《A World Of Rotten Eggs (Eggman/The Boys SI)》11: Julian Likes Puns

Advertisement

After Bradley left, Colin and I went into our lab while Mechelle and Destiny joined us. Destiny was curious about our process. That was fine by me, since our work wasn’t Eggman related. I leaned against a table that Mechelle was sitting on, while Destiny swung one leg back and forth as she sat on an armchair, the three of us watching as Colin stood in front of us just in front of a screen holding the image of a very big vehicle.

“The Bradley Fighting Vehicle,” Mechelle mumbled.

“The list of jokes about this thing is longer than my arm thanks to The Pentagon Wars,” Colin said.

“The Pentagon Wars? What’s that?” Destiny asked.

“An older movie, a comedy really, about the development of the Bradley,” I said. “A friend of mine showed it to me once. Anyway, the joke is that it’s supposed to be an APC: Armored Personnel Carrier. This thing was supposed to carry around 11 people to the battlefield, just a simple fast as fuck vehicle. But they went on to add a bunch of stuff to it.”

“Nowadays, however, it has a good reputation in the modern military,” Colin said. “The M3 model is respected by many. It may have started out as a camel, but it’s a damn robust one now.”

“Camel,” Destiny chuckled. “Right. A horse made by a committee.”

“Enough of the past,” I said, taking the lead. “Focus on the now. Forget just making a tank. This is IvoTech building it’s brand. We need to provide not just a better design, anyone with an idea and a drawing board can do that if they’re smart enough. We need more. Think basics… the metal.”

Destiny frowned, watching as I walked over to the computer nearby. “IvoTech is currently finishing up work on a new type of plastic.”

“I thought you wanted to think about metal,” Destiny noted, her dark lips quirking a bit.

“I wanted to think about the material. This is something we’ve been thinking of as a derivative of nanocellulose.”

“That wood pulp stuff?” When I gave her a surprised look, she grinned. “I may not be a scientist, but I’ve helped a lot of them.”

Oh right.

“Well, we’ve been working on something similar, but synthetic,” based on the work that Eggman had done to make bots that couldn’t be found out by metal detectors… as well as the time his nicer half had made a certain adorable wooden girl out of similar materials, in terms of durability at least..

“Something light, but extremely strong, flexible, resistant to impact, scratching, other such things, and most importantly when it comes to selling to the military? Cheap to produce and mold. Haven’t come up with a snazzy name for it yet, but I’m excited for it. I wanted to make body armor out of it, maybe later improve it to the point it can be used for almost anything but-”

“It’s too inflexible right now, and we haven’t gotten it as light as we like,” Colin finished. “But it is still a quarter the weight of armor grade steel so with a full-on tank engine pushing it, it’s a perfect light and strong replacement for plate armor. We can even modify it to be explosive reactive like we planned, or to at least absorb attacks with ease. That’s a great idea.”

“That’s the model we’ll follow then. Not a new tank. Improvements only we can provide,” Mechelle added.

“Okay, then the engine has to go,” Colin pointed at the image of the Bradley. “We’re using a smaller and more powerful engine in our Big Foot. We can easily modify it to fit this thing, make more room for ammo and personal. While we’re at it, we can improve the systems of the actual thing, the computers and targeting system.”

Advertisement

Following his idea, I started to manipulate the computer to quickly begin writing up a schematic, fingers moving fast. I had to hold back from really improving the thing, giving it the Eggman touch, instead just making more room to account for the size of the engine. “The Bradley engine right now isn’t powerful enough, but we may be able to do something very interesting with this new version. Quad treads!”

“I thought you didn’t want to change the design too much,” Destiny said sarcastically.

“It wouldn’t be a big change. Split the treads of the tank so it has four. The thing will be able to move even if one of them gets blown away by a mine or missile, so it’ll make it more likely that it’ll be able to come back home. Plus, there are the inherent advantages of them. Quad treads have less trouble with sudden elevation and changes in terrain. Then, there is the tread wear. With two sets of shorter treads, they don’t have much tension across them, so they’re less vulnerable to wear and tear.”

I drew in the suspension to the treads, then cleaned up the design just a bit more.

“What about armaments?” Mechelle asked. She sounded so robotic that Destiny turned to look at her in surprise, to which Mechelle gave her a small smile.

“Good point. With the right materials, we can give this thing a banger of a turret without changing it’s current profile too much, equipped with Ivotech lightweight and powerful radar, sensors, thermal optics, the works. And then of course, the missile pods.”

“Julian, seriously, weren’t you just saying-” Destiny began to speak, only to get cut off again.

“Here, the design we made for the stinger missile pod design,” Colin sent me the file, and I quickly sketched it in.

“The pilot won’t be able to get in if you make the turret that big,” Destiny noted.

“Then we’ll make it front opening instead of top opening. The armor plating we’ll be adding will be more than enough to protect everyone inside, at least for a good long while.”

I finished drawing and backed up a bit. “Good for a basic sketch… Let’s start checking over the design and making sure this thing can really sin-”

I stopped when I turned to look at the Bradley. Then at the vehicle I had created. Then the Bradley again.

“...these are two different tanks.”

“I tried to tell you,” Destiny said with a sigh.

I think I understand why the first Bradley ended up the way it was. Still, it was going to be a LOT roomier, more powerful, lighter, faster and tougher with the extra reinforcements. That was the basic idea, right?

I guess that meant I shouldn’t add in the air conditioning…

—---

After Destiny left to let us keep working, Mechelle, Colin, and I instead switched gears.

Ivotech being successful would be nice, but the main goal was beating Vought. Anything else was just food to feed that beast of a goal. That said, there was one event that I absolutely wasn’t about to let go down.

“You know what I’m going to say,” Colin sighed next to me, his hands clenching and unclenching as we watched the screen in front of us.

“That we’re risking way too much.”

“We are,” Colin said, sounding exasperated.

The screen in front of us displayed a large round room, with a marble floor, a big table of similar material, and several screens on the walls of the room displaying things like satellite imagery and graphs. The Seven’s meeting room, this worlds version of the Justice League round table.

Advertisement

“There is no benefit to us,” Colin said. “I agree with this morally, but if we get found out, it could undermine our entire operation.”

“...What do you think, Mechelle?”

My android businesswoman didn’t show any emotion, but still hummed. “Logically, this isn’t something we should interfere with, but I understand that you seem to take this personally enough that you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself without interfering.”

“And I’m sure you would have done the same with Robin if you could have,” Colin said patiently. “But where does it end? What about those in the asylum you left behind?” I winced. Colin continued. “What about Kimiko, or her brother? The many soldiers that will die from that super, Naqib?”

“Look, I get it,” I watched the screen, with nothing happening just yet. “There are things I just can’t interfere with, I agree. Some events just sort of… have to happen, but there are some I can at least have some minor influence over. Enough to hold back the worst shit, right?”

“You’ll end up playing god if you aren’t careful,” I stopped looking at the screen to eye Colin. “Picking and choosing who to save and when. It’s going to end badly if you aren’t careful.”

“Well this is not going to-”

“Also, have you considered the net positive that will follow?” Colin continued.

“Positive!?”

Colin didn’t flinch from my tone. “If you interfere incorrectly, she won’t be distraught. She won’t have reason to visit the park. She won’t meet Hughie and become involved with the Boys.”

“...She won’t have to, if I do this right,” I said that just as two people walked in. The Deep, in his usual green uniform, and Starlight.

The blonde girl really did remind me of Mary Marvel. Not the costume or the hair, that was entirely different being a white and gold uniform and long blonde hair. More just the bright and happy look of awe on her face. It was something I could have imagined on the Lady Shazam.

The pair walked around, The Deep talking about the power of the Seven’s satellites. Well, Vought’s satellites.

“-World View-4 satellites in geocentric orbit. We can essentially read a getaway car's license plate from 380 miles up.”

He wasn’t wrong. Thus far, those satellites had been very useful to me. I could keep track of a lot by piggybacking off those same satellites.

Eventually though… we got to that point.

“I kind of had a schoolgirl crush on you.”

“God, I can’t watch,” I rubbed my face as the two continued talking. “Please tell me this is going to be interrupted soon.”

“If you timed things right, yes, it will,” Colin handed me a tablet, displaying four red dots and two green on a map of the city. I tapped the screen and grinned at the confirmation that the magic was happening.

“Perfect. Then it’s time for some monkey business.”

Colin groaned. Mechelle sighed.

“What? …You think panda-monium is better?”

“I wish you hadn’t said either one,” Colin said.

Everyone's a critic.

On the screen, Starlight’s turned away from the Deep. He reached for his pants with a smug look on his face.

The doors slammed open. “Deep!”

Ashley Barrett burst in like a storm on fire. The petite redhead looked around. “Why the fuck isn’t your phone on!?”

The Deep stared at her, quickly removing his hands from his waist. “Uh… I uh-”

Starlight looked between Deep and Ashley, confused, while the redhead scowled.

“Nevermind! Deep, Starlight, a bank is getting robbed down the street from us.”

“A bank?” Starlight’s face shifted, determination filling it. The Deep, on the other hand, looked annoyed.

“All right, well we can take care of that,” he said without much enthusiasm. I knew what he was thinking. A generic easy mission, quick and done, with cameras filming him, getting good views, with some cheap baddies to knock out. Basic PR gig.

Man needed to learn to get with the times.

“You’ll have to,” Ashley still looked panicked and worried. “Because the robbers are Eggman’s robots.”

The Deep gaped. Starlight’s face showed determination. I smirked.

“Oh yeah… it’s all coming together.”

—---

To their credit, Vought got the Deep and Starlight to the bank quickly. But then, we had chosen a very specific one.

The bank in question had actually built their location specifically because Vought Tower was near them. After all, what bank would be safer than one right next to a bunch of superheroes? And in their defense, that had worked. Pretty much every building for a few blocks was safe from random violence and crime.

Today, however, was a different day.

The bank in question had been closed at the time, with some security guards roaming it. The place was made of smooth stone floors, pillars, and ceilings, with the main lobby in front of the vault being a circular room. Vault on the far end of the room, entrance across from it. Teller desks ringed the room, with pillars ringing the center of it to give the whole place the appearance of a Roman or Greek sort of temple. A place of worship to the god of money.

The entrance had been smashed inwards, a trail of debris leading to a large white van that was sitting on the remains of a door and a desk. On the side of the van was a sign for a fake company that sold free range liquid eggs.

And now, at the center of the room, a large capsule had been set up. A large steel container made just for holding people.

A robotic panda lifted a screaming guard high, shoving him into the container with three other yelling guards as well as the two cops who had come by to see what was going on. Outside, police lights were still spinning as more officers cordoned off the street.

I watched through the cameras of a different bot as the capsule was sealed and the panda stepped back to join a second one.

I’ll be honest. The panda thing was purely me wanting to make a joke. Funnily, Eggman, across the multiverse, didn’t have a panda badnik. So I’d take a different badnik, by the name of Snowy, and just shifted the colors. Like Snowy, the new badniks had a large and stocky build, with armored plating, massive clawed hands, and a overall bear appearance, but with a black and white look. I called them Bamboo.

In keeping with the jungle theme, the bot who’s eyes I was looking through, climbed up a pillar like a tree, it’s monkey paws easily gripping the stone as it turned to look at the entrance. One of a set of eight, the monkey badnik was an adorable thing, only about a foot high, with brown metal across it’s form and a ‘t-shirt’ of yellow painted on it’s chest. A Coconut, one of the models Eggman had made often.

Two other Coconuts were piling up bags of money in the back of the bank, on top if the ripped off vault door. They hadn’t found much, just enough to fill around six small bags. People didn’t seem to want cash as much nowadays.

Then someone stepped in.

“Hey!” Deep shouted, Starlight following after him looking nervous. “Where’s your boss!?”

Two pandas and eight monkeys turned to look at him. The Deep and Starlight stood side by side in the light. For a tense moment the ten Badniks and two heroes faced each other.

“So… are you going to surrender, or are we fighting?” Starlight said, sounding both non-plussed and determined.

“Oh no,” the Deep snarled, sounding more than a little annoyed. “We’re fighting. I need to make up for the last fight. You take the right, I’m taking-”

Okay, guess that’s how this was starting.

I snapped my fingers. “All right, run it.”

“GRAAAAR!” pandas in the real world, while still bears, tend to be very cute sounding. Bamboo, on the other hand, were based off the software and hardware of Snowy. Based on fucking polar bears.

Their echoing roars were followed by the Deep and Starlight staggering back briefly.

Then the panda bots were in their faces, sweeping out massive arms. Starlight blocked the blow with a pained grunt, while Deep barely dodged. He ran forward and punched it.

“Oh good, he’s actually trying now,” I mused to Colin and Mechelle.

The Coconuts moved as one. Within their chests, a small plastic sleeve was filled with chemicals, turning it into a tough plastic orb filled with caustic chemicals. The orb was moved by a suction system from the chest, through a pipe in the arms, before leaving a port in the palms of the Coconut’s, allowing them to grip the orbs before tossing them.

Starlight ducked an attack from a Bamboo, the panda’s claws ripping through the wall behind her. One of the Coconut’s took advantage of the opening to toss a ball that landed against her chest, shattering apart in an explosion of sound and light while tossing her back.

“Ahhh!” Starlight scrambled back, screaming while grabbing her ears and closing her eyes tight.

“Ah, damnit!” Deep shouted in unison, staggering back despite having been across the room from that.

From the safety of my office I noted that the Deep really did have enhanced vision and hearing. Not much probably, but enough to allow him to traverse the ocean well.

Starlight staggered to her feet as a Bamboo approached her, eyes struggling to stay open. A Coconut launched another ball at her and she raised her hands, unleashing burst of light that stopped Bamboo in it’s tracks and exploded the bombs in mid-air, well away from her.

She didn’t see it, but the energy levels of the Badniks closest to her dropped a small amount as well. Not a huge amount, but enough that I could see it on their status charts.

The Deep, not wanting to be seen lacking, moved in to attack as well. A Coconut tossed a bomb at him, this one exploding at his feet. The Deep, on seeing the bomb explode into plumes of smoke, shut his mouth, and smashed his fists into the Bamboo.

The panda took the hits across his chest, then returned it with a backhand from its claws that smacked the Deep into a pillar behind him. The Deep recovered in time to dodge the next claws, circling around quickly and kicking at the Badnik’s back desperately.

His mouth was still closed and his eyes were near slits. Neither should have prevented the tear gas from affecting him at least somewhat, but he was still fighting. Interesting. Something about his physiology? Also, I wouldn’t have thought a man with gills would need to learn to be able to hold his breath for long, but he was doing very well fighting at top strength with only a small amount of breath.

Not too much actual martial arts skill, unlike Starlight who was moving in with a combination right out of boxing, but he made up for it with his natural strength and athleticism.

The Bamboo Badnik he was fighting adjusted quickly, roaring and smacking him aside. The Deep screamed in pain as the massive metal palm smashed into his chest, but moved back in. Damn, where had this will to fight been before?

No. I could see it in his eyes. He was desperate looking, hungry. He knew he’d tarnished his reputation on the football field. Now he wanted to make up for it. This was a man with low self-esteem desperate to make it back to the top.

Almost admirable in some ways.

A bomb exploded next to him, flash-bang blinding and stunning him long enough for panda to kick him in the stomach. He staggered.

“Fuck me! Starlight, we gotta take care of those monkeys!”

“I’m trying, this panda is on me!” the Bamboo’s arms smashed down on her upraised ones, shattering the ground underneath her as she briefly struggled to hold the panda back. She managed to overwhelm it after a bit, pushing up then kicking it back before blasting it with a small burst of light.

Interesting. That was around 2 tons of force she had fought off. I’d noted another decrease in the ambient electricity as well when she’d done that initial push. So already amplified strength, but maybe she could up her physical parameters with the same electric conversion she powered her light attacks with.

The Deep was clearly not feeling as introspective as me. “Fine! Then let me handle them both!”

To my surprise, he grabbed the panda he was fighting by the left arm and spun around, lifting up the Badnik and tossing it in the direction of the other Bamboo. Starlight barely dodged it in time to let the two bots smash together, followed by the Deep landing on top of them and desperately punching down at them as their programming adjusted for the sudden violence.

Starlight didn’t hesitate to take advantage of her freedom, raising her arms and blasting a Coconut in the chest, turning it to scrap. The other three Coconuts attacking her threw bombs, which she blew out of the air only to curse as all three bombs exploded into tear gas. She released another concussive blast, dispersing the smoke before shooting at another Coconut, barely missing.

At the same time, the Deep was in trouble. He was now fighting both Bamboo’s at once, and they were laying into him. He shouted in pain when a claw smacked him in the head, punching the offending panda before the other one bit him in the shoulder. He uppercut the panda, ripping it’s teeth from his tough skin, then kicked it back with a scream. He looked like he was panicking, but still stayed in the fight, moving forward even as he bruised up and bled.

Man, surprising what comes out of people in a tight spot, huh?

Starlight shot another Coconut in the arm, then fired at the pillar it was hanging from, ripping the pillar apart and sending the monkey tumbling under the stones. She ducked another flash-bang, gritting her teeth in pain as it exploded behind her, but raising her hands and filling them with power. A lot of power.

Which had to come from somewhere.

One of the Coconut’s shut off, the one closer to her, as it’s energy levels dropping under the safety levels. A Bamboo stuttered it’s movements, allowing the Deep to clock it in the face.

Starlight noticed. Her eyes lit up metaphorically. Then literally.

The Bamboos and the Coconuts shook. Their power levels dropped rapidly.

“Take this!” Starlight roared, raising her hands and unleashing a single beam of energy about a foot wide. The blast ripped through the hardened armor of one of the Bamboo’s, sending it crashing to the floor. The Deep screamed as he grabbed the other one by the head and ripped it off while it was distracted.

Starlight fired another beam, this one blinding the camera’s entirely. When it was over, the Coconut I’d been watching from was lying on the ground. I blinked a bit.

“Huh… That was dope as fuck.”

Starlight gasped, dropping to her knees as she panted. The Deep was breathing desperately, trying to stay standing even as he staggered.

“Holy shit. Holy shit,” he gasped. Then he clutched at his shoulder, where blood slowly dripped. “Oh god, that hurts!”

“Y-You okay?” Starlight asked the Deep with genuine worry.

“Of course I’m not fucking okay, I got bit by a robot bear!” he spat, Starlight flinching. He had a point there.

I flipped a switch on my control board and coughed to clear my throat before speaking into the mic. “Technically, it was just one of my badniks. But I gotta say, that bite should have had the force of an actual polar bear. Around 1200 pounds per square inch.”

“Eggman,” Starlight mumbled. She looked around quickly before her eyes landed on one of the Coconuts, it’s eyes blinking a dark red. When I spoke again, the lights glowed and dimmed with each word.

“In the flesh, or I suppose the audio, my dear,” I chuckled, shaking my head. “Honestly, I was just bored and decided to try for a classic. The bank robbery! Good old school crime! But I didn’t expect you two to put up the fight you did! The Deep, one of the most useless members of the Seven last time we fought, fighting like a pissed off weasel trapped in a pair of jeans this time around? Amazing! The new girl, still shiny from her last job, turning my badniks to scrap! I must say, I wish I’d sent more badniks in, see how you all do with a few more to fight!”

“F-Fuck… you,” Deep gasped out.

“We’re going to find you,” Starlight said with real heroic aplomb. She had a black eye, her arms covered in bruises, her ears bleeding, and she still had trouble seeing. But she stood tall and firm. The Deep stared at her, surprise on his face. “We’ll shut you down, I promise! You won’t hurt anyone anymore!”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed. A genuine happy laugh. “See! That’s what I wanted! A real hero! Not someone desperate to save her pride, not some foolish fop of a celebrity! Someone who stands, covered in dirt and pain, and still willing to fight.”

The sigh I followed up with was filled with nostalgia. “Starlight, I’ll be watching your career with great interest. Because as of now, there are three heroes I’m willing to call my rivals. Maeve. Starlight. And honestly, next would have been Black Noir, but Deep you actually respond to my taunts so you’re more fun.”

“Is this a game to you!?” Starlight spat out.

“Only when it’s easy,” I chuckled. “No offense to your efforts. It’s just… I had eight Coconuts.”

“...Coco-what?” the Deep asked, confused.

“The monkey badniks. I understand battlefield math is hard in the thick of it but… I had eight. You scrapped four.”

The two heroes paled, looking around. Four destroyed monkeys, two broken pandas. And a few bags of missing money.

“Fuck!” the Deep staggered up, glancing around.

“Eh, it was only around 500,000 or so. Not much to worry about,” I said as the pair of heroes stared around. “Besides, you two should use this as a lesson. Get some better gear. Armored costumes at least. Deep, you need to upgrade as well. Poseidon it up and get a trident, something useful so you stop breaking your knuckles.”

Then I disconnected the connection and activated the self-destruct, leaning back with a grin.

“You look pleased with yourself,” Colin said with a small smile.

I turned from my control center. “I am. That footage is going to be very fun. And I’m sure the charities we’ll be giving that money to will be pleased.”

“I’ll find a way to legally give that cash then,” Mechelle said robotically. “Do you mind if I edit the footage? We can upload it to the website.”

“Thinking of putting it up with the music video?” when she nodded I chuckled. “Yeah, that’s fair. Well, there is just one last thing… is it worth matchmaking Hughie and Annie after this?”

Colin scoffed, looking over at a different screen. On there, a traffic light showed a panicked Hughie in a car next to a very badass looking man. Then again, I’d had a high opinion of Butcher, and Karl Urban played my favorite Dredd of all time.

“If you’re worried about matchmaking,” Colin looked at another screen. I joined him. “Then shouldn’t she be on your list?”

Within a small house, a woman and child were having dinner together. Her with dark brown hair, him with a dirty blonde head of hair. They were smiling and talking animatedly. Becca Butcher and Ryan Butcher.

“...If I bring them in out of the cold too soon Vought will become a much bigger problem. I wouldn’t put it past them to tell Homelander we kidnapped his kid or something equally ridiculous.”

“Fair point,” Colin said. “Still, I know you don’t want to leave them separate forever.”

“Of course not. I’m a nice guy like that,” I said with a hint of smugness.

But man, I had a lot of balls up in the air. What I wouldn’t give to be fighting just one ragtag bunch of animals rather than working against a government and corporation.

Ah, who was I kidding? I’d never had this much fun.

Tomorrow though. It was time to work on Gordon. See what we could do for the little EMP emitter. I needed more samples of supes however.

Luckily, there was going to be a free supe corpse in just a few hours. Fare thee well, Translucent. Fare thee well.

    people are reading<A World Of Rotten Eggs (Eggman/The Boys SI)>
      Close message
      Advertisement
      You may like
      You can access <East Tale> through any of the following apps you have installed
      5800Coins for Signup,580 Coins daily.
      Update the hottest novels in time! Subscribe to push to read! Accurate recommendation from massive library!
      2 Then Click【Add To Home Screen】
      1Click