HER – WITHOUT HIM

As it was the first weekend following the mid-term exams, Aya decided to stay home and relax while reading a book or two. She lived in a simple, two story house on the outskirts of the city. Her room, contrary to what one might expect, was relatively lavish; pink cushions, purple blanket, red carpet, walls covered in paintings and pictures of landscapes, with the nightstand by the bed housing three types of flowers even she couldn’t name.

She was currently sitting on the floor, leaned against her bed, a pair of glasses covering her eyes, as she intently focused onto the book. Uh, why would you say that? That only leads to a misunderstanding. She commented inwardly as she read on. Wait, so that was the point? Just so he can chase her down and appear ‘heroic’? Aah, why am I reading this…

“Aya, come down for lunch!” a calm, womanly voice called out, startling her. Putting the book down, she got up and went downstairs to the dining room, where a woman in her early fifties was still preparing the table. “Shouldn’t you go out? It’s a pretty nice day.”

“No, it’s fine.” unlike Aya, her mother was quite a cheerful woman. Because of it, she often worried for her daughter.

“Aah, this is why you never brought a boy home!” Aah, she’s still hung up on it.

“Just leave it alone mom. I’ll bring one when I bring one.” Aya said, pouring some soup for herself. “Besides, you married dad when you were twenty-six, didn’t you? I’ve still got time.”

“…” the woman’s cheeks flushed lightly but she said nothing as she sat across Aya.

“Speaking of him, how is he?” Aya asked in a somewhat somber tone.

“Doctor called this morning,” the woman said. “Said he relapsed last night again.”

“… are you okay?” Aya asked. “Why don’t you take a vacation?”

“No, he’d just yell at me,” the woman chuckled lightly, but her expression was far from joyful. “He promised he’d pull through. I’ll trust him.”

“…”

“How did the exams go?”

“I ended up being third overall.” Aya replied.

“Oh, not bad, not bad!” the woman smiled brightly, nodding. “You climbed up a spot.”

“Yeah…” I can’t tell her I was gunning for second… or that an absolute, lovestruck idiot took it instead… ah, speaking of him, I wonder what’s he doing? “Can I call Saya over?”

“Sure. You two haven’t been hanging out as much recently.”

“Can’t be helped. She had her mid-terms as well.”

“Oh? How’d she do?”

“She texted me last night,” Aya said. “Said she failed two.”

“Aah, that kid… I bet she got another boyfriend and forgot to study properly.”

“Probably.”

“Oh, right, I know it might break my heart, but did you befriend anyone from your class?” Hmm? I suppose I did befriend him, kind of…

“I’ve been out for coffee with one of the guys this past week,” Aya said plainly, upon which her mom nearly chocked on a chicken’s wing. “So I suppose I can say I befriended him.”

“Wait, back up! You said a guy, right?! Was it a date?! Did you--”

“No, I was just curious about him.” Aya interrupted quickly, as to avoid her happy-go-lucky mom.

“… curious? Do you like him?”

“No. It’s just that he spends time pretending to be someone he’s not,” Aya explained roughly. “So I was wondering why does he do it.”

“Did you learn why?” the woman asked.

“He said it’s because he’s in love with his best friend’s girlfriend.” Aya said.

“… ah, yeah, that would do it.” the woman nodded, sighing.

“Really?” Aya asked, tilting her head lightly. “I don’t get it. What’s the point? He could just as easily be himself, and still never say anything.”

“… hmm, I guess it’s because it’s hard,” the woman said after a brief thought. “You know, when you pretend to be someone else, your thoughts also become slightly different. However, if he was himself around her, he runs the chance of letting it slip that he’s in love with her. Or, maybe, he’s just trying to remove himself the best he can from the whole ordeal.”

“… when I asked him why he won’t just tell her how he feels,” Aya said, taking a bite of the chicken. “He got really riled up about how it would be unfair to the two of them. Isn’t that basically choosing to be in pain?”

“… ha ha,” the woman suddenly laughed, patting Aya’s head softly. “That’s how some people are, Aya. Sometimes, we’d rather see our friends smile and laugh more than anything else. He sounds like a nice guy. You should be there for him and talk to him, okay?”

“… okay.”

“Hm,” the woman said, smiling wryly. “There’s a high chance he’ll see you as a true pillar, and maybe even fall in love with you afterwards.”

“No thanks.”

“That was quick.”

“He’s not my type.”

“You don’t have a type.”

“Sure I do.”

“Then bring him home already!!”

“… I’ll go call Saya,” Aya got up, wiping her lips. “Tell me if doctor calls again.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” the woman said, smiling. “Just focus on studying, okay?”

“…”

Climbing back into her room, Aya reached for her cellphone and quickly sent a message while going back to reading the book. About half an hour later, the bell rang and a moment later, a woman in her early twenties busted through the doors. She was wearing plain jeans and shirt, and had her black hair tied up in a bun.

“Aya!!” the girl exclaimed, racing over and suddenly hugging the still sitting Aya. “It’s been ages since you called me over!! Who died?”

“… what?”

“Forget it, forget it,” Aah, why did she become friends with me? She’s so… bright… “Eh? What are you reading?”

“A book.”

“… you’re still the same as always.”

“Well, it has been only three weeks since you last saw me.”

“Felt like years.”

“Not here.”

“Ouch,” the girl called Saya smiled, sitting besides her. “How’s your dad?”

“… he relapsed last night.” Aya said honestly.

“… sorry. But, he’s strong.” Saya said. “I’m sure he’ll pull through.”

“Hm.”

“So? How did your exams go?”

“I wound up third overall.”

“… bragger…”

“I was actually aiming for second,” Aya said, closing the book and sighing. “But fell short. It’s kind of frustrating.”

“Ah, shut up! Every single one of your words feels like a spear piercing my heart!”

“Then study properly.”

“… aah, I would have, but I found a pretty great guy~~”

“Mom said you might have.”

“Right? Right?” Saya smiled lightly as she stretched out. “He’s third year, majoring economics, really stylish, smart, funny…”

“So… what’s wrong with him?” Aya asked, as this was a pattern that repeated itself quite a lot of times over the years.

“… I think he’s gay.”

“… wow.”

“What’s with that ‘you even managed to drive a guy to become gay’ look?! It’s not me, okay?! I just think he’s using me as a cover…”

“Why do you think he’s gay?” Aya asked.

“Well, every time I try to get the mood going – you know, make out, touch here and there – he always pushes me away and says ‘not yet’. Isn’t that weird?!”

“Maybe he’s just waiting for the right moment.”

“He’s a guy!! Every moment is a right moment for them!” Saya cried out.

“Wow, that’s pretty narrow-minded, even for you.” Aya said.

“Ah, forget it, forget it. Hey, stop looking me with those eyes that are practically screaming ‘stop throwing yourself at every guy’!”

“… he could also read what I’m thinking through my eyes.” Aya suddenly said, immediately regretting as she looked sideways. There, Saya was half-shocked, half-awed, her eyes beaming with strange light.

“He?”

“I-it’s n-nothing… I misspoke. It’s just a movie…”

“Who’s he? What’s his name? How old is he? Did you already ask him out? Wait, did he ask you out?” I knew it… all she ever talks about is guys. Aah, why did I mention him… oh, wait, she might be able to help me out.

“No one,” Aya shook her head lightly. “Just a guy from my classes. We went out a few times,” she continued in a low tone. “But they weren’t dates… just get-togethers I suppose. Most of the time it’s just him complaining about his unrequited love…”

“…”

“W-what? Why did you suddenly go silent?” Aya asked, backing away from Saya.

“You like him…”

“Eh? No I don’t.”

“No, I mean, you don’t like him like other girls would,” Saya said in a reverent tone. “But, you definitely feel something for him. Wow.”

“… how did you conclude that?” Aya asked, sighing.

“Doesn’t it bother you that he talks about another girl while you’re out with him?” Saya asked, her tone suddenly serious.

“Not really. It’s mostly how he refuses to do anything about it that frustrates me.”

“… alright,” Saya said, smiling warmly as she hugged Aya tightly. “I won’t say anything. Take your time.”

“With what?” Aya asked.

“With being you,” Saya replied. “I always knew that it was only a matter of time before some guy figures out just how great you are.”

“… what are you talking about? He doesn’t see me that way.”

“Say what you will,” Saya smiled, getting up and sitting onto Aya’s bed. “But, if he’s comfortable enough talking to you about the girl he’s in love with, he at least trusts you enough. For now, that’s alright.”

“… aah, you’re seriously confusing.” Aya said. “Although, he did suddenly say that he’d give up on her. Yesterday, when we went out for coffee, that is.”

“… wait, tell me the circumstances.” Aya then proceeded to tell Saya everything; how they met, what he’s like, how they went out every day for the past week, who is Emma and Jared… Saya’s expressions kept dancing around, from shock, confusion, happiness, anger, frustration to nearly everything else. Eh? What’s she thinking? Did I say too much? I said too much… she’ll misunderstand, I’m betting.

“So? Why’d you suddenly drop silent?” Aya asked.

“He sounds a lot like me,” Saya suddenly chucked. Ah! That’s right! “We both like pretending to be someone else when we’re around the people we like, but our facade crumbles when talking to you. Even our personalities are similar.” She’s right…

“B-but, you’re different in some areas as well! At least you’re honest when dealing with guys you like!” Aya said in a somewhat hurried tone.

“Ha ha,” Saya suddenly laughed softly. “Don’t worry silly.” patting Aya’s head, the girl smiled brightly and warmly. “He’s all yours.”

“Ah, I knew you’d misunderstand…”

“Yeah, yeah, I misunderstood, sorry.” Saya said. “Anyway, it’s such a nice day. Let’s go out and see a movie or something.”

“… do we really have to?”

“Yeah, come on, come on! It’s best time to be alive!”

“We’re always alive, you know?”

“Aah, never change, please…”

“Okay?”