《Stranger than Fiction (Draft Edition)》Chapter 74 - Aggressive Negotiations
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Daggers? Had at least a pair or two. Check.
His aqāru-cat-slime familiar Tabby? Check.
Monster prototypes in his Omphalos? Too many to go through, but yes. Check.
One hot, sensual goddess whom he harbored a healthy and rational fear of? Check.
His inventory check now complete, he cracked his neck nonchalantly and looked towards Tanya and her cohorts, who were furiously whispering to one another on the other side of the stone chamber. Lukas, being the gentleman he was, simply sauntered to the far wall and plopped down until they were ready.
The strong-arming had clearly done its job, but it wasn’t like he had lied about the genius loci. Sure, he’d hacked that thing into a million pieces, but it was far from dead. And that was without considering the mind-fuckery that the Crypt of Fiendish Worms could still throw his way. Of course, he could simply leave these people and grab the Omphalos himself, but then he wouldn’t have a way to establish himself in the outside world once he left the anomaly.
No matter what he did, the odds seemed to be against him.
But that was fine.
The idea was to play the man— woman. Not the odds.
“Get up.”
The blonde spiritist, who still hadn’t identified herself as a yokai, stood before him, hands on her waist in typical confrontational fashion. It was so easy to ignore his surroundings and pretend that he was back on Earth, that the person standing in front of him was just another human being.
But she wasn’t.
This wasn’t Earth. This was a new World, one with different rules, different species, different powers and abilities. And in this world, he was an Outsider.
Lifting his head lazily, Lukas arched an eyebrow.
“Why?”
“Should I answer you literally?”
“I think I’d like that.”
The blonde’s lips twisted into a half-frown, though the light in her eyes suggested she expected his defiance. Slowly leaning forward, her eyes growing deep, she spoke in a voice colder and harder than ice. “Because I said so.”
Lukas’s lips twitched. “And if I don’t?”
“Listen.” Her tone gained a sharp edge. “You’ve already blackmailed me into getting you exactly what you want. My friends and I will get you legitimacy, and you keep my secret safe. The least you can do in the meanwhile is stop throwing tantrums like a child.”
“Not quite,” Lukas quipped. “You see, every deal is made as an act of faith, whether that’s in the person or system or whatever. But me? I’m an Outsider. I don’t know your culture. Hell, you changed your tune the moment you got your friends back, and now you’re only agreeing because I—”
“Blackmailed me.”
“My point is, I need a way out. I did everything as promised, at least up until this anomaly fucked with my head and made me turn into… that.” It still gave him jitters how the Crypt had so easily driven him into becoming an insane, raving psychopath. “You refusing the deal doesn’t inspire confidence, so—”
“So you jump straight to extortion?” she incredulously demanded.
Lukas shrugged. “I can’t control you. For all I know, you’d stab me in the back first chance you get. Maybe you’ll get me into your kingdom, lock me in a prison cell, and throw away the key. And unlike the mind-fucking you tried with me earlier, I can’t compel you. So my only option is to ensure that circumstances do.”
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Tanya’s face dropped into her palm. “Have you ever considered just asking for help? Saying ‘please’?”
“That crap actually works?”
“You—” She clenched her fists, a frustrated squeal escaping her lips. “Why would you put me in a corner like this? After we’d already set a deal in place in good faith?”
“Because it’s necessary. Because it’s the only way to ensure my continued safety. Or maybe it’s just because I can.” He pulled himself up and looked her dead in the eye. “In the end, it doesn’t matter why. All that matters is what is.”
Lukas watched as she regulated her breathing to smother her anger. And honestly, he couldn’t blame her. Manipulating someone into acting like this was Inanna’s gimmick. He’d know— he’d experienced it first hand. Had this been Earth and she reneged the deal, he’d have probably flipped her off and walked away.
But this wasn’t Earth. And that meant he’d have to do things he wasn’t proud of.
The ends don’t justify the means until it’s your own ass on the line.
“Fine, I’ve heard your point,” Tanya gritted out. “You said you wanted legitimacy, but we need to hammer out what that entails exactly. If we’re doing this, we do it properly. I don’t want you bitching about it later.”
Lukas grinned foxily, gesturing towards the rest of her team. “After you.”
Zuken Banksi led the negotiations. Not surprising. The man had a calculative, diplomatic persona around him. Plus, he was the only viable candidate— Burger was more likely to attack him, Tanya had a conflict of interest of sorts, and Elena was…
Petting his cat.
Who was yawning. And purring. And rubbings its mercury head against her palm.
Focus, Lukas. Don’t fuck this up.
“Tanya here,” Zuken replied in a baritone voice, “has helped me understand you were able to rip apart the genius loci, and believes you to be capable of destroying the anomaly’s core.”
“Does her affirmation not satisfy you?” Lukas challenged. “She’s seen me in action. Against monsters, against their big bad boss, and even against herself.”
Tanya grimaced.
“I also remember dropping you like a stone,” Zuken offered.
“Even a broken clock is right twice a day, I suppose.”
One thing Lukas had picked up from hanging around Inanna was never showing weakness in the presence of predators. Especially the confident ones. And so he met Banksi’s cold, hard, fearless eyes. Oddly reminiscent of his own. And if he were being honest with himself, the man had a point.
He’d been caught unaware.
It was the crux of the matter. Awareness. It didn’t matter how badass you were. If you didn’t see it coming, you couldn’t do anything about it. No amount of superstrength or monster prototypes or divine aid would save the day if it hit you from the back.
Lukas scowled at the position he was in. There was a part of him that was afraid the anomaly would mind-fuck him again. Inanna was out of commission, and he needed someone to set him straight and incapacitate him until he regained his award-winning, affable personality once more.
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And as much as he hated to admit it, Tanya and her merry band of adventurers fit the bill nicely.
“Look, I can deal with all that. But this anomaly… it can do things to me. Things that caused me to hunt her.” He tilted his head in Tanya’s direction. “I’m reasonably certain I can kick every monster’s ass in here. But if something like that happens, I need someone to set me straight. Again.”
“Hit him in the head,” Tanya gruffly translated.
“Hard.”
She chuckled at that.
“What’s interesting is that Tanya is perfectly capable of destroying the anomaly on her own,” Zuken paused, pursing her lips, “yet she has demanded your services for the same, at the cost of half her payment.”
Interesting. So Tanya may be the big gun, but Banksi was the one financing everything. Her Batman.
“And normally, that would be fine by me. So long as the objective is completed, I’d have no complaints,” he narrowed his eyes, “had you not blackmailed her into doing this.”
Lukas innocently whistled.
“You want legitimacy. Documents. History. Maybe even a day job to survive. I can get you all those things, but in return I command your services for as long as you stay in Haviskali. In exchange for a fee, of course.”
“Oh, just that? Are you sure you don't want me to wipe your ass too?”
“I’ll pass, but Olfric may be interested.”
“Hey!” Burger replied, visibly affronted.
“Sorry, but I don’t do freebies,” Lukas shot back.
“Oh? That’s too bad.”
"Great, now there's two of them," Tanya mumbled.
“You see it too, right?” Elena giddily chuckled. “I thought it was just me.”
“What are you two babbling about?” Zuken challenged, annoyed.
“Nothing.” “Nothing!”
The brown-haired spiritist eyed them suspiciously and cleared his throat. “So are we in agreement?”
“Before that, I need some things in return,” Lukas said. “And weighed against my services, they are nothing but reasonable.”
“I’m listening.”
“Four things. One simple item, one simple favor, one simple condition, and one simple transaction.”
Zuken blinked at that. “And what are they?”
“The transaction first,” Lukas began. “I understand that hunting anomalies is a lucrative money-making opportunity. Clearly you guys are going to have your hands full of cash.”
“Cash?”
“Coin? Gold?”
Zuken nodded his understanding.
“I want my share. I’m quite certain I killed half the monsters in this anomaly with my own two hands.”
“How modest,” Burger muttered.
“It isn’t bragging if it’s true,” Lukas retorted.
Burger growled. “We both saw what happened when you faced a competent spiritist. I’d like to see you try against me, wiseass. You and your pet cat.”
“You won’t see it coming,” Lukas promised with a malicious smile.
“Alright, enough,” Zuken cut in. “Three percent.”
“Twenty.”
“Eight.”
“Fifteen and that’s final.”
“Let’s make it an even ten, and we have a deal.”
Lukas easily nodded. It was a far cry from three, at the very least.
“The condition, next. The half of Tanya’s payment she ceded. Give it back to her.”
Tanya’s poker face was impeccable. Save for the intense reddening of her cheeks.
“What?” she squeaked.
“Do you need me to repeat myself?”
“But why?” Zuken asked.
“Does it matter?”
“It always matters.”
Lukas sighed. “Look, I just want to find a way back home. I’m not here actively looking to antagonize others.” He paused. “Well, more than what’s strictly necessary or amusing, in any case.”
“The favor?” Zuken asked, clearly ready to move on from that particular topic.
“As you asked, I’ll work for you for a fee, so long as you don’t ask me to do something morally reprehensible. You do that, and I walk.”
“Easy enough,” the man replied. “And lastly, the item?”
This time, it was Lukas’s turn to look a bit embarrassed. “I need pants and a shirt. I’m done playing Drax the Destroyer.”
“…”
“What?”
“Nothing,” Zuken snorted, smothering what was suspiciously similar to laughter. “So do we have an agreement?”
Lukas stuck his hand out.
Zuken staggered back. “What the—”
Oh. Right.
“It’s a gesture,” he clarified. “Shaking hands. Back in my world, it’s to signify agreement.”
“And they do this by thrusting their hands forward like a sword? How barbaric,” Banksi frowned, reluctantly grabbing his hand. “In any case, I hope you have no problems with the Omphalos? Now that we are in agreement?”
“I’ll deal with it when we get there,” Lukas proclaimed, with a confidence he didn’t fully have.
“Fear not, mortal. You will be able to handle it.”
How do you know?
“Would I lie to you?”
In a heartbeat. But that’s beside the point. Why can’t you just do it?
“Certain aspects of my Power prevent me from using the Omphalos to perform what I wish,” Inanna confessed. “It must be you, mortal.”
I… see.
He didn’t. In fact, he felt flummoxed. This was the first time he’d seen her so… uncertain. It looked strange and alien and wrong.
Inanna’s chuckles reverberated throughout his mind. “It is poetic, in a way. Gods and goddesses are all about faith. But the cornerstone of faith is letting go and trusting another.”
Lukas wondered whether Inanna had ever put her faith in someone else. As a goddess, she’d likely always been on the taker’s side of the table, not terribly predisposed to surrendering control. After all, you didn’t need to when the primal forces that created the universe were at your fingertips. It was praiseworthy, in a way, having a being like that depend on you.
Don’t worry, he mentally assured her. I’ll take care of it.
“I hope you do, mortal. For both of our sakes.”
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