How I Met Your Monster #05

Finder Lass

Profile

Finder-Lass, 26

Superhero

Likes: Justice, smoothies

Dislikes: Thieves

Bio:

Hello, citizens! It is I, Finder Lass! I spend my days and nights searching for lost goods, but one thing I haven’t been able to find is love. Looking for long-term relationship. You will have to understand that my duties as a superhero will often take priority.

I’ve never been to a smoothie shop before. I don’t drink a lot of smoothies. Dear readers, I don’t know what that truly says about me. I got the strawberry-banana to play it safe, and sat down at a table, realizing that this was the first time that I’ve been the first to arrive. You may be asking yourself, Silas, why does that matter? It doesn’t. Just wanted to point that out.

The smoothie shop is super busy, which is mind boggling to me, but after taking a few sips of my own, I could see the appeal. I was trying to keep track of people coming in and out, but soon found myself getting on Unhinged and swiping more potential interviews. I didn’t even notice that Finder Lass was there until she sat across from me.

I looked up and put my phone down on the table, “I am so sorry, Finder Lass. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

She beamed, “It is no problem, citizen!”

“Um, please. Silas.”

“And you can call me Finder,” she said with a grin, her voice lowering to an octave more suitable for an indoor place.

“Finder, fantastic. Well, firs-actually. What kind of smoothie do you have there?”

“Kale and carrot. It’s a favorite.”

I grimaced, “Neat. Anyway, what made you decide to try out Unhinged?”

“I was actually one of the first users. As you probably know, there are a lot of us with superpowers. Only the super impressive ones stand out and get dates, but people don’t realize that even us little heroes are busy. I tried human dating sites, but a lot of guys don’t like how often I’m gone. I was hoping someone on Unhinged would be able to understand that.”

I nodded, taking a sip of my smoothie. I might become a regular, “And I believe your profile said something about looking for a long term relationship?”

She smiled. With the half mask and the bright body suit, you couldn’t see much of her. A giant FL painted the front of her orange and red outfit, and the mask covered her hair. She had great teeth though. And was clearly used to running around all day.

“That’s right, Silas. When I was on those human dating sites, most of the guys just wanted to hook up to say they slept with a superhero. That’s not really the scene for me. After a long day, I just want to come home to someone I can curl up with.”

“I can understand that Finder. Sometimes, it’s difficult to balance our needs.” I ordered another smoothie, this time grabbing a tray to throw everything away when I was done.

“What are you looking for, Silas? Maybe I can help you find it?” Her voice was on the edge of sultry, like she was trying to feel me out. I quickly weighed my options. Was I looking to for anything or just trying to maintain getting a paycheck? The elven princess and I had fun, but that wasn’t a relationship thing. And after my last relationship, I don’t think I was ready for anything long term.

“I’m sorry, Finder. As much as I am single, I’m just not ready for anything serious. Last time was pretty rough for me.”

She smiled sadly, “Damn. Guess we crossed paths at different times in our lives.”

Something beeped on her waist and she pulled out what looked like a beeper. She read whatever was on the display screen. She then placed her palms firmly on the table, and her eyes rolled to the back of her head. She pulled out a smartphone and texted someone real quick. Then she glanced at me, and laughed embarrassed.

“Um, can I ask?” I said.

“Sure. Someone stole a diamond from a jeweler. The cops were trying to find it. Luckily, it’s about a block away from here or I would have to leave and go look.”

Sure enough, sirens approached and cop cars sped by the front window. Myself and the other customers watched as they sped by. I looked back at Finder.

“Well done, then. Handy super power to have.”

She kept up her smile, but looked glum. “I guess,” she said. “Yeah, I never lose anything I need, but it’s only helpful if an item goes missing. I also have to be really close to where it is, so I spend a lot of time just wandering around looking for stuff. Ninety percent of the time, I help people find their car keys.”

I gather up everything in front of me and place it on the tray. A waitress walks by and tosses it in the garbage for me. We thank her.

“That’s still super helpful though. You’ve probably never lost your car keys, but it can be one heck of a burden. I looked for mine for an hour once and missed a job interview that could’ve completely changed my life. It may seem small, but what you’re doing is really helping people.”

This time, her smile was less bittersweet, “Thank you, Silas. And for the record, I’m glad you missed that interview. You might not have ever started this project and I wouldn’t have heard such great advice. Plus, smoothies.”

“You know I’ve never had one before? This is delightful.” We chuckle at that and her waist beeps again. She checks, does her thing, then shakes her head.

“I have to go. Thank you for speaking with me today, Silas.”

“Anytime, Finder.” She’s halfway out the door when I realize I can’t find my phone. I look around for it, and Finder Lass sprints back into the restaurant. She reaches into the trashcan and pulls it out, handing it to me.

“Thank you, Finder Lass. You’re a life saver.”

“All in a day’s work, citizen!” She takes back off.

So, there it is, dear reader. Not only my first trip to a smoothie joint, but my first date with one of our city’s finest superheroes. If you’re looking for something long term and have some patience, reach out to her. I know humans still don’t have access to Unhinged, but she has a very active twitter account. You’ll also always be able to find stuff, which would be a great power to have if you’re like me. I mean, I really let my phone get thrown away like it’s not my main access to the world around me.

Also, check out St. Marco’s Smoothies on 6th street. That place is amazing. I’m definitely going back to try out some of the other flavors. Not kale though. Never kale . . .

-Silas D.