“Good afternoon. My name is-“

“Yeah yeah afternoon. Look, male teacher who’s supposed to officiate the duel, can we just skip to the part where I go kick these guys’ asses?”

“…”

“Okay, I know you’re just looking out for my well being. Thanks for your concern. But this…”

*holds out right arm in a sling

“This is nothing. It’s just a flesh wound.”

“…”

“Yes, I know about the official rules of a duel, as well as the non-official ones. This isn't my first rodeo.”

“…”

“Fine. I’ll give out the idiot’s notes version. If it’s a duel with weapons, the winner is declared when first-blood is drawn from the loser’s torso.”

“…”

“Maiming or killing your opponent are grounds for a disqualification and is generally frowned upon, but the punishment varies greatly between the classes.”

“…”

“It’s not a written rule but if an elite students “accidentally” kills a commoner student, he will receive a stern reprimand… maybe get sent to bed without supper.”

“…”

“If a commoner student does it, he will immediately be expelled from the academy… his family banished from whatever kingdom they hailed from… oh yeah and they’ll be hunted down like down like dogs by the slain elite student family.”

“…”

“Doesn’t seem really fair in my opinion. Ah, but I digress, where was I? Yes, the methods of dueling.”

“…”

“If it’s a duel using hand-to-hand combat, the winner is decided when the loser is knocked out, goes limp, taps out, or if he yells 'STOP!'”

“…”

“No biting, scratching, fondling, or hitting below the belt.”

“…”

“Did I miss anything? No? Good. Call out the first participant.”

********************

“My, you’re a big one, aren't you?”

“I'm going to show you a world of hurt, boy.”

“Yes yes we’ll get there in a moment. But first, would you be so kind as to look behind you?”

“…”

“Don’t worry, I am not going to hit you in the back, I'm not some chicken-shit noble.”

“…”

“See that line with the thirty-five people forming behind you? Nearly all of them are junior Ouroboros members, and every one of them is here to kill me.”

“…”

“…”

“Don’t be alarmed, male teacher who’s supposed to officiate the duel. I'm telling you now, I can handle them.”

“…”

“And you, big guy who wishes he had gone to the toilet earlier. Don’t worry, I know you’re not a member of Ouroboros. So are the eight other guys lining up directly behind you as well.”

“…”

“Truth be told, there isn't any difference between normal ass hole students and Ouroboros members. To me, you’re just the same.”

“…”

“My steel boot can’t tell apart which ant needs to be stepped on first."

"..."

"Yes, I know I'm barefooted but I still stand by my previous statement.”

“…”

“If you think I'm acting so high and mighty because I'm not afraid of anything, then you’re wrong. I do have something I fear.”

“…”

“The one I'm truly worried about is coming in another one hour and thirty minutes after I'm done wiping the floors with you guys.”

“…”

“He’s got me so scared, I'm prattling my mouth off to a student and a teacher who have no idea what I'm talking about.”

“…”

“…”

“A last will and testament from me perhaps? Or it could be I just wanted to share my dread with my friends.”

“…”

“…”

“But Marven and Athorius are not here, so I will just have to make do with you two guys.”

“…”

“In case you’re wondering why I didn't just challenge him some other time? Well, maybe it’s because by then it would have been too late.”

“…”

“Or maybe it’s because I'm already dressed for the occasion and since we’re all out here, let’s just invite an ageless entity possessing a huge amount power and knowledge into the mix.”

“…”

“Should be fun to watch what will happen, right?”

“…”

“Enough of me flapping my gums. Let’s get back to the business at hand, shall we? Judging by the sword you’re carrying with you, I assume you wish to best me in a sword-fight?”

“…”

“No, it’s too late to go to the toilet now. Or to forfeit.”

“…”

“Come now my good man, what will the girls say if you chicken out now.”

“…”

“Isn't that the reason why you jostled and pushed your way to the front of the line after you seen me broke my arm, to impress the girls?”

“…”

“And the junior Ouroboros members were more than happy to let you and the other non-members to go first. Those cautious bastards.”

“…”

“Let’s not waste any more time talking, shall we? Teach, I’ll be borrowing your sword for a moment.”

“…”

“Don’t worry. I’ll give it back in the same condition. But there may be some blood on the sword, of course.”

“…”

“I haven’t mastered the art of cleaning a sword one-handedly mind you. And you, big guy. I hope your bladder control is good.”

“…”

“It’s ten past three now. Teach, your line?”

“THE DUEL STARTS NOW!”

“Wai-“

“Left or right?”

“Wha-OWWWWW!”

“Left nipple it is then.”

“THE DUEL IS OVER!”

“OWWWWW!”

“Oh come on. Stop thrashing and rolling about on the ground, you big baby.”

“OWWWWW!”

“Seriously, you’re embarrassing yourself in front of the girls. I barely nicked you with my sword.”

“OWWWWW!”

“Continue screaming and the next place I’ll put my sword is in your throat.”

“…”

“…”

“Just kidding, Teach. I wouldn't dream of doing anything illegal to disqualify me from the duel. There’s like thirty-five people waiting for their turn.”

“…”

“And look. It got him to shut up, didn't it?”

“…”

“Anyway, congratulations are in order, big guy. You've managed not to piss all over yourself. The paramedics are on their way to bring you to the infirmary.”

“...”

”And by the way…” the black-clothes-wearing boy looks at the older elite student who is laying on the ground, covered in dirt and clutching his (minuscule) chest wound.

“How's the view from the world of hurt looking from down there?”