HER – HE’S THE WEIRD ONE

Aah, look at him… Aya sighed inwardly, shaking her head. Across the room, that familiar boy was still acting the same. Despite their conversation yesterday, Aya was still confused. Could it be that it’s because I never liked a boy? She thought for a moment before murdering that thought. No, it’s him! He’s the weird one here!

Classes soon ended and Aya, once again, slowly walked over to his seat, without waiting for others to leave first. That girl and her boyfriend were planning a date, while Tyson was pretending as if it had nothing to do with him, but Aya saw despite those desperate attempts, that the little puppy was dying.

“You’re an idiot.” she said in her usual, flat tone. Tyson jumped slightly as he nervously looked at her. “Come with me.” she said.

“Eh? You know her Ty?” that girl asked curiously.

“Eeh? Do I? I wonder…” Tyson replied nervously.

“Huh? So our day together meant nothing to you? Even though I let you see all of me?” Aya said. Heh, I may not have had a boyfriend, but I’ve watched a romance drama yesterday just for this!

“Eh? You’re terrible Ty!” the girl exclaimed, looking angrily at him. Tyson wept and wailed, inside of course, cursing this deadpan girl that approached him. “I didn’t think you were that kind of a guy!”

“Ha, ha, o-of course not!” Tyson quickly put his notebook into the backpack and got up. “L-let’s go my love. I-I was just teasing you, he he. See you tomorrow guys,” he waved at his two friends. “Have fun.”

He locked Aya’s arm into his own and nigh sprinted out of the classroom, holding tears back the best he could. Aya sneered inside, proud of her actions. She let him drag her out of the university and into a nearby coffee shop, where they sat into a silent corner.

“… you said I’m an idiot, right?” Tyson asked.

“Because you are.” Aya said plainly.

“Be that as it may, you’re definitely a bigger idiot than I am.”

“Hm? How come?”

“Do you know what those words even mean?” Tyson asked. Wait, does he really think I’m an idiot?

“Of course I do.”

“Okay. Let’s retrace it back a bit. Where’d you hear them anyway?” he asked.

“I watched a TV drama yesterday.” Aya said honestly.

“… forget idiot. You’re an imbecile.”

“I beg to differ.”

“I’m 100% certain you don’t have an inkling of an idea as to what those words mean.” Tyson said with certainty.

“Of course I do.” Aya said plainly. “They mean that you are quick to abandon me even if we went out on a date once.”

“… how the hell did you even infer that?! Is your brain alien-wired?!”

“Oh? Then, do enlighten me, oh ‘cool’ person.” although she used sarcasm, nothing about her changed. Not the tone, not the expression.

“… ah, nevermind. Somehow I’d feel bad if I was the one to burst your bubble.” Tyson said after short consideration. “Anyway, why’d you come up to me today? Wasn’t your curiosity sated yesterday?”

“It was.” Aya nodded. “But I was wondering why were you still pretending despite the fact that we concluded it to be utter nonsense.”

“Oi! If I could change with a press of a button, do you really think I’d be in this position in the first place?!”

“Can’t you?”

“Okay, answer me honestly: who beamed you down here? Wait, that’s wrong. Which socially retarded idiot did program your AI?!” Tyson flared out slightly. Hm? Is he angry? Why? Did I do something to make him angry?

“No one beamed me. Like all other humans, I was born. Besides, science isn’t advanced enough for a humanoid AI. Even if you’re majoring literature, you should know at least that much.”

“… you’re doing this on purpose, right? Right? Please tell me you’re setting me up on purpose! Otherwise, this is outright depressing!”

“What is?” Aya asked, honestly.

“Oh my God!!”

“What’s wrong? I didn’t take you for a religious person.”

“… ah, I see.” Tyson sighed dejectedly, his eyes suddenly bursting with denial. “It’s just a prank, right? There are cameras all around, and this is just a prank? Ha, ha, got me! That was some good acting there, wei—hey, what the hell’s your name anyway? You never told me.”

“It’s Aya.” Aya said bowing down lightly. “Nice to meet you, Ty.”

“It’s Tyson.”

“But that girl calls you Ty.”

“Are you in love with me?”

“Hm? I don’t think so.”

“… aah, I can’t. This is only a second time I’m talking to you, and I’m already tired of playing the straight man.”

“If you’d like,” Aya proposed honestly, still expressionless. “I could play it until you feel better.”

“Do you even know what straight man is?” Tyson asked.

“Isn’t it a guy who prefers girls sexually?”

“… I’m done.”

“With what?”

“… with everything…”

“That’s bad.”

“YOU DON’T SAY!”

HIM – I BEFRIENDED AN ALIEN

I’m fairly certain, Tyson thought, glancing at the distant Aya. She’s an alien. Those words may seem far fetched, but Tyson didn’t think them up out of the blue. He had gone out with the girl called Aya twice in the past two days, and both times he felt as if he was interacting with an other-worldly being; that’s to say, an alien. Alien desperately trying to act like a human. How do I prove it though?

Unbeknownst to him, for the first time in a while, he wasn’t daydreaming about Emma during the class, much less actually paid attention to the class itself. Wait, I saw some guy point at her and call her ‘kuudere’. Is that a species of aliens? I should google it when I get back home.

“Hey, what happened with that girl?” Emma suddenly leaned back and asked him with angry expression. Dammit alien! This is the first time she’s been angry with me for years!! It’s all your fault!

“Ha ha, it’s just a misunderstanding,” Tyson waved his hand nervously. “She’s… uh, mentally challenged, so she mistook me for someone.”

“…”

“… yeah, heard it the moment I said it.” Tyson sighed, lowering his head. “But, seriously, nothing happened. We just went out on a date once, that’s all.”

“Twice.”

“… yeah, I guess.”

“So, you think you’ll keep seeing her?” Emma asked, smiling wryly. Goddammit, why are you so cute even when you’re trying to get me together with another woman?! Goddammit god, this is unfair!!

“No way, no way,” Tyson refused nonchalantly. “I mean, she’s everything except my type.”

“Eeh? She sure got you flustered yesterday,” Emma said somewhat absentmindedly, turning back around. “I’ve never seen any other girl do that to you.” That’s because you never read my thoughts! Look! I’m flustered as shit here because of you! Wait, of course she did! She nearly caused you to think I’m some sort of a player! … please, love me!

“…”

Tyson had made a quick and abrupt decision: he would never interact with that woman ever again. I said that, so what the hell am I doing drinking coffee with her yet again?!!

To rewind, Aya came to him yet again after the classes were over. He was just about to reject, when Emma accepted for him. How could he, a guy who’s been lovestruck for over five years, reject a request from the girl he was desperately in love with? Of course he couldn’t. Aah, I really don’t have a spine to speak of…

“You really are a coward, aren’t you?” Alien! Seriously, you’re an alien!

“… you think so?” Tyson said, sighing. “I suppose I am. Wait, how’d you conclude that?”

“I read a book yesterday,” Aya said, somewhat proudly. “First Loves for Dummies. You’re a textbook example of a ‘desperate guy in love with his childhood friend that’s too scared to say anything about it’.”

“Burn that book.”

“Why?” Because it’s way too on point, dammit! When did romance guides get so accurate?!

“Just do it.”

“Okay.”

“You’re rather obedient.”

“That’s only because… it’s you who’s asking me.”

“… what?”

“Ah, so you’re also ‘the guy who gets easily flustered when a girl shows interest in him’. Interesting.”

“No it’s not! Burn that shit!”

“But why?”

“… ah, whatever,” Tyson sighed, lying his head down onto the table, holding the tears back. “Emma is playing with my heart, you’re playing with my head. Is there no justice in this world anymore?”

“How am I playing with your head?” Aya said, tilting her head sideways. “I don’t think I’ve ever touched it, actually.”

“Do you eve---wait, I already gave up on being a straight man here,” Tyson quickly recovered. “So, why’d you come up to me today? Are you still confused over my conflicting personalities?”

“No.”

“Then why?”

“I just wanted to talk with you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re interesting.”

“Just to be clear: you aren’t in love with me, right?”

“No.”

“You don’t have a crush on me?”

“No.”

“But you find me interesting.”

“Yes.”

“Alien! Definitely an alien!” Tyson cried out.

“How rude.” Aya said, still expressionless. “I’ll have you know that I was born the same way as you.”

“Sorry, I already wrote your backstory inside my head. A meteorite crashed into the north pole twenty odd years ago, and when rocks shattered apart, a strange, glowing egg appeared. Soon after, a human-like thing was born, and because Eskimos are nice people, they taught it the ways of the human. But, as the thing was an alien, it had trouble grasping it truly, so Eskimos sent it to attend school far away. Insert today’s occasion. The end.”

“I came from my mother’s vagina, just like you!” Aya said, her tone somewhat different. Eh?! Her tone changed? Fuck! It’s adapting!!

“… wait, aren’t you embarrassed to say that out loud?”

“Why? It’s just a fact.”

“… yeah, but still. No, wait, it’s perfectly normal, actually.”

“Of course it is.”

“You’re an alien, after all. Common sense doesn’t apply to you.”

“You still don’t believe me?”

“No.”

“Then feel free to inspect my body.” Aya said in a flat tone. “I’m sure you’ll find nothing out of the ordinary.”

“…”

“What?”

“Fuck! I can’t stop being a straight man here! Are you nuts? Forget alien, even alien would know better than this! You’re definitely an AI made when seven mad scientists got drunk one night and decided to have fun with the world!”

“No I’m not! I’m telling you to inspect me to clear your doubts!”

“Stop, please, just stop. Stop trying to be human.”

“…”

“Aah, the tigress is back.”

“…”

“…” Yup, I definitely need to avoid this bundle of issues from now on. Until the end of time.