Horace Green finally closed his computer screen and left for the day. It had been a long day at Axion Lines. He absolutely hated having to deal with pampered rich entitled assholes day in and day out who acted like the slightest detail being not to their absolute liking on their cruise was the end of the fucking world. He had spent two fucking hours trying to rectify the fact that a customer didn’t think the thread count of their bed linens was what it definitely was. He had to pull the ship’s engineer from his duties to personally scan the goddamn sheets and the bastard still wasn’t happy. Fortunately a few passes with a sonic cleaner made them “soft enough” for his entitled ass.

God he hated them.

As he was walking towards his smart car he saw some bitch leaning against it. Great, if that asshole put one scratch on his car they were going to pay for the detailing. As he got closer he recognized her… and turned around immediately only to find that two more people, a gigantic black man and a slender blonde (a flaxen?) closing in behind. The flaxen pulled out a switchblade and there was a distinct “click” as the blade shot out. He turned towards the lot, the only other way out and there were two more men standing there. One of them pulled out a gun.

He froze. He always knew and dreaded this day would come and now it was here.

“Horace, Horace, Horace,” Sheila said shaking her head as she approached. “Is that any way to greet an old friend? You are hurting my feelings.”

“What… what do you want? I don’t have the money.”

“Who said anything about money? We never said you had to pay us back with money. We just said that you owed us and one day we would collect and here we are. It won’t cost you a single credit.”

Horace’s knees were literally shaking with fear. He didn’t know who these people were when he got a “loan” from them. He was desperate. He should have asked some questions or found out who they were beforehand. These were bad people, very bad. His bookie just laughed when he described them and told him that he was better off getting his legs broken.

“So, Horace, how have you been? Keeping your nose clean? Haven’t been gambling again, have you?”

Horace just flinched.

“Oh, Horace… Poor poor Horace,” Sheila said sympathetically. “So how much do you owe this time?”

“Fifty-thousand,” he said without thinking. He winced again. He shouldn’t have said that.

“Jessie, dear,” Sheila said to a woman beside her, “Would you be a darling and cut off another fifty for our friend here.”

“Sure thing,” Jessie said as she pulled out a transactor.

“I… I don’t want your money… I...”

“Nonsense, Horace,” Sheila purred as she moved far too close to him, “It’s the least we can do considering the little favor you are about to do for us… And you are about to do a favor for us.”

“W… What do you want?”

“Nothing, really,” Sheila said softly as she stroked his face. He stiffened with fear. “You are just going to lend us your badge and tell us your password, that’s all. Won’t hurt a bit.”

Horace was about to pass out. Giving out that information could land him in jail.

“It… It only works for me.”

“Then there won’t be a problem. It’s a small thing to ask for all the money we have given you plus the extra fifty,” Sheila purred, “Oh, I do have one teensy little question though. What biometric data do you need to log in?”

“I can’t tell you,” Horace whined. “Please...”

He suddenly felt something sharp poke him in the back.

“I really think you should answer the woman, porkie,” the flaxen lady whispered in his ear. “I would really hate to get blood all over my new blouse.”

“A hand print. We use a hand print,” Horace said as he clenched his eyes shut.

“See, that wasn’t so hard was it?” Sheila asked with a predatory smile. “Jessie?”

Jessie scampered up with her tablet and presented it to Horace.

“Just log in like you would at work,” she said brightly.

Horace meekly did just that with tears in his eyes.

“There you go. See, that didn’t hurt one bit did it?” Sheila asked backing away with a smile. “Your debt has been paid in full.”

Everyone turned and started to walk away. As they did so Sheila paused and turned around.

“Oh, one last thing,” she said smiling pleasantly, “Not a word about this. Not. One. Word. You run your mouth and we will kill you… eventually. Jessie, please remember to turn the security cameras back on this time.”

“Jeez, forget one time and you just won’t let it go will you?” Jessie asked completely vexed.

With that they all walked away.

Horace fell to his knees and wept.

***

Toby was sitting at his desk polishing the embassy’s silverware. He pulled out a scanner and examined a fork closely. He then started polishing it again while happily humming to himself.

The door opened and a mechanical spider with a huge water filled globe in the center containing a large eel like fish entered.

Toby rose from his desk.

“Good afternoon, director.” Toby said pleasantly. “To what do we owe the honor? It isn’t often that one such as yourself descends from the heavens to bless us lowly mortals with your divine presence,” Toby said with just the right amount of sarcasm.

“Stuff it, Toby,” Director Axlea said with a laugh. “Is the asshole in?”

“Yes he is,” Toby said as he pulled out a Powerbar Extreme from his desk and whipped out a Terran style combat knife expertly slicing it into cubes.

“Oh Toby,” Axlea said as the top of her globe opened. “Always the gracious host.”

With that she approached his desk. Using one of the forks conveniently on his desk he skewered a cube and lowered it towards the globe. Axlea poked her head out of the water and grabbed it.

“You didn’t make me stretch for it this time,” she said as she munched happily.

“The joke was getting old, just like yourself,” Toby said pleasantly. “I wouldn’t want you to strain something.”

“Ha,” Axlea said as she happily received another cube.

“Honestly, director, why don’t you just buy these? You can get them at Republic Goods."

“Oh yes, the director of Federation Intelligence just walks in to get a Republic product? My picture would be on the front page.”

“Well, it just so happens that I have an entire box of these right over here,” Toby said as he walked to a cabinet and pulled out a large box of the bars and handed them to Axlea.

“Holy shit, Toby,” Director Axlea enthused as she stowed them away in her bot. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Nonsense, we Terrans are known for our hospitality.”

Axlea filled her globe with bubbles she laughed so hard.

“I wish I could stay and chat but I have to save some of my capacity for carpshit for your boss. Before I go are there any state secrets you want to let slip?”

Toby looked both ways and then leaned in to whisper, “The Republic doesn’t like you very much at all.”

“Wow. Damn, Toby. After a leak like that do you need any protection? We have a safe house nearby.”

With a laugh Toby pressed the intercom.

“Ambassador, the Director of Federation Intelligence is here wishing to speak with you.”

“By all means, let her through,” Jon replied in a pleasant voice. Director Axlea, blinking with a little confusion, walked into Jon’s office. Jon rose to greet her.

“Director, what a pleasant surprise,” He said with a smile.

“Who are you and what did you do with… Fuck. You assholes got your hands on the classified closed door briefing I had with Federation Defense and the Council where I told them exactly what I thought about planning an attack on you dickheads didn’t you?”

“I had absolutely no idea you used words like those, director,” Jon said with a grin. “I especially liked the part where you told General Mluxor where he could put his strategic assessment.”

Director Axlea just sighed.

“You know K-shal-ta is going to do some serious jail time for that monumental fuck-up. Goddammit! What didn’t you assholes get?”

“We don’t know the exact diameter of your asshole but that’s about it.”

“Want to measure it, cockface?”

“You know, if you acted like this before we could have gotten along a lot better,” Jon laughed. “So what do you want? I know you didn’t come all the way down here for a power bar and to get laughed at.”

“Well,” Axlea said with a gusty bubbly sigh, “we have a problem, a somewhat large problem and it involves you. More precisely it involves your ability to be a complete and total shit.”

“Oh, do tell,” Jon said as he stood up from his desk. “Hang on, I think I am going to need some coffee for this one.”

He filled his cup.

“Ok, lay it on me.”

“I don’t know if you remember Commander Farstan,” Axlea said blowing a few bubbles of annoyance.

“Who?”

“The um, porkie, you showed all of those executions to?”

“Oh her!” Jon laughed. “I remember her. She left here almost in tears. That was a good one.”

“Yeah, asshole, it was,” Director Axlea growled, “It was so good that you broke her. She has gone completely and totally bugshit. She has gone, what is your term? Oh yes, rogue, she has gone rogue.”

“Rogue, you say? That’s interesting, almost as interesting as you telling me about it.”

“Well, there is a story there,” the director said, “She started acting erratically. So much so that she was assessed and found unfit for duty. She was a good agent and we didn’t want to lose her so she was placed on leave while she attended therapy. One day she didn’t show up for her session. A few days pass and she misses another. Come to find out she had vanished, not a trace of her anywhere. Now here’s the part I am not happy about,” Axlea said blowing a stream of bubbles. “Since she was in charge of Terran operations she had access to various caches of credits, weapons, shit like that. Somehow she was able to reach a pile of credits before she disappeared. You can bet some heads rolled over that one. Anyway we have it on pretty good authority that she hired some Grade-A mercs and has started her own little operation.”

Director Axlea slides a data crystal over to Jon.

“Damn, what did she hire, Drax?” Jon said as he looked at images of the two attacks.

“Nope, altered Z’uush.”

“Fuck. Those little bastards are good.”

“I know, right?”

“This is one hell of a mess,” Jon said with a smile, “Now why the hell are you telling me all of this?”

“In her sessions, your name came up quite often,” the director said, “usually associated with violent dismemberment. We are concerned that she might try to take you out. Needless to say, the fucking ambassador for the goddamn Terran Republic getting messily killed by a rogue Federation Intelligence officer would be a diplomatic mess of titanic proportions. It could even rekindle hostilities. We can’t have that. A kill order has been placed on our side and we thought you would like to do the same.”

“I like the rekindling hostilities part,” Jon said with a grin.

“Fuck you. We are prepared to… compensate the Republic if you manage to get to her first,” Axlea said as she blew bubbles of resignation, “We would be willing to discuss the release of several of your field agents should you manage to help us with this little issue. It might come as a shock but we don’t just slaughter captured agents, like other governments I might name, dickhead.”

“They were porkies and there were too many to conveniently process. Besides I really don’t consider hooking someone up to a neural inductor for a few weeks particularly civilized either.”

“Please, we only use the inductor on dissidents. For agents we use fatigue and drugs,” the director laughed.

“How civilized of you,” Jon said rolling his eyes.

“Everything we are willing to release concerning Farstan is on that crystal I gave you. Do with it what you will,” Director Axlea said as she turned to leave.

“Thanks for the heads up, bitch,” Jon said as she was walking away.

“No problem, cockbite,” Axlea said as she left his office.

Once she left Jon buzzed Toby over the intercom.

“Yes, ambassador?”

“Get me Terran Intelligence. Something interesting just came up. One more thing, that armored limo we use for dignitaries, get it fueled up and ready to go,” Jon said as he checked his sidearm, “And start packing heat. Things are about to get fun.”