Two hours later, we still hadn’t made it to the pub. Instead, I’d taken Hruk out shopping. I couldn’t tell whether the residents of Arena had no fashion sense or only the economically challenged dressed poorly. On Earth, I hadn’t cared about fashion at all; however, I had my personal sense of style. Working in sales, we needed to present ourselves better. The first step of Pretty-Womaning the Bards Guild involved new threads, too.

Given the temperate climate and humidity, I invested little in warm clothes. Instead, I bought several brightly coloured shirts and a few pairs of dark trousers. The seamstress offered to make me a new cloak at a discount, but, for obvious reasons, I refused to part with the garment. Instead, I invested in several new patches to add more colour options to the garment.

Dressing Hruk proved a great deal more difficult. First of all, his giant left hand and forearm didn’t fit through any sleeves or armholes. Secondly, ever since he got the Minor Blessing of the Mountain, his body temperature ran hotter than most. As a result, he didn’t need warm clothing.

“I don’t see why I need new clothes,” Hruk complained as the seamstress took measurements. “My current outfits are just fine.”

“No, they’re not,” I told him. “By dressing like a rogue, you reinforce the stereotype.” I turned to the seamstress. “My hobgoblin friend has lovely hair and skin tone, doesn’t it? ”

The woman nodded. “We don’t get as many green-skinned folk here. Finding clothes that matches the hair shouldn’t be a problem. The skin colour is an entirely new challenge though.”

“I think trousers and cloaks should be fine for me,” Hruk said. “The clothes in here are neither practical nor to my tastes.”

After some nonverbal encouragement from me, the seamstress got back to work. In the end, we opted for light clothing. We got a few vests to accompany Hruk’s coats. After some insistent he got a couple of long coats as well. I had one made full-sleeved and waterproof to match Ron Perlman’s Hellboy. The other had no sleeves and showed off both arms in all of their glory—much to the seamstress’ chagrin. Trousers and boots weren’t a challenge in comparison and Hruk happily picked up multiple pairs in varying colours.

Finally, we got him two new cloaks. One bright and another dark. They had alchemical treatments for waterproofing and hoods to keep Hruk’s hair dry in the rain.

A notification appeared when I finished.

Congratulations!

You’ve not only impressed another deity but the glorious system with your tastes as well.

Fashion Mastery has progressed to Novice Rank 9!

I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Another rank would’ve likely increased my Charisma and gotten me closer to the Bard Class Mastery. My masteries were close to the required threshold, but it still felt like I had an obnoxiously long way to go.

Active Masteries:

Musician: Journeyman Rank 6

Mana Wielding: Journeyman Rank 2

—Mana Sense: Journeyman Rank 2

—Mana Control: Journeyman Rank 2

Brokering: Novice Rank 9

Sneaking: Apprentice Rank 7

Loreseeker: Apprentice Rank 1

—Identify: Novice Rank 1

Sleight of Hand: Apprentice Rank 0

Riding: Apprentice Rank 3

Beast Taming: Apprentice Rank 5

—Satchel Monster: Novice Rank 7

—Primordial Magic: Novice Rank 9

Fashion: Novice Rank 5

Scribing Mastery: Novice Rank 6

—Print: Novice Rank 6

Inactive Masteries:

Cooking: Apprentice Rank 8

I hoped Beast Taming would soon gain ranks after I ranked Primordial Magic more. Musician, Mana Wielding, and Loreseeker Masteries were already there.

Hruk complained about how much we had spent as soon as we left the store. However, we not only looked better, but felt better as well. Unlike the gnomes, our outfits weren’t flashy—except for my cape, of course. Still, Hruk now looked less like a rogue and more a successful businessman. I still lacked the signature flamboyance, but now, I’d probably make it as far as barding guild’s the lounge before some dick-head elf kicked me out.

We ate dinner at a local pub. Fish soup and bread for me while Hruk enjoyed an extra-rare beef steak with a baked potato. I’d probably make a fortune if I introduced the city of Eldar’s Port to the wonders of a twice-baked spud. Considering how big a hit it had been in Blacknail’s Table, it would probably do even better in Eldar’s Port. A new culinary invention would likely hasten the effects of Royalty Fee too and help get Cooking to Journeyman.

Fame and fortune would be easy to find once I got round to introducing Arena Disk to Earth’s delicacies. I had the knowledge and skill to reproduce most of them. The primary challenge would be figuring out how to execute dishes without the culinary technology of the twenty-first century.

“Someone’s following us,” Hruk said not long after we left the pub. Looking over my shoulder, I spotted them. “Two behind us, one on the roof?”

“What are they?” I stuffed the apples and bread rolls we bought for breakfast into my pockets. They couldn’t possibly be after our food; we had long passed the poorer parts of town.

“I can’t tell. Too many scents around here, but they’ve been following us for a while.”

“Must be the Artificers or Merchants Guild,” I said, thinking out loud. “They seemed pretty upset about our success.”

“If that’s the case, we need to lose them as soon as possible,” Hruk whispered, turning into a narrow alley.

“Wouldn’t it be better if we stick to the crowds? Do you think they’re here to kill us?”

“Kill us? No. They wouldn’t risk going against the city for small fries like us. I’m guessing they hired goons to lift our merchandise.”

“So, we can’t let them find out where we’re living.”

I tried to spot our tail, but in the alley’s darkness, I only saw two wide silhouettes. Then, Hruk grabbed my hand and started running. We needed to get far from them as soon as possible. Bloody hell, I thought, coming to a big city would involve less running from pursuers.

“I’m too full for this,” I yelled.

Hruk only pulled harder. My feet struggled to keep up with them. However, despite my full stomach, I had an easier time than when escaping Kraine’s spells. I chalked it up to the extra points of Vitality. I regretted not bringing Doctor Whoo for our outing. We’d get more unwanted attention for bringing a shrike into the city, but she’d move swiftly and keep us safe.

Then, a man the size of a silver-back gorilla stepped into the alley, blocking our exit. Hruk gracefully skid to a stop before I barreled into him and knocked him to the ground. The hobgoblin quickly untangled our limbs and jumped to his feet. Lightning crackled from his gauntleted arm, while the other fished the crimson aether core out of his trousers. He hadn’t strapped on the bauble maker for the outing, but had funnily brought the incriminating article along.

The two behind us used our hesitation to close the distance. For some reason, they had fallen into a low crouch.

“Perry, empty your pockets,” Hruk said.

“I spent all the coin I brought out.”

“No, you dolt. The food, throw it at them.”

“You know I can’t do that,” I told him. “Coward’s Brand is going to cripple me.”

Hruk sighed. He fished a light sphere out of his pocket and threw it up into the air. I got a good look at the guild thugs. But… they weren’t thugs but racoons. We had alien trash pandas shaking us down. We couldn’t see the giant thug’s face because it wasn’t a person, but an enormous mass of hair. My opponents weren’t crouching, but had fallen into their natural stance on all fours. I threw my apples at them, and the waist-high critters caught the fruit using furry hands which sprouted from the end of their bushy tails.

Furcoons

The critters mostly live in the outskirts of cities, towns, and villages. Even though they’re low rank magical beasts and are reasonably intelligent, most see them as vermin.

Furcoons use their intelligence to trick people and steal food using their prehensile tail hands. They have the power to grow fur at an accelerated rate, and either Shape or Manipulate it, giving them weapons and tools for mischief.

Identify has progressed to Novice Rank 3!

I chucked the rest at the smallest of the lot that had created the behemoth. It gathered up the bread rolls and the pastries before disappearing down the alley. Its friends absconded long after.

“Did we just get mugged by wild animals? Do furcoons ever get close to the heart of cities? They’re a bit big for urban pets.”

“They had collars on,” Hruk answered. “Furcoons avoid people as much as possible. They’re more afraid of us than we’re of them.”

“Then how do you explain what just happened? They weren’t afraid of us at all.”

“I don’t know. Someone must have brought them into Eldar’s Port.”

We returned to the inn shell shocked but glad. Hungry furcoons were less concerning pursuers than the Artificers’ or Merchants’ Guilds.