HIM – ALL OUT OF STRAIGHT

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!! Tyson was in despair. He was depressed. He even contemplated suicide for a moment, but then felt bad because of people who were actually depressed. The reason, cause, root point, anchor, everything for his mood was, obviously, Aya. How? Let us rewind.

Tyson felt all the glances (glares) Aya shot at him on the fourth day since they met. Whenever he’d look at Emma, Aya would glare at him. Whenever he’d sigh nonchalantly and look out the window, he felt the maws of a tiger bite down on his worthless head. Barely able to concentrate on the class, he kept on promising himself to never, ever, ever again talk with that woman.

“Hey, Ty,” Emma spoke to him as the classes ended, causing his eyes to flutter to the ninth dimension. “Jared and I were talking,” Of course you were! “And we realized you never properly introduced us to that girl.”

“Eh?” No, no, no, no, no, no--

“So we were thinking about going to double date with you guys.” SHUT UP JARED! WHEN DID YOU EVER THINK ANYTHING FOR FUCKS SAKE?!

“Sure.” naturally, Tyson flashed his most brilliant smile as he readily agreed. And, as if summoned, Aya was already next to him.

“Double date? Okay.” is all she said when asked. Reject! Have some respect for the love o—oh what the hell am I getting roused for. Screw it.

So, Tyson and Aya took the lead and led Emma and Jared over to the coffee shop near the university, sitting in the corner seat and ordering four coffees. Emma was wearing plain, white top and jeans, and as if to match her, Jared wore the same. Dammit, look at his muscles! Tyson sneered inwardly, his expression of utter tranquility.

“How long have you two been dating?” Aya asked casually. Wait?! Does this alien know of proper socializing?!

“For two years,” Emma said, smiling. “But, I think we’ve liked each other much longer, right?”

“Yeah, I’ve actually had a crush on her ever since I met her.” Tyson was depressed. Sad. Suicidal. Bleeding. And when Aya paid him a sneering glance with her deadpan face, he literally felt something inside of him break. “It’s actually thanks to Ty we’re together.” Oh god stop! Please!

“Really?” Aya asked, shooting him another glance. You stop too, please! He begged with his puppy eyes, but to no avail. The table was rather odd; on one side sat happy couple, retelling their lovey-dovey story, and across them sat an alien with a deadpan expression and a cool-looking, aloof guy who was murdered twelve times inside in the past two minutes.

“Yeah,” Emma said, smiling. Goddammit, she’s still beautiful! “The three of us were celebrating a birthday of one of our friends, but I guess he got pissed with how pissy we were about each other, so he got us blackout drunk and probed around ‘till we gave in.” Don’t remind me of my greatest regret, please!

“Ha ha, yeah,” Jared laughed innocently; after all, he was like a two meters tall ninety-five kilos child. “I think he even punched me. That fist really woke me up! He was like a real man!” … oi, you’re doing this on purpose? Aren’t you bastard?!

“So, Aya, what do you think of our little Ty here?” Emma asked, smiling wryly. Hey, what little?! I think I’m pretty ave—khm.

“… hmm …” say something normal, say something normal, say some-- “He’s pretty interesting.” Aya said, still as expressionless as a dead cat.

“He is, isn’t he? Truth be told, he wasn’t always this cool,” Tyson could practically hear Aya’s sneer in her eyes. “He was pretty nerdy back in the day.”

“Ah, yeah, he used to read tons of books and watch those robot movies!” Jared added innocently. No. Comment.

“I would have never guessed.” Aya said.

“Yeah, we actually used to copy his homework all the time. I think that’s why we barely managed to enroll here…” Emma said, smiling nervously. “What about you Aya?”

“What about me?”

“Do you like books?”

“Yes.”

“Do you like robots? I think they’re great! Like men of metal!” Shut up Jared! Go die you bird-brain muscle-head!

“You’ve been pretty silent, Ty,” Emma turned toward him, looking at him somewhat angrily. “Are you displeased we interrupted your date? Ah, sorry for wanting to see what my friend’s new girlfriend is like.”

“…”

“What are your impressions, then?” Aya asked casually. Don’t go with it! Refute! Act embarrassed! Do something for fucks sake!

“You two are pretty alike,” HOW?! “You both keep your emotions in check,” Emma said. “And, I don’t know, just look like the type to have all the answers in the world. It’s pretty cool.”

“You don’t have to sell me anymore,” Tyson finally said his first words, grabbing Aya’s hand and casually kissing it. “I’ve already been purchased.” Oh. My. God. That was soooo lame!

“I feel like I got the bargain price.” Aya chimed in, still expressionless, kissing his hand as well. “Boyfriend and friend in one.” It is one!! It’s in the name!!

“Ha ha, I’m glad!” Emma said, smiling. “Most of his relationships quickly fall apart because he acts so cold toward other girls! I’m so glad you understand him!”

“Oh, I understand him alright.”

“Well, we should be on our way.” Emma said.

“But I wanted to talk with Ty more!” Jared complained.

“You can do that later,” Or never! “Let’s give them some space. Sorry Aya, for intruding like this.”

“It’s fine. It was lovely meeting you.”

“Ha ha, likewise. See you Ty.”

“Bye bye.”

Hand in hand, Jared and Emma left while glancing back and giggling like schoolgirls. As soon as they left his field of view, Tyson’s head plummeted onto the table and he finally understood the true meaning of the word defeat.

“Are you ok--”

“Get out.” Tyson interrupted her.

“Why?”

“…”

“See? You have no proper reason. So I’ll stay.”

“Seriously, get out. Or I might actually end up in prison for life as of tomorrow.”

“Ah, a subtle threat!”

“Good, you understand. Now get out.”

“You were pretty cool back there.” Aya teased expressionlessly.

“Yeah, and you were normal.”

“I am normal.”

“No, no you’re not. You’re Ayien.”

“Please don’t use my name to make a bad pun.”

“It’s not a pun. It’s a name of your species.”

“It’s rude nonetheless.”

“So? What if it’s rude? Why do you have to act normal in front of others?! Be weird! That’s the only solace I have in my life right now!”

“That’s sad.”

“I know! Don’t say it out loud!”

“My mom told me about a new cake shop nearby. Want to go and check it out?”

“Your treat?”

“No.”

“Is the waitress cute?”

“What’s that got to do with the cake?”

“EVERYTHING!!!”

“… is this an odd attempt at the whole ‘cake is a lie’ thing?”

“… why do you get that reference, but you can’t make your face strain a muscle?”

“Innate gift.”

“Just get out.”

“You get out with me. To the cake shop.”

“Forget killing you. I’ll just kill myself.”

“Can I watch?” FUCK!

HER – EMBARRASSING

Aya was leading the way in silence as Tyson followed her. Although still expressionless, she couldn’t help but feel slight joy over what just transpired. Even she herself didn’t understand just why, but seeing him put up a front in front of others that crumbled the instant the two of them were alone made her slightly happy.

The cake shop she mentioned was roughly ten minutes away from the coffee shop, and as if by silent agreement, the duo took the corner seat, ordering some simple, fruit cake that seemed popular.

“Hm, the place is pretty empty,” Tyson said, glancing around. “Didn’t you say it was popular?”

“I never said such thing.” Aya said calmly.

“No, I’m pretty sure you did.”

“You’re far too young to be suffering from dementia.”

“Hey, don’t go around giving me another mental issue! I’ve already got a roomful of them.” Doesn’t it hurt him, saying those things? “Damn, that one hurt.” Oh, it does.

“My dad is a therapist, if you’re interested.” Aya proposed.

“… so, you’re already ready to ship me off to lunacy ward, huh? How cruel of you.”

“I was being considerate. Didn’t you understand that?” He shouldn’t be that stupid. He’s among the top in the class, after all.

“… why do you sometimes understand sarcasm, and sometimes don’t? Alien. Definitely alien!”

“How many girlfriends did you have, anyway?” Aya asked, curious.

“… what’s with that abrupt change in topics?”

“I’m just curious.”

“I can see that.”

“And when I’m curious, I ask questions to satisfy that curiosity.”

“Your deadpan act is starting to piss me off.”

“Act?” Aya tilted her head sideways. Does he think I’m like him?

“Wait, aren’t you like me?! Pretending to be something you’re not?” Oh… how cute.

“I’m afraid I’m not that childish,” Aya said, expressionless still. “This is just how I am, how I’ve always been.”

“…”

“What’s with that shocked to core expression?”

“… what’s with this sudden surge of motherly feelings inside of me? Why do I suddenly feel like giving you a hug and telling you it’s all going to be okay? Is one of your alien powers to turn people all mushy?!” … wh-what is he talking about?

“Am I strange?”

“Of course you are! People emote! All the time! That’s how we can tell others how we’re feeling, without telling them how we’re feeling!”

“Isn’t it easier to just tell them how we’re feeling?”

“That’s just embarrassment waiting to happen!”

“How so?”

“Wouldn’t you feel awkward if I suddenly told you that my heart has been wreathed in flames of utter despair and anguish ever since Emma and Jared started dating?”

“No, I already knew that.”

“Exactly, because I emoted those feelings on my face!”

“That’s cumbersome,” Why are people like that, anyway? Aya said, taking a bite off the cake. “It’s better when people just say how they feel. It leaves no room for misunderstandings. The reason your love life crumbled is because you ‘emoted’ instead of just being honest, both with yourself and her.”

“… aaand, that motherly feeling just puffed away.” Tyson said, sighing. “Even though you aren’t technically wrong, you did miss one thing.” he looked out the window, his expression somewhat dejected. “It’s very hard for people to open up. That’s why fake smiles, laughs, faked interest and all those things exist. It’s much easier to pretend for five minutes than to tell someone to screw off.”

“…” Is it really?

“Are you really always this blunt?” Tyson asked her, taking a bite.

“Yes.” Aya said honestly.

“Aah, I guess that’s not a bad quality,” Tyson said, smiling weakly. “But, you need to find the right people for it.”

“Are you the right person?” Aya asked, tilting her head yet again.

“Ugh, far from it,” Tyson waved his arm. “I get extremely flustered when people suddenly open up to me, and even worse when they talk about what they really think of me. I’m self-conscious like that.”

“… it’s kind of amazing you actually know that.”

“Hey! Even if I’m an idiot, at least I know myself!”

“However, I don’t understand why you’re pretending to be something you’re not.” Aya said, lowering her head lightly.

“Of course you don’t!”

“After all, to me, you’re much cooler now than when you’re looking out the window during the class…”

“…”

“What?” Aya asked, her expression still deadpan.

“You just said something really embarrassing! Shouldn’t you be blushing like crazy right now?!” … no, you’re blushing plenty enough for both of us. Geez, if someone from the class saw you right now… ha ha…

“I just said what I thought,” Aya said, finishing up her cake and getting up. “Besides, it’s more fun for you this way, isn’t it?” Tyson looked up, somewhat shocked, as Aya began walking toward the counter. “Anyway, I have to get going. You entertained me, so I’ll pay for the cake. Treat me to some coffee tomorrow.”

“Hey-wait—I never said-- aaand, she’s gone. Aah, that girl is a headache. An alien. Definitely… yeah, definitely an alien…”

Aya walked out of the cake shop and turned the corner, quickly disappearing. Beneath her eyes, her usually pale cheeks suddenly flushed lightly. Aah, now that I think about it, that really was embarrassing to say… wait, in the end he never told me how many girlfriends he’s had. Ah, whatever, I’ll just ask tomorrow…