A section from the Journal of Josen the Blind

Leadership is a burden I never expected to have thrust upon me. I truly believed that my life would be normal, that I would follow the way of the merchant that my father and his father's father followed. Fate, or perhaps Genesis itself, had different plans for me. My follower's believe that my background gives me insight into the mind of the common man but it does no such thing. All it does is shackle me with the burdens of empathy.

My thoughts are conflicted as I walk down the streets of Everwall. I knew my mother had been distraught when Marc died but I never imagined it was this bad. She must have been bottling up her emotions for this entire time. I feel sympathetic to her but it is … spoiled by what just happened. If this Trial weren’t looming over me, I’d go back to the home and help her confront the buried emotions.

Unfortunately I don’t have the time for that right now. The needs of the many override the needs of the individual.

I have to raise a hand to block out the incredibly bright rays of light. Despite the grim events, this is easily one of the most beautiful days I’ve experienced since my return. The heat of the sun warms my skin but a gentle breeze off the lake keeps me cool. There are only a few clouds in the sky and they are all an idyllic shape, white balls of cotton candy that drift without a care in the world.

It doesn’t take me long to get to the Management Bureau. One of the first buildings finished after the change, it bears the rough hallmarks of our early construction. Bricks of different shades of brown, all scavenged from the wreckages, provide the foundation of four sturdy walls. There are four simple windows, all dotted with miniscule cracks, on the front of the building, breaking up the monotony of the brickwork. The only part of the building with any personality is the flag tacked onto the front. It bears a stylized version of the letter ‘E’ with the words ‘Management Bureau’ written below in a simple font. Were it not for the flag, this building would be no different from all of its surroundings.

Pushing open the door, I walk into organized chaos. Voices cry out from all sides as the dozen employees organize every aspect of the city controlled by government; which, at this point in time, is everything except for the businesses of the Merchant’s Guild. Messengers, teenagers too young to join the guards, run in an out of the back entrance, carrying instructions around the entire city.

Nodding at the few employees manage a quick wave, I push past the main room and climb up the stairs. A mid-sized room in the back of the second floor is my destination and I open to door to find it covered in a series of experiments and contraptions. The only unifying element to all of them is the presence of that strange metal, and its discoverer stands in the middle of the room holding a metal hammer and staring at a device with furrowed brows.

Alejandro notices me walk in sets down his hammer, walking over to a desk in the corner. It’s covered in half-finished drawings, notes, and what appear to be the leftovers from a few meals. All in all, the same layout when I visited him a few weeks ago. He pushes some of the mess off the desk and sits on the edge, grunting to acknowledge my presence.

That’s all the introduction I’m going to get. Still standing near the doorway, I say, “We need to get the other two and meet outside this afternoon. We just got the Fourth Trial. The guy that killed Marc is coming back to the city and we’re finally getting a chance to bring him to justice.”

Alejandro stares at me for a few seconds and a strange look falls on his face. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it looks like … guilt.

“Can’t go. Too busy here.”

The words hit me with an almost palpable force and I look down towards the floor so he can’t see what I’m feeling.

In a way, it makes sense. My team wasn’t some sort of military unit, we were just friends gathered for a purpose. He’s under no obligation to help me, especially now that he has such an important position in the Management Bureau. He and Julian are in charge of bringing back technology to their city and their work will change everyone’s lives.

But it still hurts.

I try to keep my voice steady. “Makes sense … just thought I’d run it by you. I guess I’ll head out if you’re busy then …”

I turn around, face on fire. I don’t know if I’m still emotionally unstable from the revelation of the trial, or the interaction with my Mom, but his denial fills me with an invisible pain. Before I have the chance to leave the room, a hand comes crashing down on my shoulder in a tight grip.

“Good luck, my friend. I’m sorry.” He whispers, the emotion thick in his own voice. I nod and walk out into the streets.

His final words let me know that he was truly sorry but … it only lessens the pain, not removing it entirely. Is this … is this my fault? I spent the last three months obsessed with the school, on training Joselin, and barely spent any time with my team. Did I fall out of touch with what was important in their lives? Have they grown beyond me in this short amount of time?

The thought fills me with sadness and I have to wipe away a stray tear from my eye as I walk down the street. They had been my first friends after the return and we’d gone through ordeals together. If they had truly grown while I wasn’t looking, then it was my fault for not keeping myself involved in their lives.

I make a promise to myself to change that. If I survive this Trial, I’ll try my best to not let my temporary goals get in the way of maintaining my friendships.

That thought dominating my mind, it doesn’t take me long to reach Carmen’s house. Built exactly to her specifications, it is a gaudy display in the middle of a street of wealth. In the best neighborhood in the city, it is above the other houses due to its sheer size; it stretches three stories tall in a city of two-storied buildings. Beautiful facades adorn the front, and the entrance into the mansion is a rich oak door.

Pushing it open, I walk into the living room and find Carmen sitting at a table, sipping on a glass of red wine. Her eyes seem slightly more sunken than the last time I saw her, small bags hanging beneath them. It is almost as if she has lost her wild exuberance; the uncontrollable chaos has become restrained.

She looks up at me and smiles morosely, taking a sip of the wine and then setting it down on the table. Her voice breaks and catches as she speaks. “Cael, I know what you’re going to ask and I can’t go with you.”

I take a seat and look across at her, ignoring the now familiar feeling of sense of pain. Alejandro had seemed as if he was just too busy, but Carmen is giving off the impression of something much deeper. “Why?”

Silence fills the room as she reaches for the glass and picks it up. Her hand is shaking and the wine in the glass jostles around as she takes another small sip. After a few seconds, she responds. “I … I’m not fit for the world out there Cael. I’m not like you, or Hakim, or Alejandro. Ever since we fought with the people from Farringham, I just … I can’t get them out of my head. Any time I close my eyes I see Craig, lying on the ground after I crippled him. Jesus, Cael … I was so mad I crippled a man.”

“You kept us all alive.”

Her hand continues to shake. “Does that matter? I ended a man’s future because of what I saw. I’m not saying what we did was wrong but … I don’t know if it was right. All I know is that I can’t do it again. I can’t handle having to watch you and Hakim and Alejandro die over and over again just so we can plan out an attack. I can’t even hold a weapon anymore, Cael. Hakim brought back one to try and help me train and I couldn’t stop thinking about Craig. I just … I want to help but I can’t do it out there.”

She gets up off the chair and walks over to me, falling onto her knees beside me. Tears fall down her face and her nose is red as she sniffles. “I’m so sorry Cael … I want to help but I can’t go out there again. I’ll do all I can from here but I’ll break down if I go out there again.”

The pain disappears as she talks and is replaced with a feeling of guilt in my stomach. How did I not see this? It’s obvious that she’d been in pain. She hadn’t gone out of her way to annoy me, hadn’t wanted to meet up with me, and had only come out of the house a few times. She’s been silently suffering from my choices and I haven’t done a single thing to help.

I gently take her hand and sit her back down, holding it within my own. “It’s okay, don’t worry. You’ll stay here and I’ll make sure everything is okay, alright? It will all be okay.”

She rests her head against my chest and sobs for a few minutes before regaining control of herself. Her makeup is ruined and small trails of mascara run down her face. Despite this, she smiles slightly and sniffles, rubbing away the tears and runny nose. “I can at least point you in the right direction.”

She activates Foresight and her eyes go blank, the irises disappearing until only the whites are left. Power, far beyond anything she’d ever displayed before, crackles around her and it seems as if she is looking through me and beyond. If I’m honest, it slightly scares me. In anyone else’s hands, Foresight would be a terrifying Skill.

As if possessed, she begins to speak in a crackly voice with faint pauses between words. “You need to leave the city … head to the east … stop when you reach the desert … he will meet you there.”

Her irises emerge from her eyes once more and the air, once crackling with power, settles back to normal. She collapses into the chair and catches her breath in gulping gasps. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t see anything past that. Once the two of you started fighting I … I just couldn’t watch it.”

I take up her hand again and hold it gently. What she has just done for me is something I’ll never forget. To willingly look into the future, to a time when she would knew there would be battle, despite the damage it has already done to her is a favor I will never be able to repay.

The two of us make small talk for a few moments after but we both know what is looming over me. The conversation gently leads me to the doorway and soon I’m standing underneath the frame, holding open the oak with one hand. As I turn to leave, having already said our goodbyes, Carmen lunges forward and gives me a hug and whispering, “Stay safe, all right?”

“I’ll do my best.” I whisper back.

She nods and then closes the door behind me, leaving me standing out in the street by myself. I turn to walk to the gate before even considering whether or not to go after Hakim. My mind may not have made the decision but it seems as if my feet know what path they walk.

I could go to Hakim, ask him to help me, and I know that he’d say yes without a second thought. I haven’t seen him that frequently since I started the school but I know that he reveres me. In the end, I think it is that reverence that makes up my mind.

Hakim might be helpful in a battle but not nearly enough to expose him to the level of danger that this man will pose. He’s a young kid and he’s got a full life in front of him. A girlfriend, a position of leadership within the guards, even a good group of friends that I’ve seen him with. I’m not going to put him in life threatening danger just because I don’t want to be by myself.

Sometimes you need to walk your own way. That thought carries me out of the city and due east, a small pack over my shoulder with enough supplies to last me a few weeks.