Chapter 2

I opened my eyes, no, I didn't have eyes anymore, I don't even know what I am at the moment, but I definitely don't have eyes, Ergarth the eyeless wonder.

Nerds with glasses were referred to as 4-eyes I wonder if I would be called no-eyes. I digress.

I didn't open my eyes as much I simply decided to start acknowledging, no not deciding, that would imply a previous state of metaphorically closed eyes which I didn't have. Since I just arrived here, wherever here was.

Thoughts are restless I couldn't focus I wonder where I am. What was that flying object? The world I see is filled with colours, white, grey and some splashes of green changing shades.

A vast expanse of nothingness wherever the 'eye' could see with 3 predominant colours, but something is flying towards me, or is it falling, there appears to be no gravity.

I tried testing that by spitting, of course, that didn't work, since I had no lips or mouth. For that matter, I didn't even have a body.

I wonder what I looked like, My vision or my feeling, my awareness? Well, whatever it was it suddenly shifted and I saw myself, I didn't know how I knew that it was me. I could have just been moved by an invisible force.

Wait invisible meant not being able to see something with your sight, I didn't have sight, I had awareness.

Whatever it doesn't matter. I won't bother creating a new dictionary right now, I would rather look at myself.

I was a flame, a candlelight sized flame, it was green at the base but the higher it went the darker the flame became until just at the tip of it turned into an almost black purple. It reminded me of ice cream. Hmm Ice cream, I wish I had some ice cream right now. Focus.

Was that my soul? It was pathetically tiny and now that I looked closer inside of it I saw a black marble with shadows flowing upwards from it, that was probably the thing that made my soul? Flame? Being? Turn into a darker colour.

Something told me those were my memories that a few hours? Days? Years? ago. Had still been contained in my medial temporal lobe -insert time here- before.

Fascinating

Do my metaphysical eyes lie to me or is that really something flying towards me. It 'looks' like a concept of evolution, hmm if it was a concept then the more fitting verb would be feel.

I really hope I won't be stuck here forever, oh sure it would still be better than being in my old body and eventually dying, but wait I don't even know anything factual about souls maybe they die as well?

Now that is something I probably do not want to think about. Wouldn't want to give myself suicidal thoughts!

Screw you, it was funny.

Something was flying towards me, damn I'd gotten distracted, It slowed down when it got nearer, It didn't have a shape, or maybe it had one and I couldn't grasp it?

I looked at my soul, I wonder if I could go back into my soul and see the thing, concept of evolution whatever it was from a closer perspective. Suddenly I was inside my soul again.

For some reason I focused inwards instead of looking at the concept,the black marble with the smoke/shadow wafting out of it was fascinating, wait, when I looked closer I realised those were memories!

I saw them leaving and I immediately knew that I was losing my memories in a reverse chronological order, I couldn't remember where the base I had been in my last 5 years was located, I just knew it was somewhere in Australia.

FUCK!

I tried stopping the memory loss and it worked, it used up my whole concentration but it worked thank god.

I was suddenly distracted by a tendril worming its way into my soul, I didn't become aware of it as much as I suddenly felt it. NO!

I tried willing the thing away, it stopped advancing, but I COULDN'T FORCE IT OUT. I suddenly noticed my memories slipping upwards again.

Nonononononononononono, I tried concentrating on both things at once but I could only halve the speed of both of them. I had to decide let myself be invaded by this thing 'concept of evolution' or lose my memories.

The decision was simple to make if I lost my memories all of this would be for nothing. I would lose myself, having to grow up again, maybe into a subpar human.

But the most important thing about that to me was that I without my memories would cease to exist being only a soul controlled by my instincts.

I let the tentacle wrap itself around the black marble that represented my memories it wasn't smoking upwards anymore which I took as a sign that before that I had already been losing my memories. Now it was simply a black ball being wrapped around by a tendril of 'concept of evolution'.

The tendril was small maybe a hundredth of its entire mass, as I was angrily observing it, I suddenly felt a yanking sensation I felt like I was being compressed into a tiny speck and strapped onto the most powerful rollercoaster in existence.

If I had a body I would have vomited my organs straight out. It hurt, a lot. I DIDN'T want to feel this torture! I had had needles jabbed into my fingernails, my limbs ripped off and I've been waterboarded. That was nothing compared to this.

Suddenly I was torn into the third perspective like before and the pain was blessedly gone, but the second this happened I noticed that my soul which didn't seem to be moving at all was leaking memories again.

I froze my thought process turned as glacial as the ice age. I would have to go in there again or risk losing my personal existence.

If I had eyes right now I would have been crying tears of blood, but I didn't so I forced myself to go inside of my soul again- nonononono IT HURTS! I tried to ignore the pain and concentrate on stopping the memory leakage but I was to distracted! I could only slow it fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. It suddenly stopped.

I wasn't a soul anymore

The roller coaster from hell was over

I felt like I had a body

I was surrounded by warmth

I couldn't see anything

I was in a womb

And I only had memories up to the 32nd year of my life