"Jonathan," said Julie patiently, while he paced around her small office, flexing his fists and trying to keep calm, "would you like to tell me what happened?"

"A lot happened," he muttered.

"The last time we spoke, you were telling me how excited you were about your next show, and the new magic you'd invented for it," said Julie. "I've seen the news. Is this about what happened at the camp three days ago?"

Jonathan nodded.

"...Were you there?"

He nodded again.

Julie set aside her clipboard and leaned forward. "Tell me what happened."

"It's more than that," said Jonathan. He still couldn't sit down, but at least he could stop pacing. He decided to just lean against the wall near one window, playing out his restlessness in his arm and hand. "I met Alden Bensen again last Tuesday."

"You haven't heard from him since October," said Julie, nodding slightly. "What changed?"

"He called me. Alden needed help getting to the Greywood, and I was just happy to hear from one of them again. And I thought he could introduce me to Cinza, I've always wanted to meet her. So I said yes, and he picked me up in Tacoma." Jonathan shook his head. "It was my fault, kinda. I decided we should go see one of the meetings."

"The meetings… you mean the ones held by Brian Hendricks' followers?" asked Julie.

Jonathan nodded. "I thought it would be good to see the enemy. Figure out what we were up against. I didn't… I didn't expect him to actually be there."

"You saw Brian yourself?"

"Yeah. Golems and everything." Jonathan shivered. "I could've died. I should've died. Alden got me out of there."

"I'm glad you made it out okay," said Julie. "That sounds terrifying. What happened next?"

"Alden dropped me off at a bus stop. I went home, but then… well, I heard about a group heading up to the camp the next day, right? And I thought, well where's safer for awakened people than the heart of magic?" Jonathan shook his head. "I'm such an idiot."

"So you were in the camp at the time of the attack," said Julie. "Were you injured?"

"As soon as the shooting started, I got inside a food cart," said Jonathan. "I just… hid in there. I didn't do anything. Didn't fight back, didn't try to help. I didn't even come out til the next day. No idea that the other guns and the helicopters were the National Guard."

"That seems like a reasonable thing to do," said Julie. "You're a civilian. It's not your job to fight. Taking cover probably saved your life."

Jonathan shook his head. "But so many people did die. People like me."

"It's a terrible tragedy," said Julie. She closed her eyes for a moment and opened them again, taking a few seconds of silence. "How did you get home?"

"The next morning. I took the first chance I got," said Jonathan bitterly. "Made it out before the blackout hit."

Julie nodded. "Are you wishing you'd done something else?"

"No… I think. I don't know," said Jonathan. He stretched out his neck. Everything felt tight, tense, painful. He was overburdened by stress in every inch of his body. "I hate feeling like this."

"Like what?"

"I don't want to die."

Julie nodded. "Nobody wants to die. Jonathan, one thing I have noticed, however, is that you tend to put yourself in situations where danger finds you." She gestured to the couch, and Jonathan reluctantly took a seat. "Your magic show attracted Brian's men to you. You just told me you decided to go to one of the meetings yourself, and then the next day, you decided to go to a place where people practice magic openly, only a day after witnessing their hate firsthand."

"So I'm an idiot," said Jonathan. "I knew that."

She shook her head. "I think you're someone who doesn't want to restrict his life based on other people's whims. I can certainly empathize with that."

"But I have to," said Jonathan, rising to his feet again. He was angry, and in this space, with his therapist, he couldn't really keep a lid on it. "I'm one of the smallest minorities in the world. Mundies outnumber us almost two million to one. I'm at risk every time I walk out the door. Awakened people lose their jobs, get attacked, get murdered, and it can come from anywhere. Anyone on the street might be somebody who'd kill me for what I am, if they find out."

Julie nodded, but Jonathan wasn't done yet. He kept going, venting his frustrations, his fears, his anger. By the time he'd finished, falling back on the couch again, she'd settled back into her own chair.

"I'm going to ask you something, and I don't want you to answer right away," said Julie finally. Jonathan hesitated, but nodded. "Don't you think almost everything you've just said applies exactly the same to Annabelle?"

He opened his mouth, but Julie held up a hand. Jonathan reluctantly shut it once again.

"I've taken down a lot of what you've researched and what we've discussed in the past regarding her transition, and nearly all of these were on your old list when we worked on empathizing with her fears. This isn't necessarily true, nor do I think you're doing it consciously even if you are, but there's a lot of parallels here. I think you may be projecting some of your anxiety and frustrations from Annabelle's transition onto your own life."

"That's not—" said Jonathan, but cut off. He took a second to phrase his thoughts properly before continuing. "Yeah, Da—, er, Annabelle has to deal with a lot of that too. But it's not the same."

"You're both exploring huge changes in your life which make you reexamine who you are, what options you have lying before you, how the world will treat you and the new prejudices and fears you now face," said Julie. "I think you share a lot more in common than you might think, with one important distinction."

"Huh?"

"You got to choose," said Julie simply. "For Annabelle, there wasn't ever really a choice, except whether or not to reveal it. For you, awakening was a choice. I'm not saying it was the wrong one, but I think it's important to remember. You didn't bring any of this on yourself, and you don't deserve the hate and prejudice you've seen, but I think you might be able to recognize some of what she experiences. It wasn't the best way to empathize, but maybe some good can come out of your horrible experience last week."

Jonathan was still clenching and unclenching his fist, clearly unsettled.

Julie glanced at the clock. "We still have time, but I wanted to bring up something for you now. You selected me because I specialize in family counseling and transgender care, but I'm sorry to say I don't have a whole lot of experience with trauma therapy. Jonathan, you've been through something seriously traumatic, and I think you may want to see one of my colleagues about what's happened to you this week."

"I don't want to," said Jonathan. "I trust you."

She smiled. "I'm glad, and I'll keep these sessions as long as you want. I'm just letting you know the option's open, and I know several excellent specialists in that field. They won't know anything from our sessions unless you wish it, and they can be trusted with any of the secrets you've shared with me."

"I…"

Jonathan trailed off. He wasn't sure. All he knew was rage, fear, anxiety, frustration… raw emotions, bundled up, pressing him to do something, to act. His instincts were for the big moment, the performance, the show. Right now, Jonathan needed that big moment, but he wasn't sure how to find it. All he could do was put on a magic act—and if he were being honest, not a particularly good one, either.

He was just… angry.

When the group came to a close, Jonathan headed back to his car at the end of the parking lot. It was starting to get late, but the whole place was lit well enough. Still, Jonathan kept a firm hand in his jacket clutching a small pile of gemstones. If someone came at him, he was ready to fight.

To his surprise, though, somebody was already waiting near his car.

"Hey," said Drew.

Jonathan stopped, a little suspicious. He liked Drew, and trusted him more than most in the group… but he'd still never told anyone his real name. Jonathan liked to keep his two worlds as separate as possible.

"I just wanted to say I completely agree," Drew continued. He gestured vaguely out in the distance. "There's a couple other people who feel the same way, especially now that Grey-eyes is gone. Other awakened."

"...Okay?" asked Jonathan, still not taking a step forward.

"We're meeting tonight. We usually meet after the group here. I thought you might be interested." Drew shrugged. "If not, then I'll just see you next time."

Putting myself in dangerous situations… The thought echoed in Jonathan's mind. Nell was waiting for his call tonight, and he really need to schedule a session with Julie… but at the same time, wasn't this the opposite? He wasn't putting himself in danger—he was about to take a step toward preventing it.

Jonathan opened the door to his car and gestured inside. "Where to?"