Familial Disdain

Chapter 77

Time had a strange elastic quality while my brain did its best not to think too hard about what was going on. Steve must have gotten the filter working, as things seemed almost sensible. The office equipment looked like a bizarre eldritch horror chimera and would wink in a flirty way if I looked too long. Obviously, it just needed to be ignored.

I didn't really register how I got from laying across an office chair staring dazedly, to elsewhere. I went from the chair to shoved in a fabric basket mail cart and holding some guy's neck together. He was odd-looking, angular like a stylized painting but felt like flesh.

"Try not to die, please," I muttered softly. My job was to keep him from bleeding out. Nothing more to it than applying pressure with my tail to the wound.

It was strange to actually wield my tail usefully for a change. Fortunately, it worked better than my hands, easily wrapping around and gripping without choking. I found the task much easier to process than pretty much anything else that had happened so far.

"Yeah, we don't need more ghosts in here," 24 added. I didn't clearly remember Steve rescuing her from the trash bin we'd apparently been shunted into by the system. However, I remember her landing ass first on me when she was tossed in the cart.

I gave 24 an appraising look. We did kind of look like ghosts, which meant we already had two present.

"Do not make a Christmas Carol joke!" 24 growled.

"The Patrick Stuart or Muppets version?" I asked innocently.

"Why would you even ask, the Muppets- Oh fuck you!" 24 said, orbs brightening in rage even as she whispered. The guy trying not to die gave a weak groan at that. I felt bad for him, but I had a choice between not acknowledging how fucked up and weird things were and panicking. I felt like he'd prefer the former.

When the groan ended in a chuckle, I felt myself smile a little. He was either delirious from blood loss or got the joke. Either way, he seemed alright.

The sensation of my mouth moving still surprised me. It was a very new experience still. One that left me feeling oddly self-conscious. I was already a shadow monster. Now I was a toothy one. I did not feel like this would improve my first impressions.

24 was not helping my personal image issues. She was rather taken with her own. She was pressing her tongue out between random threads of flesh. Like a little kid with a missing tooth tonguing the gap.

We passed over a bump and were all jostled. I looked up, trying to get a look at Steve despite the coat hastily draped over the top. Unfortunately, ours was not a stylish or secure getaway vehicle.

"Nu! We've got a problem!" Steven said, talking at a normal volume. I heard a door close and felt brave. Poking my head up, I peeked out of the cart and found we'd been brought to the room where I'd first met Steve.

The office in a void was the same layout-wise, but messier than before. Files and other things were thrown on the ground, and a body took up the desk.

Whoever I was looking at didn't appear to be in much better shape than the guy I was holding together. Ignoring the considerable inhumanity, they looked ashen and like they would throw up. Taking in that considerable inhumanity, they had horns, a jaw that looked like it unhinged, and glowing red eyes with black sclera.

Sitting next to them on the desk was a bizarrely normal-looking guy. Dead average with an aura like he belonged in a really dull but informative IT video tutorial. He was holding the other one's hand with a gentle expression.

"Problem?" Nu asked, looking startled.

"Hi," I offered, knowing I was at least part of said problem. I pushed my head up from under the coat so Nu would be able to see me.

"Holy shit!" Nu shouted as he scrambled back and fell off the desk.

"Dumbass," the one whose hand Nu had been holding said and started laughing. I was surprised by how melodic and feminine the voice was. Then, like a puzzle piece that rotated into place, I realized that I was looking at something female. She threw up a moment later.

"I've got you Per," Nu said as he scrambled up. Apparently unphased by being laughed at.

"Gross," 24 offered. I wasn't sure if she meant Per vomiting or how Nu had rushed to hold her hair and rub her back comfortingly. I thought it was sweet, personally.

"42 needs to go back, now. The system won't let a dungeon remain without a DM for long," Steve said flatly. Nu nodded, then did a double-take.

"You’re 42?" Nu asked, a smile lighting up his face.

"Yes?" I said, not sure why he seemed so delighted.

"Let's get you home then. I'd hate for your dungeon to get deleted or reassigned," Nu said.

"So would I," I said flatly. I didn't have the spare brain cells to process the absolute terror his cheerful words evoked.

Since I would hopefully be leaving quickly, I looked back at the guy I'd been doing makeshift first aid for. He'd already slid his hand up under my tail to take over. I felt bad but let go when he gave me a slight nod. He needed better treatment anyway, but it felt awkward to let go before he got it.

"Do I need to do anything?" I asked, looking back toward Nu. He was holding a tablet next to Per, and they were murmuring to each other.

We were close enough I felt like I should have been able to hear them. Instead, I felt a kind of vertigo that was unsettlingly familiar. Jagged runes the color of blood issued from Per's lips while soft ones in a pale yellow flowed from Nu's. Some would click in my brain with a pop, like my eardrums had burst. Server, alignment, threshold, but most were just soft static as my head throbbed painfully.

"It was nice to meet you. I like your work," Nu said. I wasn't sure how much later. The conversation might have taken a minute or an eon.

"For a DM, you suck far less than average," Per offered. If I could have strung two thoughts together, I'd have replied to them. Instead, I just waved, aping the motion Nu made though I had no idea why he was.

Before I could think clearly enough to ask what was happening, everything went white. I floated in a haze before a throne to be judged. I couldn't see a meaningful distinction between the one seated and the chair. I did, however, vaguely recall being called adequate disparagingly.

That shouldn't have been an insult. There wasn't anything wrong with being enough. The haze vibrated with mocking laughter.

I didn't know where I was. I didn't know who was laughing, and I couldn't speak. Despite that, against reason, I held my middle finger aloft in reply.

"Better," came the whisper, and everything went black.

"I think she's-" a muffled voice said. There was a frantic edge to it, and it was painfully familiar.

"Huh?" I muttered, gazing up into violet. Chris had violet jewels. The thought jolted me fully awake from my daze.

"MISTRESS!" Blackmoor howled. I had a half-second to brace as both hounds jumped on me and lavished me with magma kisses.

"Wow- I'm-" I started, wanting to assure them. Instead, I ended up closing my new mouth to keep from getting frenched.

"Fuck off!" Chris complained, trying ineffectively to push them off.

"I'm okay guys! Down!" I managed to get out finally. Both hounds finally clambered off of me, and I had a moment to breathe. I was still in the bleachers' section of the Necropolis, but I knew something had happened.

My mind was in shambles, but I could still recall 24 and being somewhere strange and meeting Steve again. The details didn't clarify, but I wasn't sure if that was a problem or a blessing.

When I tried to sit up, I found myself held down. Chris was unwilling to let me out of his protective clutches. He looked scared, and I patted his arm, not trying to move again.

"Thanks for catching me, Chris," I said. When my mind had been shredding apart as 24 vied for control, I hadn't recognized Chris. Now though, I didn't have any trouble.

When the mirror rippled, everyone looked over. The raid group was returning, Henry in the lead with a bloody sword. I felt confused for a moment at the sight, then checked my clock and security footage. From the moment Henry had left to join the fray to now, about five minutes had passed.

I didn't know what to make of that and didn't have time to try. There was a clatter of metal and a flash of blue. Henry was kneeling down next to me, holding my hand but not trying to pry me away from Chris.

"Are you alright?" Henry asked.

"Better now," I offered in reply. It was the best I could do since I still didn't know what had actually happened to me. There was a kind of a relieved sigh from the rest of the bone brigade. It was followed by muttered curses and an exchange of chips.

These fuckers had been taking bets. I felt absolutely insulted, even as I laughed. I really was home now.