Sacerdotes Iacerent Mensas

Chapter 56

With the tour of my chamber of machinations done, it was time to move on. With Agony perched on my shoulder, I headed toward a teleport pad. I felt a soft pat, his signal for me to stop.

"Something wrong?" I asked, confused. All three inches of his lava genie figure giving off a failed attempt to contain his amusement.

"Uhm, you don't need to use that. Just focus on where you want to be and taking me along, and you'll appear there," Agony explained.

"Hm? The gag order on non-tutorial content lifted along with the censor?" I asked playfully. Agony gave a laugh like the roar of a fire.

"Chaos, no. That's just sub tutorial level info. Or it should be. I've noticed some of the newbies are missing basic skills lately," Agony said, looking more somber toward the end.

"Was there somewhere I should have learned it from, or should I just have known instinctively?" I asked, curious.

"I'm honestly not sure. It's just on a list of skills you're supposed to have," Agony said, giving a shrug.

"Well, let's give it a go then," I said, picturing where I wanted to be. There wasn't anything concrete to it, not even a pop-up. Then, without transition, I was suddenly in the entryway of the dungeon. I turned and headed for it, thinking it would be good to start outside and walk him through the whole experience.

I was already out of the entrance when Agony started emitting a high-pitched noise and clutching my neck. Confused, I came to a stop.

"Hey, wow, what's wrong?" I asked. When no answer came, I reached up and took him into my hands. He looked totally petrified, arms over his eyes.

"I can't-" Agony stopped, uncovering his face. He seemed to have sensed the cool night air. There was no snow tonight, but a cold breeze came down the mountain, and the air felt wet. Maybe there would be rain or slushy sleet before morning.

"I can't go outside a dungeon… So, you bought surface tiles?" Agony asked though it sounded rhetorical.

"I figured it out by accident. My raid alarm was muted, so I didn't realize what was going on. Then, thanks to being disoriented, I messed up on a regular tile purchase," I explained. I'd told Agony about how strangely things had gone that day, but not about the exterior plots I'd bought.

Agony nodded but didn't seem to actually be listening. Instead, he was flying to the end of the raised entry I'd installed. He settled on the floor, looking up at the night sky.

No, not the sky. Agony was looking at the stars.

"I haven't seen them in… I don't know. That beach is the only sliver of the outside attached to the tutorial, but the sky is always ashen or pitch black," Agony said in a tone that suggested he wasn't really with me in the moment. I didn't begrudge him that.

Instead of hovering awkwardly, I settled into an approximation of sitting. My tail drifted off the overhang, forming lazy curls.

"Is the beach supposed to be a hint that we can buy surface tiles?" I asked after a while. It hadn't occurred to me at the time, and I could still be off the mark. It did feel like a clue in retrospect, though. I'd both started and ended outside.

"Yeah. It's admittedly a bit subtle. You're the fifth dungeon that I'm aware of who's ever done it. So, accident or not, you're pretty lucky to have figured it out," Agony said, a grin in his voice.

"I'll take fortune's charity any day," I said, half-joking. A bit of serendipity was nice, but it wasn't something that could be planned for.

"Usually a good idea," Agony agreed.

"Do you want a tour of things up here, or is that a little weird?" I asked. He'd said he couldn't leave the dungeon, so I thought it might be unpleasant since there wasn't an identifiable boundary. You couldn't really stray outside of it underground. Not easily anyway.

"I'd love one," Agony replied easily. He returned to my shoulder, and I carefully went along and showed him the sights. A feat that left me feeling calm since I had a natural instinct about where the boundaries of my domain were. I couldn't wander outside of it accidentally.

"So, mind texting me that list of skills I should have?" I asked.

"I'll send it later. You have most of them from what I saw. I should have picked up on the teleport issue, but you seemed to intentionally be moving around manually," Agony replied apologetically.

"Fair enough," I said, raising my shoulder to playfully jostle him. I could understand how it was easy to overlook since I hadn't moved much at the time. The tutorial encouraged the use of the map over physical exploration.

"Wow, it's been a while since I was around anything flammable," Agony chirped. Then, he hopped down and was happily setting fire to random things as he explored.

Thankfully I could put the flames out quickly, so they didn't spread. I was sure the environment would regenerate once damaged, but I didn't want to start a grass fire. The valley's aesthetic would not be improved by it.

Once Agony had fun for a while, I felt it was time to bring up some more pressing questions. Of course, inside my chamber would have worked too, but it didn't feel terribly private. Not with the hounds and Chris coming and going as they pleased normally.

"About fortune… That day when soldiers came, someone was left behind in the confusion. A human boy- er, man. I ended up employing him," I ventured after strolling a while. Agony looked surprised but not alarmed.

"Just racking up the exotic stuff," Agony joked, looking over at me before snickering.

"It doesn't happen often, but it's not like it's against the rules," Agony said, not sounding too excited.

"He's lawful good," I added. Agony gave a long slow blink before bursting into laughter.

"What the fuck? How? Just how?" He asked, surprised but not alarmed. I was thankful to see that.

"I helped him cure his mother of a disease," I answered. Of course, I'd done quite a bit more than that, but I did genuinely feel that was why Elim had agreed to work for me.

"Okay, well, congratulations. You are officially unique," Agony said, laying back on the stone platform with his hands on his face as he laughed. He was melting it a bit, but like the hound's steps, the stone would repair itself once he moved.

"Is it a bad thing?" I asked, wanting to be reassured I wasn't fucking up after recent events.

"No idea, no one's ever managed it before…Though I guess it's fine," Agony said, sitting up and looking at me seriously.

"Okay, that's good. Only, so I was editing my skeletons which gave me the idea to edit the human, my employee, and I paid for a blessing which-" I stopped when Agony's expression became one I couldn't read. For a moment, I thought he'd passed out standing up since he didn't so much as blink.

"Uhm…am I in trouble?" I asked.

"No? I mean… This is all new to me. The only real rule for new stuff is that if the system doesn't block it, then it's okayish. Or at least you shouldn't get in trouble even if a rule comes out to block it in the future," Agony said, seeming less than sure. However, that was still better than nothing, and I felt a little better overall.

"Okay, well, I paid for a blessing and then coughed up a crystal labeled as a boon," I continued. Rushing to finish rather than wait for Agony to think of a possible negative. I needed to tell him everything before my courage gave out, and I ran away to hide.

Agony nodded, looking like he was weirded out by the news, but not alarmed. He took a couple minutes to think, and I didn't interrupt him.

"Heroes can receive the benefits of blessings, but not other people. That doesn't stop the gods from bestowing them to others. So, a skilled farmer can have six and never get anything out of it," Agony informed me. I'd already read something similar, so it wasn't a surprise.

"Is there another way for blessings to be activated?" I asked. I was curious now that I knew a little more instead of just being scared.

"Temples should have crystals that can do it, but they rarely let anyone use them. Just like level assessments or class changes, you have to be rich or influential," Agony explained. It matched what Elim had said.

"Well, that was all my earth-shattering news...Feeling up for the rest of the tour?" I asked. There was no elegant way to segway from the boon to anything else, so I didn't bother trying. Better to just rip the band-aid off and pivot.

"Sure," Agony agreed. He looked nonplussed, but I could hardly blame Agony for that. I'd demonstrated all the conversational acumen and grace of a drunken goose. So I steered our exploration to the temple. Nothing like a giant distraction to ease awkwardness.

"This is dramatic," Agony said as I led him up the staircase to the plaza. He looked with wide eyes at the temple entrance. It was still rough but much more dramatic than the simplified chalk drawing in my chamber of machinations had let on.

"Damn, planning on starting a religion?" Agony asked, inspecting the carvings of the triptych with interest.

"Isn't Lorrel already worshiped?" I asked. Her entry had some details on the point, but nothing about how recent the practice was.

"Not widely, and it's a diminishing faith," Agony said, shrugging.

"Then maybe I will.." I said as I debated some finer points of the idea with myself.

"I feel like this is your scheming face," Agony said in a playful accusation.

"My employee has access to item storage and is lawful good. Wanna bet if he can get into a room with one of the fancy crystals with a little financial help?" I asked mischievously. I didn't need Elim to steal. Just get a crystal into the inventory for a moment so it would populate to the store.

"I love it when you talk dirty," Agony said and started laughing. I tilted my head to nuzzle Agony, feeling mighty pleased. It was going to be interesting to see how the local organized religions responded to losing a monopoly. I was anticipating table flipping and felt a perverse glee.