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Morning finds me sitting at the kitchen island trying some brand of coffee with a stylized Manectric head on the label. It’s definitely too bitter, and my mind can’t help wondering if they have weird coffee in this world too. Like the beans have been through a Pyroar’s system already or some other crazy shit.

Naomi skips in and steals a sip before starting to brew her own, “We should check out the Early Trainer Hoenn show. Gabby texted me just now that our battle is on the show outline.”

Citro and Jane wander in and start rummaging through the pantry for cereal as I turn on the corner screen.

Lisia’s all too bright smile fills the camera, “Let's start things off with yesterday’s battle highlights! First up, the Red Rebels are finally back on the Hoenn Gym circuit!”

The view transitions to Citro’s green ape one shotting a dinosaur right off its feet!

Whistling as the frame switches to picture in picture, Wallace has his usual smirk, “New comer Citro from Alola has hit the scene with a fantastic OHKO (One Hit Knock Out) against Roxanne's Shieldon. However, I was personally quite impressed with his Whiscash.”

As the recording shows Whisca bouncing her way through the electric dust storm, Lisia giggles, “Well you are the water expert Uncle. I want to talk about Jane’s Flash Cannon next, it’s quite a feat to have the move down so early in the season. Especially by an Onix rather than it’s Steelix evolution.”

Wallace takes some sort of pen control and the inner frame zooms in on Marble’s gold veining glowing in slow motion, “This beautiful specimen has been feeding on metal since birth according to the report I received. I’ll respect trainer secrets here and just say that this is the kind of result Pokemon nutritionists dream of replicating. For such a specialized diet to have occurred naturally is the real treasure.”

Jane’s Crooky going berserk barely gets a passing shot as the next scene show’s Naomi’s loss.

Lisia pouts, “Anyone that got their hopes up that Roxanne would give one of Hoenn’s brightest stars special treatment, well, something got mixed up because this fight was a cutthroat counter.”

The older league official just nods, “The word is out, none of our Hoenn Gym Leaders are to give her an inch on slack. Miss Wattson will be running her rookie year on hard mode, period. As a little behind the scenes I’ll tell our viewers that this decision was unanimous from the league board, that means including myself.”

Naomi almost spills her coffee, “Those Old Fucks!”

Lacy steps into the kitchen just in time to smack the young lady across the head, “Eat something dear, you can cuss at the tv like a cranky sailor some other time.”

I hear Jane pout to Lacy, “They barely showed my Crooky.”

“I’m sure when he’s a big red monster they’ll have to pay attention,” the show moves on to my massive explosion of earth and roots, “I totally should have held that back.”

Wallace leads off here, “The mysterious Kurt once more shows no one can predict what he’ll bring to the field. Lil Roxy knew enough to bank on the double ghosts but who would have guessed a double Z-move combo here in Hoenn.”

The younger co host sits forward, “I think you have something more interesting to point out here Uncle. I know I saw something incredibly clever in this fight, I wonder if viewers caught it?”

Chuckling, Wallace one more busts out the slow motion.

Naomi scowls, “So much for respecting trainer secrets.”

I also can’t help but frown as the camera zooms in on the leech seeds sailing across the field.

“Viewers of this battle can easily see what they thought was Palossand,” cue our Minas Tirith sculpture, “But where is that plucky Phantump?”

Panning to the tree atop the castle, “That’s not it, just as the castle isn’t really a Palossand.”

Lisia giggles, “That's right folks, the whole thing was a trap!”

Small cut away images of my genius surprise cake plan line up on the screen.

Wallace continues spelling it out for the whole world, “Sandygast used Absorb or Swallow on it’s own teammate Phantump who used Leech Seed, Ingrain, and Growth. Together these Ghost pokemon created an extremely difficult to siege structure. They continued to gather energy while slowing down the opponent pokemon.”

“Then Boom!” Lisia shouts, “This totally raises the bar on pokemon fighting as a team.”

Wallace sighs, “Sure, but it’s overkill all the same. No question this should have been saved for later in the season.”

Lisia snaps her fingers, “But does it matter? It’s not like this is the limit, Kurt still has most of the year and those pokemon will evolve and only get stronger.”

He shakes his head, “Sandygast sure, but a year from now that will still be a Phantump. Furthermore, no gym leader is going to run right into it now. I see most of Trainer Kurt's future matches being long range affairs as long as this combination is on the table.”

Sheesh I get it already.

Naomi almost switches it off but the next scene shows her cousin Vermilya standing on a narrow dock in the Sootopolis Gym stadium. Her Jellicent provides a covering bubble beam while Samurott uses surf to slam into a Kingler just as a Starmie flies out of the water like a ninja star leaving a deep gash in the side of Jellicent.

Wallace cheerily narrates, “Electra proves to be as vicious as always, Trainer Vermilya will have to make a return trip to the Sootopolis gym later this year.”

The angry starfish fires a lightning bolt that deflates the balloon while the Kingler straight up parries Samurot’s MegaHorn and follows up with a Crab Hammer right to the face.

Naomi switches off the TV.

Well, at least she's not alone in match losses, “What’s the plan for today?”

She taps her tablet, “Gabby will be on video call in an hour to cover how the Lavaridge incident affects our schedule. Grandpa is sending a few company men to do a sweep of the neighborhood and house. He gets a little gung ho whenever criminal activity picks up in the region. So I guess you get a day off.”

Jane ruffles Citro’s hair, “We’re going to hit the training fields at the school again.”

Naomi bites her thumb nail, “We shouldn’t relax too much, but I know most of our teams are hitting evolutionary breakpoints.” She glances my way, “You still have a Sawsbuck to hunt right?”

My ears catch the sound of loud caws in the backyard, “Yup, and a pair of Murkrows that need to stretch their wings.”

Jane snorts, “Not going to try using Blue again?”

I learned the hard way last time that Sawsbuck can be uniquely immune to everything my little ghost can try. They’re fast, immune to Ghost energy, and Grass moves actually make some of them stronger.

Jeez, “All of my usual pokemon but Blue need to rest today... Can’t exactly pull the Skrelp Gun tactic again anyway.”

Citro looks up from his cereal, “Skrelp Gun?”

Jane almost slips from her chair, “You should have seen him! Holding a little seahorse up to my Onix and spraying her in the face!”

“Anyway,” Ignoring the glare from my fiancé, “I guess it's just Blue and the crows.”

One more patrol around the house to check on my pokemon. My Sandshrew, Tirtouga, and Sandygast are chilling in the sand pit. Recharging energy and scraping of shedding scales. The big bat is sleeping off his night of guard duty. Finally the less said of my Joltik being mid molt the better. I don’t know how anyone can see a spider that big and red, molting, and not shiver.

Approaching the loud pair of black birds on the back fence, “Hey you two, ready for a trip in the woods? We’re gonna check out the forest where we’ll be living eventually, and hopefully catch another Sawsbuck.”

Bonnie and Clyde give excited hops and caws, the matching rings on their claws glinting in the morning sun.

I don’t need to bother with putting them in their pokeballs, but it does feel weird only having Blue’s ball on hand. I’ll bring theirs just in case but the remainder of my belt slots are unused. I’ve got a few Great Balls in my bag and a pair of Ultra Balls.

“Alright, it's southwest of the town, let's go!” I give Lacy a quick kiss goodbye on my way back through the house.

Rustboro was just exiting ‘winter’ when I swam ashore at the end of what would be February. We’re now in late spring, the league season is in full swing. I see young trainers filling the outdoor cafes, and battles in every public field. Cheers erupt from a pub, I spot a TV showing a Blaziken roundhousing a Pangoro on the Battle Tower channel inside.

Kids are playing at a playground belonging to the one elementary school in town. One brat is even practicing wrestling moves wearing a Hawlucha mask. When I first got here I wouldn't even recognise that pokemon’s name.

Now…. Now I’m looking at the same woods I walked out of when I arrived in this world. Now that’s an embarrassing day to remember. At least Janice doesn’t scowl at me anymore, just waves and gives a polite hello when we cross paths.

Above in the sky my two Murkrows caw.

“I’m coming, I’m coming. Find that deer!”

The woods are much more silent than the first time I came here. I can hear the waves break against the big rocks just north of me as I hike out along the small peninsula. The big pines are quite as tall as the ones closer to dragon territory but it’s still enough to block most of the sunlight. With the distant crashing waves and narrow beams of sunlight poking past the dark pines, I think it’s gorgeous.

“Murk!”

Bonnie banks around a pine before gently landing on my shoulder and pointing south with her wing. I can tell them apart by their feathers, Bonnie keeps hers silky smooth while Clyde is always ruffled up like a tough guy.

A short jog behind the gliding bird and I can hear the stomping of hooves and breaking of branches. Loudly squawking, Clyde narrowly dodges the Jump kick of a Sawsbuck with a set of antlers that look like willowy pine branches.

“Help him out with Tailwind Bonnie.” a breeze kicks up in a swirl around the tight clearing. “A few more Wing Attacks Clyde. Bonnie, find him an opening!”

The more special focused of the pair uses her Tailwind to spread glowing black feathers everywhere and releases a low, ominous caw that startles the buck into losing sight of Clyde just as his antlers were charging up for some kind of energy attack.

“Now Clyde, Aerial Ace and Assurance!”

Showing off, Clyde barrel rolls right through the Sawsbuck’s legs from behind, clipping all four at the same time, and swoops up into a brutal upcut to the jaw.

The deer pokemon stumbles to the ground, absolutely rocked.

I toss a great ball, it sucks the Sawsbuck in with a flash of blue light. One wobble and it pings success!

“Hell ya! Time to cash in, Great work you two!”

If I call the breeder ranch now, their Staraptor will get to town before I’m even out of these woods.

Clyde is preening in front of his mate. I can just imagine Bonnie’s voice, ‘yes dear, I saw you smack the big deer, yes, I saw the barrel roll.’

Chucking I’m skimming my contact list when the last thing I want to hear fills the silence of the forest. “Awooooo!”

Shit. Both birds freeze in place.

I barely turn towards town to run, only to face a four foot, black hound.

It’s growl seems to echo but no, nine more Mighyena dash into view around the clearing.

“Well, that’s less than ideal.”

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