Monks are so darn weird sometimes. Are monks even allowed to cook? I thought they only got food from people who gave it to them. Mm, well, I did a good deed today. I sent a straying monk back onto the path of monkhood. She doesn’t look very grateful though. Anyway, there’s—

Phweeet! Phweeet! Phweeet!

This stupid sound that won’t stop! Its really coming from above, but there’s never anything there. Ilya’s formations are broken. When she gets back, I’m going to ask her to fix them. Ah? Why don’t I just go over to her. Hmm, I actually have no idea where she is.

Splat.

Ah? Did, did something just hit the ground? Up there! It’s raining cats and dogs and foxes! “Softie, what’s going on!?” Gah! A fox fell into my wok! Eh? That actually smells pretty good. Hmm…. Wait! There’s something special about my giant wok. The animals explode when they hit the ground, but they don’t explode when they land in my wok because there’s so much liquid inside. I’ll catch all the falling animals in my stew. Mm? Why am I trying to save them all? Because I’m a good person! All animals are precious. I can’t let them explode when they hit the ground. How will people eat them if they’re not whole?

“Demonic Lord Bloodmoon, Fairy Lin, do either of you know what is happening?”

Ah? Those monks have the strangest names. Where’d Softie find them? Ooh! I caught a bear in my wok! At least, I think it was a bear…. It could’ve been a really, really large mouse.

“Representatives of the seven great sects were chasing Demonic Lord Bloodmoon when he entered the immortal door to your lands,” the now-bald woman monk said. “Likely, they’re conducting an exploration of this lower realm by splitting parts of these animals’ souls into a spirit jade. If the animals die, the jades will shatter and reveal bits and pieces of the animals’ experiences prior to their deaths.”

That sounds really complicated…. I’ll let Softie think about it. I’m busy catching these animals! Ah! “Wait! These animals are from the immortal realm? From up there?” They really are coming through the door! That means … these are immortal animals! I really can’t let any of them die! I bet they’ll be super-duper tasty. “Mrs. Feathers, get out here!”

…

“Mrs. Feathers?” Ah? She’s not in my pouch? Where’d she go?

“She’s a librarian at the school now, remember?” Softie asked. “What did you need her for?”

Ah, right. Mrs. Feathers became a librarian. “Someone has to catch those birds up there.”

Softie’s eyes widened. “You’re thinking so far ahead, Lucia.”

Huh? What does she mean by that? I always think far ahead, so why’s she acting so surprised? “That’s right. If we let those birds go, it’ll take forever to find them again, and if we can’t find them, we can’t eat them!” Wait a minute. Is it just me, or are there more and more animals falling from the sky?

“Why don’t you get closer to the door to catch them?” the scarred monk asked. “You won’t have to move around as much.”

“Heck no! What if the door sucks me in or something!?” I’ve already been bamboozled into leaving a comfy life once before! I’m not going to fall for it again. I suffered so much getting here. I’m going to enjoy and abuse my position of power as much as I can! “Softie, where’d you find a monk this stupid?”

“Um, these are the people you caught yesterday.”

Ah? “These are the same people?” I don’t think so. “Those people I caught yesterday weren’t dressed like monks.”

The scarred monk frowned. “Is there something wrong with her memory?”

No! “My memory is perfectly fine! I just don’t remember unimportant people.” Ah? Mm, that’s a weird feeling. It feels like I planted a heart devil, but the heart devil was smothered after being planted. It’s very uncomfortable.

“Sect Leader Lucia,” the woman monk said and cupped her hands. “I’m a native from the immortal realm. Your vice-sect leader put these chokers on us. If we disobey her, we’ll die. With such a strong incentive, you can trust us to work for the sect to the best of our abilities.”

“You want to join our sect? Didn’t I strip you, take your stuff, and throw you into a dungeon?” Are these two people masochists? Are all the people from the world up there masochists? That’s another great reason to avoid going there! Mm? Did I plant another heart devil? …It feels like it evaporated again.

The woman monk’s face twitched. Ah. I almost forget I was supposed to be catching animals. It’s a good thing this wok is really large. “Sect Leader Lucia, an immortal cares not for mortal belongings. Grievances can be addressed and forgiven. I—”

“Why don’t you forgive the grievance you have with me?”

“Don’t interrupt me, Bloodmoon.”

“Some immortal you are.”

Ah? My matchmaker senses are tingling! These two totally like each other! I’m going to get them together. “Alright, alright, settle down, you two. I don’t mind you joining our sect. In fact, I even have a job for you two!”

Softie blinked. “Huh? Really?”

Why is Softie always surprised by me? “Of course!”

“I’ll do whatever you ask,” the woman monk said. Eh, I guess she isn’t a monk anymore, right? What was her name? Baldie? Mm, I think Baldie fits. Hmm…. The scarred monk is also bald…. I guess he can be Scarry because he has scares.

“Alright, from now on, the two of you are Baldie and Scarry.” And there’s another dissolved heart devil. These people are good.

Baldie’s face cramped, but within a second, it was expressionless again. “My name is Fairy Lin.”

Scarry snickered. “I think Baldie suits you.” He looked at me. “What job would you have us do?”

“The two of you are going to be teachers!”

“Teacher?” Baldie nodded. “I can certainly provide education from the immortal realm. What subjects shall I cover? Formation creation? Pill-making?”

“Sex ed! The two of you are going to teach sex ed together!”

“Excuse me?”

Ah, there’s the feeling: a successfully planted heart devil.