I stalk the fopdoodle as he carries the young woman while displaying clear wicked intentions. As I follow, I allow the cattail to engulf rocks and gravel, it expands to around a foot wide—what I believe is close to what it can presently stretch. The fopdoodle turns onto a dark and unlit path. Another thousand steps later, he moves into a thick grove of trees before coming to a rock and placing the young woman upon it with a lecherous expression of anticipation.

“Fuck yeah. It has been a while.” The fopdoodle commences removing his trousers with a laugh. “It’s cold, so let’s hurry this up, or I’ll be frozen stiff.”

Clouds move across the sky, obstructing moonlight and blackening the thicket further as I shout in my head, ‘Enough of this filth!’ The laden cattail rustles the bushes as I hoist it into the air. ‘I shall bestow upon thou an unforgettable beating.’

“Hey!” The fopdoodle spins around and shouts, “Who’s there!?”

To ensure I have the proper range, I step from the bushes.

It’s so dark, the fopdoodle squints. “...Someone with purple flashlights? Fuck, I can’t see shit.” He pulls his trousers up and reaches into a pocket at his back, drawing some kind of metal object.

“Whoever you are, I suggest you leave, or I’ll shoot your ass,” he says, almost tripping over his own clothes.

His strange words prompt a moment’s hesitation. ‘What does he mean by that...? I suppose it does not matter.’

Advancing onward, he sneers, proclaiming, “My buddies are nearby, so either I shoot you, or they do. There’s no winning this unless you leave now.”

I ignore his words, proceed forward, and take aim.

He smirks. “Well, don’t say I didn’t warn ya.”

A deafening noise rings out as splinters of wood rain down around me.

‘...Could that possibly be some kind of matchlock handgun; if that strikes the kiln, it might nearly end me!’

Realizing the danger I am in, I swing the cattail at an angle, the ball of rock and gravel strikes the fopdoodle’s knee. His knee cracks, the leg bends at a sharp angle, and a bone juts from his skin.

He collapses into the cold snow, screaming, “Son of a…! My leg! God, my leg!” The once pure white snow is stained red with blood.

‘The cattail is more powerful than I realized!’

He lifts the handgun. I hurriedly move to my right to evade.

Five more thunderous blasts reverberate through the grove of trees as he attempts to end me. His bullets pass through the haze of my left shoulder, putting small holes into the outer coating of the ‘comrade cracker’ adaptation. Haze leaks from the holes, but the membrane repairs the gaps with a new layer.

‘How can such a small handgun have so many pellets!?’

Raising the cattail, I recall the method bestowed upon me by the Cosmic System. I strike his left hand, and the sound of breaking bone echoes. He yells numerous vulgarities, or what I assume are meant to be vulgarities. I swing again, smashing his right hand. He lets out a high-pitched scream as the handgun tumbles into the red snow.

The fopdoodle raises his hands. His fingers are bent at various angles with bone visible through the tears in his flesh. A noticeable patch of black can be seen on his palms, fingers, and even his knees—symptoms of the plague.

‘Haze against exposed skin; it shall be an unpleasant recovery. Still, disease from the haze will likely fade if he finds a physician to do a bit of bloodletting. Of course, any qualified physician would do that.’

“You! Who the hell are you!?” His eyes are wide, and he has begun to shiver. “If… if I go missing, my buddies will find you!”

Achieved Novice Feline Whip [Grade 2]

+1 Strength

+1 Acuity

13 Stat Points Remaining

Shoving aside the blue wall, I glance at the unconscious woman as well as the howling fopdoodle and realize I do not know what I should do now.

‘It was a mistake to be so cavalier in my handling of this.’ My gaze returns to the young woman. ‘I cannot leave her here; it is too dangerous and cold.’

The fopdoodle tries to stand, so I raise the cattail over him and drop the rocks and gravel over his head and wounds.

An idea comes to mind when I notice his trousers have caught themselves on the broken bone that sticks through his knee. ‘I need some of thy possessions, and what I am about to do shall hurt tremendously! Just know thou hast naught to blame but thyself.’

With the cattail, I seize the fopdoodle’s trousers and yank. He screams, and it takes me a bit of time, but I manage to work them past the jagged bone. This time I reach for his shirt and pull it over his head, causing his arms to dangle and wave about in the air loosely. He curses me as I force his hands through the arms holes until finally, the shirt comes off as well.

The fopdoodle’s eyes have glassed over from blood loss. “Are you wearing one of those damn morph suits?” he yells with tears in his glassy eyes. “I’m gonna freeze to fuckin’ death out here if you leave me!”

He swings his hand, sending drops of blood to various corners of the grove.

‘Someone should come for him soon. The handgun was very loud, and he stated his companions are near.’ I stare into his eyes for a moment, recalling what I did to the raccoon a day or so prior. ‘Nay. I just need to leave as swiftly as possible.’

I ignore the incapacitated fopdoodle’s abuses, tossing the trousers and shirt into a snowbank near the rock the woman is resting on. Grasping a tree limb, I prod the woman until she rolls from the rock onto the trousers and shirt. The woman’s posterior falls onto the shirt while her head rests between the split in the trousers.

Staring at the fopdoodle, I find that he looks disturbingly appetizing. ‘He is lucky I ate those bouquets earlier, or I might be tempted to do something egregious… Though I am still rather hungry, and he does look fairly tasty… But I do not think he would actually fit in the cattail; he is fairly large... ‘ I turn away. ‘These types of thoughts make me uncomfortable.’

Gripping the trouser legs, I drag the woman steadily out of the thicket.

“What is wrong with you!? What are you!? Don’t just leave me here, dammit, call someone.”

I gaze at the ground and notice the fopdoodle’s leather boots.

‘Having to repair the comrade cracker layer as well as the loss of haze has raised my Erysichthon value slightly, so this could make up for it.’

The cattail slithers over to the boots. The black clouds above separate, exposing the moon above—blue light leaks into the thicket. The haze reflects the moonlight, illuminating my figure in a tinge of blue.

The fopdoodle’s mouth opens and closes as his boots are dragged into the cattail by the tendrils. “W-what the fuck?” he says in a high squeaky voice.

With the fopdoodle gawking at me, I drag the young woman away, searching for an area away from his sight.

Earl Interface:

Absorbed ‘Crocodile Leather Boots’ (Non-Magical)

Reduced Erysichthon value by 10

Essence value is less than one.

0.1 Refinable Nebula

0.0 Refinable Vitrum

I stop in a small clearing as a purple wall appears displaying a strange name; still, the most obvious thing is the taste. ‘Rubbish tasted better than this. I suppose it is to be expected when such a waste of flesh has worn them.’

Still, the wall makes me remember something. ‘Perhaps I should select a new adaptation in case I run into one of his companions. The cattails range is rather limited. Earl, please quickly display the adaptation wall. Ah, only include things I can currently afford.’

Earl Interface:

Cannot afford adaptations. Low levels of Refined Nebula

Essence Available: 39

Refined Nebula Available: 0.2 [4.9]

Refined Vitrum Available: 5.0 [1.9]

Refined Unknown Superacid: 0.5 (0.0)

‘I need to refine Nebula, and my Essence is only thirty-nine anyway.’ As I move further, the screaming of the fopdoodle fades into the distance. ‘I will just have to take a stealthy approach.’

Gently, I pull the woman back to the café for what feels like hours, occasionally stopping to readjust her position with branches nearby. When possible, I leave the trail to ensure the friends of the fopdoodle do not find us. At one time, someone walked by, but I made sure to hide the young woman from their sight. The snow has grown worse, and the wind has become annoyingly strong, and I can see haze being blown away. Looking at the woman, I can see her shivering to a scary extent, so I strain myself to move faster.

Arriving at the café, my gaze instead shifts to the lavish place next door—the one that allows noble's to pick their own meals. I notice a sign stating that the name of this place is “The Boathouse.”

‘Ah. Now that I recall, someone mentioned that name the other day while I was spying.’ I drag the woman to the door of The Boathouse and take a moment to assess her condition. ‘This woman's humors are likely out of balance, thank the lord she is young. Still, if things continue like this, she might freeze to death before anyone trustworthy arrives. Perhaps, I could…?’

A blue wall interrupts me.

Achieved Interim Humorism [Grade 3]

+1 Fortitude

12 Stat Points Remaining

Dismissing the wall, I move toward The Boathouse. I peer through the windows, and my eyes fix themselves upon the thick tablecloths. ‘Shelter and cloth to cover her? I will have to figure out how to get in.’

I attempt to push the door, but it does not move, ‘Locked of course! It would never be that simple.’ I approach the window and take a very close look at them. ‘These windows do not seem capable of being opened normally.’

Walking the building's exterior two times, I still do not find a way into this fortress. When I return to the woman, I find her condition has worsened. Her complexion has become extremely pale, and she has stopped shivering. Even while in her unconscious stupor, the woman starts kicking off her shoes as if she is hot despite the freezing temperatures.

‘If she has stopped shivering without reason, then she is likely much worse than I imagined. It must be much colder than I imagined. This is very bad; I cannot afford to keep looking for a way in…’

Raising the cattail and wrapping it around one of the chairs. The metal chairs are a bit awkward to handle, but I manage to sling it at the window, shattering it. Entering The Boathouse, I somehow manage to get the door open by pressing against a bar that runs across the door’s front. However, when I went outside and dragged the woman closer, the door again locked to my great annoyance.

‘Foolish thing!’

Going back inside, the same situation recurs several times as the door keeps trying to close on its own until finally, I get a chair wedged just right.

‘Let’s get thee inside, and I shall cover thee.’

I bring her in and take some of the white clothes from the tables, placing them atop the woman. A few minutes later, she begins shivering once again.

‘That is a good sign. Perchance, would there be anything else here that I could use to warm her? Perhaps I could figure out how to light one of the lanterns?’

I stand on one of the tables and look into one of the lanterns, only to find what looks to be a glass ball.

‘What? I knew it was not a flame, but I did not think this was what was inside? I suppose I will not be able to use this, and even if I could, I would not have any idea how.’ I hop from the table, drifting down, and resume my exploration. ‘This place is incredible… I assume there would be a kitchen here? Perhaps, back there?’

Walking back into a hallway, I find a pair of silver doors with little windows. I push with my hands, and with a small creak, the doors open easily, revealing a room of silver that leaves me tilting my head.

‘What is all this? Where is the fire pit?... Actually, now that I think about it, this building did not seem to have a chimney.’

My curiosity starts to take over as I open, close, and study everything I feel comfortable touching.

‘This is all so interesting, even though I do not know what many of these things are. Hmm, what is that big silver box over there?’

I approach the silver box and stare through the window, observing a chilly-looking mist. Noticing a bar on the front, I grip it with the tendrils and yank, the silver box opens. The mist escapes but hastily dissipates. Entering the silver box, I find myself surrounded by a variety of meats. My hands move to my stomach.

‘Food. A lot of food… and the rough winds have made me dreadfully hungry.’

Finding a lump of particularly interesting looking meat, I realize what it is pretty quickly, ‘Lamb. I have never had lamb before. Perhaps, I can just take… a little bit.’

As if having received permission, the cattail expands and engulfs the lamb. It does not stop there; it engulfs another, followed by another. The lamb melts within the cattail. A lengthy trail of fleshy red haze courses through it down my torso and into the shell of the kiln.

Feelings of flavor that are simply not comparable to anything in my previous life fills my body, making me weak. Lost in the ecstasy, the cattail continues engulfing everything, generating so many flavors to fill my body that my mind turns blank.

Earl’s walls keep appearing and disappearing before reappearing with a larger number, but cannot focus.

Earl Interface:

Absorbed ‘Loin of Lamb’ (Non-Magical)

Absorbed ‘Sea Scallops’ (Non-Magical)

Absorbed ‘King Oyster’ (Non-Magical)

Absorbed ‘Gulf Shrimp’ (Non-Magical)

Absorbed ‘Salmon Fillet’ (Non-Magical)

Absorbed ‘Striped Bass Fillet’ (Non-Magical)

Absorbed ‘Tuna Fillet’ (Non-Magical)

Absorbed ‘Fillet of Beef’ (Non-Magical)

Absorbed ‘Pork Tenderloin’ (Non-Magical)

Absorbed ‘Chicken Breast’ (Non-Magical)

.

.

.

Reduced Erysichthon value by Max.

Essence attained 43

2.4 Refinable Nebula

0.7 Refinable Vitrum

‘That… was delicious.’ My gaze slowly moves across the room where empty containers and bags lie strewn about. ‘I believe I might have eaten everything within reach… Perhaps I should leave.’

A blue wall appears.

Congratulations, you’ve fulfilled the hidden condition: eat enough meat to feed at least thirty humans. Your Title will be updated.

Updated Title: Parasitic Thief +

The one who possesses this Title is a creature that frequently steals and is unable to survive without acquiring something from others. To receive this Title, one must have acquired it to the great detriment of another while offering nothing in return.

{Wow! There was enough meat there for a whole wedding. You sure do steal and eat a lot! A parasite and a thief; quite the combination you have going there. Taste and any benefits from stolen food are increased even further.}

Reading the message, I swipe at the blue wall. My hand passes through, and the wall vanishes. ‘Do not mock me; the reason this is happening is because of thy title! I knew it was too delicious!’

I leave the kitchen, discovering red and blue lights flashing through the windows. Hiding under one of the tables, I watch as a man and a woman enter dressed in black uniforms.

‘Oh? I think I recognize these two! They were there the day I first arrived in the park. I believe one is named Leo and the other is Jessica.’

“Hey, this window is broken. Radio for backup,” Leo says.