I know I don’t have the best release rate for my chapters, but I hope it helps that most of them are at least five thousand words. However I might have a little bad news for some of you. I was attempting to release alternating chapters for the two stories that I am writing. That hasn’t been working for me since it takes me too long to switch my mind back and forth from the two wildly different fantasy worlds. What I am going to be doing, from now on, is that I will only switch back to writing the other story when my muse sort of dries up for the one that I am currently working on, which normally takes one to three chapters. For example, I just released three chapters of The Defective Hermit, in a fairly short time span.

I am fairly confident that by making this sort of change to my writing schedule that I will in fact be more productive for both stories in the long run. Despite my best efforts, I lose three days getting my mind to switch from world to world, so by doing it less often I can use those days to do more writing.

I expect to crank out two chapters of Swamp Boy before switching back to DH, but it could be three.

If you spot any mistakes please point them out, I would really appreciate it.

A note to Jakyl who sent me a correction for DH by private message, I tried to send you a thank you but your profile has private message acceptance turned off.

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Chapter 14: Seasick

I don’t like being in a storm at sea. I DON’T LIKE IT ONE LITTLE BIT! I know that warships typically need larger crews than merchant ships because they need the additionally personnel in order to fight during sea battles. But I had to wonder if the seventeen men that I had freed just a little while ago were truly enough to sail this schooner while in such a violent storm? Because I didn’t know enough to help them and honestly I was too scared right now to do anything even if I did know what to do.

In the cabin in which I was in, there was a small bed just wide enough for one person; even though the bunk was tiny, it had bedposts which supported a large cabinet above the bed. I was wrapped around one of those posts like a swamp possum on a tree branch. I would almost rather be back facing that giant shark again. At least I could hurt that beast!

The howling winds didn’t stop, and the gale just kept on raging. I had been hanging on for what felt like a day, I realized that I had to do something. As far as I knew all of the crewmen were now dead. I stumbled out of the cabin and I made my way to the weather deck. It was now daytime which could barely be discerned because of the heavy dark clouds overhead blocking the sunlight. From the hatchway, I saw tired looking men roped to the ship doing their best to keep us all alive.

I turned around and I went in search of the galley. Finding the appropriate room, or is that cabin, I started searching for food and beverage ingredients. I found a large kettle and I started brewing a rich broth made from dried beef and onions. I may be an abysmal practitioner of the Gulf Kingdom’s style of spell casting but I at least have enough talent to heat up a pot. I poured one of my health potions into the mix and I used my concoction skills to add some additional magic as well.

In a wooden box, I found some pewter drinking mugs with hinged tops; a person had to use their thumb to hold open the mugs’ heavy lids. I washed them first since they looked disgusting, and I filled seventeen of them with the brew that I had made. I stacked the filled mugs in the same crate that I found them in and I topped off the box with some small loaves of some truly terrible hard bread.

I got down on all fours and started pushing the crate before me. I was crawling my way back to the stairway, or was it called the ship’s ladder? Going up that torture device was difficult but I made it with the crate intact and I only bruised my knuckles and bloodied my nose.

First I went to the ship’s wheel; I saw the old man and two other seamen working alongside him. I handed them all broth and bread, they grinned back at me and nodded their heads in thanks. Their words were swallowed by the storm. I went off in search of the other men, still without rising to my feet, I didn’t care that I looked undignified.

I found cold and wet men clustered around each mast, doing things with ropes and sails. I handed out more mugs and bread; then I started making my way back to the ship’s hatchway. I had done what I could; it was time for me to wrap my arms once more around that beautiful bedpost.

While crawling, I realized that I hadn’t seen a single one of the real Fata crewmen, since I had been put below deck hours ago. Where had they all gone to? Did I care?

I was almost back to the hatch when a huge wave over took the ship and crashed down upon it. I could feel my hold break loose and I swear the wave put me fifteen or more steps into the air before sweeping me over the side.

The wave spun me around and drove me deep beneath the surface of the water. I struggled to remain conscious and I was barely able to guess which way us up thanks to my witch sight. I was swallowing water as I desperately activated my flight harness which I had never removed. I shot towards the surface; I thought that I would never be thankful for that terrible pain in my crotch again. But that day and at that time, I was ready to sing out from the joy of it; however it would be in a terribly high pitched tone of voice.

I shot up out of the water and beyond the height of the waves. Using my witch sight I looked for my ship. But I couldn’t see it anywhere! Had it gone down with that last massive wave?

The duration that my harness can support me depends on how fast I am going and the weight that it is lifting. My current harness was only a first experimental attempt and I had already thought of ways that I could improve it but it was what I had for now. While I could feed my harness more energy, it was terribly inefficient but since I was only drifting with the wind, my air time was drastically increased. Though I did have to expend; some additional energy in order to keep myself stable. It took me over five minutes before I finally saw something that I thought might be my vessel. It looked to be almost half a league away already and the only reason that I saw anything at all was because it appeared to be briefly riding the crest of a massive wave.

I personally had enough energy where I could put in the equivalent of at least three more full charges into my harness but I was still going to have to be careful, if I wanted to make it back to that schooner alive. Slow speed kept me airborne longer, so I tried to optimize my flight to my ship. If I went too fast, I would run out of energy long before I got there. But if I went too slowly, I would never catch up. I increased my velocity so that I could keep that object, which was hopefully my ship, in sight. Using some of the math that Professor Tanner had taught me, I mentally calculated what would be my most advantageous speed. I ran the calculation three times trying to get only a rough number. Sadly, the answer was the same every time and it told me that I was out of luck, no matter what I did. It would take the equivalent of six full harness charges, to get me to that ship and I thought I might be able to manage four, not counting the one that was already within my harness’s energy reservoir. Having no other option I increased my speed slightly, and I went in pursuit of that vessel. While doing so, I tried to think of a plan that might save my life.

My potions and short sword were of no use to me. The only thing that might save me, were the shield buttons sewn onto my jacket. I consider them to be my greatest achievement so far and one I don’t plan on sharing with anyone else, if I could possibly help it. The wizard on the first ship that I had liberated had only been able to burn me for two reasons. One, he was freaking powerful and two, I had been wearing my shield like a suit of clothes with no air gap between me and it; so what had injured me was the energy radiating off my shield and not the wizard’s spell itself. His attack had briefly turned my shield into something like a frying pan and I had simply been too close to it.

During the hours I had spent clinging to that bedpost I had fully recharged my buttons, but beyond that I was wearing my war jacket which had two complete sets of the extremely large buttons. It looked ridiculous and slightly suspicious as well which was worse; because why would a magic user, be wearing a coat with so many stupid looking buttons? I wanted to keep my buttons a secret in case I was attacked or challenged to a mage/wizard duel. Right now while I was still in school, it was against Kingdom Law and Mage Code for me to be challenged but once I graduated or failed to graduate but still practiced magic, I will then be a valid opponent. My jacket and my glaive will be the cards hidden up my sleeves. I’ll tell everyone that my glaive is my magic staff and they can accept it or not; I don’t care what they think, I’ll still carry it with me everywhere I go. Except that my current glaive, is on that ship that is sailing away from me; sigh.

While I was designing and creating the shield buttons, I had kept in mind all of my combat experiences but I had forgotten one lesson. A secret does me no good if I’m dead. Instead of two sets of buttons on my war jacket I should have put on at least four and six sets probably would have been better. Maybe I should just make a jacket or vest comprised of scale armor with each scale taking the place of one of my shield buttons?

The wind was blowing me along, but it was taking me too long to catch up to what was definitely a ship, which was still over a third of a league downwind of me. The vessel had some sails up, in fact it sort of looks like they’ve put up more, after I was swept overboard. Not a lot more but just a little. I increased my pace yet again and I fed more power into my harness’s energy reservoir. This wasn’t like my workshop where I had balance scales and measuring spoons to aid me while making a concoction; I was forced to do a lot of guessing about my harness’s energy levels and my speed.

The blast of heat that I had took earlier on seems to have damaged the water proofing potion that was applied to my clothes; so I was cold, wet and extremely miserable.

I had steadily improved my shield buttons over the last several months. A single set could last almost forty minutes if it was not under assault or under pressure of any kind. Because my shield enchantment had been optimized, it took no more energy to recharge it than my flight harness did.

I had been aloft for no more than twenty minutes and I had only had enough left inside of me for approximately one more charge into my harness. I could trickle the energy into it or feed it all at once, it made no difference. I was still over a fifth of a league from that schooner, so close yet so far. It was time to head back into the drink. I tried to time my descent and when I was no more than ten steps above a trough in the waves I activated my shield and deactivated my flight harness. This time I made my shield its maximum most energy economical size which turned it into a sphere, approximately eight steps in diameter. I needed the larger size to hold the air that I needed to breathe; I didn’t plan on opening up any vent holes in my shield for quite a while.

Because the shield projected away from my body it looked like I was hovering within it, which was always a creepy effect even when it wasn’t an enemy wizard who was doing it. But it did make the ride far less jarring for me, what with the waves and all, but while the water was easily being forced around my shield, the powerful waves were draining its energy faster than calm air would have done. By my best estimate I probably had thirty minutes instead of forty per shield charge.

I was shivering and I had to warm up and get dry, using energy on something like that wasn’t part of my plans. I wasn’t the most knowledgeable of spell casters but because of my life in the swamp I had long since mastered a drying spell. However, since I was trapped within my shield I would have to direct that excess water someplace. I pulled out my silver water flask, which had been a gift from Donna. It was the type of thing that most people put wine or strong spirits in but I didn’t normally consume alcohol. It took me a few minutes to empty the flask into my stomach, now it was time to fill it back up. I cast the spell using just a trickle of energy. In very short order my small flask was filled back up again but I was still wet. I ate some jerky and drank some more water. I used a tiny bit of my magical energy to warm things up a little. When I had the flask empty once more, I cast the drying spell again.

I was dead; I was just using up my energy far too quickly. I had to forget about using my flight harness for now. My war jacket was the only thing that was going to save me. I hadn’t been paying attention to what was going on outside of my shield sphere but a wave caught it exactly right and drove it deep, causing a large dip in my jacket’s energy reserves, Oh Swamp Muck! Things just kept getting better and better.

I activated the second set of buttons; the air in my sphere was feeling a little stuffy. I promised myself that if I lived through this, that I would develop a spell that mimicked the action of plants and would rejuvenate the air inside a limited volume. See Professor King, I had been paying attention to your lectures.

The first thing I did when I activated my second set of buttons was recharge my first set, I was still a little damp but now I had another problem because of all that water I had just drank. I needed to pee. While I was proud of how I could form my shield into many different shapes, what I was about to try now would be pushing my limits and it could be very painful. I gingerly opened my pants, what with my most recent disaster I had forgotten about what I had done to my crotch. Things down below were quite tender. I was tempted to use one of my healing potions but it would be overkill what with my limited resources.

I carefully shaped the shield, and I attempted to pee out into the raging ocean. Things didn’t go very well, I got angry and acted rashly. Even though it might mean my death I was casting drying spells and holding the water out with sheer magical will, which was a horrible waste of energy; all while attempting to shape air ventilation holes and I was still trying to aim my penis properly. It was a humiliating experience that my foes would have surely enjoyed.

I was now out of energy and my second set of buttons was almost empty but at least I was dry and my bladder was drained. I reactivated my recharged first set, as my shield sphere was tossed about by the waves like a piece of discarded flotsam.

When I had enough energy I dumped it into my second set of buttons, which was barely in time because my first set was running out. My clumsy attempt to piss; might have put the final nail in my coffin. I was exhausted and in desperation I drank one of my healing potions which should revitalize me, but as a replacement for tea it was an extremely expensive alternative, though it was more effective and my crotch stopped hurting.

During next cycle I recharged my first set of buttons and I still had another ten minutes or more left in my second set, I might live. Slowly I began to regain the ground I had lost, energy wise, because of my clumsy attempt to piss. I had a full load out of concoctions because before I initiated my crazy rescue plan I hadn’t known what I would need. So while I had three of almost every type of my medical potions, I also had my glue and waterproofing concoctions. Very carefully I cut off and tore off my shirt from beneath my coat, since I dare not take off my shield jacket.

Using my glue I crafted some of the material into two fair size bags. I then used a waterproofing potion to treat the bags and my damaged clothes. I would now be able to use one bag to hold drinking water and other for urine if it was needed. I should have thought of doing that earlier. Now slightly better prepared, I ate some more of my dwindling supply of jerky.

About four hours later, even with the crazy rolling motions of my sphere, I just had to get some sleep. I had always been good about waking myself up in times of danger or at a set times because of my early life with the Witch and my experiences both in the swamp as well as on the battlefield but this would be putting that ingrained skill to an extreme test because I had to wake up before my current array of buttons was out of energy, so I could switch over to the other set. If I failed to wake up in time, I could lose everything that I had gained or I might even die.

I nervously fell asleep. I woke up a short while later, not knowing where I was and I barely activated the second collection of buttons in time. I recharged the empty buttons and I dozed off, taking another troubled nap. I was able to do that nine times with only two close calls before I faced another problem. I needed to defecate badly and I wasn’t about do it within my sphere, I remembered what had happened with my attempt at peeing. But at least this time I was fully charged up. I took of my pants and underwear. I carefully strapped them to my body. I then activated my flight harness and after gaining sufficient altitude I dropped my shield.

I must say that I felt quite peculiar flying in the air, at least one hundred steps above the ocean, while taking a dump. I just wished that there was a seagull beneath me so I could get a little revenge for some past incidents. Once I was empty, I made sure to let the driving wind and rain wash by backside clean.

I scanned about looking for my former ship, not expecting to see anything and I didn’t. It might have been embarrassing if there had been vessel close by and they had seen me in all my half naked glory. I stayed aloft unmoving to conserve my harness’s energy and searched for land or any signs of any other ship. To the best of my very limited knowledge there were no islands near me. I had been hoping to find even an uncharted desert isle but I had absolutely no luck. I was forced to wonder how Gill and Professor Tanner were faring on my tiny ship.

Seeing nothing after nearly fifteen minutes of searching, I returned to the water below me and reactivated my shield. I was almost out of jerky but I had three doses of my regeneration potions with me. That potion is actually a series of three concoctions that are normally taken in five steps, with potions two and three being repeated once. Concoction two maintains and sustains the regeneration process, and is in fact quite nourishing, having as much food energy as two or even three days worth of meals. But it is not nearly as satisfying to the spirit. So I had six doses of that nutritious medicine, but I hoped that I was not forced to use more than one or two of them.

Once I had a routine in place which seemed to ensure my long term survival. I had a new problem, boredom. I had nothing to read, no ingredients for potions, and no tools, beyond some knives. What could I possibly do to keep myself from going crazy inside this bubble?

Then I had a brainstorm or it could be said that my dumbness diminished because I should have thought of this earlier. My flight harness was covered in buttons which were just a slight variation of my coble’s movement runes. On top of that, I didn’t have to form my shield into a sphere, I could instead make it more streamlined like a boat and by not using the harness to lift me, its energy should last far longer, if not nearly so long as my coble with its far larger runes.

I altered the shape of my sphere so it became more like a pointed a cylinder and I began to move my magical boat in the same direction that the waves were going which was towards the northeast, as far as I could tell. Eventually, if I hit nothing else, I should land somewhere on the Freed Continent, which should be far too big for me to miss. But knowing my luck, I might be able to manage that task, and sail past Freed with me winding up in the Great Northern Vestalia Ocean. Dragon Dung! I was made to live in a hot humid swamp and not the wastes of a frozen ocean!

At first I had a problem because I wasn’t steering my invisible boat properly; the shield was taking more damage and as a result using up more energy. But I quickly started to read the ocean better and I got things to the point where it was using less energy while it was moving than if I had let it be battered about while being carried by the waves. I certainly felt better without it twisting about so much, even if I was immune to any harm since I was suspended inside my shield.

After what might have been an hour, moving at what I think was about three leagues per hour; my flight harness became exhausted. That became my pattern, one hour of powered moving and two hours of drifting while I recharged. I would also take flight briefly to look for any ships and then set back down again.

I think it was thirty hours later that I took flight and I saw my missing ship. Luckily, it was now close enough for me to get to! With practice, I had gotten better at flying and ignoring the pain in my crotch, I will now change my name from Drake to Iron-Balls. While I have no desire to be ennobled, the idea of being called Lord Iron-Balls I find strangely attractive. Ellen will hate it which makes it an even better idea.

Flying along I noticed the schooner looked different from what I remembered but who cares. I landed on the stern just behind the ship’s wheel. I didn’t recognize the crewman at the wheel. I looked around and for some reason I looked up. Torn and tattered flying from the main mast was the flag of the Kingdom of Fata; I had found and boarded the wrong vessel.

I immediately activated my invisibility ward and re-activated my shield but this time in the form fitting mode.

I needed to find out if there were any slaves on board and then make a plan. But first I needed to HANG ON TO SOMETHING or the storm would knock me off of this ship too.

I crawled to a corner on the port side, grabbed hold of the railing and tried not to whimper. I don’t know why it was scarier for me being on a ship than in my shield bubble but it was; maybe the fact that I couldn’t control this vessel was the problem. Or it could be that I knew that there had to be at least three enemy wizards on this schooner.

I noticed during my whimpering time that some of those sailors on deck were women, which is a very unusual thing for a vessel from the Kingdom of Fata. About five hours later, around midmorning, the storm finally started to abate. The sailors, who had been working so hard, looked to be exhausted and ready to collapse. I finally un-wrapped my arm and legs from the ship’s railing, if it had gone over the side, I would have too.

Fresh sailors and what my witch sight told me were two wizards came up on deck. Both wizards were wearing what looked like fancy dress officer uniforms. The oldest looking one spoke, “Alright you mongrel bitches get down below, eat something and get some sleep. In a few hours we’re going to wake you. What with trying to rescue the Landgrave and this second storm, we’ve been putting up with foul weather and no entertainment for over five days now. I didn’t buy you from that farm just because you were former sailors, no matter how short we are on trained male seamen. You were purchased to keep my crew happy and in four or five hours, I’m expecting you to be back on your backs and doing your other job.”

The newly arriving men cheered their Wizard Captain. The exhausted sailors, who had been on deck and were mostly women, morosely retreated below. I followed them as carefully as I could manage.

I didn’t have my glaive and as far as I knew the potions and venoms had been washed clean from the darts that were in my bracers. I didn’t feel like I had the slightest chance of winning a fight right now.

I snuck down the passageway following the exhausted slaves. When suddenly, “What the blazes, is going on here?” I turned around to look behind me and standing there was another fancy dressed wizard who was obviously staring at my wet boot prints. I liked and normally wore the same kind of boots that the Kingdom’s Army used and the soles of my boots had a rather unique and recognizable pattern; which was probably completely different from what anyone else on this vessel was wearing, especially considering that all of the slaves that were in front of me, were barefoot.

What was worse, was that my boot prints led straight to me and then stopped. The slaves turned to look at the wizard with confused expressions on their faces. I activated my flight harness, and I stuck myself flat against the ceiling while trying to breathe as quietly as possible.

The wizard came walking by right beneath me and stopped to look precisely where my boot prints ended. He glanced at what was on the slaves’ feet and told them to get moving. The wizard’s head was only three inches beneath my own belly. I had my paralytic dart bracer aimed right at his face. It finally occurred to the wizard that something was dripping water on him and he looked up, he started to raise his hand and I shot him with four darts. He gave a little gurgle and fell. Luckily, there was no one else in this passageway. I lowered myself to the floor, wrapped my tired limbs around him and flew us both to the Captain’s cabin. I knew where that room was since all, of the enemy schooners, seemed to be designed the same way. I also assumed that the Captain was that older fancy dressed wizard who was up on deck.

I opened up the cabin, and flew inside. Chained to the bunk within that room was a pretty girl, with far too many scars on her back. I’m not sure if she saw the man I was carrying or not. My invisibility ward might be working for him too but she did see the door swing open. Feeling like I had no choice, I shot the girl with a single dart. I would try and make things up to her later, if we were both still alive that is.

I set the man down and I closed the door behind me. I then sat down and started examining my darts with all of my senses both magical and mundane; I needed to know if they were still effective or not. My paralytic darts in both my bracer and my pockets seemed to be perfectly fine, which surprised me. My magic suppression darts though had lost some of their potency. I shot the wizard with two of them to play it safe. I didn’t bother tying him up. Four paralytic darts should leave him unable to move for at least three hours and I had more important things to do. I carefully repainted my suppression darts, which left me with twelve darts and half a flask of the suppression concoction left.

I feel like I’d been unbelievable lucky in that none of my rugged clay potion flasks had broken during this adventure. But I had more than enough gold where I could and should be buying silver flasks for the potions that I carried on me. A metal flask was obviously tougher and I could reuse them, transferring the contents of a glass or clay flask to them as needed. Another change I vowed to make, if I lived to make it back to Sweet Port.

After inspecting and preparing my darts, I dropped my invisibility and I finally went and checked on the naked girl who was collapsed on the bed. I bent down closely to her face so I could whisper to her.

“I am sorry about paralyzing you, it will only be temporary but I could not risk having you call out to anyone. I am here to free all of the slaves but I might fail. I don’t wish any blame to fall on you if that happens so I am going to tie you up. That way if the worst happens, the Captain will know that you could do nothing to stop me. If one of his wizards wasn’t able to stop me how would you have been able to, will be what he’ll ask himself. I am sorry about how I am treating you. I too was a slave when I was young. I hope that soon, you will be able to yell at me for what I’ve done to you.”

I then started to carefully examine her scarred body. I couldn’t release her but I could do something about her injuries. I proceeded to paint her fresh wounds with some of my healing potion. Within minutes I could feel some of the tension leave her body. I then carefully and gently as possible tied her up.

Now I had to wait for at least two or three hours. I needed the slaves to be fed and at least partially rested before I attempted to free them because I needed them fit so that they could sail this vessel. I certainly didn’t know how to do it and while the storm had lessened dramatically it was still present.

I tied up the wizard and tried to hide his body as best as I could in the small cabin. Normally I would have killed him but if I failed he would be a witness for the girl that she had done nothing to aid me. Then I sat down on a chair with my invisibility ward reactivated. I ate some terrible bread that I found in a sack, that was lying on the Captain’s dining table and I watched the door.

I could tell when the spider venom wore off on the girl, because she turned her head to look at me with wide unblinking eyes. I put a finger to my lips, indicating that she should be quiet; she nodded her head back to me.

It was three hours and no one had come into the cabin. I had rather hoped that they would since I liked the idea of my prey coming to me. But I was out of time, in another hour or two at most they would begin raping those slaves, probably for the thousandth time, and I was going to put a stop to that.

I went below decks first and looked for any of the regular ship’s crew; as I located them, they each received two paralytic darts. I only found twenty and they all seemed to look more like warriors than ordinary seamen, perhaps they were Marines.

Taking a deep mental breath to strengthen my resolve, I decided it was past time to take my battle to the wizards. I walked by the slave quarters and unbarred their door. Perhaps I would end up being killed after slaying most of my enemies. If so, by unbarring that door I gave the slaves a chance at freedom. Right now I can’t risk opening the door because they might make a commotion or one of them might even be a snitch.

I took the ladder to the weather deck. I then crept up the stairs to the slightly higher stern deck, where the ship’s wheel was located. The ship’s Captain was there along with a wizard of modest power. At the bow I could see another pair of wizards. I really missed my glaive. If they had time to cast a shield about themselves I would be almost powerless against them without my enchanted pole-arm. Maybe I should had have taken one of the kraken spears I saw stored below decks but the ones used against ships were simply too thick and heavy for me to wield like a proper pole-arm. I had also found some boarding pikes down below but I no longer had the time to enchant one of them.

I had only two things going for me, surprise and the fact that it ordinarily took a wizard longer to cast a shield about himself than a mage. But their shields were normally stronger and more efficient than a mage’s protections.

Getting close to my targets, I shot both wizards in their calves with two darts a piece. I hoped by shooting them there no one would notice the darts until it was too late. Both men crumbled to the deck, the sailors nearby let out shouts of alarm.

The other two wizards came running, back to the stern. The question was; would they instinctively raise their shields because of what had just happened to their fellow wizards. I know that mine would be up in similar circumstances. To do anything else is plain stupid.

I launched four darts at both wizards, and they fell! Yes, yes, yes! You are all mine now, you Incompetent Swamp Leeches! I started putting darts into every man that I saw except the one at the ship’s wheel. I was afraid of what would happen if I put him down. Within ten minutes he was the only one left standing. He must have realized that his location was protecting him because he never moved from it, though he was awfully twitchy and kept looking around in terror.

Okay now what do I do? I suddenly had an idea. I had been in the Eastern Empire for three years; I knew both their language and the accent. I spoke using my most arrogant tone of voice and whispered in the man’s ear. “I don’t know what you fools, were doing in my waters but all wizards know better than to venture here. If you hope to live you better do exactly what I say.”

The man nearly jumped out of his skin. “Yes Master, I will do exactly what you say.”

“Very good,” I purred evilly, “keep this ship steady. I am going to look over my new toy. There better be some women on board or I’ll call a siren to feed my desires to, then once she takes care of me, I’ll give her some of the men here to satisfy her appetite.”

The man pissed himself. I had no idea if sirens were real or not but many sailors were convinced that they were. The man quickly spoke up. “There are fifteen female slaves below decks Master. The Captain has a young one that is quite beautiful and some of the others aren’t bad either.”

“Quiet, your voice annoys me. I will be back shortly.” Since arriving in Sweet Port I’ve seen a few theatrical productions with the Princess, Donna and Alex. During those performances forbidding music is always played whenever the villains appear. I had a sudden urge to have some musicians following me around and have them playing that exact kind of music whenever it was appropriate. I also needed a black cape and maybe a mustache that I could dramatically twirl.

Going below decks, I dropped my invisibility and opened the door to the slave quarters, twenty anxious faces greeted me. “Hello, I need you all to listen carefully. My name is James Drake. I am a former slave and a potion concoctor. I have disabled everyone on this vessel but the guy at the wheel and you all here within this room. I want to go home to the Gulf Kingdom but I don’t know how to sail and it’s too far for me to swim. Can you help me?” I gave them my best smile.

They looked at me like I was crazy. I decided to give them some more information. “Right now, every one of the wizards and the free crewmen are paralyzed. In about an hour some of them are going to start being able to move again. It would be a good idea if they were dealt with before then, don’t you think?”

They still did nothing. Well I tried; I better free that girl and kill the wizard. I walked into the Captain’s cabin, while loudly humming the most intimidating tune I could think of. Having a terrible memory for those kinds of things, the only bit of music that I could come up with, was the song about the Pink Unicorn and the Silver Teapot. The tune is actually a particularly inane children’s ditty, commonly played during free puppet shows at Sweet Port’s street markets but it was the only thing that I could remember. It’s the kind of musical piece that once you hear it you just can’t drive it out of your head, no matter how much you try, so maybe it truly was evil?

“The Pink Unicorn, the Pink Unicorn, oh wouldn’t you want to have tea with the Pink Unicorn.” Yep, it was definitely evil; the person who wrote that absurd piece of drivel should be fed to a kraken. It has gotten so bad that some markets even have an actor in a unicorn costume trying to lure children into their shops and thus capture their parents too. Personally, I refuse to go into a shop with a pink unicorn traipsing around outside, unless of course they’re giving out free food. I did embarrass my sergeants once or twice and Alex used a scarf to hide his face. I still have to wonder why everyone, especially the nearby children, got so upset when I asked for a unicorn steak at that one food stall. If you have a unicorn prancing around, doesn’t that mean your serving unicorn? So what if they are extremely rare creatures doesn’t that mean they must taste extra good? They must be the favorite food of every predator on this planet. Why else would they be on the verge of extinction? I want to try their meat before they are all gone.

I started untying the girl. “I won, I have defeated the evil wizards and you are now free, so don’t hit me when I get you untied. We only have one little problem, no one is steering the ship because I did the same thing to the crew that I did to you.” Once I got her hands untied, I jumped back in case she had a hidden dagger. “Well, you have been liberated, I’ll be leaving now” and I ran out the door before she could find a weapon. I thought it a wise decision to leave her legs tied and her gag in place; with her hands unbound she could take care of those little things for herself. As for myself, I needed to find the galley. I was starving and I had done everything that I could for now. On my way to grab some grub, whenever I went past a paralyzed crewman I shot them with another dart. I had lots of those paralyzing darts left.

I wish that there was a way that I could add more pockets to my clothes. Next time something like this happens to me, I want to be carrying more food.

“Oh, the Pink Unicorn, the Pink Unicorn,” I quietly sang. I soon found some salt pork, pepper, cooking oil and hard biscuits. Using my magic I was frying up a mess of pork and when that was done, I fried the biscuits in the fat to soften them up, they kind of crumbled apart in the grease but I would still eat them. I noticed some bugs in the biscuits, which was a good thing because of the extra nutrition that they offered; waste not, want not.

I ate my fill and after belching, I decided it was time to make a decision in regards to the crew of this vessel. I went in search of the Marines and I found them, but apparently while paralyzed they had somehow managed to coat their faces in pitch causing their mouths and noses to be blocked. My, that was a particularly stupid thing for them to do, didn’t they realize that they would probably die from doing such a thing. It was certainly an ugly way to commit suicide. Well I’m glad that they picked that method for killing themselves because if they had used a knife or other sharp instrument, there would have been blood all over the place that someone would have been forced to clean up. Heck this way their clothes could even be salvaged. Actually it was really quite nice of them to execute themselves that way, when you think about it.

Well not seeing anyone else about I decided that I had better do something and give them a proper burial at sea before their bodies started to stink. I first took off all of their boots, next I grabbed a bag made out of sailcloth.

I activated my flight harness, hovered over a body and grabbed it. There was no way that I was going to hug a naked dead body, so I would leave their clothes on until I threw them overboard.

Carefully I flew along the ship’s passages carrying that first corpse. To alert anyone who might be coming I decided to make a warning noise. “Oh please Miss Unicorn won’t you have tea with me…..” Two newly freed thralls saw me and they actually had the effrontery to look at their liberator as if I might be insane.

I flew up to the weather deck and I took my cargo to the stern. I was glad to see that the ex-slaves were on the weather deck and sailing the ship. Even though they must be tired they seemed to be quite cheerful for some reason. They had even removed debris that I had left lying on the deck and many of them were now wearing much better clothing. I flew to the stern of the schooner, I collected a few startled glances; it might have been because my singing voice wasn’t the best. I dropped the man’s body, stripped off his clothes and shoved them into the bag that I had brought along with me. I was trying to figure out how I was going to get him over the side without hugging him again, when a couple of helping hands appeared.

I nodded my thanks and I went off to get the next one. I noticed on my way back that the man I had left at the wheel was now gone too, oh well.

Once I had all of the bodies disposed of, I went back to the galley. And just as I had done on the last ship, I started preparing a thick broth of meat and onions. Again I added a magical pick me up with the aid of a health concoction and my potion making skills.

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