Since the incident in my dad’s office, I’d felt like I was waking from a dream. I was going through the motions of being fine, but I had a longing that needed to be quenched. I wanted to act.

“So, you want to learn magic. All magic. Not just earth?” Indra stared at me.

We’d positioned ourselves in the middle of the cultivation room and it was empty of any other people. None of the nature magicians wanted to stay after working hours.

“I don’t want to learn magic. I want to learn about magic.” I spoke. “General knowledge.”

I didn’t want to master all of the elements; I already had my hands full with earth. But… What if I could?

Indra’s head tilted. “Why?”

I didn’t respond immediately. There was a tug from within my chest.

“I have an enemy.” The words flew out. “I wish to learn about magic to overcome them.”

My heart had guided that answer, not my mind. I took a deep breath. “That’s the excuse I wanted to tell you.”

My dad was right. Fear bred more fear. The lurking watcher was still on my mind. The knowledge that I was never alone gnawed at my mind.

“The truth is that I’m finding myself driven by fear. I wanted to come here and ask for control of both your resources and magic, and I wanted to disguise it as a cry for help.”

The sheer arrogance of my intentions hit me as I spoke. I shook my head, the thought of fear driving me was unpleasant, but it was the truth.

[Fear Tolerance has reached level 3] [Fear Tolerance has reached level 4] [You have accepted fears that no mortal being should have.]

Fear Tolerance: Level 4. Experience 0.01%

Indra raised an eyebrow at me. “I see. Sounds like you’re carrying almost as much baggage as you are baby fat.”

“I’m adorable and you know it.” I rebutted.

Then I smiled. Okay, maybe I needed that.

“I thought you’d become one of those quiet brooding babies. I love those guys. Now I have to hear you talk more.” Indra’s eyes narrowed. “I would ask how you did it, but you didn’t do it. I can feel the magic on you. It’s a spell, and not yours either.”

“How…?” I stopped.

There was a lot I didn’t know. I had to accept that it would come. In time.

“That’s not what you want to know now, is it?” Indra looked at the ground, and then gestured at the dirt.

There was a tremor in the air, and then swirls appeared. They rose, slowly at first, and combined into a single tornado of earth above Indra’s head.

Show off.

“I’ve noticed something pretty interesting.” Indra moved his hands towards me.

The tornado of dirt filled the floor in front of me. Each clump slowed down, and then stopped, until there was a perfect cube of dirt in front of me. I placed my hands on it curiously and looked at Indra to see what he wanted.

“You wanted to learn what magic is?” Indra flicked a pebble at me. “Don’t talk. Do.”

I smiled. He wanted me to use earth manipulation.

I kept my hands on the cube of earth and closed my eyes. I raised my fingers, each hand holding onto a pile of dirt. Then I let it go, and watched it float in the air.

… Float in the air…

Why is it falling?

“What’s happening? What did I do wrong!”

I looked up at Indra and he was grinning like a hyena.

“That’s alright bud. We all have performance issues.” He frowned. “Don’t tell your parents I said that.”

“Why?” I asked innocently. “What does it mean?”

I watched with glee as he squirmed. This was payback for calling me fat. Then I looked down at the cube and sighed.

“You knew this would happen somehow. This is some kind of lesson, isn’t it?” I frowned.

Nothing had changed since I’d last used magic. Indra’s grin alleviated my worry. He looked like someone that had played a grand practical joke.

Had Indra done something to the room?

“It’s a test.” He spoke. “But I’m not the one doing the testing.”

What did that mean?

I resisted the temptation to look around the room. Indra wouldn’t have let anyone else be part of this lesson. That meant I was missing something.

I thought about my skill.

Earth manipulation(I): Level 1. Experience 20%

I could move the earth. It was written in my system.

“The system-”

“Stop.” Indra raised his hand. “You have unlocked earth manipulation. No more, no less. Do not focus on the system, focus instead on your memories, on your feelings. You have spoken with magic before. Did it respond when you tried to talk to it just now?”

I shook my head. I’d felt none of the connection I had when first learning earth manipulation.

“Tell me, what do you think about the system?”

“The system is a part of me. It is a limb, and a tool.” I replied.

“And when did you start thinking the same about magic?”

My breathing slowed. My thoughts churned, trying to work out if what he said was true. Magic was real, I knew that. I looked down at the dirt cube.

Did I think magic was nothing but a tool?

My talk with my dad flashed through my mind. He’d wanted me to accept the system, and I had. It was a tool.

“But I have the skill...” My excuse ran out of steam the moment it touched the air.

“You think that just because the system says you can do it, that you can? The system is part of you. It tells you what you are capable of at your best, and right now you are holding yourself back. There is no contradiction here. You want to learn magic but are unwilling to accept that it is more than a number, and more than a skill.”

“Magic is alive.” Indra raised the dirt from the cube into the air. “So many want to believe that isn’t true. That they can control magic so that they use it correctly every time. We all like to believe we’re perfect until we hit the first stumbling block.”

“Magic is separate from the system, and it is separate from you. Magic has no enemies, only friends.” His words lapped around me, echoing into my mind. “Believe that, and nothing will ever limit you. Not elemental attunement, not mana restrictions or intelligence.”

Fear is a monster that seeks to breed more of itself. My dad’s words echoed through my mind. I had accepted my fears and admitted them to Indra and myself.

That wasn’t enough.

Fear does not release control after it has gotten what it wants. It only continues to take. Once I allowed it to take over, it never stopped. I wanted to think of magic as something not to be controlled, but in my heart, I’d already lost that battle before it began.

“Why should magic believe in me when I don’t believe in myself?” I sighed.

“You must be some kind of deep thinker.”

“Well, actuall- oh, you're being sarcastic.”

“Me? No. How could I ever do that to you.” Indra’s tone confirmed it.

I smiled. His candidness was refreshing, and in that moment of joy I realised something. I’d told Indra that I wanted to learn about magic, and I told that to myself as well.

I’d lied.

Deep down, I wanted to learn how to create the other elements. I wanted to control them. I felt that knowing about them would lead me to that.

It wasn’t logic that fuelled this belief. It was my fear. I knew it in my heart and mind, but I hadn’t accepted it. There was so much to control. So much I could do if I put my mind to it.

I wouldn’t have had this problem yesterday. Or this conversation. There would always be something that could damage my heart and close my mind. It was my job to overcome it.

Tolerance of my fears wasn’t enough.

“In the world all is mana. It permeates the air, and it is the life we feel with every breath. There is no ground, no dirt, and no plants. They are illusions of the mind, and all that is left is magic.”

Indra’s voice floated towards me.

“It is your friend. So, ask it for help.”

A stream of air entered my nostrils as I breathed in. It held the scent of earth and flora. Beneath me I felt the stone, firm and unyielding, ready to bear my burden. In my hands the dirt clung to me, unwilling to let go until I wanted to be rid of it.

A deep breath in, a deep breath out.

I felt the calmness of mind I had been missing since I’d learned I was being watched. The mana didn’t matter, and I wasn’t using magic. I sought nothing. Not control, nor fear. The gentle tides of my breath brought a depth of calm to my panicked mind. My blood flowed, and my thoughts cleared. The madness of humanity had disappeared.

There was only harmony and oneness of my body and mind.

There were no emotions, and no logic. The world breathed alongside me, calm pushing under my stress and easing it out of my body.

From that calm swam forward new thoughts, and new ideas. They were brought in by connections I had missed and patterns my brain had been too overworked to see. Something had been beside me since the beginning. It had guided me in times of trouble and provided aid.

That being was here.

A trickle of coolness swept over my skin, a hint of power, a gentle tease of what could be. My consciousness faded as I concentrated on the trickle, and it transformed into waves. They spread out into the air, crawled through the ground, and danced in harmony with each other.

It was mana.

I’d gotten two skills and I thought myself the king of the world. I’d been a fool. This wasn’t something to be controlled, or to be ordered. I’d just wanted it to be that way.

Now I could see the magic for what it was. Alive. Free.

I held out my hand and watched as the mana drew in curiously, gathering together and dancing in my palm. They sprung into the air and flew around me, and others gathered around my hair, weaving in and out of the strands.

They’d always been with me; I just hadn’t seen them. I knew with certainty now that I wasn’t alone, but not every watcher was an enemy.

This one was a friend.

I opened my eyes to a bright orange world. All around me mana glimmered and waved. It was greeting me, as a friend and as an ally.

“A sentence was never going to help you understand what magic is.” Indra smiled. “Welcome to the club, kiddo.”

[You have unlocked the skill: Mana Sense.] [You have unlocked the skill: Mana Manipulation.]

The messages floated in my mind, and I closed them. That didn’t matter. Not today.

“Thank you.” I spoke.

Both to Indra, and to the mana.

“Yes. I am an amazing teacher.” I could hear the smile in his words. “So, you wanted to know about the other elements?”

“I don’t think I need to, anymore.” I admitted.

“That means you’re ready.”

Indra sat straight.

“There are eight basic elements, and eight spires in Zodiac to match them. Earth, wind, fire, water, sound, connection, lightning, and life.”

I leaned forward...

That night I slept comfortably. The mana danced around me, protecting me. I felt safe in its embrace, and the need to rush had disappeared. I had overcome my fears, with a little help.

One year.

That was the minimum timeframe my dad thought he’d need to complete his regent.

Until then, I would be training.