HIM – WITHOUT HER

Tyson didn’t always live alone. As he, alongside Emma and Jared, grew up in a countryside and only moved to the city for college, when they first came here, all three lived together. However, when Emma and Jared started dating, Tyson almost immediately decided to move out, despite the other two encouraging him to stay. He did it under the guise of ‘giving them space’, but the reality was far less cool.

He could barely have handled seeing them make out, even if it made his heart bleed, but on the off-chance that he accidentally saw them doing it, he was certain he’d have done himself… with a bullet… in the temple. So, as a way to save himself from future suicide, he moved out.

His apartment was rather plain and simple, having only a bedroom, kitchen and bathroom, but for him it was enough. Still, during the weekends, especially when he had no prior plans, he too would experience the greatest first world problem of them all: boredom.

“… aaah, so boring!!” he exclaimed as he threw the book away. “I bet those two are having fun. Ah fuck, why’d I have to go and remind myself again? Goddamn, I suck…”

As he rolled around on sofa, going about his usual daydreaming about Emma, he suddenly realized he had thrown himself back into his usual routine. Slapping himself on his cheek, he got up and reached for his cellphone.

“… the only person I can call is that alien,” he muttered as he suddenly realized something. “Isn’t that way more depressing than my one-sided love?!!”

He ended up calling her and arranged a meeting.

HER – OUT ON SUNDAY

I can’t believe he called me out on Sunday, Aya thought as she walked slowly down a rather crowded street. Doesn’t he have anything better to do? (as we established, he doesn’t). However, Aya didn’t mind it much. As the exams were already over, she was also kind of restless staying home, and, even more so, this was the first time a boy called her out on her day off. It felt rather refreshing.

As she reached their usual meet-up place, she noticed that he was already sitting in the corner seat, fiddling with his phone. She hesitated slightly before entering and sitting across from him without saying a single word. When the waitress came, she ordered a tea and took out a book, beginning to read it.

“…” Isn’t he going to say anything? Weren’t you the one who invited me out?

“Hey,” Tyson finally said as he put down his phone. “Isn’t it a bit rude to read a book while out with someone? I didn’t take you for that kind of a person.” … I want to strangle him.

“Sorry,” Aya replied in her usual, stoic manner as she put the book down. “I just found the book more interesting, is all.”

“… aah, Ayien will always be Ayien. Unable to properly conduct herself…”

“Didn’t I already ask you to stop using my name to make a pointless pun?”

“It’s fine, it’s not like I’m lying or anything,” Tyson said, taking a sip of coffee. “But, you sure readily agreed to meet me. Were you that lonely without me, huh hun?” Tyson winked as his cheeks suddenly flushed red.

“…” Aya merely stared at him for a moment, sighing as she shook her head.

“Hey, silence is worse than having you curse me!! Please, just get angry!! Disappointment hurts far more!” Tyson cried out.

“If you can’t handle your playboy act, why keep playing it out?” Aya asked.

“Ah, I read someplace that, if you keep pretending hard enough, there will come a day when you’ll truly become who you pretended to be!” Tyson exclaimed.

“… that’s just… sad…” Aya said.

“Eh, not like you’re any better. Immediately accepting to go out with a guy you supposedly think is an idiot, and, what’s more, on Sunday. Who’s the sad one now, huh?”

“Ah, you’re right. Why did I even come?” Aya said as she got up. “Thanks for reminding me. I’ll head back home.”

“No, please, wait! Stay! I’m the lonely one!! I was so bored I thought I would die!” He he.

“…”

“I wonder why your eyes are so expressive when your face is dead.” Tyson said as Aya sat back down.

“You’re imagining things.” Aya said.

“No, my imagination usually has to do with me replacing Jared--”

“If you’re going to self-destruct, just don’t say it.”

“God, that got me good,” Tyson said, panting as he held onto his chest. “That was the worst one in quite a while.”

“Is that so?” Why do I find this so satisfying? Aya pondered for a moment. “What were you doing before calling me anyway?”

“…” Aah, he broke.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring back bad memories.”

“I-it’s fine… I’m… I’m a big boy, I can handle it.”

“Yeah, you sure are looking like you’re handling it rather well.”

“Even though you were being sarcastic, you were sadly on point,” Tyson said. “Usually I break down and scream into my pillow as I try to curse Jared to a lifetime of baldness and Emma to a lifetime of 0 orgasms.”

“…”

“… is it too much?”

“Do you read manga?” Aya suddenly asked.

“Eh? Manga? No, why do you ask?”

“You’re like a mixture of terrible tsundere and even worse yandere,” Aya said casually. “Which is just…”

“Tsundere? Yandere? What the hell is that? Is it bad?” Tyson asked.

“Bad? Let’s just say that if your character ever appeared in the manga, you’d be hated universally.”

“That’s not how ‘let’s just say’ works!! You just bluntly said I should just drop dead!!”

“Ah, but I don’t mean it.” Aya said. “I merely wish you’d grow a pair.”

“… why do I get the feeling you don’t know what that means?”

“Eh, I’ve researched! It means that you should grow some balls!” Aya said proudly.

“Thanks, but two is more than enough for me,” Tyson said dejectedly. “Oh, yeah, what are you into anyway? Whenever we go out, it’s mainly me being humiliated over and over again.”

“Yeah, and that’s what makes this relationship so much fun. So let’s not ruin it.”

“…” Hm? Did I go too far? “Y-yeah, you’re right. I’m just a lowlife bug after all. I don’t deserve happiness. I mean, I’ve been in love with a single girl for so long, what right do I have to bitch about anything? You were right, I should really grow a pair. Then leap straight off the bridge into the Yellow River.” Aah, he broke. Again.

“I’m just normal,” Aya said instead. “I read books, watch movies, listen to music and so on. What about you?”

“Oh, so you properly adapted to human society! Good going alien!” How the hell does he flip the switch so quickly? It’s kind of amazing, actually. “I’m pretty much the same. Ah, but I have been hooked onto the Chinese web novels recently.”

“Eh? Why Chinese?” Aya asked, curious.

“Well, you know, the main characters are just so… so… just, manly, you know?! They just don’t take shit from anyone, and mow down whatever stands in their way!!”

“… and they get all the girls, right?”

“…” Aah, he blushes so easily.

“Aren’t most of them just assholes, though?” Aya asked.

“Hm?”

“I mean, most of them are just your average sociopaths that go around killing as they wish, and then get all morally high when someone does the same to them. Isn’t it a bit annoying to read?”

“…”

“You totally just ignored everything except basic power fantasy, didn’t you?”

“… perhaps.”

“Aah, but this is surprising. I didn’t take you for someone interested in cheap fiction. You looked more like a proper, hardcore Crime and Punishment guy.”

“… you’re making fun of me, aren’t you?”

“No, I would never do that. Besides, I believe I was complimenting you.”

“No, no you were not.”

“Ah, what do you know. You’re actually right for a change.”

“…”

“Oh, no, a tiger came out! Scary~~”

HIM – BAD FOR MY HEART

Tyson and Aya left the coffee shop and went for a walk through a nearby park, as the sun slowly began fading from the sky. The park was still filled with families and couples, but the two were too invested in their debate to pay attention to their surroundings.

“… you’re just infuriating!!” Tyson said, corners of his eyes twitching in anger. “It’s clear that the best of the wonders are pyramids!! Do you even know history?!”

“I know it better than you!” even Aya’s usual, expressionless face was beginning to distort as she raised her voice slightly. “Pyramids are just a reminder of horrible part of our history! Do you even know how they were built, huh?! On the backs of hundreds upon thousands of innocent lives!!”

“What the hell do you care for human lives all of a sudden?! You’re just a freaking alien! Did pharaohs, by chance, refuse your alien ancestors?! Is that why you’re so pissed off about it?!”

“I’m an alien?! You’re ten times an alien then! Aah, I should have expected this from a guy who enjoys characters that go about slaughtering everyone and everything!! Are you from the alien race known as ‘Cold, Empty, Emotionless Bastards With Zero Consciousness’?! I bet you are!”

“Hey, alien doesn’t get to call another person an alien! Also, I never said I enjoyed them, I just said I was hooked onto them!” their heated discussion drew eyes and ears of the passing people, but neither noticed it.

“Ooh, well pardon me for misunderstanding you, you damn Saintly Monk! Do you want me to kowtow and apologize?!”

“Aagh, what was I thinking, calling you out on my free day?!” Seriously, what was I thinking? … oh, it’s because I had no one else to call…”You want ice cream?”

“Sure. As long as you don’t coat it in tears of all innocent who died building your dream pyramids.”

“… you could just say you want it, right?”

“… I want it.”

“Good alien.”

“Takes one to know one.”

“I’ll take a mix of strawberry and vanilla,” Tyson said as he approached a stand selling ice creams. “And, for her, bitter, lonely, desperate alien mix, please.”

“… I don’t think we have that.” the man awkwardly replied.

“I’ll have chocolate and lime.” Aya said, too exhausted to complain.

“Pft, what kind of a shitty mix is that? Ha ha ha, you really are an alien!”

“Strawberry and vanilla… doesn’t that basically say that you’re pure and innocent and childish to the core?” Tyson suddenly blushed as he looked away.

“I-it doesn’t. Shut up.”

“… h-here you go.” the man handed the two cones over, his hands shaking slightly.

“Thanks,” Tyson said as he paid and began walking again. “Eh, what were we talking about again? Oh, right, didn’t you say that your favorite song is Listen to my Heart? Ha ha, that’s freaking hilarious!!”

“I said that it was my favorite! Was! As in, past tense! Which you should know seeing as you study the damn language!” Aya said, walking side by side with him.

“Ah, but to be fair, Careless Whisper used to be mine…” Tyson blurted out subconsciously. “W-wait, I take that back! Careless Whisper?! Pft, more like careless slip—I mean, definitely not!”

“…”

“Shut up. Being a teenager in love was hard.”

“You’re surprisingly cute when you’re honest.” Aya said, suddenly smiling. Oh crap, attack power of her smile is too high! I have to look away! … ugh, damage already taken. Too late. “Oi, you blush too easily! I’m a girl and even I think it’s too much!”

“… you’re a girl? Holy shit, since when?!!”

“…”

“Ooh, tigress is back~~ no, spare me~~”

“I bet Emma and Jared are doing this and that right now, while here you are, arguing with a girl who’s not even a girl.”

“… low blow.”

“You deserved it.”

“…” This damn alien! She’s bad for my heart!