rounded, as are the large wooden doors. And in the holes, there lives a halfling. Unless they decide to live with family, most homes are only occupied by one. I often came to this village due to their friendly nature and the fact that they have one of the absolute best markets. I found myself swinging by said market on my way to Bev's house.

I knocked on her door, which promptly swung open, revealing a short woman with curly brown hair and simple clothes for gardening. Her feet were bare, as halflings had strong soles on their feet, with wisps of brown hair lining the top of it. She offered me a spot on the bench outside of her home, as she didn't want my height in her house to be uncomfortable for me. Plus, as she said, it was time to smoke her pipe, which she lit up and puffed away on throughout the interview.

"I almost thought you would be late," she said.

"A journalist is never late. He arrives precisely when he wants to."

"Ah, I couldn't do that. I am very keen on keeping to my schedule. Hob-." She paused, not wanting to piss off the Tolkien estate, "Halflings need structure, or we would all go mad."

"There's nothing wrong with that. I've just gotten used to wrenches being constantly thrown into my plans."

She laughed between puffs of smoke, "Better you than me, I must say. So, I see you got some things from the market. I hope you didn't buy any of Mary's cheeses. She never shuts up when she makes a good sale."

I must admit I did buy some of the cheese. It was typically the main reason I came to the market in the first place. However, I shook my head and slid a loaf of bread over to hide the cheese. It is unwise to meddle in the affairs of halflings.

"Good," she said. "So, what do you want to know."

"Well, I want to know more about you. Human readers are interested in the various users of the app. I'm also curious why you are using it and what exactly are you looking for."

She nodded, "I have to say, as much as it pains me, that this village bores me. I am used to the simple things and I want to continue down that path in life, but the other halflings do not pique my interest. I thought maybe I could meet someone on the app, but a lot of the other users are very ambitious folk."

"And you of course are looking for someone who likes a nice, quiet evening."

"Absolutely. A good book, a pipe full of tobacco, and a cup of tea. What better? I tried going into the city to meet people, but the hustle and the bustle turned me away almost instantly. The app was a godsend. I would be able to meet people without leaving the comforts of home."

"Are you looking to potentially have a family."

She grimaced at this, "I would rather not. Children are loud, dirty, squalling things. Companionship is where the buck ends for me. I'm getting to where I'm almost willing to just buy a cat, honestly."

"Why's that?"

"I have had little to no success. Sure, I get matches all the time, but none of them really seem to get what I'm going for here. Hob- HALFLINGS want quiet. Even the ones with children teach their kids as soon as possible that relaxation is key. A nice, quiet, comfortable life. A lot of the users I've explained this to have called me boring."

"I get it. I mean, it's not the life for me, but sometimes a little bit of relaxation is much needed."

"Quite."

She finished her pipe before dumping out the ashes in a small cannister next to the bench. She then excused herself and returned with two cups of tea. I took one, thanked her, and took a sip."

"Have you tried looking for halflings in other villages? I mean, the app has users all around the globe. I'm sure there are other halflings out there."

"That's the weird bit. I haven't seen too many on the app. I'm sure most have resigned themselves to stay within their villages, but I do know that there are a lot of them that seek adventure, if you can believe it. A fool's errand, I must say. But alas, it is what it is until it isn't. I will continue my gardening and my crocheting and read my books. Hopefully, someone worth the time will come along."

"I hope so, for your sake. You seem like you know exactly what you want. That is very respectable. But what exactly are you holding out for, Bev?"

"That there's someone good in this world, Mr. Silas. And he's worth waiting for."

Sometimes, dear readers, it is very respectable to hold out for the things you truly want and need in this life. Often, we tend to settle for something convenient, or compromise on what it is that we truly desire. But, if we stick to it, and we fight for what we want, then maybe, just maybe, it'll come our way. I wish Bev the best of luck, and I hope that she gets exactly what she wants in this life. Even though I have grandeur plans of my own, I can relate to dreams of a comfortable, content life. There is nothing wrong with that in the slightest. Don't let someone talk you out of what you want. Stick to it. Work for it. Hope. Dream. These are important things. Until next time.

-Silas D.