Chapter 7 — Identity

The cards scattered across the library table. Quinn was frozen in place, eyes wide. Natalie stood up, pulling her bag over her shoulder.

"I gotta go."

She could see Rachel's disappointment in her head. Images of Rallsburg's last days flashed through her mind, memories bubbling up to the surface of her boiling mind, threatening to overwhelm her. It all started after the town had found out about them. Her world ended only a few days later.

Now she'd been discovered. She'd been noticed. They'd come for her. Natalie felt magic burning through her limbs, preparing for the worst. She had to be ready to move at a moment's notice.

"Wait!"

He leapt to his feet, reaching out for her. He managed to snatch her hand just as she started to move away. On instinct, Natalie pushed him back. Hard.

Quinn flew backward as if he'd been hit by a car, suddenly tossed through the air and rammed into the bookshelf behind him. He fell to the ground in a slump. Books fell off and landed on his head.

He wasn't moving. His eyes were closed.

Natalie knew she should leave. She wasn't in view of any cameras. No one had seen her. If she left now, it'd only be Quinn's word about what happened. It'd be easy to dismiss him as crazy or making things up. She could still be safe.

Seeing Quinn on the ground with books scattered around him, Natalie couldn't bring herself to do it. She liked him. She'd hurt him. She couldn't just leave him.

Natalie ran to his side, kneeling down next to him and grabbing his wrist. She knew how to check for a pulse, and he had one. He was still breathing too, but that pretty much exhausted her medical knowledge from what she'd seen on TV. All she could do now was call for help.

Who should she call? The library staff? Nine-one-one? Lily? All of those risked more damage, more problems. All of them would just make everything more complicated.

Natalie called the only person she could think of.

"Hello?"

"Hailey, I did something bad," Natalie whispered. She knelt down by the unconscious Quinn.

"...Tell me everything, okay? Start at the beginning."

Natalie breathlessly ran through the entire day's events, starting with the fire in science class. She didn't leave a single detail out, her heart racing as she recounted everything. What would Hailey say? Natalie was in so much trouble and she knew it. She'd broken their most important rule, staying secret. If Rachel ever found out—

No. Hailey will fix this. Rachel won't ever have to know I screwed up. Quinn’s gonna be okay. He has to be.

"...and now he's blacked out on the ground and I don't know what to do," she finished, her voice ragged. "What do I do, Hailey?"

"Okay. Take a deep breath." Hailey took one with her, crackling over the phone a little. "Is anyone else there?"

"I don't think so." Natalie glanced out of the stacks quickly. "There's a lady pushing a cart at the end of the row, but she's going away from me."

"Okay. That's good. Keep taking deep breaths." Hailey paused. "There's two ways we can play this. Is he still blacked out?"

"...Yeah. I think he's really hurt." Natalie choked a little on her words. "I didn't mean to hurt him."

"I know, Natalie. Don't worry. I'm sure he knows that too." Hailey's voice sounded so self-assured over the phone. Natalie wished she could sound so calm. She felt like her world was crashing down around her. Again. "Is he bleeding?"

Natalie gingerly felt around Quinn's head, feeling like she was breaking the rules even more. Her hand touched something wet. "He is. Oh god. What do I do?"

Hailey's voice got more urgent. "Where are you? What library?"

As Natalie rattled off the address, Quinn stirred. He groaned a little, but didn't move much more than that.

"Do you have any bandages in your bag?"

"No… Am I supposed to have them? I didn't think about it."

"It's okay. You shouldn't have to carry them around." Hailey hesitated again. "Do you have any pads?"

Natalie's face heated up as she realized what Hailey was suggesting. "As a bandage?"

"They're made to be clean and absorb blood. It's better than a random piece of cloth. I know it's gross, but it's your best option."

She dug through her bag, trying to find the specific pocket she'd placed them in. There were so many pockets in the rows contained inside. After ten empty pockets in a row, Natalie got frustrated. She found the tiny tug the bag constantly made on her core and followed it back, willing the bag into giving her what she wanted.

Her hand suddenly bumped into the correct pocket, where the individually wrapped packages waited. Natalie took one out and unwrapped it, then placed it against the back of Quinn's head where the blood was trickling out. He shifted a little at her touch, but still didn't wake up.

"Okay. I'm holding it now. I just keep pressure on it, right?"

"Yeah, exactly. That's good, Natalie." She could hear a loud hissing sound through the phone, like an airplane about to take off.

"What's that sound?"

"I'm flying by an airplane right now," Hailey shouted. The sound got so loud that Natalie pulled the phone away from her ear for few seconds. Once it dissipated, she could hear Hailey again. "I'll be there in a minute, Natalie. Just hang on. Is he awake yet?"

Natalie checked again. Quinn's eyes fluttered a little. He groaned. "Yeah, he is."

"Okay. That's really good."

Quinn's eyes were starting to come back into focus. He mumbled a few words Natalie didn't understand.

"He's starting to talk."

"Okay, so he can probably understand you too. Don't say my name anymore, okay?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, but you gotta decide this right now. Do you want to tell him, or do you want to keep it a secret?"

"I have to decide?" Natalie asked, shocked.

"You know him better than I do."

"I thought we were supposed to keep everything a secret."

"We're not gonna tell him everything, but if you think you can trust him, it could be good to have someone at school to help you out."

Natalie's mind was racing, while she continued to try and hold the bandage against Quinn's head.

"What if I say no?"

"We tell him the bookcase fell, and you called me for help since you're not supposed to be there."

"What if he recognizes you?"

"Then we tell him," Hailey sighed. The wind got louder. Hailey was probably dropping down to the ground. "I can't cover every possibility here."

"...nnnJenny?"

Natalie froze, one hand on the phone and the other cupping Quinn's head.

"Up to you," Hailey repeated. The sound of the wind suddenly cut out. She'd hung up.

How am I supposed to make a choice like this?

Natalie had a split second to decide, and no more time to consider. She went with her head, against everything her heart was telling her. Rachel had wanted them to stay secret as long as possible. She'd repeated it at every single Council meeting. Who was Natalie to suddenly go against that? It shouldn't be up to her. She was just a kid.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Huh?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you." Wait. What was that about staying secret…?

Quinn started to move. Natalie dropped her phone and put her other hand against his chest. She looked away, feeling immensely embarrassed. She'd never been so close to a boy before, but she knew that Quinn moving around probably wasn't a good idea. She had to keep him steady. Luckily, she was a great deal stronger than he was—or anyone else in the building, for that matter.

"You did what?"

"Just stay still, okay?" Natalie glanced around, but to her relief there still wasn't anyone around. Their table was so far out of the way that no one was likely to pass by. "Someone's coming to help."

"Okay." Quinn quit struggling, letting Natalie gratefully move her other hand away. She tried to adjust her sitting position without releasing the makeshift bandage on his head, as her legs were starting to fall asleep.

"What do you remember?" Natalie asked hesitantly, not sure what she wanted him to say.

"I was teaching you how to play. I gave you a deck, then… something happened? I dunno."

Natalie's heart fell. She'd been hoping he'd remembered, so that she wouldn't have to choose herself. Everything would be so much easier.

She had to go with her head. She'd slipped up before, but she trusted Rachel. She'd keep her secret, as long as she could.

"I pushed you and then the books started to fall out. One of the big ones hit you really hard." Natalie grimaced. "I'm so sorry."

"I've never blacked out before." Quinn blinked a few times, like he was trying out his vision for the first time. "Feels weird."

"Do you feel okay?"

"I guess? My head hurts a lot."

"Well, it's uhh… bleeding."

"Oh. That makes sense." Quinn started to turn his head.

"Stop moving around," Natalie scolded. "I'm trying to hold your brain in here."

"I was trying to look at it."

In spite of everything she was feeling, Natalie laughed. "It's on the back of your head. How are you gonna look at it?"

"Oh." Quinn grinned sheepishly. "I'm dumb."

"I'm dumber," Natalie muttered.

"It's cool. Tyler's done way worse when he's lost games before." Quinn reached down and lifted up the hem of his shirt, pointing at a long narrow line along his side. "He didn't mean to. He's got a problem where he can't really control it unless he takes his pills."

Natalie looked away, in a mixture of embarrassment and nausea. The only other scars she'd ever seen were the ones on Cinza, and those always made her feel just as sick. Blood didn't bother her at all, but scars reminded her of terrible things happening to people she liked. Why do people who have scars always want to show them off so much?

A patter of quick footsteps rushed behind them. Hailey had arrived, with a handsome young man in tow that Natalie didn't know. In an instant, he'd dropped to Natalie's side, gently pulling Quinn's head forward a bit so he could look at the wound.

"It's okay. I'm a nurse." His voice was pleasant and rich, with an accent that soothed Natalie's ears like wrapping up in a warm blanket.

"In training," Hailey added.

He sighed. "Could my patient and I have some space, please?"

Hailey held out her hand to Natalie. She reluctantly got up from the floor and took a few steps away, while the man examined Quinn more thoroughly.

"What did you decide?" Hailey whispered.

Natalie hesitated. "He got hit by the bookcase."

"...Okay."

"Do you think I chose right?"

"I don't know. I mean, I chose the opposite way, so I guess we'll find out?" Hailey nodded at her friend.

"He knows?" Natalie asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Well I sure hope he does, I just flew him past an airplane to get here."

"Oh."

"His name's Rupert. He's a really good guy."

The way her face lit up, Natalie could tell exactly what kind of good guy Hailey meant. She smiled. "I'm happy you found someone."

Hailey grinned. "You cheeky little monkey, how'd you figure me out so fast?"

"Cheeky?"

"Sorry, I'm hanging out with a British guy too much."

"Is Quinn gonna be okay?"

"Like I said, Rupert's a nurse. He knows his stuff. Quinn wasn't unconscious for that long, so he should be totally fine. Might be a bit woozy on his feet for a few days though. Can you help him out?"

"I think so. We have a lot of classes together."

"Cool." Hailey hesitated. "Hey, don't tell anyone we came out here though okay?"

Natalie nodded. "I know, you're not supposed to."

"I mean, it's up to me, but I did agree to try and keep away so you wouldn't get more attention. I don't think anyone saw us, but I'm flying without Jessica here. I can't go invisible like I usually do."

"Thank you."

Hailey smiled. "Any time."

Rupert glanced up at them. "I think we're done here." He'd wrapped the bandage up around Quinn's head with another one from Hailey's bag. "I'd like to bring the lad back to his folks, if that's all right."

"Probably a good idea," Hailey agreed, nodding her assent. Rupert lifted Quinn gently off his feet. Hailey raised an eyebrow. "You're gonna carry him the whole way?"

"It's not far."

"Hey Quinn?" Natalie spoke up.

"Hi, Jenny."

"I'm sorry."

"It's cool." Quinn winced as Rupert adjusted him to a better position. "I just get to add to my scar collection. I'm gonna look awesome when I grow up."

"That's the spirit," chipped in Hailey.

Rupert headed out, leaving them alone in the library. Hailey took a seat at the table, while Natalie nervously took the one opposite. Hailey stretched out her legs underneath, taking a long yawn. "Sorry. I've been staying up way too late."

"What have you been doing?"

"Same as always. Running around with Alden trying to keep the world from blowing up." Hailey grinned. "I think we're getting pretty good at it."

"I'm not."

"Not what?"

"Good at this." Natalie's eyes fell to the table, avoiding Hailey's gaze. "I keep screwing up."

Hailey's smile faded. "Hey, it's okay. You're allowed to screw up. That's totally normal."

"But everyone's relying on me not to."

She shook her head firmly. "None of us expect you to be totally perfect. No one's totally perfect."

"You are."

Hailey smiled. "That's super sweet of you, but I'm really far from perfect. I've screwed up loads of times, both before and after our little secret."

"Like when? I've never seen you mess up anything."

She sighed. "You know how Jessica's got her problem?"

"...Yeah." It scared Natalie so much that she wasn't even tempted to break the rule about doing rituals. "That was your fault?"

"Might as well be. I could have stopped it, but I wasn't thinking. I let it happen." Hailey shook her head. "I've screwed up other times too. But we learn from this stuff. We're supposed to screw up, that's how we get better."

"But every time I screw up, everyone's in danger. It's not just me."

"Yeah." Hailey nodded. "It's good you remember that. You're a lot more mature than I was at your age. Hell, you're a lot more mature than a lot of adults already." She grinned, but it faded quickly. "But at the same time, if that's all you think about, you're just gonna get stuck. I know it's scary. But just remember, at the end of the day, we've got something they don't. No one can take that away from us, no matter what." She held out a hand.

Natalie took it. Hailey's fingers were warm and soft from the gloves she'd been wearing, and when Natalie touched her skin, she could feel the magic rushing around just below the surface. They'd talked about how they could share magic. Natalie wasn't a part of the big ritual with the other four, but they'd explained the basics online. This was the first time she'd ever gotten to feel it in person though, and it wasn't anything like she expected.

It was faint, so distant she might have missed if it she hadn't been actively trying to find it. Just the briefest touch, and yet Natalie felt like she'd connected with Hailey somehow, on a level she didn't fully understand. She knew it was something special though. It felt warm and comforting, like an older sister she'd never had watching out for her. Natalie held on tight, as if Hailey could lift her out of her terrified shell she'd been trapped in ever since they'd left Rallsburg.

Hailey grinned. "You and me are special," she whispered, low enough to be sure no one else could hear them. "Even above everyone else who's awakened. They wish they were as cool as we are."

Natalie smiled, but something about Hailey's words seemed off. Her face was nothing but concern for her friend. Natalie knew Hailey wanted nothing but the best for her. At the same time, Natalie just didn't know what she really meant by that. Was it a good thing to be better than everyone else? Wasn't Natalie supposed to stay in the background and stay safe?

She felt too confused to answer, so she just held onto Hailey's hand as they walked out together, back into the dipping sunlight where she wasn't Natalie anymore. She was Jenny Heshire, a normal girl at a normal school where she had a few kinda-friends, a suspicious principal and an annoying pest who'd declared herself a nemesis.

Natalie Hendricks wasn't safe, even if she was strong and special. Whatever Hailey might say, she knew that no amount of power would keep her from losing everyone she cared about and everyone around her if she really screwed up. She couldn't be Natalie. Not right now. Maybe not ever again.

Hailey stayed with her all the way to the boarded up old store, holding her hand on the bus and just sticking with her every minute. While Natalie waited for the door to appear, Hailey took off into the sky out of the small park behind the store, vanishing into the clouds in the blink of an eye. Natalie was left to think, falling back into her shell, worrying about what she'd done, who she was and what on earth she'd say to Quinn at school the next day.