Valedictorian Blues

Chapter 12

The world around me shifted. I found myself on a pristine black sand beach beneath an ashen sky lit with a sullen glow. The glowing lava field full of caves where I'd taken my tutorial sat behind me. A festive banner hung between two palm trees.

"A+ Newbie," it read. A prompt appeared, listing my tutorial rewards as the sky lit up with fireworks. I stared at the celebration of my achievement, numb.

My mind burned with the psychological desire to throw up. No action came of it, the awful sensation remained with me instead. I'd killed six people.

Time passed as I processed that thought. For how long, I wasn't sure. I remained on the beach with my guilt. Finally, a touch of warmth broke me out of my thoughts. Agony sat on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. He patted me, looking concerned.

"You did good," he said as if to convince me. I nodded, not wanting to worry him.

"I had an excellent teacher," I replied sincerely. Earlier I'd wished my body was closer to human standard. That I could express myself in more familiar ways. For the first time, I was thankful that I couldn't. I doubted I could hold myself together if I could cry.

"Mind if I send you a friend request?" Agony asked.

"Please do," I said without a second thought. The tutorial was over, and I'd soon be returning to start my actual dungeon. It'd be lonely only knowing two people total in this new world. It was why I hesitated to hit the return prompt when it appeared. I could have had my little catatonic episode back in the desert as easily as on the beach.

"Thinking about something?" Agony inquired. Under the more obvious self-loathing for what I'd done, there was another layer of anxiety.

"Just… Wishing I hadn't won because of luck," I admitted. This was my life now. If it had been my actual core in that dungeon, I might well have died. I'd won because I'd gotten lucky. I didn't want to cling to luck for the rest of my life.

"Well, it's designed to be unfair. Everyone gets a basic starting pack even if they skip. Doing the tutorial gets you a better one plus a performance bonus. You were doing great even when you’d only killed two members of the party,” Agony said as he leaned over conspiratorially.

"Not bad for my first try, then?" I asked and gave a desolate chuckle.

"Not bad at all," Agony agreed and extended a fist. I returned the gesture, tapping his hand with one of my knuckles. I hated myself for the sense of accomplishment it gave me, but I still felt a little better. If I have to kill to survive, then I need to be good at it.

"Alright, I should go. Text me later," I said finally. Agony got off my shoulder, and we exchanged a wave before I ended the tutorial. The world shimmered, and Agony disappeared along with the beach. When it cleared, I was back in the desert next to my chair.

The first thing I did was check my countdown; almost no time had passed. I hadn't been able to keep track in the tutorial, but I hadn't forgotten I was up against the clock.

With that worry dealt with for the moment, I took a moment to collect my thoughts. I'd learned a lot in the tutorial, but starting an action plan from scratch was best done after thinking it through. Checking the manual crossed my mind.

I opened it, but skimming the table of contents revealed no relevant subjects. It dealt more with later stage dungeon management than set up. I was glad I'd chosen to do the tutorial first.

The basics were simple, and I made a list of required features in my head. The critical point was a cave or other underground spot. The deeper it was, the more starting tiles I'd receive.

It was time to get moving. I shrieked in surprise when part of my vision went fuzzy after moving a couple of yards. A few terror-inducing seconds later, a map window appeared in the corner of my eye. I glared at it resentfully for making me think I was going blind, however briefly.

Once my resentment subsided, I studied it carefully. Like an old school JRPG, it had colored dots and a few symbols overlaying a crude topographical schematic. A green arrow represented me and which direction I was facing. A red dot marked where I'd left my chair. That was everything there was to see, though to be fair, I'd only gone ten yards when it appeared.

"Game stuff is good," I muttered. I wasn't sure if I was stating the obvious or trying to convince myself. I didn't have the luxury of enjoying surprises right now. Shaking the incident off, I continued exploring.

I ignored the desert proper and turned my attention to the mountain range. Could I find a sinkhole or cave in a stone formation in the sand? Maybe, but that wasn't an efficient use of my time.

The map proved invaluable the longer I traveled. It kept me from needing to backtrack. Significant features I stumbled across were registered with yellow question tokens.

My first night passed uneventfully while I scoured my surroundings. I'd initially been placed near the end of the mountain range where the desert curved off. It took most of the night, but I eventually traveled to the foothills of the mountain proper. From there, I climbed high enough to see where the sand ended and scrubland began. Further on, the rough scrubland vegetation gave way to grass.

The area wasn't ideal, but at least I knew I wasn't missing out on anything. Once I was done, I could head deeper into the mountains without worry. That would come later, though.

I paused when a yellow light peeked out from over the horizon. A single sun was rising, and I watched my first sunrise with interest. Unlike the night sky, the dawn was a bit dull.

I knew on a certain level it was because the air here was cleaner than my old world. It was funny how decades of steadily worsening air pollution resulted in more vibrant colors.

I was amused by how underwhelming it was in comparison to the night. With the first rays of light, I noticed thin plumes of grey rising. Smoke, a sure sign of habitation of some kind. The sun's light exposed me, but I ignored the discomfort as I resumed exploration.

I continued down the last mountain of the range until it dissolved into foothills. There I found the smoke's source. A small town nestled among the hills at the end of the range.

Looking at it made me uncomfortable. I was vulnerable to attack but also because my interest in it was less than humane. I wasn't looking for neighbors. I was sizing up a potential source of points.

Creeping as close as I dared, I hid among the stones on a hill overlooking the town. For half the day, I observed them despite feeling shitty about it. Watching a detail-oriented ren-fair-like scene, it was hard to follow anything.

Figuring out what was relevant to my interests was beyond me. Even how they went about their lives was challenging to discern. Too much was going on all at once.

It wasn't until noon I picked up on a pattern. People and horses' movement was chaotic to watch, but it seemed like the town sold them. There was a thin but steady trickle of outsiders coming in for them.

I liked the look of that. It meant the town wasn't isolated from the outside world. It might even be on a trade route of some kind. I didn't want seasoned adventurers to come knocking on my dungeon's door right away —but I'd need to attract them eventually.

Using the town as a reference point, I turned and headed deeper into the mountains. After passing the previously explored areas, I reached new grounds before nightfall. The further in I went, the more the aesthetic of the landscape changed.

Near the end of the range, the mountains had been unimpressive. They lost out to the desert for beauty and interest. Now they held their own with intricate stone formations and windswept foothills.

The aesthetic of the landscape shouldn't have mattered, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted to live in a place with a beautiful view. Still, no matter how much I liked its looks, there were practical concerns to be addressed.

Searching diligently, I came to a small valley nestled between the peaks. It laid behind an intricate series of winding passages carved from stone by wind or water. It was like a natural labyrinth. That was a good omen, right?

The valley itself was bound on both sides by stone cliffs—they displayed colorful bands of orange and red on their faces. Beneath them, the floor was carpeted in green. A thick layer of sand and soil provided a foothold for life. A waterfall from the mountain created a river that divided the valley down the middle. At its end was a small lake.

I fell in love.

Despite that, I steeled my heart and continued scouting. I needed to find a cave if possible. The deeper, the better. It seemed like the valley reciprocated my feelings; I found an abandoned mine.

The mine was tucked into the stone of the mountain at the back of the valley on the river's left side. It was perfect.

With Agony's teachings as my guide, I moved quickly to explore the depths of the mine. My mind was wholly on the task of finding the deepest possible point to plant my core. Beyond netting me extra starting tiles, it would provide protection against mishaps.

I hadn't experienced it in real-time in the tutorial, but planting a core took two days. It was a vulnerable period. My access to the dungeon building system wouldn't come online until it was done. I also wouldn't be able to move the core again until the process was finished.

If I was found by an enemy at the moment like that, I was screwed. My core wasn't fragile; it was a crystal sphere a meter in diameter, but that was all. It would be tough to break by normal means, but this was a world of swords and sorcery. I wasn't going to take needless risks.

My desires aside, I spent a day exploring before I gave up trying to go deeper in the mine. There might have been deeper passages, but I could explore for weeks if I didn't draw a line. The mine had been dug by hand but intersected with a natural cave system.

It was too large and complex to even begin to explore. Someone without my map function would have been lost within a few hours. Since I hadn't been able to find a lower passage, I returned to the lowest point I'd found.

With the location settled, I opened my inventory for the first time. Inside were the spoils I'd received from the tutorial. Nested among them sat a single green-blue sphere.

I felt an instant fondness for it, the color suiting my taste. I summoned it and set it on the ground with care.

[Activate core? Y/N]

The system inquired, and I selected yes. Nothing much happened at first. My core sat there like a lump. It was a few minutes before it began emitting a faint hum and glowing with a dim internal light.

As it came online, I found it looked prettier than before. Its present lively state making its prior sleepiness seem dull and unattractive. I ran my hand along the smooth surface and felt a cool sensation.

I didn't understand how, but I knew it was a part of me in an essential way. A connection more intimate than what my vague species description had mentioned. It was the same as the beating heart of another creature. I couldn't live without it.

Wanting to protect it, I coiled myself around it in a way a human body wouldn't have been able to manage. The relaxed feeling spread from it through my pseudo flesh soothingly. I almost felt drowsy even though I no longer needed to sleep.

I was slow to notice when a new prompt appeared.

[Core integration in 10 seconds]

[Prepare for core integration sickness]

Confused, I wondered, "What the fuck is integration-"

Then the countdown hit zero, and I blacked out.