“Excuse me sir, but we are a half hour away from the city. Sir?” An annoying voice kept yelling at me. Why was a stone wall talking to me? At least it was respectful, calling me sir and all. Probably to save itself from imminent destruction. I smiled for a second before I felt something smack the back of my head.

Snorting, I shook my head as I woke up. “Huh? Whazzat?”

“I said we are about a half hour away from the city sir. Your companion woke you up, he wouldn’t let anyone else close.”

“Thanks Inkler.” I said, tossing a bit of meat from my inventory over my shoulder. “So, what’s the plan when we get back?”

“If it’s ok with you we will send a rider ahead and have your priestess meet you in the temple of Lolth. We will of course be taking the most direct route there.”

“That’s fine. No plans or demands from the council?” I managed to ask with an innocent air, getting a grimace from the guard next to me.

“Calendra, our leader, has decided that new information obtained on our trip is enough to overrule any orders the council may have given before our group managed to come into contact with you.”

“Calendra sounds smart. Was it really that scary?”

“I’m a devout drow, sir. I recognized the power that you were wielding in part came from Lolth. In fact, I’m sure everyone there realized that the power you were wielding from Lolth was only a fraction of the total power that was unleashed. I’ll be very, very blunt. You scared us shitless. In the grand order of scaring people shitless, at the top is Lolth. You are a close second, the priestesses a distant third and the council is a fraction of the priestess’s power. If you were a female drow, I would be congratulating you on you securing your position as the ruler of drow society.”

“Thank you for being honest. If it makes you feel better, I’ll be heading to the surface soon anyway.” I said with a chuckled.

“It truly does. Thank you, sir.” He said, before nodding at me and riding forward for a bit. While they were debating whatever was going to happen, I started thinking about stone. I already found two boosted elements, I wondered what I would have to do to find a third. Phoebe said stone gets boosted to metal. I conjured a stone shot, but had nothing to really compare it to. “Anyone have a basic iron dagger or something I could borrow for a bit?” I called out. The drow looked among themselves in panic for a second. “It doesn’t have to be a dagger. I just need a bit of iron.” I said. Soon enough a guard was tossing a chunk of iron ore to me.

I easily caught the baseball sized chunk, holding it in my left hand while I had the conjured stone in my right. I tried feeling the differences between them. Why was one stone and one metal? Was there an emotion associated with metal that wasn’t there in stone? I sent mana through each one, trying to find any differences. In the end, it was a complete failure.

“Thanks for the loan.” I said as I tossed the chunk of iron back to the drow guard who had loaned it to me.

“No problem.” He said. Cautiously, he asked, “Um. If you don’t mind. What were you trying to do?”

“Not at all. I was just trying to find a boosted element for stone.”

“Ah.” He said, nodding his head. “Sorry you couldn’t figure it out. I’m no mage, or I would see if I could give you any advice.”

“No worries.” I said, waving off his offer. I’m sure there would be some strings attached. We approached the gates of the city, completely bypassing the line of people waiting to enter. The guards simply nodded at our presence, and nobody dared to mutter about having to wait. As soon as we moved through the gates, things changed. Several soldiers fell into line with us, clustered around the leader of the group. I smiled as she animatedly gestured about herself in a mad bid to explain to everyone why the plans changed. Unfortunately, I didn’t hear a word of it as someone had erected a privacy barrier. It was rather easy to tell when they realized I was the divine avenger everyone had gotten a notice about. They all turned to stare at me for a second, before turning and scuttling off to report to their higher ups.

“Sir, if you don’t mind, we are going to double time it to the temple.” The leader said, relaxing when I nodded in agreement. Pulling out a whistle, she blew two long blasts and one short one. It was nearly magical as the center of the road emptied in seconds, and we formed a spider stampede. She would occasionally blow the warning again, but I didn’t care. It was incredibly thrilling to be a part of the charge. It was almost like being a part of a cavalry charge, though without the danger of running into a row of pikes at the end. What normally would have taken nearly an hour to cross at a sedate pace, we managed in ten minutes. Still, despite our speed through the city there was a hastily assembled welcoming committee for us.

“Halt!” The leader ordered. “By order of the council, Angus is to be detained-.”

Her speech cut off immediately when I used [Dancing shadow steps] to appear behind her with my blade at her throat. “Let me make myself very clear. I neither want nor appreciate the protection of the council. In fact, it’s become rather bothersome. Now, I have business with a priestess of Lolth. Anyone who wants to stand in my way is welcome to meet the same fate as any who were recently at the compound of Lucifer.”

“For those unaware, we witnessed Angus channel the power of a divine avenger to destroy the complete holdings of Lucifer. His domain is now barren sand.” Calendra called out from behind me. That got the slight twitching of hands towards weapons to freeze completely. Ever so slowly they raised their hands and moved away from blocking the way.

“You’ve saved a lot of lives Calendra. Well done.” I said, nodding my thanks at her. “Come on Inkler, we have stuff to do.” I don’t know how the cat managed to convey reluctant acceptance as he flowed out of his carrier, but he managed it. He sauntered past, flipping his tail at me as he did so. “Right then. Calendra, thanks for the escort back.” I removed my weapon from the neck of the drowess, and followed Inkler into the temple area.

As we entered the gates, they shut behind us as several guards wearing Lolth’s insignia fell into step with us. We entered the church, and as soon as the doors shut the priestess moved so fast she damn near teleported right next to me.

*CRACK*

“IMBECILE!” She screeched as she slapped me across the face.

“Gah, what the hell was that for?”

“What took you so long to get back, hmmm?” She asked, hand on her hip.

“Oh no. Oh no, I’ve seen that look before on far too many women. I am not about to implicate myself. You will tell me what exactly has you so entirely pissed off at me, and then I will tell you why I didn’t do what you expected me to do.” I fired right back.

“What exactly do you remember about the last time we were in a room together?” She asked, voice getting dark.

“Wear the symbol of Lolth down the tunnels, once you exit make your way to Lucifer’s area as fast as possible. Once you kill him, come back.”

“Figures, you missed the MOST IMPORTANT PART!”

“And what was that?”

“How were you supposed to get back?”

“You didn’t sayyyyyy, oh crap. The symbol.”

“Mmhmm. The symbol. Why didn’t you use the symbol to teleport you here immediately?”

“Would you believe two very good reasons?” I asked, feeling the guards behind me trying to suppress their mirth at the situation.

“Probably not, but let’s hear it.”

“Well, I distinctly recall you saying it would take some of Lolth’s power. As I had just finished channeling an absolutely insane amount of power from several deities, I didn’t want to add further strain to Lolth.”

“That at least has a small bit of logic behind it. What is your second excuse?”

“I forgot.” Everyone froze at that. Even Inkler turned his head to stare at me.

“Forgot.”

“Completely forgot.”

“Forgot. Forgot that you had a way to teleport back to the city.”

“Yep.”

“Stupid. Worthess. Idiotic. MAN!” She screeched. “Ugh! Follow me. Lolth wishes to speak with us.” Turning, she sped off down the main aisle in the temple, headed straight for the altar.

“Um, not to be a bore, but I distinctly recall needing some poison induced coma to speak to Lolth. In case you have forgotten, I’m rather immune to poison now.”

“We know. Just come on.” The priestess hissed, not even slowing down. As we approached the altar, I saw a drowess so absolutely gorgeous she even put the priestess to shame. Well, that was until her lower half raised above the altar. Turns out the beautiful drowess was a drider.

“Hello Angus.” She said in a sultry voice.

“Greetings Lolth.” I answered with a bow. “And thanks for the assistance with Lucifer.”

“It was a pleasure. Especially feeling Justice squirm when you were threatening him on his throne. Excellent use of skills to remove his limbs, so that he was helpless before you.” She said with a grin, before getting serious. “Alas, I can’t keep reminiscing about good times. We are having some, hmmmm, issues, with your contract.”

“I assume it has to do with the city council wanting to detain me?”

“I see why you find him so frustrating, priestess. He picks up so much, yet sometimes the obvious remains oblivious to him. Yes, them detaining you would interfere with your contract.”

“I see. So, what can I do to help your plan?”

“A little known fact about the divine, we have limited resources to spend in this world. Oh, we can do intangible things all the time, that’s unlimited. However, pouring divine power into an avenger and leveling portions of the world take up vast amounts of our limited power. In fact, almost all the gods will have severely limited power to directly intervene for the next three days as our power rebuilds.” I nodded at her explanation, patiently waiting. “So we come to you. I can’t have the city matriarchs holding you and breaking our contract, that would have dire consequences. I am also prevented from intervening with them, as the concessions I would have to give would weaken the church too much. So I’m stuck with a conundrum: How to intervene and teleport you to Nemesis, without a pool of power to draw upon.”

“That is rough. I don’t suppose there is a way to refill your power early?”

“Funny you should mention that.” She said with a growing grin. “There is indeed a way. If someone wishing for a divine intervention were to perform a powerful act that would speak directly to one of my aspects, well. I could then theoretically intervene despite my depleted pool.”

“Interesting. I just so happen to be someone wishing for divine intervention, what would you need me to do in order to receive said intervention? Hopefully nothing too bad.”

“Not at all. In fact, I think you would find it quite enjoyable. I want you to impregnate my priestess here.”

“Huh?” The priestess froze, staring at her goddess.

“Pardon?” I asked, equally stunned.

“Oh don’t give me that. I am the master of secrets, and queen of temptresses. It’s painfully obvious that you two have strong feelings, and the fact that you have resisted so far only strengthens the inevitable power you will give to me when you succumb to your desires. There’s a rite my priestess knows to ensure she conceives, and we all win. You two finally get carnal knowledge of each other, and by dedicating the act to me you guarantee that I will be able to teleport you and Inkler back to Nemesis.”

“And what of the child?” I asked, growing suspicious.

“They will be raised by the drow of course. I’m very interested to see just how powerful your joining can become.”

“I have enough difficulty with the morals of the drow, what makes you think that I would allow my child-.”

“Enough.” Lolth interrupted, holding up a hand. “I’ve seen glimpses of your character through your actions, and have talked with Thanatos about it as well. For a fleeting mortal life, you have managed to impress several of the gods. Not to mention being one of six divine avengers in history, you are a rather remarkable specimen. So several of us got together, and came up with this. Moradin, Gaia, and Pelor all have their paladins. Tiamat, Evil, and Myself have our own versions as well. The Grey pantheon is lacking, and seeing what Lucifer had amassed was an eye opener. Your child would be the first of a new order, a Balancer. They will be raised in Menzoberrazan, but with trainers and teachers from the grey pantheon to watch over their growth. They will then have the choice to wander this world, searching for those that would break taboo in order to gain power. A sort of semi-permanent divine avenger.”

“That. Wow. I wasn’t expecting something like that.” I said, rather stunned. Before I could think about what it all implied, I turned to watch with growing horror as Inkler got low to the ground and stretched his neck out.

*Hnnnk*

*Hnnnk*

*Hnnnnk*

Slowly but gradually increasing in speed, he kept making this noise. “What is your pet doing Angus?” Lolth asked.

“Umm. He means no disrespect. I’m apologizing in advance for anything he is about to do, and promise to clean it up.” I managed to stammer out, as I desperately tried to lift him up and carry him out of the temple. “Armored gloves. I’m going to skin you and turn you into a set of mana reflecting armored gloves.” I kept muttering as I tried lifting him. Unfortunately, when your cat can head butt you in the chest they are big enough to cough up a hairball wherever they damn well please. After a few agonizing minutes that felt like an eternity, Inkler sat back up and licked his lips a bit as he turned to stare at me.

“So what was this noise supposed to do?”

“Well.” I said with a defeated sigh. “Cats often make that sound when they are trying to cough up a hairball. It seems Inkler wanted to see if he could induce a heart attack.”

“I see. I think I know what to do here.” Lolth said as she sauntered over to where Inkler was. Bending over, she placed a spider leg beneath his chin and forced him to look her in the eye. “Should you ever get such an urge in a holy place of mine, you would be wise to immediately remove yourself before continuing. Unless you believe your time in this world is at an end, understand?” Judging from the new size of Inkler’s eyes, he understood the threat perfectly.

“So, back to the topic at hand.” Lolth continued. “We were discussing you two having a child?”

“I’m not -.” I was interrupted by a gentle hand on my shoulder. Turning, I saw the priestess staring into my eyes.

“I’ll be honest. It’s something I’ve desired for a while now. After seeing your power. Your drive to always improve, never accepting that there is something that is beyond you.” Before I could try and answer her, she leaned forward and gave me a kiss. Rather awkward with the shape of a draconic mouth, but the sentiment was there.

“Alright.” I agreed. “What do we need to do?”