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“Oh come on, how could you not ask?!” Jane kicks the back of my seat.

I smirk in the rearview mirror, “I got his number, I could text him. Something about one of the kids wanting to bug him with more questions.”

The redhead sulks against the window, “No, I don’t want to bother someone like that.”

Naomi sighs from the front passenger seat, “He told me about the Squirtle last new years, at the annual ball. It's not grass type. Similar to Kurt's Galvantula, it's a genetic mutation resulting from a Sunflora somewhere in the family tree. Think of it like an overpowered synthesis or the solar power ability.”

She squints at the road I just turned onto and checks her tablet, “Kurt … Where are we?”

I glance over, “What do you mean ‘Where are we?’ You set the nav, I just drive.”

Turning the tablet, she shows me a red stucco building on a rocky hillside, “And I set it to the pokemon center at the entrance to the Valley of Steel. We should be seeing sand banks by now, not driving through a forest.”

Comparing her tablet to the dashboard display, I catch what looks like a digital eye peeking at us.

Citro also saw it from the back seat, “Rotom, are you messing with the car nav?!”

An eerily familiar, halting, female voice comes through the jeep speakers, “I’m sorry. Are you mad?”

“First, your name is officially Glados,” I look back at the boy, “I thought you only caught the Manectric?”

He nervously chuckles, “Rotom wanted to stay with us. But it doesn’t like fighting so I didn’t put them in a ball.”

Rotom was the pokemon those Pyre Wisps were chasing around the Mauville solar panel area. The mall has hundreds of them, many actually work small tasks to help keep the city in top shape. One theory I read is that they are the spirits of pokemon that didn’t survive displacement by the mall’s construction. Yet they thrive in their new state of existence.

“You’re not mad?” Rotom asks again.

“No, Glados, I’m not mad.” I glance at Naomi who just shrugs and starts writing a text to let Gabby know we’ve been delayed, “However, where are you taking us?”

The digital purple eyes on the screen bounce with excitement, “Well, I know Mistress Wattson likes plants and flowers and Mr. Kurt likes ghosts like me!”

I mean, “I wouldn’t make sweeping generalizations but go on.”

Naomi almost drops her tablet, “You're taking us to the Green House!” A hint of panic in her voice.

“Exactly Mistress Wattson,” She sounds proud of her idea, “the Haunted Green House I’ve heard trainers talk about!”

Jane yelps, “Kurt, turn us around!”

Citro voices my thoughts, “I’m missing something, what's bad about a greenhouse? I thought you wanted one Naomi?”

Glados sulks, “I knew it, you’re mad.”

Naomi looks conflicted, “I’m not mad Rotom, Glados, it’s just, the Greenhouse is very dangerous. Rookie trainers aren’t supposed to go there. Ever since Professor Eliza moved to Kalos 15 years ago, the league allowed the Poison Types to take over the lab. It’s meant to attract pro circuit trainers and appease some of the pokemon displaced by the mall.”

Everything is about trade offs, like the League and Mythical Pokemon are playing Risk with the map of the world. A location sheltering strong Poison pokemon is clearly the sort of place accidents can happen. I’m sure Lacy would have something to say about it.

Glados gives a relieved sigh, “Okay, well that's good you’re not mad.” the map shifts displaying a red dot, “Because your destination is only two minutes away!”

Looking ahead on the road I see a red brick building peaking over the trees just around a bend. A blue Nidoran hops across the road to hide in the bushes, a bunch of Dustox startle from a tree as we pass it. I turn off the AC after noticing the powder drifting from the bug wings.

The old brick building doesn’t seem to be in complete disrepair. A few panels of glass are missing but there are no signs of broken glass, holes in the wall are present but no bricks or rubble litter the grass.

“Clearly abandoned but I guess I expected it to be in worse shape.”

Naomi is surveying the area, “No, the league has specialist teams to make sure the building stays standing and keep the wild pokemon happy.”

Citro unbuckles his seatbelt, “Are we going in?”

Jane leans over the boy to look out his window at a Beedrill flying out of the glass portion of the building, “Is there reason to? I’m all for exploring if there's a point… but the things here have a lot of nasty points.”

Through one of the holes in the second floor I can see a Koffing taking a midday snooze in an office. “So, I’m sure this place has another draw besides just toxic pokemon?”

Glados pulls up a wiki page on the dash display, “The Green House is not only home to hundreds of wild pokemon, many of the plants originally cultured by professor Eliza still flourish in the Greenhouse. Rare Incense, and similar items can be found on the property. Miracle Seeds, Silver Powder, Poison Barbs, exotic berries, herbs, mushrooms, even Toxic Orbs can be found here. Mr. Kurt, the special sludge you were awarded for your Zubat originated here.”

“I’m beginning to see why this place is important for pro trainers.”

Glados materializes out of the dash display and hops into Naomi’s tablet.

“Hey!” the black sheep of the Wattson family’s eye twitches a little, “Glados, be a dear and hop over to Citro or Kurt’s phone. I prefer to keep my tablet focused on… work… stuff.”

The living spark ball visibly mopes out of the tablet and back to Citro. We all hear him mumble into his ear piece, “No, she doesn’t hate you Glados.”

Jane kicks Naomi’s seat a little, “Smooth one Princess.”

“Sorry…”

“Alright,” I clear my throat, “Let's find something to use as masks and hop out already.”

We tear up one of the red flannel shirts I got from the center lost and found my first month here for makeshift masks.

Piling out of the car, “Should we bring out a couple pokemon or do you think the wild ones will get territorial?”

Jane pops out her bug pony, Scolipede, “Nah pokemon in special areas like this are used to sharing space.”

Naomi’s Meinfoo appears on her shoulder, “It’s more that there is a Champion or Guardian level pokemon in places like these acting as the Alpha. Like the Titan Dragalge in Sea Mauville, here is Mawbell. The Hoenn League classified her as a Mega Victreebel but she could be a branch evolution, no one is dumb enough to ask her to visit a lab.”

I suddenly feel I should put more effort into making sure my Skrelp, Nessie, is happy.

Citro brings out his Salazzle, probably the strongest choice for protection here.

Pulling out Tesla’s ball, a red flash reveals sparking red and black needles making up the furry exoskeleton of my knee tall tarantula. A part of me is reluctant to call her a spider, even if you count her fore claws she uses like hands, that is still only six limbs.

As we approach the front doors a small pack of Shroomish following a bouncing Breloom burst out of the building. The Breloom uses its tail to hold open the swing hinged double doors like an old time saloon. It warily watches us as it’s herd heads off into the forest, following the last stragglers.

Citro is all smiles, “This place is Awesome!”

Jane snorts, “We’re not even inside yet.”

He ignores her in favor of pointing at the wall by the door, “Look, there's a sign!”

On the wall is a plaque with a bit of a list. Naomi reads it out loud, “Welcome to Hoenn’s Sanctuary for Poison Pokemon, The Greenhouse. Please behave yourself as a responsible and respectful trainer at all times. The Hoenn Pokemon League is not responsible for any and all damages of any kind that result from your actions on this property.”

“Alright,” I can see three paragraphs of lawyer jargon, “skip the legal stuff kid.”

Naomi nods and moves a bit down, “Foremost to be mindful of inside the building; Any plants you are not familiar with, the majority found inside are toxic in some way. Avoid suspicious moving objects (Gengar and its related line reside inside) do not enter at night unless prepared. Please stay on designated paths to avoid damage to the building, plants, pokemon, or yourselves.”

Jane points at the other side of the door, “There's two more plaques over there,”

She’s interrupted by the largest Seviper I’ve seen yet exiting the nearby tree line. It gives us a friendly enough nod as it simply nudges the doors open and slithers inside.

Watts barely catches her breath, “Arceus, that was almost as big as your Onix when you first caught her Jane.”

The first of the two remaining signs lists some of the species known to reside inside. It includes practically every poison type native to Hoenn and several released by retiring trainers. There's no shortage of bug or grass types as well.

I can hear Citro gulp a nervous breath, “This sign lists the trainers that have died inside… and warns that some were eaten or... Mutilated beyond recognition.”

Jane shivers, “See, nasty points. I heard a Toxicroak just has to scratch you and you’ll be dead within the hour.”

“Well, good thing we have your bug pony to lead the way.”

Scolipede puffs his chest to show it’s confidence.

Naomi pokes Jane, the older girl practically jumps, “You still need to name him.”

He nods excitedly.

Jane sulks and turns to me, “I’ve tried everything, he doesn’t like my names. Ares was great, any more historic names like that from your home?”

“Well,” Musing out loud, “He’s like a dangerous fake horse so the Trojan horse jumps to mind but,”

The Scolipede squeals a bit and nods excitedly to Jane.

Jane smirks, “Trojan it is!”

“Uhhh, wait,” they don’t even believe in birth control in this world, condoms don’t exist here, “Sure… Glad you like it?”

Naomi narrows her eyes at my tone but Jane cuts her off, “Lead the way Trojan!”

The big red bug practically prances into the building.

“Whatever,” I nudge Naomi, “Let's go boss, they're happy, I’m happy.”

Citro and Naomi stay close beside me as we enter with Jane hot on her pokemon’s heels.

A domed entry of red brick work covers the round lobby, on either side are long abandoned labs and offices while straight thru leads to the lush greenery of the actual greenhouse. A Grimer scoots along the brick floor from the office side towards the lab, a trail of purple goop in its wake.

“Look!” Naomi is pointing beyond the lobby, into the waiting plants, a Bulbasaur is crunching on a berry bush just off the path.

It spots us, croaks out a “Bulba!” and darts into the brush.

Citro almost leaps forward, “Let's go!”

“Hell no!” I grab the boy by the collar so fast he would have fallen if I didn’t keep a hold. “You just read a sign about trainers, Pros mind you, finding gruesome deaths by wandering off the path.”

Naomi pats Jane’s Scolipede, “We can check out those berries at least.” Her Meinfoo climbs to the top of Trojan like a dedicated look out.

Glados uses Citro’s phone speaker, “Those are Tanga Berries, they are supposed to boost a pokemon's resistance to Bug Energy for a time.”

Looks like an avocado to me… gross.

Trojan takes a sniff and sneezes violently, stumbling away and trampling the other side of the path. He then yelps as the sound of scraping metal stings our ears. Raising from the bushes are thorn covered cabbages that slam down where Scolipede just evaded.

More metal scraping sounds as what looks like a beach ball sized chestnut shell hops forward from the low ferns.

Glados cheerfully plays the role of Dexa, “Ferrothorn! The thorn pod pokemon, its hardened spikes can obliterate rock!”

“Ah fuck.” Naomi sighs, “Yes, Glados, I’m mad!”

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