《Mark of the Crijik》Chapter 45: I wish I was full of tacos instead of emotions.
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There is a moment in time when everything freezes, and the world takes a breath as it waits for you to move. In those moments action is required before talking. My footsteps echoed in my ears, and dust stung my eyes. It didn’t matter.
I charged at William.
He looked at me in surprise, hurt in his eyes. It didn’t matter. I grabbed the chains, and pulled them off Eli’s neck. The man hadn’t even reacted.
Maybe he was already dead.
William’s eyes burned with rage. “What are you doing?”
I stared at him, and then looked back down at Eli.
“I don’t know.”
What was I doing?
My actions had been instantaneous. Instinctive. There was no thought, or emotions. I’d been guided by my body, and I’d let it take control.
It had chosen to save the man that had kept me captive for days. My thoughts caught up to me and I realised what I’d done.
William approached the body again, and this time I didn’t stop him. His chains rattled and he stood over Eli.
I looked up at him and I once again saw the fear in his eyes. This was a person who was hurting and wanted to do anything they could to fix that quickly.
William wanted to stop the fear. He didn’t need to understand it, he wanted to kill it.
He was two years old.
No.
I wouldn’t let that happen.
My hand reached out and placed itself on his arm. “No. If anyone is going to kill him, it’s going to be me.”
My words stopped William in his tracks. I don’t know what he thought I’d say, but that wasn’t it. As William watched, I reached down and pressed my fingers against Eli’s neck.
He had a pulse.
It was faint, and I could see a trickle of blood running down from his head. He was in no state to fight back and wasn’t coherent. Magic existed, but so did brain damage.
He couldn’t be more helpless.
I’d thought I’d killed him with my last attack. I’d intended to. He was a man about to kill me.
He had taken me captive and that was the price he paid. There was no fairness or justice for that man. He had done something inexcusable.
This wasn’t the same.
His body spasmed, and his eyes rolled back into his head. I ignored it. He was out of the picture. My emotions didn’t care about Eli. I didn’t need to save him. I needed to save William. Our enemy was incapacitated, but the one in his heart wasn’t.
“You’re hurting, William, but ending his life won’t stop that. It will only make it worse.”
“I don’t need a lecture. I need to kill him.” William shouted.
Something trickled across his cheeks.
Tears.
Maybe they were carrying the feelings of rage… of impotence. Or maybe the weight of what he was trying to do was finally hitting him.
It didn’t matter.
He was a kid that had been put into a situation no person should have to face. He didn’t need to be strong. He didn’t need to be right or wrong.
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He needed to be safe.
His world had been shaken, and for the first time he had realised what it meant to be vulnerable. It hit me with every sob, and I felt it with every shiver.
If I let him kill Eli, then it would accomplish nothing. He wanted to end his fear, but he didn’t want to accept it and overcome it.
It would only grow if he gave into it.
“He’s right here.” William whispered. “Can’t you see him? He’s listening. He’s watching.”
Below me was a motionless man.
That wasn’t what William saw in his mind. His heart was still raw, covered by the shadow of Eli’s actions. To him the terror was still real. It lived and breathed.
“He’s already finished, William.”
“Then you’re a fool. An idiot.” William roared.
His body moved forward, and he pushed against me. He was stronger. His fingers grabbed onto my arms, and I felt him overpowering me.
“Don’t you think he’s evil?” William's hands trembled. “It’s us against him.”
“Evil?” I struggled to get the words out. “Yes. I do think he is. I also think you’re not. You’re scared, and angry. Tell me, do you think it’s the right thing to do?”
“Of course it’s the right thing to do.” William spoke. “I’ve never been more sure.”
“Eli thought the same thing about what he did to us.” I felt William pause.
He hadn’t hesitated, he was surprised. I used the opportunity to push him back.
William faltered. “What do you mean?”
“He told me so himself. That he thought his cause was right.”
I recalled the conversations I’d had with Eli. When he’d gazed off and his mind wandered, he had told me what he thought. He’d said that nobody else understood.
“What he did was a twisted act of love. He lost a child, and then he made sure he did everything in his power not to lose the next.”
My teeth dug into my lip after I spoke. They were the truth, but speaking the truth disgusted me.
“He was pathetic.” I continued. “He was weak. And he was human. His fear caused everything that’s happening, and now I can see it overwhelming you. Tell me, when did you become a murderer?”
William blinked.
“You’re misunderstanding. It’s not murder. That isn’t a human. No human would do what he did.” His voice was low.
His body trembled.
It was a simple argument. Good and evil. Black and white. He was right. In a way.
Violence was a cycle. Eli had hurt him. And now William wanted to do the same. Eli had crossed the point of no return. William hadn’t crossed that line yet.
I wouldn’t let him.
“No William. That’s what being human is. We get scared. We feel angry. We hate. But we also love and grieve. Look at yourself. What are you becoming? All I see in front of me is another Eli.”
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William looked as though I’d physically struck him. His chains rattled as he took a step back.
“No. I’m nothing like him.” William closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“He was scared. Just like you are. He did anything he could to get rid of that fear. His solution left him dying, and the entire world will know what he did and hate him for it. He took the path you want to travel.” I spoke slowly. “Look at him. What has he gained? The answer is nothing.”
William took in another breath. When he opened his eyes, they were clear. There was still fear there, but also reason.
“Then how do I deal with it?” William looked at me. “If I don’t kill him, then tell me how else I’m supposed to cope?”
“By accepting help.”
I stepped towards him and gave him a hug.
“You’re safe now.”
His body tensed and I thought he would push me aside. Maybe make another attempt at Eli.
Then he relaxed and the sound of sobbing hit the air.
There was nothing I could do to solve his problem in the short-term. If he needed a friend, I could give him a friend. If he needed support, I could give him support. Now he had something that could help him cope.
It was time.
I stepped back and doublechecked that Eli was still down. His skin was turning pale, and there was froth at his mouth.
“I have a way to get us out of here.”
William was silent. Still processing.
Then he nodded. “I didn’t think you would do this without a plan. It wouldn’t have been wise.”
He didn’t want revenge anymore. He watched Eli carefully, and I felt comfortable falling into my meditative state. I explored my mind and gazed towards the murky swamp that held my Mark.
I gave it a tug.
I waited. There was no response. Then I pulled at it. Harder this time. It had to work.
My body shook as the Mark reacted. Torrents of purple rolled out of it, and in the distance, I could see something heading towards me.
Gerial.
I allowed the connection to be forged. I willed it to be so. Our Marks connected over the vast expanse, and I felt something leaving me...
There was only pain.
It spiralled out of my chest and across my body. Power radiated from my muscles, and lines of purple evaporated from my skin like steam. Each second was agony.
I held on. A deep breath in, a deep breath out. My mind cleared as I tolerated the pain, and the blank space appeared before me. The darkness was replaced by the waves of purple that clashed with each other and rolled towards their far-off goal.
I could see another wave in the distance. Gerial was there, trying to reach me. We were connected, but it wasn’t enough.
I needed more.
There was a tug in my chest as the Mark responded to my thoughts. The waves reached out across the vast expanse, and Gerial reached back.
I felt the connection strengthen and I held onto it tightly. Then I pulled.
I heard a whimper and I realised it was my own. The surroundings shimmered and warped. The power of my bloodline soaked into the air.
A light shone in front of my eyes.
From within my body a golden stream emerged. It cascaded into the room, and everything it touched became brighter, more vibrant.
My mana. Each time I used the Mark this golden mana had entered my body. Now it finally had a purpose. The yellow lights didn’t appear, and the mana drifted into the air confidently.
The connection completed and the pain stopped.
Gold mixed with purple as the room stabilised. Then figures emerged, walking through the mist. They were shadows at first, far away from us.
As they drew closer, I saw there were a dozen of them. Each one was an adult, except for the person leading them.
A small shadow rushed towards me. Skin and clothing materialised into its form as it made its way through the portal, and a smile broke out into my face.
It was Gerial.
We were safe.
My arms dropped to my side. The adrenaline in my body had kept it moving, but now that I knew I was safe it drained away.
William stood up from his place as shadow surrounded us. He looked expectantly at them, and I tried to pick out Master Wilhelm. The shadows slowly materialised, and several of them stepped forward.
Gerial stopped in front of me, and a hand reached out to help me up.
I stood and looked at the people around me. I didn’t recognise any of them. They wore purple robes, and each one of them had a mask with a single eye in the middle.
The Church of Crijik.
I’d seen them in the stands of the arena when William and I had fought each other. They were Gerial’s guardians, but beyond that they were the agents of an organisation so vast it spanned continents.
Each one looked at me. No emotion. No movement. A dozen knights in perfect formation.
Then as one they saluted me.
“We greet Master Silver.” The leader stared at me. “What are your orders?”
Master Silver? Orders?
I turned towards Gerial and saw him looking at the ground. His hands were pale, and his shoulders hunched.
“I’m sorry. It was the only way. I couldn’t connect to you without their help.”
I looked at the enforcers from the church of Crijik. Each gaze held respect, but underneath that there was something else.
It was reverence.
I took in my surroundings again. The gold mana. The bloodline power. None of it had surprised them.
They knew I had the Mark.
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