Chapter 48: Political Beasts

A rather uncomfortable week later, and we were finally at Coruscant. I was definitely persona non grata as far as Amidala’s entourage were concerned, and only her favoring Anakin spared the rest of my party the cold shoulder. Though that bastard Qui-Gon was using it to get close to Anakin, likely to try and steal him away to his bloody cult. But even if the other masters would make an exception for Anakin’s age, I suspected I’d keep him in the end; I had his mother, after all, and had freed him from slavery. Plus, I could just summon up a few Jedi based on Qui-Gon and Kenobi’s patterns, and have them teach my little Force prodigy.

The lack of amenities, including places to sleep that weren’t the cold, hard, metal floor, was a continued annoyance, as was the shitty food re-packaged into gourmet ready-to eat containers that they’d foolishly bought on Tatooine.

I suppose we were lucky not to be starving, but I was sorely tempted to summon up a roast boar, or some nice juicy steaks…

Mmmm mm mmm mm mmmm. That would have been taaast-eee.

But I held out, focused on preparing for when we landed and life got busy again.

And then we were on Coruscant. As we were landing I digitally paid an absolutely exorbitant sum to rent a suite near the senate building, typically used by visiting dignitaries. Anakin and Shmi would stay there, getting a new wardrobe and a bit of well-deserved pampering and feeding up, while Jon and I went off along with Amidala’s party to find out the lay of the land, politically speaking, from Senator Palpatine.

Palpatine, oh Palpatine. What should I say about the man… Well, first of all, I didn’t believe the grandfather act for a second. The man was a Sector Senator, one of the Republic Senate, a body of fewer than fifteen hundred sapients whose votes decided galactic law for trillions of citizens. You couldn’t get there without ambition, manipulation, charisma, connections, luck and general political talent.

Palpatine may have been a nice man when he could be, but he still represented the political elite. Deception was his meat and drink and breath.

And he was good. Naboo was not a massively important planet, and Chommell was not a major sector. Naboo was sort of like New Zealand, or a better weathered Norway; lovely place to live, great people, reasonably wealthy, but it was not exactly the most happening area, nor was it a major player in global/galactic politics. And yet, just about every political analysis I read on the ship placed Palpatine as one of the top fifty most influential senators. Many placed him in the top ten. He was a player.

And he was sure as shit playing Amidala, telling her about how the Republic was too moribund to react to this emergency. He was right about that, but his solution of replacing Supreme Chancellor Valorum by vote of “No Confidence” seemed incredibly unlikely to succeed in actually helping Naboo. Valorum was the political equivalent of a baited bear; massive and powerful in his own right, but slowly being worn down by the quick, darting attacks of his political enemies’ hounds.

But Valorum had staked a fair bit of political capital on supporting Amidala and Naboo, forcing an emergency senate session for this very issue. The only two topics? Naboo, and BR-0371, the law which reintroduced taxes for the Trade Federation. Valorum had made these two points take up the entirety of the galactic governing body’s legislative agenda. And that was after it being debated on and off the senate floor for the preceding month. So no, if something went wrong the next day when Amidala addressed the senate, Valorum was unlikely to be the cause. And if Amidala blamed him, then Valorum was fucked politically.

The problem Naboo had in that moment was one of constituency. The queen was elected by Naboo, and Naboo ruled Chommell. Chommell’s senator was appointed by the monarch. But the monarch didn’t depend on knowing how the senate worked, didn’t depend on galactic politics. No, the monarch depended on local, Nabooian support. So it was unsurprising that Naboo’s monarch, especially one in her early teens, wasn’t as informed over galactic power plays.

As to why she hadn’t become more informed, as I had? Well, she was worried, and over-focused on what little news was escaping from Naboo. Her accommodations, food… it was all very different from what she normally had, throwing her off her game. She trusted her “loyal” expert, Palpatine – after all, he was an excellent politician – and he was feeding her the briefing packets of “what she needed to learn” while we were in-flight.

And perhaps most critically, Palpatine was strong in the Force. Oh, it looked like the Jedi had missed him, and his potential was dormant, but I suspected the Force of still playing favorites, giving him that subtle luck that surrounded those with the greatest potential, that bending of chance. And it wouldn’t take much bending, given everything else Amidala was facing.

I wasn’t excusing it. Not at all. She had a massive responsibility to her people, one that she was fucking up. And she was going to screw over a man who had truly tried to help her, along with potentially her entire population. The above are reasons for her failings, not excuses.

Honestly, I didn’t even blame Palpatine. The man was a politician in a super-state whose military hadn’t seen a real threat in a millennium and was controlled by their Judiciary. I doubted he was looking at it as a military problem rather than a political one.

No, I figured he looked at the scenario, realized there was fuck-all he, or anyone else, could-slash-would do about the occupation, and figured that the best move he could make would be to become Chancellor. If he wasn’t capable of fucking over the Trade Federation in a million ways at that point, ways that would cost them far more than holding Naboo was worth, then he’d never have been such a great politician. It’s one thing to attack the capital of a minor sector. It’s something else entirely, something far closer to rebellion, to attack the Supreme Chancellor’s homeworld.

Or, perhaps, from that point Palpatine would back off from the taxation under the “impossible pressure,” and end this crisis that his predecessor started. He could use the popularity boost to develop at least a core of loyal, effective ass-kickers, and revisit the taxation in a few years, engaging the Federation from a prepared position both politically and militarily.

Or, at the very least, Palpatine would find the silver lining to the cloud of invasion and boost his career.

But he was still an opportunistic fuck. And there were several angles, ones outside of direct senate politics. He was presenting the problem as a nail, and himself as Amidala’s only hammer.

Fuck nails and hammers; if there’s a wall in the way, the best thing to use is C4.

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After the initial briefing on the main players and their viewpoints, which lasted about three hours, we broke for a snack and bathroom break. I was standing by the window, looking out on Coruscant while eating an excellent meat and mustard sandwich when Palpatine came up to me for some smalltalk.

“I don’t believe we’ve met,” he said warmly. “Senator Palpatine, at your service.” He gave a short bow.

I smiled, and bowed slightly lower. “Odysseus Gangari, at yours.”

“Yes, I’ve heard of you,” he replied with a wry grin. “Her majesty isn’t your largest fan.”

I chuckled. “I don’t see why. Every deal we’ve made was at least better than the alternative.”

He snorted a bit. “Yes, well, better than the alternative doesn’t mean good. And you’ve done very well for yourself in the current crisis,” he pointed out.

I nodded. “Back on my homeworld, there is a language that, according to legend, was one of the first used by humans, often used on bones for fortune-casting by oracles. It’s logographic, using symbols to represent entire words. In it, crisis and opportunity are closely related.”

He seemed very interested at that. “Really? And where is your homeworld? I confess that you have been quite the interesting mystery.”

I smiled. “Honestly, I’m no longer sure, save that it wasn’t within the known bounds of the Republic. On my first journey outside my home, my drive and navigation equipment malfunctioned, leaving me lost and unable to return. Luckily I was able to make a good home for myself on Naboo.”

He didn’t believe a word of that explanation, but let it go. “I’m sorry to hear that. But I, at least, am very glad that you’ve joined our wonderful planet. I shudder to think what would have happened had you not been able to restore the food supply.”

No shit. Revolutionary governments were rarely kind to senior politicians from the previous administration living it up on Coruscant while they starved at home.

I grinned. “Well, I’m very glad I was there for that crisis as well.”

He chuckled. “Yes, a trillion credits worth of property is nothing to shake your head at. You know, my own family had nearly two hundred thousand acres in the amount that you acquired. It’s a shame, I still remember playing there as a child.”

Ah, so that was the game. Well, I was willing to play. “Well, I’d hate to deprive you of that, given you were here working so hard for Naboo during this crisis,” I flattered. “I understand how important childhood homes are, having lost mine. I’d be happy to sell the estate portion back for a nominal fee, just whatever taxes and maintenance have been required in the meantime, and give a significant discount on the commercial parts, perhaps with the bulk of the money coming long-term from a portion of the property’s income.”

He clapped me on the shoulder, beaming. “Thank you so very much,” he said. “I hope you will consider us friends, and if there’s anything I can do to help you in the future, please don’t hesitate to contact me.”

“Of course, senator, nothing would make me happier,” I replied. This was actually pretty clever of Palpatine; show a weakness for if not bribes then something close, but in doing so get the man with unknown capabilities and deep pockets on-side.

“Well, I think it’s about time to get back to it!”

I doubted he’d be as happy once I said my piece.

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After a few more hours, Palpatine had worn everyone down and thoroughly made his case for giving Valorum a single chance to prove himself effective before upsetting the apple-cart in the hopes that something better would turn up in the mess.

After another break, it was time to make my case.

I stood up. “As well reasoned as his arguments are, I disagree with the senator’s recommendation, Your Majesty.”

Amidala turned to me, her face impassive. “Oh? And what, in your vast experience, is it that you think We should do?”

I smiled confidently. “I’m not saying I’m greatly experienced with politics, or the senate, Your Majesty, but sometimes outsiders can see things in ways that are difficult for those who have become used to a certain state of affairs. But I have three main issues.”

I raised my left hand in a loose fist, then extended my thumb. “First, by all of our analysis Chancellor Valorum has stuck himself out on the line for Naboo, spending political capital to make our plight a galactic priority, and he is firmly on our side. If you turn on him, he is likely to fall.”

My index finger joined my thumb in pointing out. “Second, if the apparatus of Republican government is truly so broken and corrupted, the Trade Federation’s allies so politically capable as to block Valorum, then there is little indication that the next Chancellor will fare any better, or be as well deposed to Naboo’s plight. Further, everyone will remember how fickle Naboo’s friendship is, and will be less likely to be willing to commit to the close alliances we may need to deal with the Trade Federation’s aggression.”

And now, my middle finger. “Third, this all presupposes that this sort of political maneuver is the best way of dealing with the Trade Federation. I think I have better ones.”

Palpatine raised himself out of his seat. “Your Majesty, I have already explained how –“

Amidala raised up her hand, silencing him. “No, senator. As difficult as We have found him, Mr. Gangari has a certain cunning. We would hear what he has to say,” she pronounced. Palpatine flushed lightly, then sat back into his chair.

I nodded my head in a light bow, then continued. “Thank you, Your Majesty. While a general political solution may be preferable, it’s the avenue that everyone’s ready for, both us and the Federation. I suggest we shift the paradigm. Given their actions, especially the invasion of Naboo and attack on your ship, you are within your rights to declare a state of emergency not just on Naboo, but over the entirety of the Chommel sector since Naboo is its capital and administrative center. This gives you, in your position as chief sector-administrator of Chommell, authority to operate as a Judicial General for the duration of the emergency, though your ability to control RSF and Judiciary assets is limited to the Chommell sector. As such, you can declare the Trade Federation an illegal pirate organization, with the destruction of the Jedi’s Judiciary transport as the primary complaint.” My grin was vicious as they started to catch on.

“Once that’s done, you can officially seize any and all Trade Federation assets within the sector, and can request that other friendly governments do the same, freezing financial assets as well. Instead of a political vote, subject to political rules, allow all of your allies the ability to independently strike against the Trade Federation as they wish, and incentivize it as they can profit from what they take under asset forfeiture. I’m sure that our own allies within the Judiciary and courts can cover our actions long enough to cause massive financial losses.”

There was a susurrus as everyone in the room reacted to my idea. Palpatine rose looking concerned. “But that escalates things far too much! That’s practically declaring war. What will they do to Naboo?”

I nodded. “Thank you for bringing that up, Senator. I recommend making the declaration simultaneous with a military strike, at least on Naboo, though I would recommend considering hitting other Trade Federation bases and worlds as possible. The entire droid army is currently controlled by a single Lucrehulk command ship in Naboo’s orbit; a moderately sized naval strike group could force a surrender or destroy it without much issue.”

Palpatine blanched. “What’s to stop them ordering a massacre? And where will you even get this army?”

“Viceroy Gunray himself is currently present on Naboo, Senator, and he is not the sort to actually risk his own life by ordering a massacre when he’s already beaten,” I scoffed. “As for the army, we can hire mercenaries.”

“With what money?” Palpatine rejoined. “We barely have enough to keep our embassy here functional through this crisis, and unless you can somehow convince the Trade Federation to give us access to a transfer from Naboo I cannot see how you intend to pay for these mercenaries.”

I smiled. “Oh, I’m perfectly willing to pay up to a trillion credits for mercenaries,” I said. Palpatine’s eyes widened.

Amidala decided to join in. “For some highly profitable considerations, no doubt,” she mocked.

“You know me so well, Your Majesty,” I grinned.

She leant forwards and thought a moment, wondering if it was worth it. “How many mercenaries would we need? Where would they come from?” she asked.

“That depends on what you want to achieve, Your Majesty. For the minimum, I’d recommend a million-strong army from the Mercenary Guild of Coyn with as many naval assets as are available. The majority of their combat ships would invest and seize Enarc while a strike group diverted past to hit the control ship in orbit over Naboo. As soon as Federation fleet assets at Enarc are engaged, transports would come through and conduct a combat landing to ensure the safety of Naboo’s populace. I’d estimate the price at between twenty-five and thirty-five billion credits for the operation, though I’d recommend keeping a significant force presence long enough to build up our own defenses which could add up to fifteen billion a year without combat bonuses.”

Enarc, for those unfamiliar with Galactic system locations, was one jump away from Naboo, and lay on the most direct route between it and Coyn. It was a major Trade Federation shipping point, and likely had anywhere between four and eight Lucrehulks protecting it.

“As for elsewhere,” I continued, “I recommend hitting the Federation where it hurts. Cato Neimoidia, one of the Neimoidian purse worlds, is a resort world restricted to only the wealthiest Neimoidians and their servants. Deko and Koru Neimoidia, their other two purse worlds, are located nearby. Ailon, a planet a day or two away, has a billion-strong mercenary force called the Nova Guard; one to two hundred million should be available for operations, which is far more than we need. Best estimates are that each world is guarded by up to twenty Lucrehulks. Four to five hundred billion credits would let us hire enough of the Guard to hit all three targets, seizing their orbital infrastructure and putting the Trade Federation in an untenable situation when it came time for negotiations. Another three hundred billion and we could even take Neimoidia too. Though those estimates don’t include the cost to ferry away what assets we capture. In short, I propose that we carry out what the Federation failed; a full hostile takeover.”

Palpatine was pale and trembling, the very picture of a modern Republican politician faced with violence. “Your Majesty, this warmonger’s advice is far too risky. I implore you, please seek a diplomatic solution!”

Amidala closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them, resolved. “As much as We wish to, Senator, We will not sit idly by while Naboo is occupied. Until this situation is resolved, all options are on the table. Mr. Gangari, what would you want in exchange for this?”

Ah, so the girl was willing to make a deal with a (at least in her mind) devil. Excellent. I was worried that she wouldn’t go for it.

“First, I want rights to the salvage and captured equipment, ships, and other assets from this operation. Other than that, I’m looking for a general letter of marque to engage pirates, rebels, lawbreakers and the like, both for myself and any subordinates or contractors. Also, mercenary company rights, military basing rights, military equipment rights, rights to asteroids, moons and some unused terrain on Naboo for training, basing and ship-building, fueling rights, recruiting rights and so on. And if you really want to go all out, a final removal of that tax on my produce,” I finished with a smile. “The details are all in the document I’m sending you.”

“So you want the right to establish a private army,” Amidala clarified disapprovingly.

“That’s right. And an arms company. Though the force would also serve to protect Naboo. As we’ve just seen, that is more necessary than previously thought. And it can do so without increasing taxes or building a formal military, reducing the risk of future military adventurism.”

“And what is to prevent you from turning this army on Naboo?” she questioned.

I smiled. “Well, the fact that it will be mostly made up of Nabooians,” I answered. “I doubt they’d look fondly on attacking their homeland. Not to mention what the Republic might do.”

She nodded slowly. “Very well. We will consider our options, both diplomatic and not, and render our decision tomorrow morning.”

Oh, Amidala. You should have realized by now. Warfare is diplomacy, just by other means than words.