Unsurprisingly, it turns out to be another bad night. I wake to my muffled screams twenty four times. The only thing that helps is that I went to bed so early. So even if I'm still waking up over and over, I manage to get a little more sleep overall. Of course, I also ended up missing dinner, again. This makes it three days in a row without dinner. All three days since coming here.

I'm not as utterly exhausted when I roll out of bed at the first bell, but I wake up very hungry. With just one meal a day, I haven't been getting nearly enough food. I definitely need to eat dinner tonight. With that in mind, I lie back down, intending to get at least a tiny bit more sleep. Of course my nightmares wake me again before the second bell rings for breakfast. I can't believe I can count on them for that at this point...

I get up and head downstairs. I'm also really thirsty after not having anything to drink yesterday, and sweating what I had left into my clothes and the wood of my bed. I feel awful... Thankfully, one of the bigger kids cooking breakfast gives me a cup of water when I ask. I end up refilling the cup three times from the big water bucket in the kitchen before I'm satisfied. It also makes me kind of dizzy. At least I won't pass out from dehydration now. I thank the boy before wobbling into the dining room to join Emily at the table.

With the extra sleep, I have at least a little clarity now. I can actually kind of think. Unfortunately, it also makes me aware of how nasty I feel. I've been sweating like crazy every night in bed. Marrianne always wiped me down all the time, but I don't have any water in my room to do that myself. I'm completely sticky and it's getting my robe nasty too. I don't know when we wash here. Mister Fredricson did mention washing clothes and ourselves, so it must happen at some point. Now that I have a chance, I ask Emily about it. "Hey, when do we go wash ourselves?"

"Hmm, everyone does it differently, but I wash about two or three times a season, I guess?"

"How long is a season?" Actually, what is a season?

"About three months or so."

"Three months?!" I've only been here three days and I'm already a mess! Wait, most people don't sweat through their clothes all night every single night, do they? If they don't get dirty nearly as fast, of course they don't need to wash off as much.

"Why would you wash more than that?" she questions.

So I explain, "My nightmares make me sweat like crazy every night, so I get all sticky really fast." I lean onto the table and sigh.

"Huh..." is her only response. We've basically reached a dead end in that conversation. I'll have to consider what to do about it later. When I can actually get any length of time that I'm not about to fall over from exhaustion. In the meantime, the food arrives, and we all start eating. It's really hot, so I need to force myself to be patient and let it cool even though all I want to do is eat it all as quickly as I can. I'm seriously starving, this is a big problem.

I turn my thoughts to the next topic I had in mind. "Hey Emily, can I ask you a favor?"

"What is it?" she asks warily while blowing on her stew.

"Can you wake me up for dinner? I really need to eat dinner. I'm not getting enough food." She looks surprised by the request. But then she thinks for a moment, her face going a bit pale. She must have realized that I've only had two meals in the last three days here.

"Ok, sure." she answers quickly.

"Thanks a lot." I'm kind of worried it's asking too much though, what if helping me takes her away from doing something important?

We continue eating, but the clarity I have today also makes me notice the weird glances from all over the room. Everyone seems to glance at me from time to time. I'm not really sure why though. Maybe because I'm new? We finish eating, then go about our tasks like yesterday. I get the small basket from Mister Fredricson, head to the plaza, and join up with the little kids again.

I actually have a little energy. There's a new big kid today, so I guess they take turns with the little kids. This girl looks about fourteen years old, with dark colored hair that she has cut very short. She also looks at me strangely. Why is everyone looking at me strangely?

We head out at the third bell like before, arrive at the forest at the fifth bell, and start gathering. I point out the seventh bell again, and we begin heading back, leaving the forest at the eighth bell. Even if I feel a bit better today, it seems that three year olds only have enough stamina to gather for about three bells, plus four bells walking to and from the forest.

Arrive home at the tenth bell today. Probably because I'm not slowing the group down this time. We give up half of our stuff to the orphanage, then we're free to go.

At this point, I stop for a bit to think. I still have some stuff in my basket, but I need to give the basket back to Mister Fredricson. Yesterday, he took the whole thing with everything inside. But from what he told me earlier, after I give half to the orphanage, the other half should be mine. I guess I was so tired yesterday that I just gave away all of the stuff that was mine to keep.

I sigh when I realize this, while climbing upstairs with my things. Today, I deposit my stuff underneath my bed before taking the basket back. I'm not really sure what to do with the stuff. It consists of an assortment of twigs, bits of wood bark, some mushrooms, berries, and so on.

Once I give the basket back, I stop before returning to my room to go to sleep. I need more water. I don't have anyone like Marrianne to take care of me now, I have to make sure I get food and water every day. So I climb all the way back down the stairs, drag a chair over, and get a cup again, all for the sake of drinking some water. By the time I've had my fill and pushed the chair back into the dining room, I'm tired again. I finally get to go upstairs and climb into bed. I need to get as much sleep as I possibly can. After more disturbed sleep, Emily comes, telling me it's time for dinner.

"Thank you, thank you so much." I bow repeatedly as we head down to the dining room again.

"It's no problem," she giggles. A short time after we sit down, they serve dinner. Like Emily said before, it looks like the big kids always make the food. Though I don't really recognize any of them well enough to tell if they take turns or what.

In any case, the bowl that arrives looks just like the one for breakfast. A hot stew of various vegetables in a thick sauce. I gladly chomp down the food. As long as I can get enough food, water, and sleep to survive, I can live here. It's taken a few days, but I've finally found a stable enough schedule that I should be able to get by. The relief from not needing to worry about slowly starving or being too sleep deprived to function leads to better rest for the first time at the orphanage. I only wake up about half as much as before.

The days tick by one after another. Just gathering in the forest, making a habit of drinking water when I can, and going to bed early so I can get as much sleep as possible. I spot Francis at the gate after a few days. We share a small nod at a distance.

There is still one problem I can't deal with though. While I'm getting enough sustenance and sleep to get by, it doesn't leave any time to wash myself. In just a few days, I'm all grimy and smudged with dirt. I don't have any other clothes and I can't wash my robe, so it's getting all dirty as well. And unfortunately, my robe keeps attracting unwanted stares from the other children and people living near the orphanage, even dirty like this.

Despite my best efforts of running my fingers through my hair to keep it from getting too tangled up, I don't have a brush like Marrianne's, and can't find any time to wash it. Maybe it's because it's white that it winds up getting dark and dirty looking so quickly. In just a few days, it's already a kind of dark muddy gray color.

Four more days pass before I feel well enough fed and rested, that I try something new. Since I arrive back at the orphanage around the tenth bell every day, rather than sleeping until the twelfth bell, I take a bucket from the storeroom and head out to the well.

I've never drawn water from a well, but I see people do it all the time, so it shouldn't be too difficult. Well, it wouldn't be if I could reach it... A small bar sits over the well with a rope wrapped around it. Buckets are tied to the rope so they can be lowered down into the well to draw water up. I can't reach the rope. So I ask a lady at the well, and she pulls the end of the rope over for me. I thank her, and start tying the bucket. I have seen people do it, but it turns out to be pretty hard. I wrap the rope around the bucket handle a few times, winding the end like I remember seeing it done before. I try a few more times, and I think I'm getting closer.

"Give it here," a nearby woman says as she takes the bucket from me. I glance to the side, seeing that a couple other people are waiting to use the well. I'm already getting in their way... With a few quick motions, she has the bucket tied up. "What are people teaching their kids these days?"

"Thank you," I say and bow to the woman. She just gives me yet another weird look. However, since she did it for me, I still haven't figured out how to tie it for next time... Moving on anyway, I grab the big wheel at the end of the end of the rod and turn it, trying to work quickly so I don't hold up the others as much. The long rod turns slowly, lowering the rope and bucket down into the well. I keep turning the wheel. It's kind of heavy, but I can manage it.

I start to wonder when I've lowered it far enough. Unless I've already lowered it too far? No one nearby is telling me I'm doing anything wrong though, so I'm probably still fine? A short time later, I hear a splash. I guess that's the right distance. I start turning the wheel back the other way to bring the bucket back up. It's harder now, probably because the bucket is so heavy with water.

It takes a little while, but I get the bucket back up. I still can't reach it, but before I even ask, the next lady waiting grabs it for me. She unties the knot around the handle somehow, and hands me the bucket. I thank her and carefully carry the bucket away so she can get to the well herself. As soon as I move, the bucket that's completely full to the top, sloshes over the side onto me, but that's no big deal.

I walk the bucket over to the orphanage. Since I've never seen anyone wash themselves inside, I walk around to the alley on the side of the orphanage where I won't bother anyone. I pull off my robe and take the bit of cloth I've been using every night, and dunk it into the bucket. I think about it like the river. Clean water comes from upstream. You use it to clean things, then the dirty water is washed downstream. Since I only have a bucket, it's my source of clean water. I need to keep it clean, so I wring out the cloth onto the ground, which will work like downstream. All the dirty water goes onto the ground so the clean water in the bucket stays clean.

After I wring it out a few times, I think it's clean enough. I dunk it into the water, then quickly start to wipe myself down. I can't really scrub myself clean since all I have is a scrap of cloth, but I can at least get the worst of the sticky grime off. It doesn't take very long to wipe myself down. I can't really wash my robe either, but I wipe it down anyway to get the layer of dirt off of the surface.

It doesn't take too long to finish my improvised washing. It's not nearly as effective as washing in the river, but it should at least serve in a pinch. Once I'm finished, I dunk and wring the rag out over and over. I need to put it into my mouth every night, so I want it as clean as possible so it doesn't taste too gross.

Once I'm finished, I look into the bucket of water. Even though I've been wringing out the rag onto the ground, the rag was pretty dirty to begin with, so the water in the bucket is a bit dirty now too. I can't bring this in to add to the jug in the kitchen. It can't be used as drinking water. Without anything else to do with the water, I just dump the bucket over myself. I wring out my hair a few times, releasing a little grime. Like the rest of this wash, it doesn't help much, but I'm at least able to get my fingers through the tangles more easily.

Once I'm finished, I put my robe back on. It's wet, but so am I. At least it doesn't feel gritty against my skin anymore. And it really helps that it's very warm out. I take the bucket back to the storeroom, but it seems like everyone is staring at me even more than usual. Probably because I'm all wet? Well, the whole process took less than a single bell's time, so I'm feeling pretty good about it. I climb my way upstairs to my room to get a little sleep before dinner.

Strangely, I'm not woken by my nightmares. I wake up to Mister Fredricson dragging me out of bed. He ends up spanking me again and sending me to bed without dinner.

Apparently I'm not supposed to track water through the house. And things have been going so well too...